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People keep having sex in my hedge...

(907 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

eurgh Mon 25-Jun-18 17:00:14

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

DanFmDorking Sat 07-Jul-18 21:24:06

"When will you be mine?",
"Now!", she shouted, "Give it!".
They found their love divine,
United in the privet.

northernlites Sat 07-Jul-18 13:14:31

You take me to the h-edge of heaven
Tell me that my soul's forgiven
Hide you baby's eyes and we can,
You take me to the h-edge of heaven
One last time might be forever... 😂

TheRealNotdog Sat 07-Jul-18 13:07:16

I'm on the h-edge, of glory...

bellinisurge Sat 07-Jul-18 10:37:46

Don't push me 'cos I'm close to the .....he--edge.

TornFromTheInside Fri 06-Jul-18 21:47:25

I've been outshone!

Bugger!

TheRealNotdog Fri 06-Jul-18 21:01:22

@arranfan that's brilliant!! Torn's got competition 😂🤷‍♀️

arranfan Fri 06-Jul-18 20:56:15

Gazza and Tasha, romancing with glee,
TheRealNotDog said, "Nice night for it, G".

Pants half-mast, they shuffle to relocate,
NDN cries, "Gazza, that you, old mate?"

"This place is full of pervs" the lovers moan,
"Coitus interrupted twice..No oats sown!"

TheRealNotDog's hedge now unmolested,
Her noctural peace, reigns uncontested.

For G & T Mumsnet will be wistful
Pining for more liaisons al frisko.

We wish them well in some new Lover's Dell,
Will G & T last? Time alone can tell.

SauvignonBlanche Fri 06-Jul-18 20:23:35

Let’s hope Tasha’s DH never walks home!

TornFromTheInside Fri 06-Jul-18 20:21:34

Wonder if this underground sex leaves them feeling flushed, or totally drained?

TheRealNotdog Fri 06-Jul-18 20:16:53

😂😂😂😂

Parky04 Fri 06-Jul-18 19:04:20

My manhole is always covered!!

TornFromTheInside Fri 06-Jul-18 19:01:15

You love sex in the sewer?
I'm keeping my manhole covered!

TheRealNotdog Fri 06-Jul-18 18:58:01

@TornFromTheInside
Do you have the passcode to the secret hedgewatcher's society?
If not, then no.

You have to be invited, after an initiation. I'm sworn to secrecy, but I'm still awaiting the return of my y-fronts.

It's now officially an underground thread.
You've heard of sex in the city? well... <taps nose> this is sex in the sewers.

Literally underground.

>>> LOVE THIS, TORN!

TornFromTheInside Fri 06-Jul-18 18:33:50

They literally came and went!

TheRealNotdog Fri 06-Jul-18 18:00:31

Hiya, eurgh here by a different name. Nothing to report, it's all been very quiet in my hedgerow of late. Which is good, but also disappointing in a weird way 🤷‍♀️

TornFromTheInside Thu 05-Jul-18 22:07:49

Do you have the passcode to the secret hedgewatcher's society?
If not, then no.

You have to be invited, after an initiation. I'm sworn to secrecy, but I'm still awaiting the return of my y-fronts.

It's now officially an underground thread.
You've heard of sex in the city? well... <taps nose> this is sex in the sewers.

Literally underground.

Ancientmummyofwooooos Thu 05-Jul-18 22:03:09

Any more goings on in the hedge of sexyness?

DoinItForTheKids Sun 01-Jul-18 22:01:17

Could be some kind of silky undergarment... Tash probably has one.

Cagliostro Sun 01-Jul-18 21:51:24

😂

TornFromTheInside Sun 01-Jul-18 21:10:54

Isn't a Freudian slip when you say one thing but mean your mother?

DoinItForTheKids Sun 01-Jul-18 21:05:05

Prickly not pricky. Clearly a Freudian slip!

Wouldn't want to slip onto one of those...

DoinItForTheKids Sun 01-Jul-18 21:04:31

Maybe some shag-preventing planting you know, pricky, dense foliage that kind of thing.

What about a big row of these instead of your hedge? Surely more effective by far?

Er, no, not a good idea give the proclivities of Tash and Gaz.... I should have known these were all wrong; they're known in many parts as 'dildo cactus', I kid you not...

As you were.

TornFromTheInside Sun 01-Jul-18 20:36:46

oh it is @PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks

I don't think I've fully recovered from that night with Sellafield Sally. She gave a whole new meaning to the term 'afterglow'.
I had a burning sensation for a full week, but at least I could pee in the dark.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Sun 01-Jul-18 20:20:35

A burning bush sounds very painful.

eurgh Sun 01-Jul-18 20:17:53

Ooooh, imagine if Tasha sat on that by accident

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