I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

[NightWanderer]

Oh my god. That's so funny. I'm dying laughing here.

[GunShotResidue]

DH is, we've had many early morning conversions about how his boss won't let him bring his pet monkey to work, or how he needs to kill the crawlfin (apparently a cross between a crocodile and a dolphin, he explained this whilst asleep and had no idea what it was when I brought it up in the morning.)

[poorbuthappy]

Yep - last night I made my DH turn the light on because I was convinced there was a very large (think Aragog from HP) spider on the bed and I could see a big hairy leg over the top of the duvet...

One of my best was waking my mum up one night crying that I'd lost my duvet. We couldn't find it anyway, until I remember that I'd put in the bottom of my wardrobe...

[doughnutslikefannys]

Not me but my DP is. I've posted some of his outbursts before because they're always hilarious. One favourite of mine was when he chuckled warmly and said, "ahh... horses...".

The other was a bizarre conversation:

Him: Are these your nipples?
Me: What?
Him: I've found these nipples on the floor, are they yours?
Me: No.
Him: Are you sure?
Me: I'm sure, I have both of my nipples.
Him: Jesus Christ, I'm like Lord of the Tits!

[CoodleMoodle]

My DH was describing something he'd seen on TV, but I didn't understand/couldn't picture it. He fell asleep, slightly frustrated that I wasn't getting it.

I stayed awake for a bit, and about two minutes later he lifted his head and cried "SEE!?"

Turns out he'd fallen asleep and started dreaming about the thing he'd seen, and assumed that I could see it too. He was very confused when I said "see what?" There was silence for a second before he said, sheepishly, "I think it might've been a dream..." I patted him and told him to go back to sleep. He had no memory of it in the morning.

(From what I remember, he was trying to describe a Eurovision act.)

[DanceTheBlues]

My DP sleep talks; a few nights ago he woke me up complaining "I can't manage the onions, can you help me?". When I quizzed him the next morning he had no recollection of the unmanageable onions

[Chocolatteaddict1]

doughnuts that's hilarious

Dd (3) sleep talks, the other night I heard her say "I love you so much mummy" creep

[Chinks123]

doughnuts "ahh...horses.." that's really got me I don't know why.

[adifferentusername12345]

My DH used to. These will totally out me to people I've told (:wave:) and I've probably told them on here before.

One time he suddenly shouted 'WOOOO!!!' as if he were doing a Mexican wave. He was completely straight faced throughout.

Another time we had this conversation:

Him: Eurghh!
Me: What??
Him: A medical instrument specifically looked like a cock and balls. It has the shape.

And my favourite:

Me (on waking up late for work): What time is it??
Him (listing mumbled words): mumble, mumble, mumble, The BFG...
Me: Err, no. What time is it?
Him: Oh, 4th of May.
Me: No, what time?
Him: Oh, 7:30.
I went to have a shower then came back
Me: What were you saying about The BFG?
Him: I thought you asked what giants there were.

[SanityClause]

Lord of the Tits!

[BitOutOfPractice]

My DD (16) sleep texted me last week:

proof :-/

It was quite creepy!

[ManicPixieDream]

My DH does this, my favourite is him mumbling about "smoky coloured pointy trouser shoes". (What are trouser shoes?) I've often joked that I've seen some in TK Maxx.

He also once said "werewolves with strawberries down their back". Not quite sure what that was all about

[ijustwannadance]

GunShot crawlfin sounds like one of those B movie type films you get on scifi channel. Turtleshark vs Crawlfin.

My DP and DD sleeptalk. I could deal with that. But now DD occasionally sleepwalks. She scared the shit out of me a few months ago when I woke up in the night and she was standing about 2 foot from my bed in silence staring at me. Creepy as fuck.

[ScrambledSmegs]

Apparently I once sleep-whined to DH " I don't want to go to Shetland. I don't want to be a pony".

No idea.

[BiddyPop]

I have been involved in engineering meetings in the middle of the night mostly (DH has woken me as he talks through a meeting - if I respond he sometimes settles back into deep, quiet, sleep faster!).

I know we've had weird other conversations too, and I think I've woken him the odd time as well - I just can't remember them now. But I know there were mornings when 1 of us is utterly bewildered at the other, the other looks back stupefied, and we fall around laughing for a few minutes...

[novemberchild]

DH chats away in his mother tongue. It's probably best I don't understand much of it...

[momb]

We once had a long late night conversation about his decision to buy a jack Russell terrier: it was irresponsible as we are out all day; we barely keep on top of the house as it is; DD probably allergic, mess, noise, walking, training etc etc. Apparently I went on for over half an hour while he repeated again and again that he had no intention of getting a dog, had never wanted a dog ad nauseum.
It was definitely a dog though, not a strange chimaeric hybrid

[JuanPotatoTwo]

Dh swears up a storm when he's asleep - it's very disconcerting as he never swears when awake. But the most recent one that made me laugh was when he announced, in his sleep, "the name's Bond, James Bond".

The least likely looking suave double agent you'll never see!

[afterthegoldrush]

I actually do stuff in my sleep ( to DH and not in a sexy way)

I was dreaming I had babies crawling in my bed and I patted a bum and it was bare. So I said to it

"We will put a nappy on that before you wet the bed'

Deep voice answers 'you fucking won't - I am house trained already'

I woke up with my hand on DHs arse...


Another one - I woke up stood next to DH who was in bed looking bemused as I had turned him over 'to protect his pressure areas'.....

[doughnutslikefannys]

One time he suddenly shouted 'WOOOO!!!' as if he were doing a Mexican wave.

I really laughed at that, you must have shit a brick when he did that

[LBOCS2]

DH very rarely sleep talks but 3yo DD woke me a couple of nights ago by leaning over and saying "is it the salt or is it the pepper mummy?". That was weird.

[Witchend]

Dh talks in his sleep. He's very vague, which is funny as he's the least vague person when awake. He's also very obedient.
He's also the only person that can switch his alarm off five times and have no recollection of doing it.

Ds laughs in his sleep. A real belly laugh.

[BankWadger]

A few weeks back DH quite aggressively burst out with "Don't you fucking dare" Grrr, he then continued murmuring aggressively at someone for a few more seconds.
He was really annoyed at someone in that dream!
That same week he fell out of bed twice and said a few other things. Gotta love medication side effects!

DD is taking after DH but I never catch or remember anything she says.

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

My daughter snuck into bed with me the other week. In the morning she asked me why I kept saying y and q y and q. I remembered I was dreaming about algebra!
My husband asked me one morning about the whereabouts of the caramel brick. I wish I knew the answer