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Things you never hear a toddler say

(320 Posts)
Kasterborous Sat 22-Feb-14 16:44:54

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

HoratiaDrelincourt Sat 22-Feb-14 16:46:26

A nap? What a splendid idea. Now you come to mention it, I am tired, yes.

Mercedes519 Sat 22-Feb-14 16:46:28

"Yes of course I washed my hands after going to the toilet"

MotherOfDragon Sat 22-Feb-14 16:47:41

Bedtime? Why what a fabulous idea.

You're right mum I do needn't hair washed and I won't complain about imaginary water in my eyes

Mercedes519 Sat 22-Feb-14 16:48:39

"No of course I haven't just put my finger up my bum"

prompted by current events

MrsBearWasTired Sat 22-Feb-14 16:49:14

I think I will try for a wee before we leave the house as it would be a hassle if I suddenly needed one when we are on the motorway.

Contemplates Sat 22-Feb-14 16:50:32

Bedtime? Yes I want to, I'm feeling very tired.

Dinner time? Oh thanks Mummy, that looks delicious!

Get dressed now? Yes of course smile

Where are my shoes? Don't worry mummy I've got them just here and I'm putting them on RIGHT NOW.

Marrow Sat 22-Feb-14 16:50:42

It's very cold today. I think I should wear my mittens to keep my hands warm.

LaTrucha Sat 22-Feb-14 16:50:55

'Gosh mummy! Aren't your organisational skills impressive?

BikeRunSki Sat 22-Feb-14 16:51:22

Absolutely put my juice in a soppy cup. I am just a bit too young to drink it out of an open cup without spilling like my big brother.

BikeRunSki Sat 22-Feb-14 16:51:45

Sippy cup!

What puddle? Oh that one over there? Naah I think I'd rather stay dry, thanks.

Mud? Best not. This is a new coat.

I don't think I could manage pudding, thanks.

Marrow Sat 22-Feb-14 16:52:51

After reading some replies I should say that my DS does ask to go for naps and to bed straight after tea. It seems this is unusual!

GertyD Sat 22-Feb-14 16:53:47

I will sit here nicely and let you tidy up properly, and prepare dinner for everyone. I heard that some toddlers draw on the walls, empty drawers, secretly spit down the back of the sofa and empty toy boxes as soon as their Mummy's are not looking. Amazing!

MissOtisRegretsMadam Sat 22-Feb-14 16:53:51


Sid77 Sat 22-Feb-14 16:53:56

You're right, I will tidy my lego so that you don't kneel on a bit and then cry. Again.

PeazlyPops Sat 22-Feb-14 16:54:11

Yes of course I can wait a moment mummy.

Dangerous, you say? I'd better not touch it then.

I'd tired of hide and seek now, let's sit quietly for a while.

BeckAndCall Sat 22-Feb-14 16:55:08

Don't worry, mum, take your time, I can wait a minute.

Ledare Sat 22-Feb-14 16:57:57

"I absolutely DO LIKE x,y,z..."

CanIBeElectricToo Sat 22-Feb-14 16:58:28

Its ok mummy, you sit down for 5 minutes. I promise I wont draw on the walls, feed the dog sudocreme or do a head first somersault off the sofa.

EatShitDerek Sat 22-Feb-14 16:59:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinjaCow Sat 22-Feb-14 17:00:00

Ooh, not having everything completely separate on the plate? Go ahead. I'll eat it anyway as it will taste just the same.

fryingpantoface Sat 22-Feb-14 17:01:09

"no thanks i don't want a cake"

"I'll wait patiently while you sort out the baby"

Kasterborous Sat 22-Feb-14 17:04:23

'Yes I agree the food on your plate is EXACTLY the same as on my plate. So I will eat my own food instead of all yours'

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