Please could you state one thing that your mother did with you that you will do/already do with your DD?(196 Posts)
I grew up without a mother so I feel like I have a giant gap where I haven't experienced a mother-daughter relationship.
As the mother of a daughter I now want to make sure I do all the things with DD that my mother might have done with me.
I would be grateful for suggestions based on your own positive experiences. What did your mother teach you about life, relationships, being a woman (and all the rest)?
I have a DS so don't know if I'm allowed to comment , but I cook and bake with DS as my mum did with me.
He's almost 3, but he's allowed to stir bowls, lick spoons and generally help out
actually it's more hindering but still!
Hopefully he'll have good memories of this, and leave home able to fend for himself.
Tell her I love her more than once a day.
All comments welcome Doris
It's just having a daughter now that makes it feel so much more pertinent.
sing with her. Music is a good source of enjoyment and comfort for your whole life I think...
She taught me to play the violin, practised with me almost every day. She took me sledding whenever it snowed; she would lie on her stomach with me on top of her, and we went really fast!
You sound like a wonderful mother, the fact you've thought about what you should do means you'll do a fantastic job,
I second doris baking suggestion. My mum baked with me, and I bake with DD and DS.
Also playing with them, getting down on the floor and joining in, going to places unexpectedly (nowhere expensive, a trip to the park works just as well when they're little) and having some special rituals (mine was ravioli and yogurt for lunch every Thursday, for my twins we've started a Friday after school film evening, with popcorn etc).
we used to get to stay up late with popcorn and pyjamas on to watch musicals when they came on telly. I still love The Sound of Music and Wizard of Oz. Then we would sing the songs on long car journeys at the top of our lungs. Great fun!
Cooking, jumping in puddles, skipping everywhere, trips to museums, but mostly importantly told me I could be anything I wanted to be and go wherever life took me.
She would let me "do her makeup for her" obviously when she knew nobody would call round to see the disaster i had created, but i think thats were my love of beauty stuff came from and explains the 3 massive baskets of bottles in the bathroom.
Talk to her and be "open" with her.
Nothing beats mummycuddles for me. At 30, there is still nothing that beats a mummycuddle despite the fact that I am now taller than my DM. A big, warm all embracing cuddle, no matter what makes you feel safe and loved and secure. Now I think that DM enjoys them as much as I do and comes over for a Ribenacuddle too!
She answered all my questions, and took them seriously. She went to the dictionary, encyclopaedia, reference books etc (pre internet days, obvs!). I think what I am trying to say is that she valued my curiosity.
And baking too!
theincidental think youve hit the nail on the head there, the strongest memories of my mum are when she has said something lovely to me.
Tell your daughter your proud of her, how much you love her and how wonderful she is to you.
p.s. you sound like a fab mum
Having bird feeders in the back garden and watching the blue tits and calling us to see when a robin came to visit.
My mother did NOTHING with me.
It was my dad who took me to the park, read to me, engaged with me.
She died when I was 22,and 30 years later I can barely remember her.
She was a very shadowy figure.
So with my dd I tell her how lovely she is (my mum called me plain and said I would never marry), I spend time with her, I listen to her.
It's not that my mum was a horrible person...she was just quite emotionless.
Reading to me/with me
Never talking about her weight or looks or commenting negatively on body image and never dieting. I feel mercifully free of negative body image issues that many women struggle with and I am convinced it is because my mum never ever allowed them any importance in our house.
I don't think we had any particular rituals but again, I'm pleased she taught me how to cook, and I have always baked better than her
fondly remembers my microwaved bday cake which was a burnt to a cinder block of charcoal that was banished to the garden!!
But I always appreciate everything she did, making me feel loved, and making me believe I could be anything I wanted to be.
Have fun and make your own "rituals"
Yep, baking here for me too. We used to make fairy cakes and I was always allowed to lick to bowl and spoons.
My mum was/is very creative and we used to paint stones together and varnish them - hers had beautiful pictures of animals on. Mine were genuinely coloured dots and splodges. We also walked the dogs for a good hour and she let me talk and talk about everything and anything - that was hugely helpful as I got older and obsessed about boys !!!!
I think the important thing is to keep it true to yourself. If you hate baking or makeup don't feel like you "need" to do these things to have a mother/daughter relationship. Build it on what you like to do as a person - you can do anything you like with her, the important part is that she feels special enough for you to share that with her.
I used to sing while my mum played the guitar, we used to watch comedy films together and sometimes girly films, a favourite was "Practical Magic", that was fun.
We always had animals and she encouraged us to love and care for them, so spent time with the cats/guinea pigs/rabbits.
We liked to go on walks in the countryside, in the woods and by the beach when we went to visit my grandparents.
As an adult we now bond over the occaisonal cigarette probably not one you want to pass on!
Quod makes a good point too, although we had scales in our house I never once heard my mum comment negatively on her body or weight or go on a diet and although she took pride in doing her hair and makeup she never made me feel like I needed them. I too have never felt any negative body pressure and I feel extremely grateful for that.
She used to come and speak to us before we went to bed every night until we were quite old - I remember having a bedtime kiss and cuddle and being the same height as her. We used to do our own teeth, PJs etc but she'd always come to tuck us in.
I'm in a similar position as you, no mother figure, so I made it up as I went along.
Set the alarm clock 15 mins early and bring her into bed first a morning cuddle, best way to start the day.
Dance in the kitchen.....somehow the kitchen makes it frivoulous
Chat to her about her opinions
Read every night together so that no matter what else happens she starts and ends the day with a cuddle
Going out very very early in the morning just the two of us to see what we could find- spider webs, fairy rings, mushrooms- then coming back still before anyone else in the house was awake and having tea and toast.
Not my (abusive) mother but my grandmother ( hope that is OK ).......
Learning how to cook by being with her in the kitchen so much, sitting on the counter from a very young age and helping to sift, stir, roll and chop. Being allowed to control the whole process for a recipe as soon as I was able...rather than just being given the simple assistance jobs.
Singing in the car. Always. And there being a song for everything .....often with the words changed to fit some irrelevancy at the time. ( I did this with my own, and now smile as I hear DDs singing nonsense snippets to their children )
Talking at bedtime - always, when I was tucked in, we would spend 5 minutes talking about the nicest thing which had happened in the day.
The occasional times when we 'broke the rules' and she treated it as though she was also being 'naughty' - staying up long past bedtime to watch a film, putting our feet up on the sofa together, and eating too many chocolates. She made those times into small adventures in which we were a partnership against the world.
Sitting under the table with me to eat dolls picnics - leading on to sitting in my bedroom teaching me how to apply make-up and curl my hair, as I grew older. She came down to my level, to interact.
She was also the strictest person I knew - about table manners, courtesy, speech, deportment, education and personal grooming.
It never mattered that she told me off, because I absolutely knew she was on still my side.
This may be controversial, but very once in awhile, my mum would pull me out of school to have a day with just me. I got to pick the activity. She did the same for my sister.
There are tons of things my mum did that I shake my head at now, but when my mum was working fulltime and my parents separated, those days were invaluable to us.
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