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Page 2 | Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

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GeneralClassification Tue 16-Jul-19 11:30:49

I needed to buy first aid bits and bobs to take on holiday. Popped into Boots and it was one of the mega sized ones, so I asked an assistant.

What I meant to say was ‘where do you keep the first aid things?’

What I did say was ‘where are the air traffic controllers?’


She actually backed away from me 😭

OP’s posts: |
HippyChickMama Tue 16-Jul-19 12:10:54

My friend was telling her parents about her new boyfriend who was a jeweller, "he's very talented, he's made a pair of very intricate handcuffs for himself". She only realised when they were sat dumbstruck that she'd said handcuffs when she meant cuff links.

BykerBykerOoh Tue 16-Jul-19 12:12:50

My six year old dd once told me she wanted to go to college. Then she quickly said no sorry, not college, I meant coffee shop.

WoofWoofMooWoof Tue 16-Jul-19 12:15:12

Last week, it was about time for the kids to come home from school when the doorbell rang. I unlocked the front door, flung the door open and shouted 'BOO!!!'. The poor Amazon delivery guy jumped a foot high and stared at me in shock. I apologised profusely, but he practically ran back to his van and shot off 😂😂😂.

Soubriquet Tue 16-Jul-19 12:16:17



Oh god that is so something I would do

WoofWoofMooWoof Tue 16-Jul-19 12:20:22

@Soubriquet - at least it was better than the time when, just out of the shower, I couldn't find my dressing gown belt so was holding it closed with one hand while answering the door to the Amazon guy. Needed two hands to take the parcel and without thinking let go of my dressing gown. He got quite an eyeful lol.

Constantlurker Tue 16-Jul-19 12:20:22

I was once on a very serious and important conference call. I was trying to say 'let's kick off' or 'lets crack on' but instead for some reason I said 'I'm gonna crack one off'. Cue very very very long awkward silence. I DIED. I had to go on mute for a good portion of the call as I was crying with laughter/shame. It makes my neck go all hot thinking about it and it was about 10 years ago.

Soubriquet Tue 16-Jul-19 12:22:26

In that case Woof I think your Photo will be on display at their depo grin

Alpacathebag Tue 16-Jul-19 12:23:30

On a similar note to Woof, I had a parcel delivered by amazon. The delivery man was the tallest person I have ever seen in my life. I intended to say “thank you” as he handed me the parcel but I just shouted “tall man!” Before slamming the door. My husband watched him walk back to his van from the upstairs window and said he looked very perplexed.

tillytoodles1 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:24:12

My mum was going away to visit family and asked the travel agent about shites to ficago. She was going to Chicago, The girl just looked at her and said "sorry, what did you say"?

GeneralClassification Tue 16-Jul-19 12:25:07

LOVE ‘tall man!’ and Woof’s stories 😂😂😂

OP’s posts: |
IlluminatiParty Tue 16-Jul-19 12:25:18

Instead of saying my friend has a German mother I said she had Spanish dog. Nope. No idea. grin

WoofWoofMooWoof Tue 16-Jul-19 12:25:24

@Alpacathebag - 😂😂😂😂😂

That's just made my day.

RockinHippy Tue 16-Jul-19 12:26:38

The second language one reminds me of another...

I was in France, friend had badly cut finger, so I popped into a pharmacy to buy something to clean & wrap it up. I speak a bit if french, but didn't have the words for bandage, Elastoplast etc, so I explained that my friends finger was bleeding badly & could they help. The horrified look on the assistants face told me I'd said something wrong, so I had to mime the rest to get what I needed

I later realised I'd told the poor woman that my friends finger was having a bad period confusedgrin

AudacityOfHope Tue 16-Jul-19 12:26:50

Just had to leave the office as I'm laughing so hard. Tall man and cracking one off! 🤣🤣🤣

ConorMcGregorsChin Tue 16-Jul-19 12:27:08

My Mum was on the phone to car insurance co a few weeks ago and when spelling something out, said Y for Wanky

I was sitting next to her like confused and blush

BigusBumus Tue 16-Jul-19 12:29:11

In my very small village Post Office i announced that I loved their Malted Cunt whilst putting the bread on the counter to pay. It was in fact Malted Crunch. I've not lived that down and in fact it was mentioned again only this morning when i bought bread again. grin

GeneralClassification Tue 16-Jul-19 12:30:50

Shites to ficago is brilliant!

OP’s posts: |
Kam610 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:32:16

Omg these are bloody brilliant. I have tears streaming down my face 😂😂😂

gendercriticalgreta Tue 16-Jul-19 12:32:33

I wrote a first inquiry email to a professor in another university about a paper he'd written and signed it 'lots of love'.

Starheart Tue 16-Jul-19 12:33:01

Years ago I was hungover and needed to get some cash from the machine to get some breakfast. There was a long queue which didn't help my sore head . I finally got to the front and pressed for some cash. When the cash popped out I said thank you loudly to the machine on autopilot . People behind me clearly heard and everyone stared at me walking past blush.

OpenMindedSceptic Tue 16-Jul-19 12:33:05

I have recently asked for ‘chocolate c**t cookie at my local coffee shop. Instead of chocolate chunk . blush

The young bloke behind the counter could not stop laughing.

Blahblahlalalalala Tue 16-Jul-19 12:36:51

I once asked in b and q if they have durex paint brushes to go with the paint blush my lord that was embarrassing

Bluntness100 Tue 16-Jul-19 12:37:24

The first time I asked for phish food at the Ben and Jerry's counter at the cinema I asked for pish food. Pish in Scotland is piss. I was just thinking how phish looked like pish, 😂

I also signed my debit card at a petrol station with my maiden name. The man said it was the wrong name, when I said oh shit, that's my maiden name, he said, oh just married are you. I had to respond with well no, it's been ten years now...🤭

BeyondMyWits Tue 16-Jul-19 12:38:01

Once got a lift home from my boss, was on autopilot, turned and kissed her on the lips and said "see you later darling", then didn't realise til I had shut the door and she drove off - made for an excruciating time til I saw her next day... she just raised an eyebrow and chuckled... blush

yarenbaren Tue 16-Jul-19 12:39:02

I'm always on the verge of saying blow job instead of blow dry!

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