Of course the answer is Yes. But I really want the kids in my son's year to know just how spiteful and hurtful they are, and how lonely he is. He is the sweetest boy, with dyspraxia and Ehlers Danlos syndrome, and now depression, and he has had to endure the most vile behaviour. This is what I want them to read. I'm tempted to go to every bloody bus stop and noticeboard in town and pin it up. I'd genuinely be very grateful to hear if anyone has any ideas about how to make a whole community kinder???
You can be wonderful, passionate and inspiring. I've seen you march for refugees, denounce racism, support Gay Pride and change your Facebook pictures in solidarity with victims of appalling atrocities.
But I know your Facebook pictures because my son shows them to me, and we know that man of the same people who appear to stand up for the most vulnerable are the very same who have made his life unbearable by bullying.
Sometimes I don't think you even recognise what it is that you do. Do you never stop for a minute and wonder what it must be like always to be laughed at in one of those 'Hot or Not' videos, to have your life turned into a bloody nightmare because the spiteful rumours are just too good not to spread (no need to bother with whether they're true or not), to be called 'weird' and 'retard' and 'freak.' (You're not very imaginative - it's the same bloody thing over and over again.) You probably think you're not a bully, if you don't actually go round beating people up or stealing their stuff. But most of you join in. You sit there laughing, smirking, encouraging the others. The worst among you, the very worst, are those who used to be friendly, but who have now decided that it's too much of a risk to hang out with the boy that everyone leaves out because he's 'weird', or the girl who doesn't dress right or behave in the way that you think is OK because it's 'normal.' I veer between hoping no other person ever has to know the kind of loneliness you've condemned my child to, and wishing that you could know just how bloody miserable it is. You have punished him because he's just different enough to deserve this kind of misery, and yet you would be outraged if anyone accused you of attacking the disabled. Did you know that children with special needs are vastly more likely to be bullied and marginalised in school? Did you know that in most cases it only takes two bystanders to intervene to stop a bullying attack? And almost all of you choose not to. Day after day after day you could make a real difference to someone right there in front of you in your class with the simplest, most basic act of kindness. Day after day you choose not to. So change your profile picture if you want to, but don't think that that is enough to change you into a decent person.
There's no point in asking you to imagine how you would feel if it happened to you, because most of you know damn well that it won't. But maybe you could think about how you'd feel towards somebody who treated your little brother or little sister in the same way. What would you think of those who laughed and joined in while people shouted insults at them, locked them in the loo in the bus and wouldn't let them out until they'd admitted that they were a 'retard'? And if, god forbid, anyone treats your own child like this in the future, then you will finally understand just how deeply parents like me hate people like you.
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to want to send an anonymous letter to everyone in my child's year
SallyMcgally · 28/07/2016 03:28
YANBU. God, your poor boy. 
.
I don't know what else to say, just that I'm so sorry.
This makes me so sad
Good luck with the home ed -does he go to any local groups or clubs where he can make friends independently from school?
Huge huge sympathies. My son has had a horrendous time with bullying this year, by his two so called 'best friends' but he's only in primary school and they are only 8. I went through every avenue with the school, whilst watching him turn from a happy go lucky, smiley boy into an increasingly distressed, angry, under confident child, and I finally tackled the parents of the children involved - who were horrified because they didn't know anything about it 
. Once I did that, the situation improved and the last half of this term was better so he has decided to stay at his current school (we were going to move him).
I hope that sixth form college is a much happier place for your son.
As a former head of year and senco, I think you need to speak to the school again and the senco. We once had a similar thing from an autistic pupil and read it in assembly; it worked wonders. No child should be treated like this and it sounds like the school isn't doing enough. This has nothing to do with lack of prus and behaviour units. Schools do have procedures to follow (e.g you have to do x number of fixed term exclusions before permanent/managed move); your other option is the police and from what you have said you would be more than within your rights to go to them with this (be aware though that once police involved school's hands are tied). But what you have described is something which the police can and will deal with. Particularly if there is online stuff. On another note, please speak to school again to avoid home schooling at this stage; y11 is far too important. In my experience Home schooling at this stage is more likely to build anxiety and put him off going to 6th form. Most schools have a safe area where pupils struggling with attending classes can go and work with support from school staff; that would be much better option than home Ed. He should not be missing out because of bullying which the school can and should be dealing with.
My heart really goes out to him and you
I'm so so sorry for your boy, and for you too. And I agree with you that it's not just the out and out bullies, but that he has NO ONE in his corner, no one to give him a sympathetic smile, no one to stand up and say "enough now", no one who cares enough to give him one drop of human kindness :(
It's ridiculous that this has been allowed to become such an entrenched position by the school - they should absolutely have done more to prevent this.
As the saying goes:
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke
:( 
for you and your boy.
I'm so sorry to hear about what your son is going through, people can be horrendously cruel
You're quite right that the ones who do nothing are just as bad. I had four years at secondary school that were absolute hell. I had vile insults thrown out me, I was always left out and ignored. Often I didn't speak to a soul for the entire day. Not one person ever tried to help or intervene. Nobody wanted to sit by me or talk to me and I ended up often refusing to go to school. My attendance was usually very low, I loved learning but I dreaded school every day.
I think you're right to take him out of school, the teachers etc should be doing far more to deal with the bullying but often things are swept under the carpet. The long term emotional damage from bullying can be awful. If you can home ed for the final school year then I'd do it.
College is often different (new people, better atmosphere). I thrived at college and got some of my confidence back. I hope things improve for your ds
That is so awful, I'm so so sorry to hear this, this is heartbreaking.
Please collect as much evidence, and do take it to to the school again, or if it's cyber bullying, the authorities will be interested.
This is also a reminder to us all that we need to teach our children to stand up for anyone being bullied/treated badly. My parents really drummed that into us, and I can remember confronting bullies with one-liners that shut them up. It probably is different now, but sometimes it just takes one person's support that can make a huge difference. I truly hope things change for you son OP!
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So sorry for you and your poor boy, Sally. You sound like a brilliant mum. I don't really have any advice for you, except to escalate your concerns at every opportunity you get. I think you're wise about the home-schooling too. Bullies are vile, and I completely understand why you want to let them know what your DS is going through. YADNBU in that respect. In fact, I wish there was a way you could tell them, or speak out about it in some way.
Just a thought, but have you thought to look into bullying charities? They might have some tips on dealing with the school. Maybe there's a way of having some sort of workshop or talk in school, that you or DS could get involved in?
Wishing you all the very best & for you both. X
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