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Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

(370 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

HoneyDragon Tue 24-Nov-15 19:36:24

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

Senpai Tue 24-Nov-15 19:39:29

The vacuum. I'm constantly taking it apart to unclog the pipes. angry

MaelstromOfLunacy Tue 24-Nov-15 19:40:26

Coat hangers. Gits

HoneyDragon Tue 24-Nov-15 19:41:29

Oh passive aggressive pipe clogging, that's really nasty behaviour.

Savagebeauty Tue 24-Nov-15 19:42:03

The printer. Alwsys telling me there's a paper Jam.
No there isn't.
And the Henry. I hate his smug face. And the way he gets stuck behind doors and topples over. I kick him and call him a bastard.

SanityClause Tue 24-Nov-15 19:42:23

Every time I open the door of the wood burner, some burning coals fall out, and have to be swept up.

Bastard of a thing!

Kacie123 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:42:50

Our washing machine's been giving me attitude for sure grin lately it keeps needing an extra drain cycle, that can't be good...

The baking tray drawer.

No matter how tidy I make it, one of the fuckers slips and catches on the drawer above as I try to open it.

Secondtimeround75 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:44:12

My seat belt always catches
in the door .
It sounds like I've been hit by a truck. Big Loud clunk !!!

QueenMolotov Tue 24-Nov-15 19:44:20

This is so funny!

Are you me? grin

The hand vac constantly sheds it's fucking load when I'm doing the stairs or car. And my phone put itself into Flight Mode today, so no one could get through to me. How did it do that?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 24-Nov-15 19:44:44

Well do on your victory.grin.
My boiler and I have never got a long. Ive never been able to use it. Apparently according to my DD you only press a button. It likes her but not me. grin. I swear inanimate objects do work for who they want.

hiddenhome2 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:46:31

Coat hangers regularly attack me sad

I don't get on with the dyson either. It trips me up and I become entangled confused

Plomino Tue 24-Nov-15 19:46:33

I had an all out fight with the u bend waste bit under the kitchen sink the other day . It involved wet feet , which was when I discovered the pipe it attached to had come adrift , consequently depositing every last drop of water into the cupboard . It also involved me smacking my head on the sink from underneath , and DS learning the word. 'BastardbuggerycuntingfuckinguselesspieceofSHIT' - uttered when I forgot I had unscrewed the whole ensemble , then tipped an entire bucket of water down the sink , which promptly flooded the kitchen floor for the second time . But I did emerge victorious in the end !

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 24-Nov-15 19:46:45

This is making me think of the Episode in Fawlty Towers when Basil bests his car with the tree branch when it brakes down. grin

SlatternIsNotSure Tue 24-Nov-15 19:47:14

The bastard kitchen table will NOT stay cleared. We haven't eaten at it for over a year and every time DH or I make an effort to properly clear it, within 24 hours it's unusable again. Why, why, why?

I would happily rip my kitchen out and replace it if I thought I would have a clear kitchen table.

MissMogwi Tue 24-Nov-15 19:46:58

Henry the bastard Hoover here too. He always falls over in doorways and lies there grinning about it like a knobhead.

Door handles are out to get me too. Always catching my sleeve and yanking me back.

Missyaggravation Tue 24-Nov-15 19:48:32

Door handles seem to have a vendetta against me, constantly bruising my arms or catching in clothes.

Diggum Tue 24-Nov-15 19:49:06


Unless I press to reset the clock in a mystifying button combination (I just mash them all) the main oven won't turn on.

I have frequently turned it to 180C and walked off to let it preheat. Happily returned 20 mins later to insert pie... FUCKING COLD FUCKING OVEN! GAH!!!!


RealHuman Tue 24-Nov-15 19:50:11

The bed in my parents' spare room. It has big cuboidal wooden legs, kind of set out from the corners of the mattress. The outer vertex is PRECISELY the height of the bottom edge of my kneecap. Every time I sleep there, without fail, I manage to thwack myself on it while trying to get to the loo in the dark without my glasses, skrawk the skin on my knee, and force the patella up somewhere around the middle of my femur.


Quiero Tue 24-Nov-15 19:51:05

I kicked Henry the Hoover down the stairs and laughed cruelly as he lay on his side at the bottom. Still smiling and unbelievably still working. He just would. Not. Die.

Kacie123 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:51:27

Not sure about all the Henry the Hoover abuse on this thread shock

hollinhurst84 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:51:28

Henry the bastard went to live with my dad who loves him hmm and pets him
I kicked him for the last time after he fell over going in a straight line

Kacie123 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:52:06

Have a heart people! He's only doing his job grin

TheImminentGin Tue 24-Nov-15 19:52:13

My oven. I even started an AIBU thread about it. Turned out it was. It is a bastard.
I got an oven thermometer and that can read 210degrees while the knob is set at 125. Excellent.
Items in there cooking usually end up burnt on the bottom. Not pleasant I'm sure we all agree.

sugar21 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:52:58

B!oody shower, it has a nasty nature it's name is shifty fecker. Push the button to start it and zilch, try again and zilch. Stand in cubicle to reach up and get the spray head down to check it and the bastard sprays cold water all over my head. Then it grins at me, smirky type grin. Called its bluff by decapitating it and cleaning out it's innards.
Now its working but I swear it's smirking and waiting to attack!

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