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Help! What rhymes with cuntweasel?

(134 Posts)
squishysquirmy Thu 17-Nov-16 10:58:12

Other than teasel, easel, or measle?
Writing a sweary poem, and really wanted to include it but struggling to find a rhyme that isn't completely out of context.....

WellWhoKnew Thu 17-Nov-16 10:59:38


StillMaidOfStars Thu 17-Nov-16 10:59:44

Depending on how strict you want your lines, these'll?

Hastalapasta Thu 17-Nov-16 11:00:09

shock hoping you will publish the finished article! No idea. Good luck.

TheSpottedZebra Thu 17-Nov-16 11:00:32

Arse measle ?

DonkeyOaty Thu 17-Nov-16 11:01:08

Stunt Diesel?

TheSpottedZebra Thu 17-Nov-16 11:01:32

Cock weevil?

GinIsIn Thu 17-Nov-16 11:02:14


DonkeyOaty Thu 17-Nov-16 11:03:10

Zebra arse measle is INSPIRED

Am quite envy

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth Thu 17-Nov-16 11:06:27

Something with an 'll on the end, which then may have to run to the next line.

De da de da de da. These'll
Bla di blah di bla.

Cheese'll, bees'll

whamfan Thu 17-Nov-16 11:08:05

husband grin sorry not helpful. He's pissed me right off

Grumpyoldblonde Thu 17-Nov-16 11:09:10

Cock diesel?

TheSpottedZebra Thu 17-Nov-16 11:10:18

You're welcome, Donk
Think of me when you say arse measle grin

DonkeyOaty Thu 17-Nov-16 11:23:14


<clears throat>

That Trump - he's such an arse measle

<nods> works for me [thumbs up]

Shannith Thu 17-Nov-16 11:27:24

Matthew Wrighteasle?

squishysquirmy Thu 17-Nov-16 11:31:19

i didn't expect such a quick response.
Knew I could rely on you all though - Arse measle is perfect, hadn't thought of that. grin
DonkeyOaty is bang on the money too.... wink
Almost finished it, but its sort of grown from a short, funny rhyme into an obscene ballad, and I'm a bit worried that if I post it I'll look like a bit of a nutter. And it might get deleted.
Really cathartic to write though.

c3pu Thu 17-Nov-16 11:34:13


MusterTheRohirim Thu 17-Nov-16 11:35:06

Arse Measle grin

That needs adding to the MN vernacular.

TheViceOfReason Thu 17-Nov-16 13:12:37

Doesn't rhyme, but sounds nice prefaced with "fuck-faced". As in Trump is a fuck-faced cunt-weasel.

squishysquirmy Fri 18-Nov-16 09:46:52

Finished below:
Really long and angry, but I don't have an abyss to scream into so this will have to do...


I was brought up politely, told not to swear.
Taught that words can be hurtful, to choose them with care.
That swearing is lazy, a shortcut to shock:
But Goddamn you to Hell, you fat flacid cock.
When you hear you own name you get an erection,
and so you decided to stand for election
and steer the debate in your ugly direction.

You hold a grudge, you're thin skinned and bitter.
It's 3am, twat. Get the fuck off twitter.
You and your band of merry arse-measles
exploit easy scapegoats, you utter cuntweasles,
in spittle flecked speeches of venom and rancour.
You racist, nasty, blistering canker,
homophobic, disablist, dissembling wanker.

You're a sexist prick - by your own volition,
you admit groping women without their permission.
You think that a female belongs on her knees,
and that's creepy as fuck, you rancid knob cheese.
You ramble away like you're constantly pissed.
Addicted to fame, a shameless self publicist.
Why not go fuck yourself? You raging narcissist.

Now a wall of words dissects the campaign.
Discuss how it happened, who is to blame.
Opine on the system, the failure of polls.
Question mainstream and social media's roles.
The worlds lining up to express disbelief
of how such an ignorant, poisonous queef,
could ever become the Commander in Chief.

Yes, there are some good things that you promised to do
and so many projected their hopes onto you:
Bringing back jobs, reducing their tax.
You left out the detail; they filled in the gaps.
Attractive lies, that’s how you deceive,
when people believe what they want to believe.
The more bullshit you spew the more votes you receive.

But whatever the problem you're not the solution.
When you open your mouth, its vocal pollution.
The hope may be vague, but the hate is specific.
The message is simple, the language horrific:
Islamophobia evangelised;
White supremacy legitimised;
Paranoid racists radicalised.

And maybe the worst was just bluster, bombast.
Now you've taken the power you're backing down fast.
You implied if you lost your people would riot
and now that you've won you're asking for quiet.
You're a swindling arsewipe who should be ashamed.
You exploited the angry, you fanned the flames.
The crimes they commit will be in your name.

You wanted to win and to win at all cost.
But a win won like that is one we've all lost.
You stirred up division and hatred for votes.
Manipulative scumbag, short-sighted scrote.
You thundering cunt, you staggering twit.
Now you can't walk away from the fires you lit.
They're burning us all, you self serving shit.

I know there are those that will say I'm hysteric
to see any threat in violent polemic;
In rhetoric steeped in nationalism;
In rising far right fanaticism;
In fervent rallies, protesters attacked;
In rabid supporters allergic to facts;
in a leader inciting criminal acts.

Plenty will claim that we won't be affected,
but the world that we live in is closely connected.
The far right in Europe; Erdogan; Putin and Isis;
We're sleepwalking into a new global crisis.
It's happened before and its starting again,
I'm frightened of where this shitstorm might end:
Dragged into danger by angry old men.

We can laugh at your hands and ridiculous hair.
Laugh that your name means a blast of hot air.
But laugh for too long and we'll run out of time:
None of This is funny, not even in rhyme.
You can rebrand yourselves, call it "alt-right".
Upcycle old thinking as "New Nazi-Lite".
But a fascists a fascist you lying gobshite.

You are the obscenity. You are the curse.
You promised them greatness, you're making things worse.

TheDuckSaysMoo Fri 18-Nov-16 09:52:20

Awesome. Standing ovation here.

ZacharyQuack Fri 18-Nov-16 09:53:11


That's fantastic.

It's like Pam Ayres has got the Fucking Rage. In a good way.

PhilODox Fri 18-Nov-16 09:57:26

Um, what's funny about his hands?
It's marvellous, btw.

ToastMakesMeHappy Fri 18-Nov-16 10:07:25

That. Is. Fucking. Amazing.
It's a standing ovulation from me wink

MrsSippy Fri 18-Nov-16 10:09:30

squishy that's bloody brilliant!

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