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Your most batshit parenting moments?

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Hassled Fri 22-Nov-19 21:18:08

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

moobar Fri 22-Nov-19 22:17:24

God iPad had a mind of its own.

Made her DH put the rain over on and hose her

InsertFunnyUsername Fri 22-Nov-19 22:18:08

I love this thread.

A relative is medically trained, so I waited until everytime I see her to introduce what I thought were the most serious of allergies blush "Can you please watch my DD whilst she eats a strawberry/peanut/egg" I stared at her making sure she stared at DD the whole time. Fuck sake, poor woman blush 😂

Would skip any sex scenes in films because a 3 day old will certainly be traumatised by it.

InsertFunnyUsername Fri 22-Nov-19 22:19:48

Finally, the lady who drove to a and e every time she introduced a new food, no allergies just in case.

Why didn't I think of this. Would have saved DDs granny a lot of death stares from me blush

woogal Fri 22-Nov-19 22:22:56

@Tiredmum21 I read that too on BabyCentre when I had my 1st.

Anniecott Fri 22-Nov-19 22:25:36

First night home from hospital- failed breast feeder I had boiled the kettle and was letting it cool to make bottles, hubby flicked it on to make us a coffee, I lost my shit at him as that was my water for bottles and you can't use reboiled water, I made him go to the 24hr Tesco in the middle of the night to get another kettle so as he couldn't screw up my bottles again 😪

mineofuselessinformation Fri 22-Nov-19 22:25:41

Dc1- crept around with a deathly hush so as not to disturb sleep.
Dc2- cracked on and hoovered and did whatever else and figured they would wake up if they were ready.....

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 22:26:46

Saved all of the DC's milk teeth as they fell out. Came across them in an envelope many years later and binned them immediately. Ewww.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 22:28:12

@Anniecott we had two kettles-one bought specifically for baby bottle water. blush

babysnowman Fri 22-Nov-19 22:31:53

@Thebestdays I did that too! Was absolutely terrified and thought that if I had to bring her to hospital nobody would believe that I had just taken her in her pram on a bumpy path!

ScribblyGum Fri 22-Nov-19 22:32:18

When dd1 was a few months old and I was so sleep deprived I think I started to unravel a bit in the having a grip on reality department. One night there was a police helicopter flying repeatedly over our village and I dialled 999 and asked the police to speak to the police helicopter pilot to check he’d put enough fuel in, and if he was running low could he let me know and I’d get dd in the car and drive her to a place of safety.

God that was a bad time. Sleep deprivation is just the absolute worst.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 22-Nov-19 22:35:26

Went puddle jumping with my toddler with DS2 in the sling, then panicked that I might have given him shaken baby syndrome from all the jumping. Even came on MN to check if I should be worried blush

Frequently went without lunch because I was just sitting on the sofa feeding dd and she'd feed/sleep/feed/sleep and I wouldn't put her down to sleep anywhere in case it woke her up..

moobar Fri 22-Nov-19 22:38:32

@ScribblyGum thanks

I now remember crying hysterically to an operator at dpd or Hermes because I had ordered anti colic bottles and they didn't come. I was mix feeding, hadn't slept for weeks. C section, couldn't drive. He was just a young lad, he couldn't help me, but he stayed on the line and listened and phoned me the next day to check I was ok blushthe bottles didn't work. She still didn't sleep, but God I cried that day.

babysnowman Fri 22-Nov-19 22:55:42

Just remembered another one. When I was washing DDs stuff ahead of her arrival there were tiny black flecks of fibres on her mattress sheets, left over from doing a dark wash just before. I freaked out that she couldn't possibly sleep on these sheets in case she inhaled one of the fibres so they all had to be washed again!

feelinghelplesstoday Fri 22-Nov-19 22:55:50

@Sparklingbrook yep 6 kids here and saved all their teeth 😂😂. Put them in their memory boxes to freak them out too 😂😂

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 23:02:07

You could have some bracelets made @feelinghelplesstoday grin

Cineraria Fri 22-Nov-19 23:04:33

I ironed every piece of cloth that DS1 might come into contact with. Couldn't possibly have him irritated by a crumpled muslin, scrunched up bath towel or a wrinkle in his cloth nappies.

He was a baby who couldn't be put down to sleep either (bad reflux unless he was completely vertical) so I would give him to DH as soon as he came home and frantically iron and cook before his cluster feeding time started and after that head to bed where he spent the whole night latched on. Why on earth was I was wasting the only time in the day that I wasn't in contact with him doing the ironing? I developed an aversion to ironed fabric when I was pregnant with my younger one and I i don't think DS2 encountered an ironed piece of cloth until he was about 18 months old.

saraclara Fri 22-Nov-19 23:11:02

My mum lived 100 miles away. We went up to visit for the first time and stay for a night. My Mum's best friend came over, excited (as was Mum) to meet Mum's first grandchild. But she arrived as we were bathing the little one upstairs. And I refused to bring her down after her bath so BF could meet her, because her routine was bath and then straight into her crib. And you can't mess with the routine.

Poor Mum. Poor best friend. I'm horrified that I did that to them both.

PekkaNekwoah Fri 22-Nov-19 23:13:04

Not really my batshit moment...but Sil and her dh insisted their first baby must wear a hat, even in the shade due to 'secondary sunshine'.
Of course dc 2 and 3 did not need to worry about 'secondary sunshine'

When mil occasionally babysat, I used to write out dc1's routine with hour by hour, minute by minute instructions 🙈

Themazeoflife Fri 22-Nov-19 23:17:43

Not sure if this counts but have just remembered this one.

I woke up in the middle of the night frantic I had lost the baby.

I started to cry and was wailing the words "I have lost the baby"

DH kindly said "sweetheart, DC is asleep, next to you, in the crib, where you put them"

DC was an awful sleeper at night and would only have 10-20 mins naps during the day.

saraclara Fri 22-Nov-19 23:18:46

Ha! The instructions I left for whoever was going to end up looking after DC1 when I went into hospital to have DC2 (different people depending on when it might happen) ran to two sides of closely typed A4!
It ended up being my SIL and her husband and I think they thought it was hysterically funny. I imagine they ignored 95% of it, and DC1 was all the better for that.

Borris Fri 22-Nov-19 23:20:13

I took a room thermometer whenever I went to my mums house, so that I could check that the room was at the optimum temperature, and would get my mum to open windows or turn on the heating depending on what it was reading. Never occurred to me to add or remove layers from ddconfusedblush

minipie Fri 22-Nov-19 23:21:35

Oh I remember one on MN about a mum who’d read the baby should always wear one more layer than you. She got them both ready to go out, realised they were both in the same number of layers and so took her coat off grin

I remember BFing DD in all sorts of odd circumstances to try to help her to nap (she has resisted every single nap, ever). Eg took her out for a long walk in the buggy to get her to sleep, realised after a while she’d be getting hungry, so bent over the parked buggy and got boob out... 🙈

minipie Fri 22-Nov-19 23:22:40

Themaze I did that too, woke up thinking I’d lost or dropped or squashed the baby. I think it’s quite common when sleep deprived.

Hoppinggreen Fri 22-Nov-19 23:22:52

I had read somewhere that as a general rule to make sure baby was warm enough but didn’t overheat they should be wearing 1 more layer than you. I got PFB ready to go out in the pram and noticed we were wearing the same number of layers - so I did the only sensible thing and took my coat off before we left.

Once My SIL phoned and was talking about her vvvvvvvvv PFB being poorly, she said she couldn’t wait until Monday (it was Saturday). I asked why and she told me that her baby would be 3 months old then and could have calpol.

definitelyshouldknowbetter Fri 22-Nov-19 23:23:03

With DC1 in my sleep deprived state I could never remember properly when the midwives and health visitor asked how much milk he was taking and how his nappies were so I came up with the genius idea of getting a notebook and writing down everything. I made DH fill it in too, it worked great and I felt more in control, just not sure why I kept it up for 5months and also kept them, found them the other day in a drawer and he’s 7 soonblush

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