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Jesus fuck, my fanny is on fire!

(126 Posts)
CatCafe Thu 02-Mar-17 16:52:44

So, tired of stubble down there, I thought I might achieve a smoother result with hair removal cream. Chose a sensitive skin/ bikini-line safe one, didn't bother patch testing just slathered it right on.

When I rinsed in the shower it felt like I was pouring acid onto myself, it burns when I walk or move and I'm fucking terrified of what'll happen when I need to pee so torn between crossing my legs and leaving them open in hope of "airing" my afflicted area.

Now walking like John Wane and have a fanny slathered in half a tub of Sudocrem.

Cheer me up with similar tales of personal grooming gone wrong/ advice on how to stop the pain.

DJBaggySmalls Thu 02-Mar-17 16:54:22

My Grandad once made a huge fuss about the disgusting new toothpaste and it turned out he was using a tube of Immac.

RJnomore1 Thu 02-Mar-17 16:56:19

Remember the poster whose husband had been cannily nicking her facial wipes to use?

Except she didn't buy facial wipes - it was the antibacterial toilet wipes.

He eventually mentioned to her they were making his face raw...😂

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 02-Mar-17 16:58:00

Ouch!!! I was going to say sudocream too, channel your inner nappy rashed toddler. I hope it clears soon, did you take the whole lot? I know putting loads of natural yoghurt on a st is good for thrush, not the same but it would cool the fire maybe?

SecretWitch Thu 02-Mar-17 16:58:15

Yup, whilst on vacation I decided things were in need of a quick groom. Bought hair removal cream in a local store. Apparently, ingredients include molten lava as the burning pain on my lady parts were intense. Everything kind of blew up and was raw. A friend read the ingredients for me and first on the list was lye!

Greenteandchives Thu 02-Mar-17 17:00:22

I once tried sugaring mine in the days when that was a thing. Tub of very sticky stuff that you had to heat up, apply, allow to set, then rip off. There was very little in the bathroom that didn't end up stuck to my fanny. Then my legs got stuck together. I had to run a hot bath to get it off. Never removed any hair.

LurkingHusband Thu 02-Mar-17 17:01:37

If only you'd read this

Previously1488218868 Thu 02-Mar-17 17:04:06

You could try Aloe Vera gel on it. It is good for skin damage.

Tightarseinleggings Thu 02-Mar-17 17:24:12

I once had a bath using Sanctuary bubble bath. Jeez my foof was so itchy and sire and flaming hot it was like id bathed it in chilli powder. I went to bed with loads of natural yoghurt on her.

user1487519954 Thu 02-Mar-17 17:41:11

eek, I once forgot to time it and left hair removal cream on my top lip a lot longer than I should have, it was very painful! ...and went bright red so I had to wear a lot of concealer the next day!
Can only imagine what it would do to a more sensitive area!

QuestionableMouse Thu 02-Mar-17 17:43:52

An antihistamine might help. Poor you though!

misscockerspaniel Thu 02-Mar-17 18:27:30

LurkingHusband - I hope you didn't write any of those reviews!

Maverick66 Thu 02-Mar-17 18:27:55

I have been there! I second aloe Vera gel (keep it in fridge) and an antihistamine.

Iloveadrianmole Thu 02-Mar-17 18:30:53

I had this problem, left it on far too long and along with the burning it looked like someone had massacred a small woodland creature in my shower when I rinsed it off.....

Sudocrem is your friend - although it will sting like hell when you put it on.

hefzi Thu 02-Mar-17 18:32:54

Yoghurt and the frog pose (on your back): congratulations, you've got a chemical burn on your foof! Hurts, doesn't it?! (Seriously, if you can't face dairy on your nether regions, cold water from the shower head is good: it'll hurt when you wee for a few hours more, though)

Nicky42 Thu 02-Mar-17 18:33:19

Not long ago I was running late for work so thought I don't have time for a shower, I'll just use the trusty dry shampoo. Sprayed it liberally until I suddenly thought "hmm that doesn't feel right". Realised I'd picked up a can of athletes foot spray.

IndianaMoleWoman Thu 02-Mar-17 18:43:41

I got a bikini line shaver and thought I'd give it a go stood in the bath, to minimise mess. I thought I'd got rid of most of it, until I heard DH take the two year old in for her bath. She simply said, "Mummy fluff...disgusting!" and marched right back out of the bathroom until DH cleaned it up (she knew what it was as she is an avid fan of watching mummy use the toilet.)

OddShoe Thu 02-Mar-17 18:44:31

When you wee do the post birth trick of pouring a jug of water on yourself at the same time?

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Thu 02-Mar-17 18:59:27

Came on to say exactly what OddShoe is advising! Also will pass only the only useful bit of advice my sil has ever given me anyone don't tense!

FannyWisdom Thu 02-Mar-17 19:04:15

Stop putting things on it.

It's a burn, a chemical burn.

lay on the bed with the fan pointing up your chuff

BillyDaveysDaughter Thu 02-Mar-17 19:13:44

I used hair removal cream on my vaj successfully for years - slapped it on with gay abandon, never any trouble and always fluff free.

One night DH and I had great plans for a night of passion, including my dressing up in some kinky lingerie (retrieved from the back of a dusty drawer somewhere).

I smeared a handful of Veet sensitive on my chuff, faffed about for 8 mins or whatever it was, then wiped away most of it and got in the bath. As I went to gently wash away the rest of the cream and the pubes, I was horrified as chunks of flesh were PEELING away from my body. It actually bled.

That had never happened before but I've never been able to use it ever again. DH ended up being rather disappointed as I clambered carefully into bed, legs akimbo, and denied him any action. If he'd dared to take a closer look at my ravaged garden he'd have understood.

CatCafe Thu 02-Mar-17 19:14:59

Your name FannyWisdom grin

Sudocrem does seem to be helping. May try a shallow cold bath later.

DP is pishing himself laughing at me.

purpleprincess24 Thu 02-Mar-17 19:27:10

On holiday we were treated to a spa bath, where they ran a gorgeous bath in our room with rose petals, oranges and lemons, amongst other things!

I had a bath and told DH how lovely it was, to which he said, oh I'll have a go then, however he thought it hilarious to run around with a slice of lemon on his dick ... apparently the pain was worse than childbirth

I couldn't stop laughing

derenstar Thu 02-Mar-17 19:27:14

I have nothing useful to add other than to thank you for the belly laugh grin Hope your foof feels better soon.

@poster LurkingHusband - those reviews are legendary. I had to stop reading because my pelvic muscles aren't what they used to be and I was scaring the kids.

mrsBeverleygoldberg Thu 02-Mar-17 20:07:18

Lurking... the review with the Brussels sprout made me laugh so hard.

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