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to share the things my BIL has moaned about whilst staying at our house for the past 3 days?

(630 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BanKittenHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 15:50:25

Amazon Prime Video doesn’t have the new Quentin Tarantino film that has just come out at the cinema. Ergo Amazon Prime is a waste of money.

The shower screen in the guest bathroom has a stationary rather than hinged shower screen.

That someone used the loo in the middle of the night and he could hear them flush - his bedroom door was 3/4 open.

We have stair gates, so our children don’t break their necks. “Really inconvenient”

The Thai restaurant sent us too many prawn crackers. They sent an appropriate amount for the number of people, actually.

My deodorant is blue. And what?

We don’t have an endless supply of spare clothes in his size and to his taste.

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day.

The towels I put out for him are white.

Our front gate is too squeaky.

The planes overhead are too low.

We have too many rugs.

He can hear traffic when in the garden.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Our children wear shorts.

The settings of the seats in the car we lent him weren’t to his liking.

He doesn’t like the preset radio stations on our car radio.

My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”??????

We don’t have his very specific music taste available to him on vinyl, although we did think to search out appropriate Spotify playlists for him but “that’s not quite the same authenticity”.

The local swimming pool (in a large city) keeps “provincial, British hours”.

Microwave steamers are “excessive gadgets”. Then 30 minutes later, “I suppose you could steam veg in your steamer, have you thought of that?” No shit!

None of the 3 duvets we offered him were suitable.

I use my inhaler too frequently.

Why do I have rosehip oil in the bathroom, it’s of no use to anyone.

confused hmmangry

RabidRabbles Sun 15-Sep-19 15:52:04

Have you buried him under the patio yet?

Nottalotta Sun 15-Sep-19 15:52:25

He's a cock.

Sparklingbrook Sun 15-Sep-19 15:52:48


Is anything to his liking?

ChaosTrulyReigns Sun 15-Sep-19 15:52:56

You are do going to have yo keep up updated.

Hope he's there till New Year.

Handmaid2019 Sun 15-Sep-19 15:53:06

He sounds like a right dick! Has your DH said anything to him?

Metempsychosis Sun 15-Sep-19 15:53:48

You were with me when he accidentally slipped and fell on that meat cleaver. And thirty other Mumsnetters can vouch for it.

BanKittenHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 15:53:57

Is anything to his liking?

In the nearly 20 years I’ve known this man I haven’t known him to like or enjoy anything.

Oldraver Sun 15-Sep-19 15:54:27

When is he going ? Hopefully soon

Loopytiles Sun 15-Sep-19 15:54:27

He sounds charming.

Redshoeblueshoe Sun 15-Sep-19 15:54:38

Here you deserve this wine wine wine

popehilarious Sun 15-Sep-19 15:55:15

grin keep em coming!

Have you suggested going to a restaurant without bringing a bag of doughnuts for the kitchen staff?

(honestly though, I'd be seeeeething)

DitheringBlidiot Sun 15-Sep-19 15:55:39

I hope he’s nothing like his brother, for your sake!

SinglePringle Sun 15-Sep-19 15:55:58

He is properly fucking bonkers.

Keep ‘em coming grin

Bookworm4 Sun 15-Sep-19 15:56:37

Does this man have a wife?
Does he live on a remote island?
I love the expectation of spare clothing 🤣🤣

cheeseislife8 Sun 15-Sep-19 15:56:53

Sounds like you might need to suggest he stays somewhere where things are more to his liking!

SleepwalkingThroughLife Sun 15-Sep-19 15:56:57


Please keep us updated frequently and invite him back again very soon.

SinglePringle Sun 15-Sep-19 15:57:01

What do you say in reply to his observations?!

SpangledBoots Sun 15-Sep-19 15:57:02

You need to set yourself up with a complaining bingo card or treasure hunt. Treat yourself when you win!

CatteStreet Sun 15-Sep-19 15:57:35

Honestly, at the next comment, I'd be saying 'BIL, you are being breathtakingly rude. One more criticism of our home and hospitality and we will be asking you to leave.' In fact, your dh should be saying it.

Troels Sun 15-Sep-19 15:58:20

How do so many Mner's managed to keep their mouth shut when people are such idiots?
I couldn't bite my tongue I'd have to answer back. Silly man.

JennyWoodentop Sun 15-Sep-19 15:58:31

He doesn't like the accommodation so he makes alternative arrangements next time he visits.
Did he bring wine/flowers or take you out for a meal during this lovely visit?

Oldraver Sun 15-Sep-19 16:00:22

Has he ever been pulled up on his moaning ?

We used to have a visitor that moaned or commented negatively on absolutely everything. Always had a negative opinion even if it was something he didnt know about but though he did (I mean decorative plates on the wall bought as a present , he even managed to dismiss)

One day during dinner (fully home cooked 3 courses) he made one comment to many. I told him if he didnt shut up he would be wearing his dinner. He was quite shocked till DH told him it was not on to come into someones house and criticise the food that had been cooked for him and we were not some hotel he needed to critque.

He did calm it down a bit but I so wish I'd had the nerve to empty the pasta bowl over him

Soubriquet Sun 15-Sep-19 16:01:30

Let me guess....

He’s single

Fookinwot Sun 15-Sep-19 16:01:30

He sounds like a whiny toddler. Does he stamp his feet and ask for his broken banana to be ‘fixed’ too?

BanKittenHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 16:01:41

DH said “Jesus you don’t like anything do you, John?” and to another comment “there is a hotel 300m away”.

He doesn’t get it. His dissatisfaction with everything is so deeply ingrained into his personality that I don’t think he will ever shake it. DH said he was like this as a small child too.

DH just brought DS back from rugby and he said “paying for a hobby is excessive, can’t he just play cards?” 😂🙄🤷‍♀️

PrincessHoneysuckle Sun 15-Sep-19 16:02:08

Cave his head in I'll give you an alibi

EssentialHummus Sun 15-Sep-19 16:02:31

I agree BIL, we just like different things. There’s a nice hotel over on x street that may be more to your liking. And then silence.

kaytee87 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:02:42

Is there something wrong with him? Seriously?

RebootYourEngine Sun 15-Sep-19 16:02:54

What have your replies been to this nonsense?

littlepaddypaws Sun 15-Sep-19 16:04:13

why is he staying and has dh said anything to him about his rudeness ?

AJoeySpecial Sun 15-Sep-19 16:04:35

Cards? And waste money on that frippery? Surely there’s a stick nearby he could play with. Or an interestingly shaped stone?

GCAcademic Sun 15-Sep-19 16:04:53

I would rip the absolute piss out of him. Constantly. Does he not have an ounce of self-awareness?

iklboo Sun 15-Sep-19 16:04:55

Wait till he leaves you a Tripadvisor review grin

BanKittenHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 16:05:19

He is actually married (to a lovely woman) but he lives in a non-English speaking country and I don’t think he knows how to moan in another language just yet.

My responses have ranged from rolling my eyes to saying “if you don’t like it, you know what to do”.

Ambidexte Sun 15-Sep-19 16:06:01

You have nothing to lose.

Put itching powder in his bed.

Shrink his clothes in the wash (assuming he actually owns any clothes. Maybe he just uses his hosts' clothing instead while travelling?)

Sing outside his room at 3am in a less than authentic style.

Serve him untoasted crumpets for tea.

He is going to complain anyway. You might as well have some fun with it.

CheshireChat Sun 15-Sep-19 16:06:48

Friends of DP's were the same, I don't get it!

What's wrong with kids wearing shorts though?!

Fookinwot Sun 15-Sep-19 16:06:50

Just scream at him “STOP FUCKING WHINING!” then say “thanks very much” in a sweet voice and eye ball him like a loon. He won’t come back again.

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod Sun 15-Sep-19 16:07:39

I'd have a short, curt response to every moan. There is nothing to be gained by being nice
Nothing to do with you, our choice

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Sun 15-Sep-19 16:09:34

If you did bash him head and bury him under the patio, @BanKittenHeels, the spade would be the wrong sort for relative-bashing, the hole would be the wrong shape, the sheet you wrapped him in would be too low thread count, and the patio surface would be the wrong sort of stone/brick.

nonevernotever Sun 15-Sep-19 16:10:32

!!! My bil stayed for 5 days last week. He did not voice one word of complaint, was helpful, polite and a pleasure to have around. I bet he'd help me Bury yours for you while you and your dh very clearly have an excellent alibi somewhere else.

Inertia Sun 15-Sep-19 16:10:34

You must have the patience of a saint.

I'd be printing out several copies of a list of local hotels. Or go round all your neighbours, and see whether they have Yellow Pages that you can tear the hotels page from. Every time he moans, present him withe list.

I'm struggling to get beyond the sheer gall of someone moaning that you hadn't cleaned his own hair out of his own shower- total lack of respect. Not sure I could give house room to someone who treated me like their slave (unless they were under 2yo and I'd given birth to them myself).

Bookworm4 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:10:57

I can’t believe he has a wife? Is she deaf?
I hope she has him well insured as he may end up under a patio.

Sparklesocks Sun 15-Sep-19 16:10:59

When he leaves you should tell him ‘sorry you didn’t enjoy your time with us, I know it was difficult for you’

Taswama Sun 15-Sep-19 16:11:18

I hope he’s going home soon for your sake. Has no one ever told him ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’ ?

MatildaTheCat Sun 15-Sep-19 16:11:19

“If you can’t say anything nice it’s best to say nothing at all. So let’s enjoy some lovely silence.”

I don’t know how you haven’t lost the plot. I would show him your it’s and explain he will be happier if he doesn’t stay in your unsatisfactory home again.

MatildaTheCat Sun 15-Sep-19 16:11:40

Your list, that should say.

CharityConundrum Sun 15-Sep-19 16:11:50

This sounds like a challenge - write down a few slightly obscure subjects on pieces of paper and you and your husband (and kids if they are old enough) all pick one and try to predict what his problem will be with it. Then you bring it up and let him go and see who gets closest to your predictions. Whether or not you tell him about this afterwards is up to you - you could go meta and predict what he would complain about concerning the game itself!

Taswama Sun 15-Sep-19 16:11:53

Snap @MatildaTheCat

RainingFrogsAndHats Sun 15-Sep-19 16:11:54

But isn't this one of those situations when you look at him and think "thank god I live in my head and not in yours"????

When's he leaving? Keep strong, drink wine by the bucket-full.

Celebrate when he goes

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 15-Sep-19 16:12:00

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Dogs are excellent judges of character.

If he ever wants to stay again tell him "No" because the dogs don't like him and it upsets them to have to share the house with him.

He isn't married, is he? Because girlfriend A had nostrils that weren't quite even, girlfriend Bwore a shade of green he didn't like, girlfriend C didn't brush her hair fifty times every night - sometimes not even 49 . . . .

Some very lucky women have had narrow escapes, I think . . .

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 15-Sep-19 16:13:15

Oh! Just seen that he IS married . . . the language barrier must be the only thing that keeps them together.

SnowBrussels Sun 15-Sep-19 16:13:40

That’s not on, I’m glad your DH is pulling him up on it. Willing to provide an alibi if needed.

nonevernotever Sun 15-Sep-19 16:13:51

Ps Wtf is wrong with blue deodorant?

Smelborp Sun 15-Sep-19 16:14:38

I’d be tempted to hand him the list of things he’s whined and moaned about to show him how ridiculous it all looks. Collected, surely he would be able to see how awful it is?

mumwon Sun 15-Sep-19 16:16:06

suitcase on doorstep bucket of cold water placed above to chuck on his head (preferably green & smelly) & I can teach you how to sing opera which you can do offkey first thing in the morning before he gets up - & get the dc to join in (& for gods sake warn the neighbours grin)

Sparkletastic Sun 15-Sep-19 16:16:04

The only reasonable response to this sort of behaviour is 'Fuck off out of our house and never ask to stay here again.'

LuckyLou7 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:16:58

What a delightful houseguest.

SubisYodrethwhenLarping Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:11

Where does he live?

AntennaReborn Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:18

OP, I think you deserve some sort of award for not having stabbed him with the butter knife yet

NearlyGranny Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:19

Last shot to be used at parting, by your DH: "We've loved having you, John, and it's just a shame you've found it so trying and difficult being here with us. It's sad, but we've just got to accept you'll be much happier in a hotel or B&B next time. Here's some brochures I picked up to help you choose."

meyouandlulutoo Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:27

I wouldn't be able to stop myself bursting into laughter everytime he came out with one of these 'pearls'! In fact it would become a 'thing' while he was staying and we would all try to outdo each other with ever ridiculous complaints - I don't like the look of that cloud overhead, it has a sarcastic looking demeanour.

I do sympathise it is very wearing.

weltenbummler Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:44

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day
have you clarified that you are not his housekeeping staff? why on earth would he expect you to clean up his shit?

subtly (or less so) direct him to this:

Chloemol Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:44

I would be telling him he moans to much and it’s to stop. If he can’t think of anything nice or positive to say then don’t say anything, and if he is really that unhappy he is welcome to leave and either pay to stay elsewhere or go home

burritofan Sun 15-Sep-19 16:18:51

Can you get hold of a vuvuzela or party noisemaker and blow it every time he makes a complaint?

Bookworm4 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:19:10

That’s a good idea, maybe seeing it written in a list will shock him into realising what a cock he is.

sweetsaltypopcorn Sun 15-Sep-19 16:19:58

Every time he moans, you need to join in. But make sure all your complaints concern him!

"God, John, who wears black socks any more?"

"Do you really use so much milk in your tea?"

"I can't believe you sleep with the bedroom door open."

The more mundane the thing you are complaining about the better, until he gets the hint.


DowntonCrabby Sun 15-Sep-19 16:20:27

Bless you OP, it must be so annoyed but this thread has made my day.

We’ll think of a collective MN alibi if you need to off him.

butterandbread Sun 15-Sep-19 16:20:32

Absolute gold, though not for you, you poor thing!

What on earth was the problem with the blue deodorant and the lack of hat wearing? And what time was he wanting to go swimming?!

DowntonCrabby Sun 15-Sep-19 16:21:30

Wait, what?? He’s married?!?! Poor cow!

Drum2018 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:22:28

At least that's the last time he'll be staying with you, right? If he mentions visiting again tell him to find a hotel so he can eat, sleep and moan to his hearts content to the poor staff there, and not in your house.

AnneElliott Sun 15-Sep-19 16:23:05

Why doesn't he have any clothes? You should definitely point him towards the nearest hotel?

Justmuddlingalong Sun 15-Sep-19 16:23:58

Perhaps by him paying a hotel to pander to his needs, everyone would be happier in future. Why do you put up with him? My blood pressure went up just reading your post.

GetOffTheTableMabel Sun 15-Sep-19 16:25:03

Perhaps next time he visits you could prepare a bingo card, listing topics he might complain about and enjoy crossing them off. It sounds as though he cannot stop himself.

As for the planes are too low, they tend to get lower when they’re landing. Does he really think airlines should just throw the passengers out while they’re still at his preferred altitude? The problem isn’t just that this man complains, it’s that some of his complaints are utterly moronic.

Coffeeandchocolate9 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:25:13

I think I'd go for maximum piss taking too, especially if you get your DH in on it.


"Breakfast is served John. Its alphabetti spaghetti so you can artfully create your complaint on the plate. Or shit it later, whichever you prefer."

Remove his duvet and leave him just the cover, seeing as none of yours are suitable.

Gather everybody and sit them around him expectantly. Explain to him that he's going to show you all some card tricks so you don't need expensive hobbies again. Complain bitterly when he doesn't have any cards.

Ask him where the new car he promised you is. Explain with lots of eye rolls that obviously everybody knows thay if you as a guest complain about something you make the upgrade for the host.

Go charity shop shopping and return with the most outrageously bad taste clothes in his size that you can find. Present with great pleasure, just before announcing that all his (and "his" borrowed) clothes are in the wash and will take a week to hand dry - noo cant use the tumble dryer, too pricey, got to pay for rugby lessons, haven't we?!

^ include one pair of shorts, because Mondays are shorts days in this household. NO exceptions.

Tuesdays are guests cook gourmet for the host days, too. Present him with your menu choices tomorrow.

Wednesdays are communicate in mime only day, obviously. Absolutely refuse to engage with him if he doesn't mime jovially along.

Leave little handwritten posh notes in the en suite stating that all guests must leave with all their own body hair. Provide a small ziplock bag and tweezers for his convenience.

And so on.

drsausage Sun 15-Sep-19 16:25:48

My SIL wasn't impressed by our furniture, the fact that our fridge wasn't spotlessly clean, or the fact that we didn't iron any clothes.

We let her know she was welcome to clean the fridge, iron our clothes and buy us new furniture. She actually did give us a bed grin. I'm still waiting for her to do the ironing or cleaning.

flouncyfanny Sun 15-Sep-19 16:26:16

My patio needs some work and I am happy to provide brew and biscuit if you need it.

abbey44 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:26:22

Oh my goodness, he's the reincarnation of my late FIL shock

Commiserations flowers

Coffeeandchocolate9 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:26:28

Oh, and make complaint bingo cards!

Elderflower14 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:26:55

Can you not pack his possessions and move to the nearby hotel...?

BanKittenHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 16:26:56

I have no idea what the issue is with blue deodorant/not wearing a hat/DC wearing shorts because I didn’t engage him in his batshit opinions. I just shot him my “catch yourself on” look, but it just doesn’t register with him.

Last night after a glass of wine with dinner I did start laughing at everything he said. There were many more than in my OP but it was mostly moaning about very specific things in some Netflix series he wanted to watch and thought DH would like.

He goes tomorrow but then is back again either Thursday or Friday. I’ve made brisket for dinner later and I’ve slaved over it and the pudding. One negative comment about the meal and I’ll phone the local hotel right there and then in front of him. I can laugh off most of it as him being ridiculous but if he bitches about the food I’ll go for his neck. grin

EL2019 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:26:57

I agree give him a list but divide the paper into two columns.
1. Criticisms BIL has made of our hospitality
2. Nice comments BIL has made

Maybe that will shock him into reality.

( or offend him so much he never comes again - either way is a winner)

DadDadDad Sun 15-Sep-19 16:27:28

His complaints are so bizarre, maybe you need to get some fun out of it. So he complains, and you say (for example) "3!" Keep doing it until he asks, and explain you're scoring his complaints out of 10.

Elderflower14 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:27:40

Cross Post...... 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁

ISmellBabies Sun 15-Sep-19 16:28:50

Please write these out as a list, and next time he moans, don't let anyone say anything (hush them) until you've written it on the list. Make it as obvious as possible while you're doing it, repeat his complaint slowly out loud as you write it. Do it every time and leave the list on the table.
If he ever asks to stay again, use the list to remind him he doesn't have a great time at yours.

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 15-Sep-19 16:29:26


grin grin grin


Funnyface1 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:30:46

Give him something to really complain about. Really.

ISmellBabies Sun 15-Sep-19 16:31:00

X-posted with some excellent suggestions there. I love the scoring dadadad!

Justmuddlingalong Sun 15-Sep-19 16:32:38

Could you enjoy a hotel break on your own whenever he comes to stay? If your thread is light-hearted, that fine, but there's no way on earth I'd have him to stay again.

BanKittenHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 16:32:43

DH is reading this thread and bent double at some of your suggestions.

*Please write these out as a list, and next time he moans, don't let anyone say anything (hush them) until you've written it on the list. Make it as obvious as possible while you're doing it, repeat his complaint slowly out loud as you write it. Do it every time and leave the list on the table.
If he ever asks to stay again, use the list to remind him he doesn't have a great time at yours.*

I actually feel like I could do this and pull it off.

CodenameVillanelle Sun 15-Sep-19 16:33:54

Seriously though why are you hosting him? And he's going but coming back again?

1forAll74 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:34:57

All these moans and groans, but he does have one like,,he likes coming to your house and moaning non stop... I am not sure what I would do with all this, he sounds a bit unhinged, or not quite wired properly.

BogglesGoggles Sun 15-Sep-19 16:35:44

I would start doing it back in the same tone of voice.

‘You moan too much.’
‘Why are you always so rude.’
‘You never have anything nice to say.’
‘Why don’t you have any social skills.’
‘You’re a really shit guest.’

Ellie56 Sun 15-Sep-19 16:36:39

Why is this joyless twat staying with you? I would tell him to piss off.

StressyDressyHeels Sun 15-Sep-19 16:36:55

Will he be leaving a review on trip advisor?

seeyounexttime Sun 15-Sep-19 16:37:07

YABU because you have blue deodorant and therefore must be a terrible person, I'm on BIL's side...

MadamBatty Sun 15-Sep-19 16:39:39

I’d make up a spreadsheet. Complaint date/time, action required, responsibility, resolved y/n. Agree to review the sheet on a daily basis at an agreed time.

That or tell him to go feck himself, he’s a guest. Not a paying customer.

Mildrivingiusmad Sun 15-Sep-19 16:39:40

I’m always one for a conspiracy theory - are you sure your DH hasn’t paid him to behave like this so you are grateful that you married the right brother?!

Watchingthyme Sun 15-Sep-19 16:39:45

Oh please make the list. Pretty please

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sun 15-Sep-19 16:40:42

Get yr dh to roll his eyes and say "you know, you were a whingey kid and you're still a whingey kid." (And keep us updated)

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