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Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

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MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Puzzledandpissedoff Fri 06-May-16 12:28:13

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

eitak22 Fri 06-May-16 14:07:00

I would email back but BCC any mutual friends in so they are able to see the email for themselves or send a glitter bomb as the extra :P

That is entitled and grabby. It;s a gift not an obligation and many people wouldn't have given so much to an ex colleague.

Dumdedumdedum Fri 06-May-16 14:07:05

WriteforFun1
Yes. I live on another continent than Europe, as do some of my family. The party is in a popular destination in Europe and the people whom I'm upset about will be in Europe round about the date of the party, so I chose the date with them specifically in mind. They were given 9 months' warning of the date. I am legitimately off-pissed.
I still think the OP should send a second cheque for a penny.

shinynewusername Fri 06-May-16 14:07:14

give her some obviously much-needed life advice

No, no, no - don't go for a grown up response. MN demands a PA knock-out blow.

OP- think of your public and poor, starving DM hacks

Puzzledandpissedoff Fri 06-May-16 14:07:33

Apologies if I miss any questions - I didn't know so many of you would be kind enough to reply

I could certainly ask around to find if anyone else has had similar, but am not entirely sure what it would solve? We could hardly start some sort of "mass objection" and if it's happened they'll just have to decide for themselves what to do; after all not everyone knows about the wisdom of MN!!

It's unlikely I'll bump into the B&G much in future as I'm retired now, which is probably just as well. However I've just replied to her email with one sentence:

"I assume this was some sort of mistake?"

EverySongbirdSays Fri 06-May-16 14:08:03

This is all so bizarre.

As the cheque has been cashed and money recieved to then send an email saying "i think you need to give me more money" post wedding is just flat out begging and irrelevant to the original gift! Not that you'd criticise an amount beforehand either!

You wouldn't say this to your best friend nevermind a former colleague regardless of how personally wealthy they are. I have a well off friend I wouldn't dream of asking her for me or expecting a specific sum as a gift.

I've got nothing to add that hasn't been said just placemarking to find out how this goes

CoraPirbright Fri 06-May-16 14:08:13

Have you asked any of the other guests if they have had similar emails? The grabbiness of this is beyond ghastly. What awful, awful people.

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 06-May-16 14:08:41

More front than Blackpool.

origamiwarrior Fri 06-May-16 14:08:55

Good email OP.

PLEASE update us when she replies

plimsolls Fri 06-May-16 14:09:10

floggingmolly Well, the bride and groom at the very least (assuming its a marriage between a man and woman which I guess is also not definite!)

I was not just talking about the post-wedding invite but also the suggestion that the bride only invited OP because she knew about the money. Could have been the groom's instigation. I hadn't seen anything to suggest that the ex-colleague was a bride and not a groom and I was partly wondering if I'd missed another response form the OP clarifying things.

CoraPirbright Fri 06-May-16 14:09:56

Cross-post sorry. Yes - nothing to be gained from knowing if others have received similar emails but I am just curious!! LOVE your reply - what a stinger!!

OnlyLovers Fri 06-May-16 14:10:14

I was going to say ignore the rude cunts, but I like your response.

EverySongbirdSays Fri 06-May-16 14:10:16

X post nice reply PAPO. I like it.

CrazyDuchess Fri 06-May-16 14:10:36

I am dying to know how she could justify such an outrageous ask!!

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Fri 06-May-16 14:10:39

lcoc2015

That's really sad sad that people don't attend because they can't bring the "done" contribution! I'ld have hated that as a bride, the idea that people might not feel able to come

SATSmum Fri 06-May-16 14:11:45

please send them the book twocultures suggested!

frieda909 Fri 06-May-16 14:12:16

Well done for the restrained reply! Very classy. Can't wait to see what you get in response.

Diddlydokey Fri 06-May-16 14:12:26

Placemarking for a response - that's a perfect email OP. £100 from a single guest is as generous as anyone was at our wedding aside from relatives.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Fri 06-May-16 14:12:53

Good reply OP! I hope you're not put off updating us by lazy fuckers who can't do their jobs properly (Wright stuff/mail "journos")

Name change and keep posting please grin

MissBattleaxe Fri 06-May-16 14:13:47

I would not be able to let his lie. I would have to send a very rude reply that ended with something like "and 220 Mumsnetters agree with me!"

It's utterly shocking. I worry about people like this. Where is their moral compass?

PacificDogwod Fri 06-May-16 14:13:58

Greast response, OP, very dignified.
I salute you.

NewYearSameMe Fri 06-May-16 14:14:19

I would love to say, "Actually my 'warm wishes' were mostly polite platitudes rather than any real interest in, or expectation of, your future happiness. If an arbitrary monetary value could be assigned to my wishes then I would say that £100 is definitely over rather than under representative. I wish you the best of luck in emotionally blackmailing more dosh out of your other nearest and dearest."

Dumdedumdedum Fri 06-May-16 14:15:01

Great reply, OP! Wondering if you'll get a coherent answer?!

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Fri 06-May-16 14:15:22

I'm placemarking speechless! That's so rude! She won't have as many guests at her second wedding grin

crusoe16 Fri 06-May-16 14:15:29

brilliant newyearsameme

WriteforFun1 Fri 06-May-16 14:15:43

OP excellent reply!!

Dum. When you say Europe, I hope you don't mean they will be in France and the party is in England? I think travel is a very big ask for anyone really.

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