to think these are words you never need to hear from a Midwife ? (only slightly lighthearted)

[CheshireDing]

Midwife said told "I can definitely feel a big head".

I am nearly 35 weeks and disturbed is not the word. DC2 had a big head, so what the hell size is this one's ??!!

Seriously practising my hypno now so get DC3 out shortly

[MintyBojingles]

So long as she didn't say "oh my goodness I've never felt such a massive head" I recon you'll be fine!

[NoCapes]

During labour with DC3 my midwife actually said "oh shit, dad press that big red button behind you"

Now you never want to hear that from a midwife!

[TeaBelle]

My midwife said that dd had a big head as she was crowning. ... She used the words 'melon head' lol

[crumblybiscuits]

I am 35 weeks too. This baby's head was measuring 38 weeks at 32 and everyone seems a bit too breezy about it for my liking. Good luck to us, eh!

[Dovahkiin]

After a fairly horrendous labour, awaiting anaesthetic and stitches for a second-degree tear: "Oh dear, this is probably going to be the worst part."

[fairgroundsnack]

Mine was "ooooooh that's strange, looks like it's head's stuck on something, not sure what it could be...!"

[IDoAllMyOwnStunts]

Well after my dd was born the midwife exclaimed "ooh didn't even touch the sides!!" Cheers love

[MammaTJ]

I don't know, probably better than 'Oh no, you are wrong, this baby is between 7-8lbs' when in fact you give birth or fail to- to a 10lb 5 oz baby! At least you are prepared for the worst.

[Hobbes8]

I had extra growth scans with my 2nd because my 1st had IUGR. After one I was sent to see the consultant because I was measuring too big - the 90th centile I think. My daughter was born a perfectly average 7lb 1oz. These things aren't always accurate.

[DoNotDenyMe]

Whilst breaking my waters... 'I'm so sorry, I have really short fingers'.

[PickleSarnie]

A midwife told me once that babies with big heads often come out easier due to them effacing cervix better/having more momentum behind them.

No idea if it's true. My second son has a head with a circumference above the 99.4th centile and came out with three pushes and no stitches.

I suppose I may just have a massive fanjo but I like to think not.

[Fourarmsv2]

After birthing a 10lb 10 baby with a head on the 99.9 centile for the weight....

I've done my best with the stitching but the flesh is just ripping. You've got a bit of a gaping hole down there.

I never dared look. DH said it looked the same as normal!?!

[MammaTJ]

IDoAllMyOwnStunts perhaps a name change to IDoAllMyOwnCunts.

That is probably not even remotely funny, but I am a bottle of wine down and think it's hilarious!

[buntymo]

As dc 2 was born: ooh that's the biggest baby I've ever seen, as placenta was delivered: wow that's the biggest I've ever seen....it was like a serving plate....he was 10lbs 8 and a bit of a shock but I did think....my poor bits must be in tatters....waaaah

[tartanshoes]

Hhhmm doesn't seem like the local has worked & we can't really wait any longer to stitch you up so we'll just go ahead anyway. WTAF

[IDoAllMyOwnStunts]

MammaTJ

[NewMinouMinou]

With DS, he presented arm and hand first.
I'd had the epidural ages before and after 30-odd hours, did not give a shite when the obstetrician told me it was "...about to get a bit farmyard..." just before she shoved his arm back up my biffer and over his head, then pulled him out with forceps.

[Elbo7]

Mine was during crowning stage: 'oh we can't do the episiotomy as his head is too tight' then she looked me right in the eyes and said 'you're just going to have to tear...' She was lovely all the rest of the time though!

[KanyesVest]

I was told by the obs trying failing to break my waters that he needed to go get a doctor with smaller hands . 2 days later, after 9 hrs on the oxy drip, a midwife told me I was the most pregnant woman she'd ever met. I was 40+17.

[Fridayfun]

Mine asked me if my consultant had ever commented on the size of my small feet! This was after I was induced and they had broken my waters. Dunno if it was an old wives tale but she reckoned small feet meant small hips. I did have a section in the end.

[SusanAndBinkyRideForth]

While dd1 was being forcibly pulled out by ventouse "oops. Oh bugger!" - turned out the ventouse had popped off.

While being stitched up after dd2 "oops!". Apparently the thread had broken. I wasnt impressed.

Different people but both saying oops. Not what you want to hear from people rummaging around down there!

[lertgush]

The worst thing I ever heard a midwife say (to my husband, who had called the labour ward because I was having a massive PPH at home): 'You do know it's NORMAL for a new mum to bleed, don't you?'

Followed by: '[huge sigh] No DON'T call an ambulance. That would be a complete waste of their time.'

[Northernlurker]

I've posted about this before - with dd3 I was having a vaginal swab and the midwife was showing off for the student and not looking at what she was doing and shoved the swab ahem NOT in my vagina. Then she told me off for saying ow so I said it louder and then she realised she was trying to swab my urethral opening not the vagina. You would have thought a midwife could identify that area above all! Flipping hurt too.

[hookiewookie29]

Me to midwife "Where's all the blood coming from?"

Midwife "I don't know....."
Nope.....not what I want to hear....

[CheshireDing]

Oh God, this doesn't get better does it ?"

1 and 2 were nice 6lb and 7lb's, there is no need for DC3 to rock up with a monster head and be a 10lber (deep admiration for those of you that pushed something that size out).

DH said "well you've done it twice before with no problems", This did NOT help. DC2 did sting a bit.

Midwife reckons she is dropping the home birth bag off in the next week, tbh I am buying pineapples as soon as I finish work next Thursday and raspberry leaf tablets and anything else I can do to evict it now,.