To ask what happens when you have a massage? Only something weird (I think) just happened to me.

[scatterthenuns]

So, I used to live in Switzerland for work, and a perk of the job was a weekly massage in a fancy spa. Excellent stuff, always went for a Swedish, was always happy.

I've moved to London and been looking for a place near work that can I can pop into as required. Just come back from my first session - had booked for a Swedish, which is the only type I've ever had.

It was nothing like the technique I am used to! In fact, I'm a little weirded out/unsure if what she did to me was normal at all!

So, may I ask - when you get a massage, what type do you get, and what happens (step by step, if you can)?

[PotatoGun]

What do you mean by 'normal at all'? Are you saying you accidentally ended up in a 'happy ending massage' environment?

[scatterthenuns]

Nah, nothing sexual! I'm well-practiced enough to know that that wouldn't be ok.

She just used... interesting parts of her body (which isn't that unusual, just not part of a Swedish) and also used pressure in a weird way.

[arethereanyleftatall]

What parts? Elbows, and knees, or tits?

[scatterthenuns]

Feet, and I swear her chin at one bit.

[scatterthenuns]

She got on the bed with me, knelt in between my thighs, and leaned forwards over my back and neck to do it too - never experienced that before.

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

I've had a Thai massage where the masseuse used her elbows, forearms, feet to apply pressure.

Ive had a Turkish massage where the masseuse sang happy birthday to me (wasn't my birthday), sucked her finger and stuck it in my tummy button. When I sat up I noticed that 9yo dd who was sat in the corner had had her head and face wrapped up in a warm, wet towel by the masseuse!

[Cuppachaplz]

I'm intrigued, and can't imagine what you mean?
Did you get a stiletto walk ;)

I've had elbows and hand heels used in that past

[mayaknew]

I've only ever had a Swedish or a hot stones but I've never known the therapist to use anything but her hands

What do you mean used pressure in a weird way ?

[NotSoDesperateHousewife]

I had a "Swedish" massage once where the, Asian as it happened, lady did nothing but rub my back. No pressure, just an hour of the sort of rubbing they usually do just to warm the oil iykwim? It was utterly bizarre!

[arethereanyleftatall]

As long as it wasn't sexual, it sounds like she was trying her absolute best to apply good pressure.

[Iflyaway]

used pressure in a weird way

Could that be shiatsu? It's using the acupuncture points without the needles but with pressure.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiatsu

Strange she didn't elaborate on the kind of massage she would be using beforehand. Why didn't you just ask her?

[Deathtomoonsand]

Chin?!

That can't be normal

[Qwebec]

Did you like it or not?
I think it is the only thing that really matters.
Every person has his personal style could it be that?

[Liara]

I've had various kinds, mostly using hands but also elbows on occasion. Ostopath used to put pretty much all his body weight behind the elbows sometimes (ouch).

One masseur would grab my arms and sort of shake me around with his feet (it was great, really relaxing). Never had any chin action at all.

Was it a good massage? If so I wouldn't be too bothered about it.

[Aqualady]

Her chin ??? Ewwwwwww

[Qwebec]

took to long to reply, so def. not swedish, seems asian

but it still stands did you like it or not?

[Neddyteddy]

Sounds good to me!

[gamerchick]

I know that probably wasn't funny simon but the way you described it made me properly howl.

Why the wet towel? My brain is boggling.

[lotsoffunandgames]

I would have stopped them kneeling between my thighs.bit weird.

[ChooChooLaverne]

Chin?! Has made me think of Ross in Friends with the wooden spoons...

[scatterthenuns]

I should have asked her really. I'm always a bit awkward when I'm undressed though, struggle to make conversation and prefer to be quiet.

What happened was, I'll explain properly:

Had booked at a very general spa for a Swedish only.
Got there, explained that my shoulders were playing up, so thats what I'd like her to look at.
In the room, on the table.
She covers me neck to toe in damp, warm towels and rubs me down. (Fair enough, cleanliness and all that).
Then she climbs on top of me, and stands on my bum and lower back, still on top of the damp towels.
She proceeds to kneel between my legs, and use her elbows and chin to go up and down my spine. Then her hands to crack my back.
Various Thai massage style poses, all fine.
Then she's massaging me (still though the towels) on my thighs. She was incredibly gentle here. Then (and this is the bit that I felt most weird about) she presses down incredible hard with each hand on my arse, but then pulls the cheeks apart and holds them there. Enough to feel significant strain on my anus. I asked her to stop this. It still hurts now.
Then, towels came off (other than the modesty one) and I had a regular massage with oil and hot stones.
To finish, she once-overed my back with a variety of (what can only be described as) slaps and punches using different pressures seemingly at random.

I got dressed, said thank you, tipped her (because I'm convinced she was trying very hard) and left. I'm in pain now, on the shoulders she worked on, but elsewhere - and that is what I'm querying here.

Whilst trying not to sound like the poo troll or a 14 year old boy.

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

gamer. No idea about the wet towel. Dd totally couldn't see, completely wrapped up in it. I thought she was playing quietly on her dsi. Masseuse didn't speak English so I never asked her what was going on.

[museumum]

I have Thai massages - they use elbows and feet and all sorts but it's done on a futon on the floor, not on a table.
Could it have been a Thai-trained masseuse trying to do sweedish?

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

Ok, the arse cheeks thing is odd.

The Thai massage I had the woman was between my legs....but I was lying on the beach so it didn't seem as odd as getting up on a bed would.

[Trinpy]

Are you sure it wasn't her elbow you were feeling? Using forearms and elbows to massage is normal and good practice imo. I've not personally come across feet being used though.

I have heard of getting up on the couch with the patient for deeper work, but only ever with someone you know well, not during a first appointment!

If you are uncomfortable with it then find someone else.