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He has eaten a fat ball

(304 Posts)
ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:09:13

And complained to me that it was a bit greasy.

Sigh

the fuckwit has eaten the fatballs made by the children in a park last week and left in the fridge to solidify.

I have no idea what culinary delight he thought they were supposed to be.

I wouldn't mind but he was there when they made them!

BrokenToeOuch Thu 06-Mar-14 00:10:54

grin
Hahaha, hilarious! What a greedy bastard pillock!

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:11:36

How ill will he be.

Raw lard and seeds fondled by many children and kept in a fridge for a week.

He'll be fine. ( crosses fingers)

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:11:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:13:58

Because there was football on the telly I nipped to a mates few accidental Vinos and home.

He thought I had left them for snacks.

I don't know what to do.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 06-Mar-14 00:13:59

"A bit greasy".

ICK.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:14:37

Watching brief I think.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 06-Mar-14 00:14:43

You don't know what to do? Why do you have to do anything except maybe steer clear of the bathroom ?

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:15:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:15:31

I was thinking stomach pump.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:16:35

He is 48 years old ffs.

Stuff like this isn't in marriage guidance leaflets

HellomynameisIcklePickle Thu 06-Mar-14 00:17:46

I thought you were going to say the dog! That is revolting grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:18:44

When you think about it my cooking must be shite

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:20:41

Hahahahahahahahaha grin

"a bit greasy" <wheeeeezes>

MrsCakesPremonition Thu 06-Mar-14 00:21:04

How many bites in a fat ball? How many times did he think "hmm greasy yet crunchy, let me have another bite"?

PatFenis Thu 06-Mar-14 00:21:52

Tell him it was falafel and let him sleep happy grin

BrokenToeOuch Thu 06-Mar-14 00:22:20

He thought I had left them for snacks.

Stop it, DP is sleeping and rolled over to shhhhhh me!
I don't think he'll be ill at all, but may have a few emergency shits tomorrow grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:23:56

My next quandary is I want to go to bed now. Do I sleep in matrimonial bed and risk it or spare bed and leave him to whatever occurs?

I have meetings in the morning in a professional office with professional people who don't have fuckwits as dh's

CommunistLegoBloc Thu 06-Mar-14 00:24:29

This, and subsequent updates, are some of the funniest things I have ever read.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:24:59

Spare bed if he's already asleep in yours. That's gonna be some Dutch oven tonight!

MrsCakesPremonition Thu 06-Mar-14 00:26:10

I'd leave him a bucket, put an unfolded bin bag under the sheet and retire to the tranquility of the spare room.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:26:36

Mrs cakes they had string through the middle of them to gang them up.

What fucking recipe starts with string as an ingredient.

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:26:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:27:51

He is a great tit <baboom-tish>

[bird joke]

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:28:36

Undies? He'll need to tuck his long johns into his socks...

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:28:38

Right spare bed it is.

I can hear him coughing upstairs.

I still can't get over the stupidity of it.
Fatballs for gods sake.

K8Middleton Thu 06-Mar-14 00:30:48

So... will you be making them again? Perhaps post the recipe as they are so delicious? wink

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:30:57

Oh I think he needs double bagging tonight. Undies and pjs.

I still can't comprehend how he managed it.

The sunflower seeds confused him.

Ffs

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:32:29

K8middleton

A Great tit if there ever was one.

fortifiedwithtea Thu 06-Mar-14 00:33:59

Haha grin let us know if he starts nest building

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 00:36:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:36:45

K8middleton

A Great tit if there ever was one.

ADishBestEatenCold Thu 06-Mar-14 00:41:58

Brilliant!!!

MrsCakesPremonition Thu 06-Mar-14 00:45:40

grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 00:51:02

Well a small victory small child has appeared in the main bed so old peckerhead is in sparebed. The only downside is that I have to sleep on his side of the bed.
Which doesn't smell right.

No anal leakage so far.

He is snoring. Must be effects of whiskey drunk whilst watching the match.

Let's hope the alcohol has killed any bacteria.

Lard is rendered pig fat isn't it. So it must have had some heat processing. I think I am clutching at straws

silverten Thu 06-Mar-14 00:55:24

Hahaha!

Straight to Classics I think....

ballsballsballs Thu 06-Mar-14 00:56:40

PMSL at 'a bit greasy'. grin

BelleOfTheBorstal Thu 06-Mar-14 01:02:31

He was with you when you made them? Oh dear god!
grin

musicposy Thu 06-Mar-14 01:07:24

Please stop, I have tears of laughter streaming down my face and I'm going to wake the rest of the household!
DH has eaten dog biscuits before (I suspect less accidentally than he makes out) but fat balls!
I'm so tempted to make some now and leave them out.....

toomanyeasterbunnies Thu 06-Mar-14 01:07:25

I'm failing miserably at trying not to laugh too loudly! grin

musicposy Thu 06-Mar-14 01:12:37

You could give him those charcoal dog biscuits that soak up fat and stop dogs farting; I reckon that would help.
No need to tell him what they are - just present them as breakfast biscuits. He'll be well away.

GoldfishCrackers Thu 06-Mar-14 01:14:02

Stop it! No matter how much I try to stifle the laughter I'm making the whole bed shake and am going to wake the whole house if I'm not careful.

Butterandnutellaplease Thu 06-Mar-14 01:14:53

Do you think he pulled the string through his teeth to get the last little fatty morsels off or did he just chuck that down his gullet too?shock

recall Thu 06-Mar-14 01:23:48

I can't believe he ate them even though they were strung together gringringrin very very funny

Bumpiemalumpie Thu 06-Mar-14 01:27:15

oh god, woke the new born with my stifled laugh not the snoring DH!!!

DrewsWife Thu 06-Mar-14 01:31:05

I'm laughing hard internally. I'm desperate to laugh out loud! grin

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 06-Mar-14 01:33:45

OMG! grin grin grin
That sounds like something dp would do! Men!!!

Patilla Thu 06-Mar-14 01:51:44

Oh this is hilarious. I'm sat here holding a baby who has not long been sick and whose tummy is still making odd gurgling noises.

This has cheered me up thank you.

CalmaLlamaDown Thu 06-Mar-14 02:32:31

I'm on a night shift and it made me laugh too, and there's not too many laughs around here at the moment I'm telling you.

Did his mates eat them too? They won't be allowed to come to your house no more.

NoArmaniNoPunani Thu 06-Mar-14 03:02:09

I've never heard of a fat ball, it sounds vile.

Hopefully the lardy poo will wait until he's in the work toilet

Morloth Thu 06-Mar-14 03:11:38

My DH would totally eat a fat ball if it was sitting the fridge.

He would probably also then tell me they were nice.

Riddo Thu 06-Mar-14 03:49:15

I'm weeping with laughter, fortunately already in spare room to escape DH's snores.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 06-Mar-14 04:05:32

NoArmani, fatballs are generally made to feed wild birds. You aggregate leftover fats (eg, from the grillpan) with bought seeds, shape into balls, add a string so you can hang it... Very Blue Peter. There are arguments that fatballs can kinda "glue" a bird's mouth, but I'm not sufficiently familiar with them to reiterate.

Fatballs are never intended for human consumption. grin

Ubik1 Thu 06-Mar-14 04:06:42

Am also on nightshift and am sniggering away...

ipswichwitch Thu 06-Mar-14 04:16:41

Laughing so hard I snorted and woke the baby!
So he took a bite, thought "hmm these are very greasy" and just carried on eating anyway?!?!?!?? What the hell did he think the string was for? confused (tell me he ate that too grin)

technosausage Thu 06-Mar-14 05:29:19

grin

ManifestoMT Thu 06-Mar-14 07:17:29

Update is he is fine.

Not a bother on him.

He must have the Constitution of a donkey!

A very very stupid donkey.

I will ask him what he thought the string was for and amaze you with his reply when we have sorted the morning out.

Sparklingbrook Thu 06-Mar-14 07:21:15

NoArmani here you go. Yum. shock The shop bought ones smell so awful they make me heave.

MyGastIsFlabbered Thu 06-Mar-14 07:21:28

Shamelessly marking place for strong explanation grin

Sparklingbrook Thu 06-Mar-14 07:21:54

OMG he didn't eat the string did he Manifesto?

Bearandcub Thu 06-Mar-14 07:26:53

Oh my, this has made my day. Just read thread and had more anticipation than with the last whodunit I read!

Thank you Manifesto's Great Tit grin

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Thu 06-Mar-14 07:27:47

marking place yo find out if the string was consumed grin this I'd brilliant!

IceNoSlice Thu 06-Mar-14 07:28:35

What a tit! grin

GerundTheBehemoth Thu 06-Mar-14 07:31:54

Maybe today he'd like a bowl of mealworms :D

NymodigFruOla Thu 06-Mar-14 07:33:59

Fatballs washed down with whiskey shock?
Words fail me grin

SomethingAboutNothing Thu 06-Mar-14 07:35:28

Brilliant grin

headlesslambrini Thu 06-Mar-14 07:36:55

I need to hear about the string as well

Sparklingbrook Thu 06-Mar-14 07:37:55

When's his birthday you could stick some candles in this

diddl Thu 06-Mar-14 07:38:22

OMG!

I';d have to LTB!

CambridgeBlue Thu 06-Mar-14 07:38:40

I have to know what he thought the string was for! Thanks OP (and OP's dozy DH), you have really cheered up my morning smile

TheCunkOfPhilomena Thu 06-Mar-14 07:39:30

PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh what a great tit indeed! grin

KaFayOLay Thu 06-Mar-14 07:47:24

Hilarious!
Just imagine going in for a smooch after that shock

magicalmrmistoffelees Thu 06-Mar-14 07:52:12

Reading this thread has brightened my day after being up since 2am with a teething, snotty baby! Thank you

Northernlurker Thu 06-Mar-14 07:53:11

I can see why we have all flocked to this thread. I fear you are not out of the nesting box yet OP. Your dh may yet come home to roost unwell and have to perch for some time in the bathroom.

MissMalonex2 Thu 06-Mar-14 07:55:56

Reading this in train to work, snorting and in tears. shock Think there will be more to this story - not enough time for the fatball to have worked his way through his system yet

MothershipG Thu 06-Mar-14 07:55:58

This made me shake with laughter so much the dog trying to sleep on my lap is giving me filthy looks! grin

It really needs to be in classics.

Termagant Thu 06-Mar-14 08:16:11

This Is Just to Say

I have eaten
the fat balls
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for the birds

Forgive me
they were weird
so nutty
and so greasy.

Apologies to wcw!

Catsmamma Thu 06-Mar-14 08:18:18

what a ninny!

and yes...i need a string update.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem Thu 06-Mar-14 08:19:28

I'm sorry, but I'm having a damned good chuckle at this!

Bluestocking Thu 06-Mar-14 08:21:39

Is he preening himself? Does he regard this as a feather in his cap? He should be treading on eggshells after that performance. Try him on a chorus of The Birdy Song. etc etc.

GerundTheBehemoth Thu 06-Mar-14 08:23:54

OldLady, you shouldn't use grill pan/roasting tin scrapings or other cooked soft fats in fatballs, they can damage birds' plumage, and are often also salty - garden birds can't really tolerate salt. Lard/suet all the way for the birds.

Grill pan scrapings are fine for husbands and partners though smile

ohfourfoxache Thu 06-Mar-14 08:26:34

Oh dear op, what have you married?

Keep a close eye on your dc - just in case they have inherited the fat loving genes.....!

Grumpla Thu 06-Mar-14 08:39:43

Oh Termagent! gringringrin

KurriKurri Thu 06-Mar-14 08:42:20

gringrinat this thread.

My dog ate a fat ball once (her excuse = she's a dog). The resulting diarrhoea had to be seen to be believed, and (sorry to those eating breakfast) because it was so greasy it shot out of her like a bullet from a gun grin

ErrolTheDragon Thu 06-Mar-14 08:45:02

I thought it was going to be a toddler at the 'put everything in my mouth' stage... not a fully grown man.

Lard needs quite a bit of heat to render it out of the meat so it's sure to have been well cooked. And fat balls don't make wildlife sick so your DH may escape unscathed.

My neighbour puts fat balls out for the birds - a squirrel keeps stealing them and eats them sat on the fencepost, and once I saw it burying one in our lawn. Its a fat, happy squirrel.

Silverfoxballs Thu 06-Mar-14 08:46:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NymodigFruOla Thu 06-Mar-14 08:53:57

<arf> at 'snack on a rope' grin

Cocolepew Thu 06-Mar-14 08:54:58

grin

Moodykat Thu 06-Mar-14 08:55:12

This is literally the best thing I have read in days! Was feeling really shitty this morning and reading about your massive tit has made me feel much better! Thanks!

bigTillyMint Thu 06-Mar-14 08:56:01

<bleurgh>

Did it have nuts and stuff in the fat?

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Thu 06-Mar-14 08:57:28

Fantastic reworking of the William Carlos Williams poem!

AryaOfHouseSnark Thu 06-Mar-14 09:05:00

I noticed this in active convos yesterday and presumed it was about a toddler or a dog. I was shock when I saw that a grown man ate them.
Greasy ?
Confused about the seeds ?
I have to know about the string.

Strawdolly Thu 06-Mar-14 09:06:25

Classic grin

AtYourCervix Thu 06-Mar-14 09:07:09

shock

lucysmam Thu 06-Mar-14 09:07:59

Can always rely on MN to brighten up the boring bus ride to town grin grin

PumpkinsMummy Thu 06-Mar-14 09:10:00

shamelessly place marking to enjoy the tale of the result once it has worked thru his digestive system. Your poor DH, I wonder if he knows how much joy he has brought to so many MNers. Maybe you could remind him when he's shitting out his lungs?!

kotinka Thu 06-Mar-14 09:10:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Thu 06-Mar-14 09:13:25

Why were they in the fridge? A trap for the unwary indeed.

traininthedistance Thu 06-Mar-14 09:14:28

Fab Termagant grin

This thread should be in Classics!

OnceUponAThyme Thu 06-Mar-14 09:16:39

there is no emoticon that will express my mirth!
I need to know what he thought of the string in them grin

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