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Your most batshit parenting moments?

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Hassled Fri 22-Nov-19 21:18:08

For some reason today I remembered the MNer years ago who confessed to squirting no-tears shampoo directly into her eye to make sure it really was no-tears before using it on her baby.

I think my equivalent is probably banning DH ( who seriously loves The Cure) from ever playing Boys Don't Cry in case the DSs grew up thinking boys don't cry. The ban was in place for a solid 15 years.

Anyone else looking back and wincing at themselves?

Kokapetl Fri 22-Nov-19 21:25:20

The no flushing the toilet after the baby is asleep rule. To be fair though it did seem to wake the baby up and it was pretty had to get that one to resettle. Second child could, of course, sleep through anything!

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Fri 22-Nov-19 21:27:58

We had to hide under the table on a train whilst going through Wimbledon Station because DS was scared of Wombles.

He 16 now and appears to be over it...

Hassled Fri 22-Nov-19 21:30:51

I've never heard of a fear of Wombles before but now you say it I can see that they're pretty damn menacing grin.

No flushing isn't batshit. There's a logic there, I reckon.

dappledsunshine Fri 22-Nov-19 21:32:20

I absolutely freaked out when we were on holiday with ds1 who was about 9 months old.

We were in a pool which had a lazy river, he was in my arms and the current started taking us round a bend, I couldn't see what was past the bend and started yelling at dh to pull us back in case we got swept down into a white water rapid scenario.

Dh eventually managed to hoist us back to safety, people around us looking at me like hmm I then gave him the baby and swab round the bend to see what was there only to discover a lovely gentle shallow floaty stream, the clue was in the name lazy river blush

dontlickthelamp Fri 22-Nov-19 21:34:29

A bit like @TheLightSideOfTheMoon, but whenever we go under a bridge on a bus we all have to duck down to the floor as DD2 is scared the bus won’t go under

Tiredmum21 Fri 22-Nov-19 21:38:09

I told my husband he shouldn't make eye contact with my DD when she was baby and he went settle her back to sleep at night.. i'd read it in some book.. he told me it was really hard when she was staring right at him! I really cringe when i think back to this!

Stroan Fri 22-Nov-19 21:42:55

DDs hair started to fall out at 5 months. I wouldn't let DH wash it or touch it for weeks blush

namestar Fri 22-Nov-19 21:43:17

When I asked DS P1 (reception) teacher how intelligent he was in rank of order amongst his classmates. blush WTAF was I thinking????

nbee84 Fri 22-Nov-19 21:53:06

The 1st time I put dd in the baby swing at the park I secured her in with reins blush

Boristhecats Fri 22-Nov-19 21:58:46

I was a nanny to many babies and children for years before I had my own. Seen all the batshit crazy things before. Realised they were mad and didn’t do anything like that with mine. grin

APeakyBlinder Fri 22-Nov-19 22:00:07

When DS was about 3 days old we took him in the garden for the first time, then we saw a bee so we went back inside pronto 😂

GorgeousLadyofWrestling Fri 22-Nov-19 22:02:45

When I had my first DC, the first time I took him out in the buggy, I stood outside Sainsbury’s for a good twenty minutes because I suddenly wasn’t sure if you were allowed to bring buggies and prams in blush

I was genuinely doubting myself and basically hung around outside until I saw another parent go in.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 22:03:50

Using cooled boiled water and cotton wool balls for nappy changes with PFB and the top and tail bowl thing.

DC2-straight to wipes.

Fatted Fri 22-Nov-19 22:04:28

When I listened to Rihanna and Calvin Harris on repeat for the entirety of two hour journey on the M62 rush hour traffic because it stopped my eldest crying as a baby.

Actually pretty much the entire first four months of his life and my constant battle to get him to nap and sleep in the day was just one prolonged spell of batshit craziness.

OhioOhioOhio Fri 22-Nov-19 22:04:39

Omg. I love this thread!!!

Imyellingtimber Fri 22-Nov-19 22:06:34

My friend genuinely had to show me how she brought her newborn to the supermarket. Her DD was a few weeks older so she'd been out and about more. I literally didn't know what to do with my baby!

TooMinty Fri 22-Nov-19 22:08:19

Yes to the cooled boiled water and cotton wool for nappy changes...

Babybel90 Fri 22-Nov-19 22:08:39

Asking the optician the do an eye test on a six month old because DH wears glasses.

TooMinty Fri 22-Nov-19 22:09:23

And also yes to straight to wipes for second baby!

Thebestdays Fri 22-Nov-19 22:11:47

@APeakyBlinder That is the sweetest yet funniest thing I've heard in a while. 🐝

I remember taking my new born for a walk in his off road buggy on a stony bumpy path and turning back as I thought he was going to get "shaky baby" syndrome with the wobbly pram...he was fast asleep and probably loving the wobbly motion 😬😬

NannyPear Fri 22-Nov-19 22:14:06

I waited about 5 days before taking DS2 outside. Took about half an hour to get everyone and the pram organised. I got to the end of the street and decided there was too much of a breeze so we all went back home.

MissSmiley Fri 22-Nov-19 22:14:23

I was out with my pfb in the pram and came across the smell of a bonfire, so I changed route so as not to damage his lungs

moobar Fri 22-Nov-19 22:16:02

Oh I love these threads.

Three stick out for me, the shampoo one mentioned. The lady who got inside her pram and made her us and put the rain over on and hose it it check it was waterproof. Finally, the lady who drove to a and e every time she introduced a new food, no allergies just in case. I actually see the logic in it but it makes me smile now.

I don't know for me, I was so so sleep deprived I was crazy. Dh won't change her directly in the changing mat in case her bum gets cold....he puts a towel down.

Fruityb Fri 22-Nov-19 22:17:23

Not knowing what to do when I went for a wee on my first day at home alone when DS was a newborn and DH went back after paternity.

I took him with me and peed with him in my arms. Like I couldn’t put him down. No idea. Did it this once and this once only!

Also freaking out if he wouldn’t sleep at the same time as it meant he clearly wouldn’t sleep and we’d all be screwed.

I do wish I could go back and enjoy it more without reading all the shit I did!

moobar Fri 22-Nov-19 22:17:24

God iPad had a mind of its own.

Made her DH put the rain over on and hose her

InsertFunnyUsername Fri 22-Nov-19 22:18:08

I love this thread.

A relative is medically trained, so I waited until everytime I see her to introduce what I thought were the most serious of allergies blush "Can you please watch my DD whilst she eats a strawberry/peanut/egg" I stared at her making sure she stared at DD the whole time. Fuck sake, poor woman blush 😂

Would skip any sex scenes in films because a 3 day old will certainly be traumatised by it.

InsertFunnyUsername Fri 22-Nov-19 22:19:48

Finally, the lady who drove to a and e every time she introduced a new food, no allergies just in case.

Why didn't I think of this. Would have saved DDs granny a lot of death stares from me blush

woogal Fri 22-Nov-19 22:22:56

@Tiredmum21 I read that too on BabyCentre when I had my 1st.

Anniecott Fri 22-Nov-19 22:25:36

First night home from hospital- failed breast feeder I had boiled the kettle and was letting it cool to make bottles, hubby flicked it on to make us a coffee, I lost my shit at him as that was my water for bottles and you can't use reboiled water, I made him go to the 24hr Tesco in the middle of the night to get another kettle so as he couldn't screw up my bottles again 😪

mineofuselessinformation Fri 22-Nov-19 22:25:41

Dc1- crept around with a deathly hush so as not to disturb sleep.
Dc2- cracked on and hoovered and did whatever else and figured they would wake up if they were ready.....

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 22:26:46

Saved all of the DC's milk teeth as they fell out. Came across them in an envelope many years later and binned them immediately. Ewww.

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 22:28:12

@Anniecott we had two kettles-one bought specifically for baby bottle water. blush

babysnowman Fri 22-Nov-19 22:31:53

@Thebestdays I did that too! Was absolutely terrified and thought that if I had to bring her to hospital nobody would believe that I had just taken her in her pram on a bumpy path!

ScribblyGum Fri 22-Nov-19 22:32:18

When dd1 was a few months old and I was so sleep deprived I think I started to unravel a bit in the having a grip on reality department. One night there was a police helicopter flying repeatedly over our village and I dialled 999 and asked the police to speak to the police helicopter pilot to check he’d put enough fuel in, and if he was running low could he let me know and I’d get dd in the car and drive her to a place of safety.

God that was a bad time. Sleep deprivation is just the absolute worst.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 22-Nov-19 22:35:26

Went puddle jumping with my toddler with DS2 in the sling, then panicked that I might have given him shaken baby syndrome from all the jumping. Even came on MN to check if I should be worried blush

Frequently went without lunch because I was just sitting on the sofa feeding dd and she'd feed/sleep/feed/sleep and I wouldn't put her down to sleep anywhere in case it woke her up..

moobar Fri 22-Nov-19 22:38:32

@ScribblyGum thanks

I now remember crying hysterically to an operator at dpd or Hermes because I had ordered anti colic bottles and they didn't come. I was mix feeding, hadn't slept for weeks. C section, couldn't drive. He was just a young lad, he couldn't help me, but he stayed on the line and listened and phoned me the next day to check I was ok blushthe bottles didn't work. She still didn't sleep, but God I cried that day.

babysnowman Fri 22-Nov-19 22:55:42

Just remembered another one. When I was washing DDs stuff ahead of her arrival there were tiny black flecks of fibres on her mattress sheets, left over from doing a dark wash just before. I freaked out that she couldn't possibly sleep on these sheets in case she inhaled one of the fibres so they all had to be washed again!

feelinghelplesstoday Fri 22-Nov-19 22:55:50

@Sparklingbrook yep 6 kids here and saved all their teeth 😂😂. Put them in their memory boxes to freak them out too 😂😂

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 23:02:07

You could have some bracelets made @feelinghelplesstoday grin

Cineraria Fri 22-Nov-19 23:04:33

I ironed every piece of cloth that DS1 might come into contact with. Couldn't possibly have him irritated by a crumpled muslin, scrunched up bath towel or a wrinkle in his cloth nappies.

He was a baby who couldn't be put down to sleep either (bad reflux unless he was completely vertical) so I would give him to DH as soon as he came home and frantically iron and cook before his cluster feeding time started and after that head to bed where he spent the whole night latched on. Why on earth was I was wasting the only time in the day that I wasn't in contact with him doing the ironing? I developed an aversion to ironed fabric when I was pregnant with my younger one and I i don't think DS2 encountered an ironed piece of cloth until he was about 18 months old.

saraclara Fri 22-Nov-19 23:11:02

My mum lived 100 miles away. We went up to visit for the first time and stay for a night. My Mum's best friend came over, excited (as was Mum) to meet Mum's first grandchild. But she arrived as we were bathing the little one upstairs. And I refused to bring her down after her bath so BF could meet her, because her routine was bath and then straight into her crib. And you can't mess with the routine.

Poor Mum. Poor best friend. I'm horrified that I did that to them both.

PekkaNekwoah Fri 22-Nov-19 23:13:04

Not really my batshit moment...but Sil and her dh insisted their first baby must wear a hat, even in the shade due to 'secondary sunshine'.
Of course dc 2 and 3 did not need to worry about 'secondary sunshine'

When mil occasionally babysat, I used to write out dc1's routine with hour by hour, minute by minute instructions 🙈

Themazeoflife Fri 22-Nov-19 23:17:43

Not sure if this counts but have just remembered this one.

I woke up in the middle of the night frantic I had lost the baby.

I started to cry and was wailing the words "I have lost the baby"

DH kindly said "sweetheart, DC is asleep, next to you, in the crib, where you put them"

DC was an awful sleeper at night and would only have 10-20 mins naps during the day.

saraclara Fri 22-Nov-19 23:18:46

Ha! The instructions I left for whoever was going to end up looking after DC1 when I went into hospital to have DC2 (different people depending on when it might happen) ran to two sides of closely typed A4!
It ended up being my SIL and her husband and I think they thought it was hysterically funny. I imagine they ignored 95% of it, and DC1 was all the better for that.

Borris Fri 22-Nov-19 23:20:13

I took a room thermometer whenever I went to my mums house, so that I could check that the room was at the optimum temperature, and would get my mum to open windows or turn on the heating depending on what it was reading. Never occurred to me to add or remove layers from ddconfusedblush

minipie Fri 22-Nov-19 23:21:35

Oh I remember one on MN about a mum who’d read the baby should always wear one more layer than you. She got them both ready to go out, realised they were both in the same number of layers and so took her coat off grin

I remember BFing DD in all sorts of odd circumstances to try to help her to nap (she has resisted every single nap, ever). Eg took her out for a long walk in the buggy to get her to sleep, realised after a while she’d be getting hungry, so bent over the parked buggy and got boob out... 🙈

minipie Fri 22-Nov-19 23:22:40

Themaze I did that too, woke up thinking I’d lost or dropped or squashed the baby. I think it’s quite common when sleep deprived.

Hoppinggreen Fri 22-Nov-19 23:22:52

I had read somewhere that as a general rule to make sure baby was warm enough but didn’t overheat they should be wearing 1 more layer than you. I got PFB ready to go out in the pram and noticed we were wearing the same number of layers - so I did the only sensible thing and took my coat off before we left.

Once My SIL phoned and was talking about her vvvvvvvvv PFB being poorly, she said she couldn’t wait until Monday (it was Saturday). I asked why and she told me that her baby would be 3 months old then and could have calpol.

definitelyshouldknowbetter Fri 22-Nov-19 23:23:03

With DC1 in my sleep deprived state I could never remember properly when the midwives and health visitor asked how much milk he was taking and how his nappies were so I came up with the genius idea of getting a notebook and writing down everything. I made DH fill it in too, it worked great and I felt more in control, just not sure why I kept it up for 5months and also kept them, found them the other day in a drawer and he’s 7 soonblush

Hoppinggreen Fri 22-Nov-19 23:23:34

mini cross posted!!
Glad I’m memorable

minipie Fri 22-Nov-19 23:24:25

It was such a brilliant example of new mum logic grin

Hoppinggreen Fri 22-Nov-19 23:24:54

I know, it made perfect sense at the time !

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Nov-19 23:25:32

PFB arrived during a very hot summer. The nursery thermometer was off the scale, I remember being so worried about it and stressing to the midwife that I couldn't turn the weather outside down. hmm

definitelyshouldknowbetter Fri 22-Nov-19 23:26:54

I also remember having a massive tantrum to my mum about why my fucking sister had thought it was a good idea to visit when we had a cold, did she not realise she could oass the germs on?!! He was about two at the time and at nursery three days a week, cold germs should have been the least of my worries when you think about the cesspit that is a toddler room at nursery

definitelyshouldknowbetter Fri 22-Nov-19 23:28:51

when she

definitelyshouldknowbetter Fri 22-Nov-19 23:32:14

Oh god thinking about this and they’re all coming back to meblush

I packed the baby’s hospital bag for DC2, learning from the first time I co ordinated the outfits together in the bag so the grey elephant hat was next to the grey elephant sleep suit, numpty DH managed to get the navy elephant hat and the grey sleepsuit so the first pics of me holding him and all I can still notice is that the hat doesn’t match

PoopaPoopa Fri 22-Nov-19 23:39:39

I remember reading on here a few years ago about a poster who would put the wet wipes on the radiator to warm up before she used them on her baby grin

notthenormal Fri 22-Nov-19 23:41:22

Telling then do to wash all the baby stuff as soon as he got home from the hospital after and 8 week prem birth, and when we did actually go home (4 weeks later) making a meds chart similar to the one we had in scbu for meds. Although I don't think the second was batshit as dd was on 2 hour mixed feeds with some meds needing time space between them and me and then dp tag teaming

ovenchips Fri 22-Nov-19 23:41:55

I did lots of loopy things, including completely losing my shit with the sun in a minor heatwave; we're talking shaking my fist at it and swearing and threatening it in an incoherent rage. I felt it was shining too strongly on my baby in her pram. She had sunscreen on, the pram had an angled sunshade and we lived in not exactly tropical Northumberland.blush

I do find these threads so very touching though. The raw love and protective instinct of the new parent. You forget just how hard it hits you.

AnAngryElf Fri 22-Nov-19 23:59:46

The most batshit crazy I felt was when DS was only a couple of weeks old, he had mild reflux. He'd just had a bottle then thrown up some but it looked really dramatic so I think it traumatised meblushHe then settled down and fell asleep in my arms. I cried because he looked too stillconfusedI don't even know what that means!

Mrsfrumble Fri 22-Nov-19 23:59:51

I’ve posted these before but these threads are always worth joining in for a laugh.

Took the bloody gro-egg room thermometer EVERYWHERE with us, until DS was at least 18 months. I remember a weekend away in a B&B in Wales when I panicked because there weren’t enough sockets to plug it in. Because obviously I’d lost the ability to judge ambient temperature and DS might have frozen or overheated without me noticing....

Also the time I called NHS Direct (as it was) because newborn DS had been asleep for 5 hours and the HV had told me should be feeding every 4 hours. What a neurotic twat I was!

partysong Sat 23-Nov-19 00:14:59

I drank a big gulp of bubble mixture after 1 year old DS licked the bottle - had already googled to see it wasn't toxic but wanted to make sure if he had any problems that I would know because I'd have them too

I did feel sick all night (they taste horrific). He, however, was fine hmm

JenniferM1989 Sat 23-Nov-19 00:44:37

Putting my finger under DS's nose every 5 minutes while he slept to make sure he was still breathing

Using the thermometer to check the bath temperature and needlessly adding hot and cold water for ages to get it to the very exact temperature, not even 0.1 of a degree out because he would burn or freeze if I didn't do it correctly in my mind

This is my best one. I bought a really good car seat but still, I put a doll and 2 bottles of water into the car seat that weighed what DS weighed. I then drove around a car park doing emergency stops to see if the doll slid out of the seat/got the harness caught round it etc to ensure it was safe enough!

This was all 3 years a go and tonight I watched my 3 year old DS eat a cracker he found under the microwave... yup, I've calmed down now!

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Nov-19 00:47:38

I lost count of the times I put my hand on sleeping baby's tummy while he was asleep to check he was breathing. Only to wake him up. blush

Bluewavescrashing Sat 23-Nov-19 00:57:44

I used to leave written instructions for DH when he was looking after the baby if I went out for a couple of hours blush

Inarightpickleandpreserve Sat 23-Nov-19 01:04:57

I was given a copy of GF by a colleague.
I actually did iron DD cot sheets to achieve a smooth finish.
Just the once mind...

I did the sheets, went for a pee, looked at myself in the mirror and had a word with myself....

Inarightpickleandpreserve Sat 23-Nov-19 01:10:35

Also I used to make her dad put a towel undoher bum for changes, but I made him go upstairs and warm it by blasting the hairdryer first....

pastaparadise Sat 23-Nov-19 01:24:48

I saved examples of not only locks of hair, but early toe and fingernail clippings, bits of cradle cap and the bit of umbilical cord of pfb. Mainly for nostalgia reasons but in a particularly sleep deprived state i did wonder whether we would be able to clone him in future if the worst ever happened.

I then did the same for ds2 - less batshit but in case he feels left out when he's older blush

SingingMyOwnSpecialSong Sat 23-Nov-19 01:24:52

Glad i’m not the only one who fretted over bumpy pram rides. I did a lot of pushing DD on just the single front wheel to minimise jolting on dog walks, bonkers but had fantastic upper arms from it.

Co-sleeping with DD when she was about 9 months old I tried to lift her over me for a feed on the other boob and panicked because her sleeping bag was over her head. Except it wasn’t, I was holding her upside down. She was fine, just a bit confused.

Tipped her three-wheeler buggy over when she was about that age too. Having a nice picnic, and leant on the front to stand up, luckily she was buckled in.

Gingerninja01 Sat 23-Nov-19 01:42:56

Taking a towel with me to the supermarket every time to act as a cushion for DD while sitting in the trolley.
Taking DD to a large park for the first time with friends and refusing to sit with her on the grass in case a dog ran over and sniffed near her and I couldn’t jump us both up to safety in time.
Regularly pulling over during fairly short (no more than half an hour) journeys because DD was crying so I would pull over and jump in the back to give her a cuddle and a boob rather than let her cry for a few minutes until we got home.
I could go on all day!

HerRoyalNotness Sat 23-Nov-19 01:45:06

I Had a panic when DC1 was about 3mths, he had a black ‘void’ in the top of his palate. I started panicking and hyperventilating, then a rational thought of, if something had been wrong they’d have seen it at the hospital. It was a piece of paper stuck up there grin]

HuloBeraal Sat 23-Nov-19 01:49:36

The first time we took the PFB aka DS1 outside it was January 2012. He was the first born grandchild. MIL was visiting. BIL who lives around the corner was over on a Saturday morning. PFB was maybe two weeks old. It took us 30 mins to get ready. It is not clear why. Then we began to walk down the road. BIL brandishing his flash new camera and taking pictures of this sleeping baby every 45 seconds. Every minute or so we stopped to make sure he was fine. MIL told us that despite the buggy shade being pulled over him (and it being a not very sunny London January morning) she was worried about the angle of the sun on the PFB’s face. So she decided to walk at a particular angle to the buggy to offer him protection.
So that was us- me, DH, BIL and camera and MIL walking at a funny angle, all walking very slowly with PFB. We went around the block twice. And came back home.

DS2 did the school run in a sling the day after he came home from hospital. 😳😳😳😳😳

PandasandRabbit Sat 23-Nov-19 02:24:02

DS is ASD and would only learn to swim with me pretending he was Woofie the dog. I had to be the Mummy dog Woofo. He would swim doggie paddle woofing like a dog to me and I had to give him pretend bones and cuddles.

One time I looked up and noticed another Mum from primary was watching us blush

sam221 Sat 23-Nov-19 02:41:20

First snow wanting pictures, I wrapped up the 14month old, in about million layers-literally 5 hats, 4 coats and my adult blanket blush
Said child is now an adult and regularly braves the snow living in Toronto, with a barely a coat!!!
Same child, at 10yrs old wanted to walk to school alone, I was super paranoid.
Not my proudest moment but I casually followed them home, hiding (behind actual trees)blush generally behaving like a idiot!
In my defence I was quite young ish and this was not my child (family member)but one I was entrusted with(parents did not care), so felt I had to go the extra mile.
Though the child did everything I told them, looked properly before crossing, mindful of the surrounding and walked with purpose! I felt strangely proud!!!

I have many more-I used to always eat a bit of the fruit that I was giving, to make sure the fruit was not off or too sour.

Skittlesandbeer Sat 23-Nov-19 03:15:00

Too many to mention, I really did set the neighbourhood high benchmark for hyper-vigilance. It would actually have been nice for someone to have become concerned about me and tried to get me some help, but oh well. Once DD turned 3 I saw it in myself and went to my GP, who got me on a path to better mental health.

But more lightheartedly, I swear I didn’t wear sunglasses or perfume for the first 4 years of DD’s life, because I wanted her to be able to properly see my eyes and smell my proper ‘mummy comfort’ smell.

Pretty much no makeup either, so she’d never have to see me wince away from her touching/kissing my face.

Wish I could laugh more about it now- truth is I still think they are good ideas (which I absolutely took too far).

LauraPalmersBodybag Sat 23-Nov-19 03:29:31

My pfb was born via c-section and her ears were a bit blocked up with mucus when they did the newborn hearing test. Was reassured by all that this was normal for babies not pushed through the birth canal, no one was concerned!

We brought her home from the hospital, went out for coffee a few days later and I watched in horror as she slept through the cafes fire alarm sporadically going off.

So I did what any sane parent would do...waited until she was fast asleep and did a huge CLAP directly over her. Was relieved when she startled and cried!

slipperywhensparticus Sat 23-Nov-19 04:17:16

I used to poke my daughters eyes when she was sleeping because she slept with her eyes open and I thought it would damage her eyes

RoxytheRexy Sat 23-Nov-19 07:19:55

We slept with a lamp on a night for about 3 months so I could see the baby at all times. Not a night light, an actual lamp. My DD is 4 now and really hates the dark. I think it’s probably this.

My DS was in darkness to start with,

Gingerninja01 Sat 23-Nov-19 07:23:12

Going to make me sound mental but just remembered arranging to meet a fellow new mum who I’d met at a baby group at a cafe in a park. Ahead of meeting, I started having
a panic that I didn’t know anything about this woman and she could be part of a human trafficking gang who were ready to attack and steal DD. I insisted on giving OH her name, phone number and screen shotted her WhatsApp profile picture in case he needed to alert the authorities of anything.
In the same vein, DD has quite an unusual name and if we were ever stopped by a stranger commenting on how cute she was etc at the shops, if they asked her name I would give tell them it was “Olivia” as I thought we would be harder to track down with such a common name as an alias, should they also be part of some sort of baby stealing gang.
As you may have guessed, I was later diagnosed with severe PND.

Sunnysidegold Sat 23-Nov-19 07:35:23

@Hoppinggreen so glad you posted, I've remembered your layering story from years ago! I always thought it was a great example of how much you loved your child, that you'd give up your coat! It is the sweetest story! How old is DC now?

I found a diary I used to use when sending Ds to mum and mil for childcare. I used to properly rage if someone forgot to write something down, even though I was really scarry and never wrote anything down. Held everyone else to very high standards.

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 23-Nov-19 07:40:22

Called 111 and was sent to A&E because I'd bumped 5 week old DS's head off a cupboard door while he was in the sling. I was crying so hard I could barely tell the 111 operator what was wrong, I think she was imagining a horrific accident. The doctor at A&E was kind and sympathetic but did lose their patience with me slightly when I revealed that DS had actually been asleep throughout the incident: 'What we'd generally say,' he said, struggling to keep a warm tone, 'is that if a child gets the sort of head injury we'd need to see at A&E, then it would probably wake them up' blush

Hassled Sat 23-Nov-19 07:45:56

These are all truly batshit but also really lovely - yes, we were all barking mad at one point but it came from such a good place and our motives were so spot on - that instinct to protect is so strong. Parenting does weird things to a person.

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 23-Nov-19 07:53:43

I remember with DS1, it was either our first or second day home and he was too hot so I phoned the hospital in an utter panic and they suggested that I took a layer off him and retook his temperature in 5/10minutes blush they were so lovely to me but I felt like an utter muppet!

Restlessinthenorth Sat 23-Nov-19 07:58:46

We lived in very central London when my DD arrived, in a very hot summer. The room thermometer was off the scale and I was really quite certain she would combust in the night. My poor husband was forced to walk around the parliament area with me and DD in the pram one night until 1am when the thermometer had dropped down into the "Amber" zone again. The next morning at 6am I back a bag, headed straight to kings cross and got the train to my parents in Leeds because the 3 degrees drop in temperature was the only thing that would keep DD safe 😄

Absolutely unhinged

firstimemamma Sat 23-Nov-19 08:02:54

This doesn't really count because we never actually went ahead with it but when we were deciding on which baby monitor to buy, my fiancé really wanted to buy a posh one that had 2 cameras "so you could see the baby from more than 1 different angle at any given time". I stopped him and we got one with one camera!!

When ds was a few months old I had a timetable for his routine up in the kitchen. 'No nappy time' was a scheduled activity, set days and all...

firstimemamma Sat 23-Nov-19 08:05:06


"Using the thermometer to check the bath temperature and needlessly adding hot and cold water for ages to get it to the very exact temperature, not even 0.1 of a degree out because he would burn or freeze if I didn't do it correctly in my mind"

Daddy still does this one in our house and ds is 16 months!

Your car seat one cracked me up!

CigarsofthePharoahs Sat 23-Nov-19 08:20:07

My mum offered to look after ds1 when I returned to work. She asked me to write down his routine. I gave her a multicoloured spreadsheet to follow. Which, bless her, she did!
DH was very fussy about food. Leftovers from yesterday that had been refrigerated straight away? Not "safe for bubs". Meanwhile ds has crawled to the cat bowl and eaten a kibble.
I was much more paranoid about ds2. He was a month early and we both had nasty infections. I was terrified of anyone getting near him. Didn't help he didn't sleep and couldn't be put down. I was on my knees with exhaustion but didn't feel able to ask for help.
I was obsessed with bathing him and using lavender baby massage oil. It has to be done in a very exact way starting with his feet. I bought the sucky tube thing from a chemist as ds1 gave him a cold. It was utterly gross and probably didn't help at all.
Nowadays - he's five and I struggle to remember how often he has a bath. Probably not often enough. Colds? There are the tissues.

SimonJT Sat 23-Nov-19 08:26:11

My son is adopted, he was just shy of two when he moved in.

All young children benefit from skin to skin contact to form good bonds, feel safe etc, not just new born babies.

For about 3/4 weeks I wouldn’t let anyone touch him unless it was directly on his clothes. One friend still takes the piss out of this, he (rightfully ignored me) and if we were swimming etc he would hug, carry him the pool etc so ignoring my clothing only rule. I still sometimes try to defend my batty rule as my son had lots of skin to skin with him and their bond is as secure/strong as my bond with my son.

Greeper Sat 23-Nov-19 08:26:31

OMG, I think I probably did most of these.blush
Also rinsed all the pans and utensils I used to make the first batches of initial organic food mush in boiling water to "sterilise", despite the fact we have a dishwasher. And one inexplicable and shameful sunny afternoon, decided it was better to let PFB scream with thirst for 20 mins than give water from a plastic bottle that might have pthalates or microplastic contamination.

Greeper Sat 23-Nov-19 08:34:24

These are lovely, but re-reading the all, I do feel slightly sorry for those of us in the new generation of parenting. As slightly more serious perspective (sorry), do these sorts of behaviours suggest that we as a society have lost our minds about what should actually be a very natural and normal transition with lots of family and community support. Various well recognised factor have disrupted all these "natural" support systems and we are now very isolated, and we have over complicated it to the point where the anxiety is ridiculous and the pressure to do the "right" thing is insane. I wonder if people were fretting about these PFB sorts of things or anything equivalent in 1819 or 1919?

moobar Sat 23-Nov-19 08:37:16

Just catching up this morning and some of these have me in tears. The love is something else.

I have health anxiety and PNA since Dd was born. I still freak at temperatures water and her. I tend to be seen scanning her head a couple of times a day and her bath is exact. I have. Groegg in most rooms.

I am getting better but it sort of offers me some reassurance to have control of those external things when I can.

I also wrote a feed and sleep diary till she was about ten months old.

firstimemamma Sat 23-Nov-19 08:45:44

I've just thought of 2 more!

PFB was exclusively breastfed and for the first 6 weeks of his life I meticulously logged every single detail of his feeding, right down to the minute, on my phone. For example: "right side 3:09am-3:17am."Every. Single. Feed.

We'd also read somewhere that it helps with newborns digestion if they are held upright / not laid down for 15 mins after a feed. So every single time we'd sit and hold newborn PFB for exactly 15 mins after a feed. We used the stop watch on my phone. Even when it got to 13 mins we'd sit there some more until it got to 15 exactly.

Cringing writing these! Will never do any of this stuff with future children!

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 23-Nov-19 08:45:49

I wonder if people were fretting about these PFB sorts of things or anything equivalent in 1819 or 1919?

I think people absolutely worried about their newborns to this extent in the past, it was just that it was a much more 'justified' worry as the chances of losing them were so much higher. I wonder if part of the issue here is that we have such a strong natural drive to protect a small baby but we're in such a relatively safe world now that it's hard to know where to 'put' that and so the anxiety gets attached to objectively silly things.

There are some theories that that's one reason why anxiety is so high in modern life - it's not that we have too much stress it's that we're built to deal with struggling to survive and freed of that worry we attach it all onto other things and so feel overwhelmed by things that aren't objectively very important.

Hoppinggreen Sat 23-Nov-19 08:45:58

sunnyside Dd is 15 next month!!
I’ve also got an almost 11 year old, who managed to escape the batshittery!

Thebestdays Sat 23-Nov-19 08:52:28

I love this thread: It makes me feel
more human and happy that I am not the only mum who has irrational thoughts about wobbly pathways but it also demonstrates clearly how much love we have for our children.

I also remember taking the same child as "wobbly path-gate" to A&E when his umbilical cord fell off and when I came home with "medical talc" (that you can buy off the shelf from Tesco's) I looked deep into the eyes of my MIL with a hard stare and said "See I told you it was an emergency" ... blush

Have a great weekend all!!

MartyrGuacamole Sat 23-Nov-19 08:54:58

I don't think I was too bad with my first, I'm generally quite laid back and had great support from dh and my mum. Ds, however, was a nightmare as he had sleep apnoea and so used to stop breathing at night, several times a night and every night. Incredibly stressful and took until he was a year old to convince the doctors (they just kept repeating 'babies don't get sleep apnoea' 😡 The extreme sleep deprivation caused issues. At one point I ended up taking him for a drive at 4am because it was the only thing that stopped him crying. I ended up sobbing on the forecourt at the petrol station while he screamed in the car 😵. A very kind policeman stopped to talk to me and bought me a coffee.

I used to walk miles as he would only sleep in the sling and if we were moving. I would drop dd at preschool and then walk for 3 hours covering about 8 miles every morning because 'sleep breeds sleep' and how would he ever learn to sleep if he was so tired? I was constantly exhausted 😂

Mercedes519 Sat 23-Nov-19 09:00:04

I think once you know that these things are a potential danger you can’t ignore them when you are responsible for another human being. There is so much , a lot of it ‘official’ that is really hard to get perspective. Most of these are valid fears but just done really really thoroughly!

However, proper batshit is rememberBig when DS was about 4 months and I read a story as he had his bedtime milk as part of his routine. I was reading The wind in the willows and skipped the scary bit in the woods because I didn’t want to give him nightmares blush

ColleysMill Sat 23-Nov-19 09:09:36

Dc1 - on going back to work after mat leave with dc2 i dropped him off at breakfast club for a trial run and then drove and hid in my car down a side street to check he was ok walking to school with the club.

Dc2 - i remember being hysterical one night when he was a few weeks old as his ears were different sizes and shapes. I even text my dsis and friend photos of his ears for comparison. He actually still has 1 ear smaller than another although it really really isnt noticeable - and i have since discovered that my ears arent identical either .....

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 23-Nov-19 09:16:59

I do think it helps to have extra perspective, though. The most chilled out new mother in my post-natal group by a really long way was the social worker, who pointed out that she'd seen what actual neglect looks like and it isn't letting a baby cry for eight minutes while you have a shower or a cup of tea.

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