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DogDmor Thu 14-Jun-18 13:01:34

Been seeing someone for around 3 months. We get in we'll but he's quirky, which is fine - well I thought it was. Sometimes I'm starting to think he's just plain odd.

He's overweight and said he wanted to get fitter so I suggested he come along to my karate class. He did and I ended up mortified. He wore scruffy old jogging suit bottoms with paint on them and a massive baggy t-shirt with Harry Potter on. Whenever instructor showed him something he giggled. Instructor is hard arse, old school - I've known him for years and knew he was going to react badly. After 3 or so giggling moments and DB stood in weird positions and flapping his arms around like a little girl instructor said "what are you giggling at? Are you a girl or what? Do you have something wrong with you?". Everyone was looking. DB started stuttering and instructor carried on with "you know this is karate and not ballet don't you? Are you in the wrong class?". DBs face went bright red. I was mortified and just wanted to hide. Another female instructor said "alright, it's his first day" so instructor said "but what's he giggling at?". Anyway later on instructor came over to me and said "where the hell did you find him? Is he one of your patients or something?" I was so embarrassed I just said "he's a neighbour".

After the class I asked DB why he kept laughing. I'd warned him beforehand about the instructor. He replied "it was funny, I thought I looked silly!" So I said "you did, why did you act like that? It's a class full of martial artists, nobody else was acting like that" do he looked embarrassed and said "I don't know" so I said he shouldn't come again as instructor will have it in for him now. He got upset and said "but I like spending time with you" so I snapped and farted and said "well you embarrassed me, I've been going there for years and now I don't want to go back because of you, find your own hobby".

Anyway this isn't an isolated incident, a couple of weeks ago he embarrassed me in a cafe shouting and making a scene. In private we get on really well but in private he mortifies me.

He still wants to come to karate with me tonight. AIBU to tell him I don't want him there?

OP’s posts: |
MrsMozart Thu 14-Jun-18 13:12:32

So BF gave it a shot, as he wanted to be with you, found it tickled his funnybone so giggled, and you didn't try and see it from his pov....?

You definitely don't sound compatible.

And I speak from a past Aikido background.

Dobbythesockelf Thu 14-Jun-18 13:13:43

What's wrong with a harry potter t-shirt? The instructor sounds like a bullying arsehole tbh and you don't sound much better. He was probably nervous and just laughed out of awkwardness. He was probably embarrassed by your behaviour afterwards.

DogDmor Thu 14-Jun-18 13:14:09

In the cafe of said I don't like raisins so he shouted at the top of his voice "REALY??? I DONT EITHER!!!! HOW STRANGE!!!" I swear everyone in the place stopped and looked at us. I said "you're being quite loud, people are looking" so he said "oh, sorry." And then started chewing his hands!

I did think maybe he has aspergers, there must be something because he just doesn't seem right. As I say when we're alone it doesn't seem as bad but even then he does weird things. Like he'll wake me up in the middle of the night and say "Dog, DOG! It's 2am, that's alright isn't it?" confused then he'll do it again at 4am etc

OP’s posts: |
KittyKlaws Thu 14-Jun-18 13:14:18

Oh god, run for the hills. I have a dd11 with ASd and learning difficulties, it does sounds as though he might be on the spectrum, especially his behaviour in the class, and that it seems that his behaviour is inappropriate in public.

I'm a little bit taken aback by this, is that how you will advise your DDs future partners?

I am in the 'your karate teacher sounds like an arse' camp OP.

MissMary0fSweden Thu 14-Jun-18 13:14:33

I'm literally laughing at loud at the thought of it grin

Right! That's it! Ive had it UP TO HERE <parrrppp>

thecatsarecrazy Thu 14-Jun-18 13:14:41

You did what now?

LagunaBubbles Thu 14-Jun-18 13:15:08

The instructor sounds horrible and a bully. But if your embarassed by your boyfriend there is no point in being in a relationship with him.

MeanTangerine Thu 14-Jun-18 13:15:32

I do karate. I love it. Karate does look silly though. Find an instructor with a sense of humour.

roseyposeyshmosey Thu 14-Jun-18 13:15:40

grin snapped and farted has really made me giggle!

I feel sorry for your db. I think yours and your instructors reactions were really unkind, not to mention unprofessional of him. whatever style of teaching an instructor has, to publicly embarrass someone on their first class in that manor is just wrong!

your db sounds like he may be a little insecure about himself and clearly wanted to show interest in something you do. you've probably made him feel quite shit.

I'd hate to be with someone who's so conceded about other people's opinion of me.

PeppaP Thu 14-Jun-18 13:16:34

Your instructor gives martial arts a bad name.

-snaps and farts 💨 -

JELLYFISHANDCHIPS Thu 14-Jun-18 13:16:51

I'm so glad I wasn't doing my usual trick of reading these threads in bed when OH is asleep because I'd have woken him and the kids and the neighbours up laughing at snapped and farted

ConciseandNice Thu 14-Jun-18 13:17:01

You and your instructor sound mean to be honest. Nevertheless if you’re embarrassed by him you shouldn’t be with him. Also the middle of the night thing is very weird.

Worriedandunsurewhattodo Thu 14-Jun-18 13:17:05

I can't stop laughing! One of the best typo's ever! Well I assume it was a typo?

Your instructor sounds awful. Your partner was probably nervous (I get giggly too when trying something new but somehow manage to compose myself). Your instructor is old school? Nah, he's a bully.

I would be appalled and angry on your partner's behalf tbh. You don't sound very nice atm OP.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 14-Jun-18 13:17:07

Of the three of you, your boyfriend is the one I'd prefer as a friend.
He was a bit silly, the instructor is an arsehole; and you are rude.

AForegoneConclusion Thu 14-Jun-18 13:17:09

"Old school" instructor -or just massive sexist twat with a chip on his shoulder and anger issues? Seriously, break up with him. It is early days, you already can't stand him. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was embarrassed by me.
Snapped and farted did make me laugh though.

Rocinante1 Thu 14-Jun-18 13:17:17

OP, please ignore the comments above. The instructor was doing what a lot of instructors do. He was trying to teach a class; it's meant to be taken seriously and he had some idiot new student giggling away at everything. I'd react the same as your instructor. Imagine trying to teach that and everytime you show him something, he starts sniggering. There's a time and - a martial arts class is not the place for that behaviour. Perhaps in a kids class, but not when dealing with a grown man.

The slovenly attire would have been enough to make me think again; it just shows a lack of self respect.

I would be embarrassed to be with someone who makes such a spectacle of himself and turns something you are serious about into a time for giggling and being an idiot. If you're unhappy, and it and do not feel bad. You and him are just not suited.

worstmotherintheworld Thu 14-Jun-18 13:17:24

Crying laughing at "snapped and farted"!

The instructor sounds like a twat. Your boyfriend sounds as if he was nervous in an unfamiliar setting. What is he like in other situations?

FredSheeran Thu 14-Jun-18 13:18:12

I just want to know whether 'snapped and farted' is an autocorrect howler, or some new phrase people are using.

if it's the latter, I will definitely be using it later.

KeepServingTheDrinks Thu 14-Jun-18 13:18:42

Farted is a hugely amusing and distracting typo, and it's not obvious what you actually meant (often with phone typos you can see what word the person was going for, but not so much in this case).

However, your instructor sounds vile. I hope he doesn't also teach children if he considers phrases like ^ Are you a girl or what? Do you have something wrong with you?^

But ignoring all that, you say you don't care that he's less fit than you but you encouraged him to join what sounds like quite an advanced class. Why would you think someone who hadn't done it before would fit in with people like yourself who've been going for years? Surely he needs a beginners class? Why do you care what clothes he wore?

And you denied your connection with him? That's horrible. I'd be very hurt over that.

It sounds like this class isn't for him, so I would advise him not to come with you again, but for his sake, not yours.

BigDamnHero Thu 14-Jun-18 13:18:55

I think you should leave him so he can find a nicer girlfriend.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Thu 14-Jun-18 13:18:59

Why be embarrassed by your boyfriend...why not be angry at the bully instructor...

If it's your boyfriend's first time at karate of course he's going to be flapping his arms around if he is unfamiliar with the moves, and he is probably giggling because he was feeling awkward

Why do his clothes matter, if his clothing choice was that embarrassing surely you would have told him before he left the house

That was cruel of you to say to him he embarrassed you, he was trying his best to learn and there to lose weight.

Are you sure you don't fancy the instructor, as you seem to care more about how the instructor views him, when in reality if he is your boyfriend it shouldn't matter what others think as long as you love him..

You should apologise to him, how would you feel if you got told off by the instructor and then on top of that your boyfriend told you you embarrassed him...I bet you would feel hurt,...he deserves better,

AForegoneConclusion Thu 14-Jun-18 13:19:01

Oh and the "are you a girl" comment at the giggling would have made me never go to his class again. Dick head.

FindoGask Thu 14-Jun-18 13:19:55

You should have given him a heads up about what the class would be like - the structure, content etc, what the instructors were like. Sounds like you left him out to dry. Fair enough you were embarrassed at the time but you don't sound as if you even like him very much - why are you with him?

Thebluedog Thu 14-Jun-18 13:20:23

The instructor sounds a knob... not someone I’d want as a karate teacher. You should like a snob (joggers and tshirt comment) and far too interested in how you look than substance.

sockunicorn Thu 14-Jun-18 13:21:49

grin grin snapped and farted has me crying laughing grin grin

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