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Your most batshit parenting moments?

(261 Posts)

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Hassled Fri 22-Nov-19 21:18:08

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

AlrightMo Mon 25-Nov-19 17:50:33

We didn’t find out the sex of our pfb and painted the nursery a lovely neutral mint green colour.

Upon returning home from the hospital, DH found me sobbing in the nursery because I thought the green didn’t suit the baby and if she didn’t like her nursery how could she be happy in our house?!

I’m ashamed to say, lovely DH got up the next morning, set off to B&Q and painted the room a more suitable duck egg blue.

She’s six months old, she’s been in the nursery approximately 30 minutes for her whole life confused

This is an addition to him finding me crying in the bath when she was approximately 5 days old because I didn’t think she liked my left breast as much as my right one. (Poor DH had to explain that it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, took about 40 minutes to stop the sobbing.)

chasegirl Mon 25-Nov-19 17:51:06

Took dd age 9 months on a caravan holiday and barely slept for the week cos I was convinced someone would drill a big hole in the bottom of the caravan to steal dd.

dreichwinter Mon 25-Nov-19 18:21:46

When dc where first born I was very worried I didn't take them out, I had had a c section and was told my midwife not to drive or use the pram because we lived on a steep hill.
I worried they weren't getting stimulated so I would move rooms during the day just so they could look at different walls.

dreichwinter Mon 25-Nov-19 18:28:00

I also felt I couldn't leave them alone while I showered so used to set up the baby bouncers in the bathroom so I could watch them.
What I thought would happen if I left them for 10 minutes I have no idea.

Gingerninja01 Mon 25-Nov-19 19:02:34

I also took DD into the bathroom with me in her bouncer!

Gingerninja01 Mon 25-Nov-19 19:02:58

And I still have to pooh with the door open so she can see me (she’s 2.5)

HotSauceCommittee Mon 25-Nov-19 19:03:02

Not babies, and going too far the other way, but my boys had a phase of fighting when they were about 5 and 10. I really couldn’t ignore it as the five year age gap mean one was much big than the other and so I needed to keep more of an eye on them. After about the 10th time of separating them from sparring on a raining day I’d had it and said, “ok, who wants a proper boxing match?” I insisted on Queensbury rules (don’t know what they are but I thought it sounded proper).
I put them in front of one another and said “ok, are you going to hit one another as you are always fighting?” They were shock and didn’t bother fighting much then and after that. It did end up with us all ( me included) chasing each other around the house and having a laughing scuffle.
“Mum! When can we have another fight together?”
I taught them anarchy.

moobar Mon 25-Nov-19 19:07:44

Did is fourteen months and I still strap her in every morning to her now toddler bouncer and wheel her along to the bathroom. Where else would she go?? She would destroy the place unattended now.

dontknowdontknow Mon 25-Nov-19 19:29:53

I ironed baby grows when I was overdue... I mean WTF?!!!

RolytheRhino Mon 25-Nov-19 20:20:21

Never boiled and cooled the nappy water, but did use cotton wool and will again if I have another.

I am still so paranoid about cat germs that I wash DD's hands immediately every time she touches it. Such a faff! Not sure when that one will wear off.

OutOntheTilez Tue 26-Nov-19 01:02:44

My first son never ate anything sugar before his first birthday. For that birthday, I made him a boxed carrot cake because I figured it was healthier for him than a boxed chocolate cake hmm

HebeMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 27-Nov-19 09:28:13

Morning, everyone. We've had several nominations for this thread to go into Classics. We're going to move it there now. <Just hold on while we sterilise everything first>

Sparklingbrook Wed 27-Nov-19 09:41:58

Don’t forget to use the sterilising tongs Hebe just to be sure. 😂

Auberjean Wed 27-Nov-19 10:59:37

- peeled grapes
- Part chewed apple for them
- Took a baby out in at least 3 layer, including a snowsuit, then buttoned my coat around him
- Used 3 cat nets simultaneously
- Years later, prepared lunchboxes for a pop concert , which was considered hilarious

Lorddenning1 Thu 28-Nov-19 23:06:15

Moving a thread to classics kills the post, anymore?

PartyintheKitchen Sat 30-Nov-19 13:30:51

I love this thread, especially the poster who was putting her strapping 20 month old in the sink as she couldn't bear to put him in the bath, crying laughing at that one, good on your Mum for teaching you how to give your DC a bath grin

I have one, I have done a fair few batshit newborn PFB ones myself but this is from my SIL. We were visiting my PILs and SIL was there also with her DS, he was 2. I was giving my 2 DC (2.5 & 4.5 yrs) a bath after dinner, say 6.30 p.m. They were happily playing away in the bath, I was in the middle of washing their hair - heads all bubbly type of situation. SIL walks into the bathroom and says it's her DS's bathtime, I say sure, he can jump in with my 2 or wait 5 mins and I'll be finished with them. She says no, her DC won't go in the bath with my 2 (as he's PFB and cannot share a bath with others) and he has to go in right now as it's part of his routine. I asked if she wanted me to pull my 2 DC out of the bath right that instant to allow her access and she said "yes". I was so shocked and decided I wanted to prove a point at how ridiculous she was being (this was one of many batshit things she did that holiday - loads more since to be fair) and instead of me insisting she wait 5 mins I, annoyed, whipped my 2 DC out of the bath, covered head to toe in bubbles, and marched them out of the bathroom. Poor things didn't have a clue what was going on. She proceeded to empty the bath and refill it with fresh bath water, PFB cannot share water. My MIL and DH were hmm at me bringing two half washed children out of the bath. I explained that SIL needed the bath right that instant, for the routine to be exactly right. I wrapped the DC in towels and waited for her to finish her PFB bath and popped my 2 back in when she was finished. She was completely clueless about the whole thing, thinking she had done nothing wrong. MIL was mortified for me! DH was fuming. SIL can be a PITA.

ostritch Sat 30-Nov-19 14:35:59

I nominate the SIL from the current thread where she is insisting the OPs approx 6m old baby not be allowed to sit at the Christmas dinner table in a high chair because this will cause her PFB 8 week old to be left out as he/she cannot sit in a high chair too.

THAT is the most batshit PFB thing I've ever read, I think!

CreakingatTheWhinges Sat 30-Nov-19 19:35:16

Enjoying this thread. 😀 I insisted on sterilising all PFB's rattles in our microwave steriliser.... when they inevitably melted, I sterilised the steriliser with those tablets that dissolve because I was worried the steriliser wouldn't be... well we.... sterile 😳
I also sterilised all things I could when cooking... & worries that I couldn't sterilise my pans because they were too big 🤦🏽‍♀️ PFB is almost 20 & has clearly survived my bat💩 ways and turned out commendably 'normal' in slight of them.... pleased to report the 3 subsequent DC's have also made it... without having everything ----melted ... sterilised!

Biancadelrioisback Sat 30-Nov-19 19:57:06

I wanted to add mine to this spectacular list.

Our first floor flat had a Juliette balcony and I had a chair positioned close enough so that when the doors were open, they just missed the chair. When DS came along I sold my dining room table so I could move the chair back 8 ft from the window just incase my preemie, newborn baby could somehow fall out. The doors were always locked and I don't even think we had they key.

I also constantly carried around a room thermometer (paper version and my groegg if I had space) because I never believed one.

I also remember an elderly lady coming over to my pram with a shiny £2 coin and I threw myself over the pram to protect him. I was so startled at my reaction (so was DH....and so was the lady!) that I cried then and there.

commentsbox Sat 30-Nov-19 20:09:42

Our DS was born end of Feb and our first proper walk out and about with the pram was first week of March so not exactly known for sunburn risk.

I knew that babies were very sensitive to sun having never been exposed to it before but got carried away and was very worried he'd been burnt because the sunlight got on his face a couple of times. His face was just a bit red from crying.

SeaSidePebbles Sat 30-Nov-19 21:04:05

I had a baby who slept through the night from just shy of 6 weeks. Solid 7-7.
I used to pick her up from her cot at 10pm, 2am and 5am to feed her, because I was paranoid she was not getting enough milk. I actually set an alarm. And then again, at 11, 3am and 6 am to check her nappy, just in case she is sitting in her own poo. God!

RainingFrogsAndHats Sat 30-Nov-19 21:06:56

We had a special glass we kept handy to test for meningitis. Probably used it 2 or 3 times a day week

And for the first couple of years, I wore the same clothes in terms of quantity of layers and length of sleeves so I'd know if she was too hot or cold, so interesting to read on here that baby is supposed to wear a couple of layers more than you. Mortified blush

Lolimax Sat 30-Nov-19 21:11:56

Not letting my DC's have chewing or bubblegum. I relented in their early teens only for them both to tell me they'd been having it for years.
And sending DS (about 7 at the time) to school after he'd fallen off his scooter the evening before. In my defence he seemed fine. Until after school when he came home...a visit to A and E showed a fractured collar bone.

QueenWhatevs Sat 30-Nov-19 21:20:43

DH won't flush the toilet at night when DS is sleeping. This is batshit because DS is our wecond born, we never worried about flushing noises waking DD (mind you she was never asleep), DS is almost 3 years old, and most importantly... DS has reasonably significant hearing loss, wears a hearing aid, and couldn't hear if 10 toilets all flushed at once!

PotteryLottery Sat 30-Nov-19 22:27:40

I was obsessed with routine.

One evening DD rolled off the bed onto the floor. I remember thinking I should get her checked at A & E.

But it was nearly bathtime and I was worried about the routine confused

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