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School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

(232 Posts)
PacificDogwood Thu 10-Jul-14 20:25:18

Here is my favourite one from when DS2 was 6 (P2 in Scotland):

"DS2 has a very well developed sense of fairness."

Really? I thought, does he? I've never noticed.

Until I realised it translated in to "DS2 feels hard done by very, very easily". That I had noticed grin

Any other examples? Contributions from teachers also welcome wink

SaucyJack Fri 11-Jul-14 11:39:57

DD1 reluctantly participates in PE was my fav. No code breaking skills needed there.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 11-Jul-14 11:47:28

DD has a "unique personality ", apparently.... hmm

BlueChampagne Fri 11-Jul-14 11:51:00

DS1 has a "big personality" = never shuts up and always wants to be involved, sometimes overwhelming his classmates. A change from my reports which tended to be "could contribute more in class".

Fatmanbuttsam Fri 11-Jul-14 11:54:15

comment by my geography teacher one year...'it's a wonder she can find her way home'..... I shall be reading small persons report with new eyes after this thread :-)

Didactylos Fri 11-Jul-14 12:00:41

Hmm, my mother dug out my school reports a few weeks ago
Age 14: Didactylos 'is acerbic and provocative' hmm
Perhaps teachers have got better at nuance and subtext since then.....

bibliomania Fri 11-Jul-14 12:08:26

Loved the "excellent posture".

A French teacher once offered me up as inspiration to her new class: "Biblio was never a great student but by hard work and the power of prayer, she got her A".

Ah, rural Ireland, 20 years ago, when exam results were understood to depend on how many novenas your gran had done for you.

dancestomyowntune Fri 11-Jul-14 13:11:33

Loving this thread. Ds 2 got:

Kept us entertained for weeks reenacting the pantomime.

And:

Has a fabulous sense of humour

Translates into is the class clown.

Which was a surprise as he isn't the most confident child.

Whereisegg Fri 11-Jul-14 13:24:21

Tone deaf dd got "MiniEgg sings with enthusiasm" for music last year.
Made me grin

whattheseithakasmean Fri 11-Jul-14 13:35:26

My naughty little one had 'Miniwhattheseithakas is learning to use scissors properly'. I dread to think what she had been doing with them before - running, no doubt.

My report once accused me of 'a cavalier attitude to physics', which I rather liked, although I was not wearing a big hat with floppy feathers and elaborate waistcoat into the classroom, I like the idea.

PeriPathetic Fri 11-Jul-14 13:55:32

One of my favourites was from DDs previous and awful school. A long and detailed entry from the Spanish teacher about DD's work.
She didn't take Spanish confused

bumpiesonamission Fri 11-Jul-14 13:57:12

"bumpie is a quiet and focused child who has learned well this year" aka " I can't quite remember which one she is!!!"

edamsavestheday Fri 11-Jul-14 14:22:26

My leaver's report from senior school - which thankfully I've never had to show anyone - said 'we do hope edam fulfils her considerable potential in future'. grin

Think it translated as 'is a lazy arse who needs to pull her finger out'. They did have a point...

motherinferior Fri 11-Jul-14 14:28:49

DD1 was told she sang 'enthusiastically'.

I'll say. The tuneless bellowing of my then five-year-old in the bath used to drive me to drink.

OwlCapone Fri 11-Jul-14 14:30:53

LOL. One of my DSs was an enthusiastic singer too smile

OwlCapone Fri 11-Jul-14 15:40:43

Here is a phrase from a school report to strike fear into your heart: DD is always keen to share her news from home

What has she been saying??!

SarcyMare Fri 11-Jul-14 15:44:35

"X is always eager to contribute to class discussions"= X has to be reminded that other children want to get a word in at some point this morning.

ahh we get this one a lot, now i understand

dancestomyowntune Fri 11-Jul-14 15:45:49

Yes, we get that one too OwlCapone!!!

MotleyCroup Fri 11-Jul-14 15:53:53

DS keen to have adult attention and likes to have a chat whenever the opportunity arises - never shuts up!

We did however have an honest line - DS needs to develop a little more self awareness so that he does not interrupt discussions with his own thoughts and opinions, which may sometimes be inappropriate - when DS told the TA she'd marked all the dc work wrong blush

MotleyCroup Fri 11-Jul-14 15:55:05

Had that one back in Reception, Owl. Filled me with dread. No secrets in this house!

CaptChaos Fri 11-Jul-14 15:58:31

I got:

I see from other teacher's reports that Capt is an able student. I am sure she would be so in my class, if she ever turned up!

and:

CaptChaos shows a vast knowledge of this subject and should reconsider her choice to take it next year.

(I was taking it as an option, but because the teacher got things wrong all the time--and I corrected her-- she didn't want me in the class)

ChaosMajor was told that he was opinionated. And he is.

ChaosMinor got:

He needs to learn to appreciate the needs of his listener - roughly translates to, he has ASD and whiffles on and on about his chosen subject while hardly pausing for breath>

Ericaequites Fri 11-Jul-14 16:04:43

I had horrid reports from school. If I had a child, I'd rather hear the unvarnished truth.

Mercedes519 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:04:56

Ha!

We have just got the school report "minimerc" is a very lively and active member of the class" which isn't even code as she goes on to say he can often be disruptive you should see him at home love

The one that got me was "minimerc has a relaxed attitude to languages" which i have NO idea what that means as she goes on to say he's done well.

It's a good report though as you can really see it's about him. And she says that she has become very fond of him which she didn't have to. Bless that's my minimerc, a lovely boy really but bloody annoying challenging quite a lot of the time.

Goldengirl1979 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:06:51

I used to get "will not ask any questions" every year from my maths teacher which baffled my parents. I was good at Maths - but more more importantly she had really bad breath!!

slug Fri 11-Jul-14 16:09:30

DD in nursery got the charming:

"DD displays a lot of knowledge" Which translates as know-it-all who is always correcting the teacher. DD is now in Secondary school and showing no let up in this behaviour. grin

As an aside, the first time I spent Christmas with DH's parents, when we hadn't been going out for too long, after dinner, while still quite drunk (they know how to party those two) they dragged down their PFB's school reports for me to translate. I am, or more correctly, was at that time, a teacher. DH is notoriously un-sporty and all his reports had a version of "DH needs to improve his ball skills" MIL-to-be commented "I bet his ball skills are much better now" with a lascivious wink. There was that moment when I processed this little gem before DH went bright red. It was at that point that I knew I was going to get on really well with them.

illcounttothree Fri 11-Jul-14 16:47:49

DS1's teacher (year 2) has put on his report that teaching him has been 'an adventure'.

Suspect this is because that've been doing mini beasts as their topic this term and insects are DS1's weird obsession hobby. He keeps coming home saying things like 'Miss X called scorpions insects today. I had to correct her.'

Fedupnagging Fri 11-Jul-14 16:47:55

Ds2's reports always made dh and I roar with laughter (otherwise we'd cry). Some teachers told it like it was and some were a little more subtle.

'Fedupds2 is an interesting member of the class with some interesting opinions.'

'Fedupds2 has never completed a full race in athletics and will take short cuts when necessary. I can't take my eyes off him otherwise he will behave inappropriately'. ( there is more, a lot more in this report!)

He is now at college and they certainly don't leave any margin for interpretation. Words such as disappointing, lack of focus etc feature heavily sad

TattiePants Fri 11-Jul-14 16:52:39

DS has "a very enthusiastic singing voice". Yep, he can't sing a single note in tune.

FatalCabbage Fri 11-Jul-14 17:04:31

My formmistress hated me - it's only now I can put the pieces of the puzzle together and recognise that she was an incorrigible snob who hated the scholarship girl from the wrong end of town - the irony being that my blood was bluer than the rest of the class. My report from her simply read "Cabbage is critical and intolerant." My parents still absolutely howl at the memory; I find it hurtful and probably projection by the teacher.

The Cabbage offspring are mostly too young for school reports but we've deduced "never shuts up, knowall" from "always keen to contribute"., ,, and "telltale" from "good understanding of the rules".

TwTwatphone thwarts any attempt at editing, sorry.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom Fri 11-Jul-14 17:11:03

Anyone got a real definition for 'sweet-natured'?

readrunraverelax Fri 11-Jul-14 17:47:43

"sweet-natured" is just exactly that!!!! If I write that in a report, then I mean it.

"When focused, X can......" means "X is hardly ever focused and would rather chat with his/her friends, muck about, not listen than do what they are meant to be doing."

"With support" means that they can barely do any work unless an adult sits with them.

"Keen to share news from home" would mean that they keep asking to tell you about their rugby tournament/dancing exam/weekend away, and they ask you ten times in one day, and you just do not have time to hear them as the curriculum is so jammed packed, and they would not tell you in a quick way, they would go into too many details, where the rest of the pupils would start fidgeting and being chatty, all while you are pretending to listen to the child and make encouraging noises, when you are in fact really stressed that you have 30 kids who are bored listening to X talk about their dancing YET AGAIN, like they do EVERY Monday!!!!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom Fri 11-Jul-14 17:55:54

readrun Yay grin all my school reports as a child said I was good natured.

Until I had a confidence spurt, got to college and they all say "Natural leader and great communicator". Bossy and never shuts up. Sounds about right grin

IHeartKingThistle Fri 11-Jul-14 18:03:11

Oh God, DD got a 'when on task works well'. Oh, the shame.

IHeartKingThistle Fri 11-Jul-14 18:03:58

We've had words grin

punygod Fri 11-Jul-14 18:38:29

One of my science reports stated,

"Puny is too easily satisfied with her work."

Damn right grin

Mayme Fri 11-Jul-14 18:38:40

As a teacher myself, my standard line for those who really don't have much going on between the ears is to say "x is learning to... " then whatever it is they are unable to do. Also my tactful teacher way of saying they constantly drive me crackers by calling out and I am forever nagging them to shut up is "x is learning the importance of putting their hand up when answering quesitons or contrubuting to class discussions". Another one might be "x is growing in confidence and it is great to see that he has started to answer more questions during carpet time" which translates as "x won't say boo to a goose and would rather sit mutely on the carpet than have a go at answering a question." Have to say, though, I have always loved the kids I have taught and really do try to do my best to write reports that show that I know AND like thier kid!

EatingMyWords Fri 11-Jul-14 18:41:29

In the '70's they didn't mince their words, I was always day-dreaming, talking too much and rubbish at PE!

DS got his report and I think 'he is able to investigate and can use a variety of materials and processes to communicate his ideas and meanings by designing images and artefacts' translates as has used all the sellotape and boxes in the entire school.

I love 'he particularly enjoyed some expressive dance sessions outside'- he ran around like a loon (DH once described his dancing as like a chimpanzee needing a wee).

Does 'he is able to sing confidently and expressively following the shape of the melody' mean he bawls his head off totally out of tune?

Pico2 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:44:31

Surely "x is growing in confidence" implies that there is some change going on and x's confidence is greater than it was before. Same for "has started". If the child still won't say boo to a goose then it is a lie to say that they have started to answer more questions.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Fri 11-Jul-14 18:53:46

I've got a question one of my reports from my then form mistress (shows age) said "OnIlkey is a very robust young lady."

Now I can hazard a guess what that means, but if you as a teacher wrote that, what would you mean?! I've always wanted to know!

KittiesInsane Fri 11-Jul-14 18:58:12

Tone deaf dd got "MiniEgg sings with enthusiasm" for music last year.

This must be standard usage! DS had the slight advance on that of 'sings with enthusiasm and some sense of rhythm...'

dilbertina Fri 11-Jul-14 19:00:44

Apparently DD2 (R) "is starting to understand the value of negotiation over 'meltdown'. " We are hoping this might become apparent at home one day too...!

dibdobs Fri 11-Jul-14 19:10:10

Haha just reading my two ds' in primary school reports now after reading these posts on here and peeing myself laughing! They ve only been there a short time and its obvious theyve worked out one is totally quiet and the other is a noisy monkey! Lol

Sleepingbunnies Fri 11-Jul-14 19:41:50

I was always 'independent' and 'spirited' I was a fucking nightmare smile

SuffolkNWhat Fri 11-Jul-14 19:49:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwood Fri 11-Jul-14 19:52:46

DD is always keen to share her news from home

OMG, I know! I live in fear every day.
Not helped by the fact that DS2 sometimes Makes Things Up shock in his 'News' after holidays:
"This Easter holiday we went to Disneyland (we didn't) and I went of the scariest ride (he's never been on anything beyond a kids' carousel) 25 times (in his dreams). My mum was sick (I never!) and my dad cried (grin)"
I decided not to attempt any kind of correction in case it was felt I protesteth too much….

Adikia Fri 11-Jul-14 19:53:53

DD (Reception) came home with a report saying 'x contributes enthusiastically in class but does need to learn when it is appropriate to be talking and when it is not' and then later in the report 'x needs to practice being quiet' clearly they felt subtlety was wasted on her wink

APipkinOfPepper Fri 11-Jul-14 20:10:18

Great thread!

We got "minipepper has an enquiring mind" which I assume translates as "asks lots of questions all the time"!

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 11-Jul-14 20:21:43

Little miss fuckery got "keep up with the netball" from her form tutor. She never ever played netball.
Thing one and thing two (twins) got each other's reports. Eg-thing one "was a valuable member of the rugby team" er no. Thing two "has a lively interest in history" again no. They both had a "relaxed approach to learning." -idle little fuckers.

TheGrandHighWitch Fri 11-Jul-14 20:23:34

I got DS's report home today. Some of my favourites include:

1. With support xxxx will respond to what others have said but usually only if it is a topic he is interested in.

2. Xxxx is always willing to put his hand up in whole class discussions and his responses are becoming more relevant.

I feel sorry for the teacher and the ta's who have had him this year as it has been a real challenge for him to adjust and we have had a few problems. He has however apparently been a pleasure to teach this year confused suspect the teacher may have been pissed when she wrote that bit.

I expect DD's report (nursery) on Monday. I am willing to bet that 'sings enthusiastically and often' features on it. Also 'confident', 'popular/has a wide group of friends' and 'needs to learn how to handle disappointment' will be present as well. I.e she is a noisy little madam who won't shut up, will play with everyone but can sulk with the best of them when she doesn't get her way.

OutwiththeOutCrowd Fri 11-Jul-14 20:35:21

From DS's PE teacher this year:

"has worked exceptionally hard to alleviate the difficulties he experiences with spatial awareness, bodily control and co-ordination"

Somehow the fact that it's dressed up as a compliment makes it even more depressing. I'd be happier with a straightforward 'not good at PE'.

sad

notnowImreading Fri 11-Jul-14 20:58:19

My own report from PE read 'Notnow needs to concentrate on controlling her own limbs,' which sounds bad enough but actually means 'Notnow has hit the teacher with a hockey stick more than once this term.'

SueDoku Fri 11-Jul-14 21:15:39

I can remember being very pleased when my usual C- for PE (yes, long, long ago) was C+ one year - with the comment 'Improved' next to it..! Says it all about my sports career.... grin

blueberryboybait Fri 11-Jul-14 21:25:40

So when they says DD has an endearing love of animals and people does that mean she collects waifs and strays?

webwiz Fri 11-Jul-14 21:36:47

Ds's reports talk a lot about his "unique" approach to his work i think this means he's a bit of an oddball in the nicest possible way.

Mij Fri 11-Jul-14 22:46:20

I loved DD1s Y2 comment: DD1 has been impressive in her determination to be heard in class.

= both 'will tell us what she thinks whether anyone wants her to or not' and 'despite being the smallest in the class will not be shouted down by any fucker'. I think that's a fair balance.

She does have a sporadic stammer, though, so actually that's cheering either way.

Pretty much all my reports translated as "can get away with cruising but as she does everything we ask of her we can't really complain". C for effort for the majority of my school career.

MyFairyKing Fri 11-Jul-14 23:05:22

This thread is great. grin

A friend got the following snippet from one of her teachers.

"If X spent as much time on her classwork as she does talking to boys, she would be Einstein by now."

sproingle Fri 11-Jul-14 23:08:18

X is learning to.... = X can't yet .....

e.g.

"Sproinglet is learning to share with others" = there's a tantrum if someone else gets the toy she wants. I know this as we have had the same comment for three years and she is the same at home!

edamsavestheday Fri 11-Jul-14 23:12:40

out with, I'd have liked that comment in my school report, would have demonstrated some understanding on the part of the teacher instead of outright hostility to anyone not a natural athlete...

DeWee Fri 11-Jul-14 23:15:23

My dm once wrote about an able but exceptionally lazy pupil.
"Uses his brain only when all else fails"
The head, who was ahead of his time on the positive reports insisted she changed it.

I think the relentless positivity of reports has backfired on me. Because now I look at a positive comment and wonder if they really meant it to be positive or whether there is a negative double meaning.

mrssprout Sat 12-Jul-14 02:09:54

One of my secondary reports in PE said " mrssprout tries her best given the difficult circumstances" this translates to when I wrote"does not try" in her last report you came to the school, reminded me of her serious health problems & nearly ripped my head off grin

FanFuckingTastic Sat 12-Jul-14 02:46:17

I got belligerent and talks too much. Don't schoolteachers use the equivalent of a shit sandwich still? Good thing, bad thing, good thing? Or does it all have to be positive with decoding required?

dontcallmemam Sat 12-Jul-14 06:36:14

'DCMM's results in cookery (it was the 80s) have been down to good luck than good management'
It still stings.

dobedobedo Sat 12-Jul-14 06:43:46

Ahh it's all in code! This is a revelation to me. It explains why ds's report SEEMED so good in the comments part, but his C grade for effort and the fact he's behind in all his subjects bar reading had me perplexed!

everythingisonmurtaghlist Sat 12-Jul-14 07:57:59

My dd is too young for a school report - I remember one from my English teacher in 1st year of secondary "I thought I could talk and then I met everything" grin

but my favourite is one my cousin got in geography one year "x does well to find his way home" - maybe we're more direct in Scotland

CeliaBowen Sat 12-Jul-14 08:27:20

DD1 (5) is "sometimes abrupt with others" = bossy little wotsit?

PacificDogwood Sat 12-Jul-14 08:41:24

I think the relentless positivity of reports has backfired on me. Because now I look at a positive comment and wonder if they really meant it to be positive or whether there is a negative double meaning.

I totally agree with that statement.
I would much prefer proper praise and constructive criticism, but I fear (and know anecdotally from family and friends) that there are parents out there who will demand answers if Wee Jonny is not the Most Delightful and Clever Child Ever Taught, Ever hmm

When I left school I had no clue what to do with myself, but I knew I did not want to go in to teaching (like my dad). I am please to say that I was probably no loss to the teaching profession grin

thanks to all teachers - for their contributions here and for what they do every day. Enjoy your summer!

SquinkiesRule Sat 12-Jul-14 09:02:10

We got "Very knowledgeable and likes to share her knowledge with the rest of the class" equates to Mrs Know it all and likes to let everyone know it. blush

smellylittleorange Sat 12-Jul-14 09:13:49

What does it mean when they call DD "Quirky" confused surely that just means "a bit odd". DD reports are generally good "lovely manners" "pleasure to teach " etc but I am thankful for the fact that sometimes they do have a bit of brutal honesty i.e about her worrying and in the early years when she suffered a bit of separation anxiety from her Dad because she wanted to be at home with him playing Mario Cart

It is only primary school that has been this honest though infants was mystifying and always given out last day of term!!

swampytiggaa Sat 12-Jul-14 09:30:04

I got for dc4 'miss tiggaa was not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting this!'

Last year I got for dc3 'miss tiggaa is an angel sent down from heaven'

They are quite different obviously.

dc5 is 'stubborn'. Which we know.

I love our school. The affection for the children shines thru every conversation with them smile

bigpigsmum Sat 12-Jul-14 12:21:52

Ha, but perhaps proof reading before sending might be time well spent when they are the deliverers of education: Twice DS name was swapped for another word.

OutwiththeOutCrowd Sat 12-Jul-14 12:34:22

Talking of which, this made me smile - copied and pasted exactly from DS's report:

'The only times he slips to an A rather than an A* is when he does not check his work and allows small errors to slip thorough.'

edamsavestheday Sat 12-Jul-14 13:23:00

YY agree the demand for teachers to be endlessly positive instead of accurate has left parents mystified. Very unhelpful as they don't know where/how their children need to improve, so can't boot them up the backside gently but firmly encourage where required

Taffeta Sat 12-Jul-14 16:07:37

I have 2 very different children, I commented to a kindergarten teacher who had had them both a few years apart - (no teachers at the school have had both of them so was interested as she's the only one that has taught them both ) how different they both are ( different sexes, 3 years age gap ) and she said:

"Hmm. I don't know. They both, erm, know their own minds."

And yes, I know what this means. hmm

newlark Sat 12-Jul-14 16:16:20

Ds's (Yr R) captured him perfectly and showed just how well his teacher knows him - both the good and not so good! The words interesting and imaginative cropped up a few times. Dd's on the other hand (Yr 2) did have the feel in parts of being copied and pasted particularly in the different curriculum areas - x is confident at/able to/enjoys/is beginning to*...

*=Delete as applicable

ladydepp Sat 12-Jul-14 16:44:25

My favourite from a few years ago for DS1 from his music teacher:
"he is working hard to try and pitch his voice accurately"
Translation - he can't sing. No surprises there! grin

Other spot-on comments for littledepp:

"a real character" - oh yes
"struggles to maintain concentration" - definitely
"tendency to chat" - yup

My favourite from dd's report (she's 6): "She loves to entertain us with her anecdotes" - oh dear

Greengardenpixie Sat 12-Jul-14 21:14:53

Yeh, my favourite was my ds Steven when he was at secondary...
"Mark is excellent at..."

Thankfully, i thought it was quite funny!

Wafflenose Sat 12-Jul-14 21:16:26

Loving these!

I'm a teacher and there really is always something positive to say. But if a child is being disruptive, or not working hard enough, I will say so quite clearly.

My DC will get theirs next week. DD1's will be glowing (it appears that she can do no wrong at school, but she's a moody little mare at home sometimes). If there's any criticism, it'll be along the lines of telling her to lighted up a bit. DD2 will undoubtedly get imaginative, creative (good at making things but doesn't concentrate), independent (does her own thing and couldn't care less what anyone thinks), and probably a comment about how she needs to learn to control herself. Indeed she does.

Wafflenose Sat 12-Jul-14 21:19:10

*lighten

dementedma Sat 12-Jul-14 21:23:28

Dd2 is now 20 and we have a collection of school reports along the lines of:
Dementedchild is keen to contribute to class discussions
Contributes enthusiastically to debates
Enjoys group discussions
Has good verbal skills
Can be a little chatty
Etc
Etc
Which all meant that she couldn't shut the fuck up for more than 30 seconds!
She still can't but when I watch her take the mic as lead vocalist in her band and just rock a room full of people, I feel the girl is playing to her strengths!

FeministStar Sat 12-Jul-14 21:32:01

I loved this one 'X sometimes is engrossed in her lovely ideas' - in other words she daydreams?!

chicaguapa Sat 12-Jul-14 21:36:32

Enthusiastic always means a handful IMO.

DD is a square peg in a round hole and would be described as quirky. Her y6 report said the teacher admired her individuality. I didn't read any negativity in that tbh. I thought it was a lovely thing to say.

I remember one comment in my report along the lines of 'chicaguapa has done well to achieve this [very high] mark, it makes you wonder how well she'd do if she shut the fuck up talked less in class. grin

AgentDiNozzo Sat 12-Jul-14 21:42:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atticusclaw Sat 12-Jul-14 22:26:55

We had "DS2 is always happy to talk to adults if there is a problem" translates as DS2 is a big tell tale

EBDragon Sat 12-Jul-14 22:49:30

Brother once got "Trying" for Art.

Perfect report, & one which I occasionally use myself... grin

mateysmum Sat 12-Jul-14 22:52:02

The most memorable comment I ever received was from my art teacher.I freely admit I cannot draw a straight line! He wrote---

"matey works to the best of her ability"

I got 24 percent in the exam that year! grin

DS has had all the ones about being keen to answer questions = won't let anyone get a word in and thinks he is always right.

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 12-Jul-14 22:52:16

We had, "DS has an encyclopaedic knowledge which often comes in useful."
I suspect he is a bit of a know all with no qualms about correcting the teacher.

Nagasaki Sat 12-Jul-14 23:10:43

I am loving this thread, going to dig out DS' preschool report and decode it in the morning.

I nominate for Classics!

GoblinLittleOwl Sun 13-Jul-14 01:34:35

My favourite comment, for technology was 'has had experience of tools'. Nuff said, really.

Galaxymum Sun 13-Jul-14 02:29:41

My favourite from my own report was "Galaxy is an asset to the junior choir" - ie sings very loudly.

OwlCapone Sun 13-Jul-14 07:09:26

I think reports would be far duller if you didn't have to read between the lines.

PacificDogwood Sun 13-Jul-14 10:11:28

'has had experience of tools'

grin

What: DIY tools or eedjits?

RustyBear Sun 13-Jul-14 10:14:21

I have proof read all the reports at the junior school I work at for about 10 years, so well over 2,000 reports, and I know that if a teacher is going to make a typo it will inevitably be in a section where they say the pupil must learn to check their work...

Sparklyblue Sun 13-Jul-14 13:16:48

My daughter got, X's artwork is very interesting grin

ScrambledEggAndToast Sun 13-Jul-14 18:08:09

"Littlescrambled has been quite a character this year" aka extremely naughty. However, he did get two 5Cs and a 4a in his year 6 SATs so he isn't doing too badly academically (sorry had to get that boast in) grin

CalamitouslyWrong Sun 13-Jul-14 18:50:57

Rusty: of course that's where the typo will be. DS1's English teacher copied and pasted the same paragraph into his report twice. Of course it was the paragraph about accuracy and proof-reading. grin

Pollaidh Sun 13-Jul-14 21:47:21

My school PE report in the 90s said just:
"Poll's games kit is always neat and tidy."

I was useless at the usual school games (but much better at the sports I took up later in life).

BlueChampagne Sun 13-Jul-14 22:13:16

AgentDiNozzuro it's always good to feel you recognise the child in question!

kentishgirl Mon 14-Jul-14 01:07:16

For the first couple of years at secondary my PE report said

'Makes a good effort' = kentish is shit at all sports

After that it was
'participates but with little enthusiasm = kentish has realised she is shit at all sports, as have the rest of the class, who all have a go at her about it.

got loads of 'could achieve more' and 'would achieve more with better attendance' and 'pleasing exam result but would benefit from doing homework' = kentish is a lazy moo who skives off all the time and does bugger all work all year but annoyingly enough smashes the end of year exams so gets to stay in the top set and set my teeth on edge.

One teacher wrote 'the problem with kentish is she knows she will pass the exam without having to do all the work', to which me and my parents thought, fair enough, why do the work then?

inthename Mon 14-Jul-14 07:59:57

ds just got for cricket 'choses to take himself away from the actilon' (prefers sitting chatting than actually playing)
and for Spanish - 'valcitates between fantastic homework and no homework at all and should work on making a more effective contribution in class' (yes, hes another one who does nothing all year and smashes the end of year exams and gets to set the teachers teeth on edge for another year!)

bibliomania Mon 14-Jul-14 09:23:01

My favourite comment from dd's report: "[dd] is very proud of her duel heritage". The teacher was clearly going for dual, but given an unfortunate history of conflict between dd's father and me (well known to the school), "duel" is far more apt. I shall adopt this in future.

OublietteBravo Mon 14-Jul-14 13:05:14

My best was:

"Oubliette does no work. She will get an A."

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