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My husband has just caught me doing something terrible and embarrassing...

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PrettyRicky Thu 19-Jan-17 10:24:46

My DH came home unexpectedly and I was in the kitchen doing something I probably shouldn't have been doing but which I do every time I'm home alone.

I was having an imaginary interview on Radio 4 Woman's Hour about my new, hugely critically acclaimed novel.

DH walked in just as I was saying to Jane Garvey "That's an interesting question, Jane. The book's really a reflection on womanhood at times of crisis".

He was just stood there at the kitchen door and said "What is? Who's Jane?" and then looked around the corner to our dining table, presumably expecting to find someone called Jane who'd popped around for a brew.

anitagreen Sat 07-Jul-18 22:58:19

I used to think I was a complete fucking nutter having these random plays in my head, funeral speeches, imaginary sex scenes with famous people blushetc now I know I'm completely normal I love MN and to the original OP you've made my night thank you

Madgeney Wed 24-Jan-18 08:56:21

Oh my goodness, this is by far the loveliest thing ever to come out of the internet!!

I love it, and I hope this makes you a superstar PrettyRicky xx

The best thing of all is knowing that you’re all out there doing all this stuff every day and it’s magic to think that every day we are all getting by in our lovely crazy worlds of imaginary wonder!! I love it!!
For so many years I thought I must be a complete nutter and yet look at us all!! It’s brilliant!!

I have honestly never been so happy on the internet as reading this.

Personally, I’ve got a whole range of different scenarios, depending on what I need for that day. Some days I’m saying all the things I never had the chance or courage to say to people who have been horrible to me (It is SOOO great to be able to say the things that I didn’t think up quickly enough at the time!!) and other days I’m just being interviewed about stuff; mental health, sometimes about deafness, sometimes about my extremely successful high end floristry business and sometimes about a my illustrious but extremely cool music career. My specialist topic though is Sociopathic partners, and through sharing my own experiences I am doing a lot to raise awareness and understanding of that. My cat is now an expert and I’m a regular on Ellen.

But my very favourite thing that I am particularly very good at is my stand up comedy. I’m a smash.

Lots of love to all of you, I think you’re all total legends. XX

Milvusmilvus Sat 20-Jan-18 23:41:00

I've just binged on the all the comments today, it has had me crying with laughter.😂😂
I am supremely strong and tough and managed to escape a masked intruder, he grabbed me (in front of colleagues at work) and threatened to harm me if his demands weren't met. I fought him off and chased after him as he escaped. I of course caught him up, rugby tackled him to the floor.I was soooo angry I punched the shit out of him, where my colleagues had to pull me off as I was doing him real damage. I had so much adrenaline I was sick in the sink. I received an award for bravery which I refused of course. I am 58 and five foot nothing😆😆 and I get a real buzz from this where I can feel my blood boiling from the effort involved.
Do men do this? They do it all the time - it's called Hollywood! Write, direct, and cast themselves in the starring role. Kevin Costner, I'm looking at you!!
"Write the theme tune and sing the theme tune".🙄🙄... and get paid!

Lovelylovelyladies Fri 19-Jan-18 12:21:31

I love talking to myself! I am the best conversationalist.
I pretend that someone is filming me for a cleaning documentary...who would watch that I'll never know...and I make sure I do everything in the correct order and get the place spotless. I tell my viewers all about how I came up with my routine and how to you can make things easier with a few helpful hints and tips!

DH has also caught me talking to myself he says he never does but I call bullshit. Surely everyone does?

MissionItsPossible Fri 19-Jan-18 12:11:31

If I'm a passenger in a car and we reach traffic lights and they are turning yellow I imagine that we have to race through before it reaches red because that's when it turns into a laser and will disintegrate anything that passes.

I do the arm up to shield myself from paparazzi too. And I'm Graham Norton's favourite guest!

MissionItsPossible Fri 19-Jan-18 12:09:07

I've just read this from start to finish. Best thread ever. So disappointed that the OP didn't get chance to be interviewed though, that would have been amazing.

grin at the people who imagine arguments and lose!

captainjackandjill Wed 10-Jan-18 05:43:55

Upon further discussion, DD also added that of course it's totally normal, even Shakespeare had his characters talk to themselves all the time!

shockWell I'll be damned, she's rightsmile

captainjackandjill Wed 10-Jan-18 05:27:51

Brilliant thread!! I love you all, can we please go to the same mental care home in our old age!!

Just wanted to pass on an 'out of the mouths of babes' comment from DD (who I have singing conversations withgrin) age 14 regarding this thread... 'Talking to yourself is healthy because you get a chance to have a conversation with someone who has the same opinions as you'.

I am now going to repeat this to myself everydaysmile

DragonNoodleCake Tue 09-Jan-18 19:05:19

DH and I make up stupid songs all the time. DD2 (6) does it now too grin

DragonNoodleCake Tue 09-Jan-18 19:03:05

Love it Op

And spudlet that it brilliant

SilverySurfer Tue 09-Jan-18 18:13:31

I've recently taken to imagining the American USAF captain I had a relationship with when he was based in the UK years ago, returned to America and started Microsoft in partnership with Bill Gates. Upon visiting a solicitors in London at their request, I'm informed that he recently died, had never married and left everything to me in his will totalling approximately $54 Billion.

The solicitors accompany me to Coutts Bank from where I collect debit cards on several accounts and fill a suitcase (which I decided to buy en route) with £50 notes.

I mostly do this when lying wide awake at 2am and then for however long it takes for me to fall asleep, decide what to do with the money. I've given away billions! grin

heron98 Tue 09-Jan-18 11:37:06

I pretend that I am being filmed for a short piece called "A Week in the Life of Heron98".

It will be set to a great soundtrack and have no dialogue, but will just show me doing all the things I do in a week - sleeping, jogging, working, eating etc.

At various times of day I will think "I had better do this properly, it's going to go in the film".

Nosleepforthewicked Sat 30-Dec-17 20:24:05

I'm Olivia Pope. I walk like her and have those fierce facial expressions she uses. I desperately want to end every phone call with "It's done". I can assassinate someone verbally just like Olivia does..

In reality if i tried to walk like her I'd look like a was desperate for the toilet and if I tried to do her facial expressions I'd proper look like a confused bulldog. I also stutter and stammer under pressure.

When I started a new job 2 years ago my DH and I went shopping so I could get new work clothes. He asked me what sort of things I wanted. I said "I want to look like a white Olivia Pope". He eventually convinced me to look in Marks and Spencer's.

EliseC1965 Sat 30-Dec-17 18:25:53

Thank god I’ve found this thread. My previous boss used to say I drove her mental with my conversations. In the staff room, they used to say that I ran a commentary as I planned and marked. I can’t help it.
I’m starting a new job this week (eek) with a tiny quiet office and the main thing I’ve worried about is how they will react if I can’t gag myself!
It’s quite reassuring to know that I’m not the only weirdo.

liverbird10 Mon 21-Aug-17 21:48:59

I know this thread is old, but it's absolutely brilliant. I cannot begin to express how relieved I am to find that I'm not alone in being a total fruitloop! grin

Thecatsmum Sun 21-May-17 00:39:03

I've had a terrible couple of weeks of mortification after my DC commented I'm always muttering to myself, my DH kindly told me it's a quirk and he loves me all the more for it.
I now look completely miserable as I make a real effort to clamp my lips together and sadly fail as I have a conversation with myself about not talking to myself.
I am so grateful to be crying laughing at this thread and finding out I'm not as mad as I thought I was.

Wigeon Wed 01-Feb-17 19:23:58

It's this new thing where you get an email alert if someone puts @ plus your username in a post : thread about it here

PrettyRicky Tue 31-Jan-17 08:34:43

I don't think so Wigeon

HelpMeQuickly Tue 31-Jan-17 08:34:12

Wigeon I don't think so! confused

Wigeon Mon 30-Jan-17 22:47:05

Gutted you didn't get interviewed, OP! I tried out that new thingimabob, where you do @ then someone's name and apparently they get an email alert that you've tagged them, to try and alert you - did you get an email when I did @ PrettyRicky a few posts back?

EnidButton Mon 30-Jan-17 17:40:45

No, no, I wouldn't choreograph the Royal Ballet. Far more sensible to actually be in it. <pirouettes>

Sittinginthesun Mon 30-Jan-17 17:04:53

Just had a listen - wonderful stuff. Now, that is how to use a MN thread smile.

Glad the book is underway.

ThaliaLuxurySpa Mon 30-Jan-17 16:26:06

"I have on more than one occasion expressed my excitement through the medium of interpretive dance."


PrettyRicky Mon 30-Jan-17 15:32:18

Marilyn I was a big fan of Pretty Ricky back in the day. Pleasure P was my particular favourite blush

Troublesmith Mon 30-Jan-17 15:00:25

I heard the radio article on WH, it was very complimentary. We should embrace our imagination.

Jane Garvey doesn't speak to me. Instead I have heated debates with Jenny Murray, "No Jenny, I cannot accept that".

I have been invited to supper with David Cameron and Simon le Bon to share my incisive thoughts on what can be done about the economy and the squeezed middle. I didn't panic about what to wear as I have a sophisticated capsule wardrobe for my size 8 self. Yasmin and I shared recipes.

I cook out loud "I find a squeeze of lemon juice really lifts the dish"

The dogs are given detailed outlines of the day's events and can speak back, often in a French accent

I can also pilot a plane, shoot a pistol and ride a motorbike.

I have on more than one occasion expressed my excitement through the medium of interpretive dance.

But choreograph the Royal Ballet, a step too far, that's plain bonkers.

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