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Things you never hear a toddler say

(320 Posts)
Kasterborous Sat 22-Feb-14 16:44:54

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

WaxingGibbon Sat 22-Feb-14 17:05:59

You're absolutely right mummy. I have had enough television for today.

It's no problem at all I am more than happy to wait for my sister to finish playing with the doll and then it can be my turn

Mercedes519 Sat 22-Feb-14 17:06:29

No you're right mummy, jam doesn't go with cheese and absolutely I agree it would be a waste of food if I insisted on having a jam and cheese sandwich and then didn't like it.

lunch. Sigh

WaxingGibbon Sat 22-Feb-14 17:10:00

I've had a lovely time but it's getting late and I think it's time for the play date to finish now. I will see my friend again soon. Thank you for having me. Good bye!

Kasterborous Sat 22-Feb-14 17:12:15

'Of course you can go for a wee in peace'

'Yes I will come and put my clothes on and not run around naked and wee on the carpet'

'Yes I will stop throwing myself all over you and the sofa while you try and drink a cup of tea'

'If you don't take my trike I promise to walk all of the five minutes to the park and back and you won't have to carry me at any point'

WaxingGibbon Sat 22-Feb-14 17:12:27

Ok I'll just sit quietly in the trolley while we go round tesco

ZenNudist Sat 22-Feb-14 17:17:57

Now that you mention it I do need a wee, I'll just stop what I'm doing and go now.

Chocolate? No thanks.

Thanks for letting me play on the iPad. I'll put it down nicely and not kick off unholy hell at being told I've had enough.

TaraLott Sat 22-Feb-14 17:18:57


ScooseIsLoose Sat 22-Feb-14 17:25:01

I quite fancy a lie in tomorrow and you look like you could do with the rest mummy.
I would much rather have water than juice thank you
can I have some fruit for pudding please?

WaxingGibbon Sat 22-Feb-14 17:25:49

Get back into bed, you say? Yes of course. Good night!

HandMini Sat 22-Feb-14 17:26:51

I can see you've spent time and money preparing a nutritious meal for me. I'll definitely give that a try.

fryingpantoface Sat 22-Feb-14 17:30:24

Being fair, ds1 left his piece of cake with lunch.

now he's saying "please-@ a mum, have some cake?".

so adding "no i won't turn down food and then hours later ask for the exact same food"

SleepPleaseSleep Sat 22-Feb-14 17:41:21

Laughing out loud here.

How about, 'oh the car moves does it? Better not climb on that then. After all, I've only fallen off it half a dozen times today alone'

SleepPleaseSleep Sat 22-Feb-14 17:47:58

'You know what, you're right. Trying to eat stones from the driveways is really silly. And eating sand? Horrible tasting and I can't get the grittiness out, I won't do that again. And again. And again.'

And additional - 'my dinner really would be better than any of this'

OtherBarry Sat 22-Feb-14 17:50:58

It's ok mum I know what you're doing because you just told me, I don't need to ask you over and over again every 5 seconds. And please don't make me porridge no matter how much I beg for it as I don't even like it really.

SleepPleaseSleep Sat 22-Feb-14 17:51:12

'You're right, I really don't think my winky [penis] will fall off after all if I let go of it'

addictedtosugar Sat 22-Feb-14 17:53:32

See, mine would ask for fruit over nearly anything else (perhaps thats how bad my cooking is grin.)

But, "yes Mummy, I understand that just because my big brother can manage something doesn't mean I can because my legs are smaller than his."

poopooheadwillyfatface Sat 22-Feb-14 17:57:30

I don't want to know why.

of course my favourite trousers I liked a year ago don't fit me any more

It's cold today so I don't think I should wear shorts and a thin t shirt

no, I don't like eating stale duck bread.

yes I think an early night would do me good

Ledare Sat 22-Feb-14 17:59:49

Time to leave soft play? Okay, shoes on!

Contemplates Sat 22-Feb-14 18:01:29

Please can I have vegetables?

PotsofGold Sat 22-Feb-14 18:01:46

I'll play with this toy and my brother can play with that one.

Lets hold hands, we are next to a busy road.

Shall we stay inside all day? Its very bad weather out there.

Wasting food is bad. I would never throw my food onto the floor.

Contemplates Sat 22-Feb-14 18:03:59

You have to go food shopping? Oh good! Can I come with you?

vladthedisorganised Sat 22-Feb-14 18:07:16

I can see that time is of the essence, so I'll be sure to get dressed and get my coat on extra-quickly today.

There's only so much CBeebies one person can stand, I agree.

I probably do need my hair washed, yes.

GroupieGirl Sat 22-Feb-14 18:09:46

Nah, I've already seen this episode of Doc McStuffins, let's turn the telly off.

You're right, I am singing the alphabet song in the wrong order!

I see you've just hoovered the floor, thus I have made every effort to keep my rice on the plate.

educatingarti Sat 22-Feb-14 18:09:58

"This toy doesn't belong to me so of course I will give it back to its owner!"

MrsBearWasTired Sat 22-Feb-14 18:17:13

Here you go dsis, why don't you have a turn oh and here- have some of my chocolate as well.

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