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I think my neighbours have stolen my towel

(132 Posts)
DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 21:05:19

Things have been going missing from our washing line for a while. I think. There are gaps on the washing line sometimes when I go to bring my washing in but I can never remember what I've hung up so I just assume that I've just left a gap by accident.

DP has just gone to bring in our washing which consisted of a whole load of baby clothes and one towel. That's all. It was DP's favourite towel, a great big brown affair (sad, I know). It was definitely hung up but has now mysteriously disappeared from the line.

The line is shared by 4 flats (us included). I'm pretty sure it was one of our neighbours as it's an enclosed garden with no access from outside and a security door, but how the hell do I go about getting it back?!

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 22:39:08

Point taken MsVestibule grin

MagzFarqharson Sat 14-Sep-13 22:43:01

Oooo MsVes sperm flakes? yum

DameDeepRedBetty Sat 14-Sep-13 22:44:12

MrsVestibule one washes them as often is necessary I imagine <prim face while struggling to control herself>

Baby wipes just tend to spread it about I find, something a bit more absorbent is the way ahead.

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 22:44:53

DP did have a jizz rag before we got together. <heave>

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 22:45:31

Might just be us but we don't seem to make that much mess! We've never required a towel before...!

MagzFarqharson Sat 14-Sep-13 22:46:16

jizz rag? what's wrong with socks anymore?

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 22:47:29

A spider once fell out of a sock he had been using, squished to death by DP's cock. He's never used one since. He literally fucked a spider to death.

MagzFarqharson Sat 14-Sep-13 22:49:46

Ewww, spider abuse.

Plus, if you're not making a mess, he's not coming which means he's clearly getting his fulfillment elsewhere.

Sorry, but LTB

DameDeepRedBetty Sat 14-Sep-13 22:50:19

grin Daley.

DP is beginning to wonder why I'm having difficulty staying on the sofa due to laughing too much. Not sure I can find words to explain this one.

MsVestibule Sat 14-Sep-13 22:51:28

shock shock shock

The things you read about on MN.

TribbleWithoutACause Sat 14-Sep-13 22:51:50

Poor Spid, we knew him well.
Life always dealt him the hard sell.
Couldn't cope, so off he hid.
Only to have death by jizz.

MsVestibule Sat 14-Sep-13 22:55:00

Ah, but what a way to go, Tribble!

So, Daley, at what point in your relationship did your DH tell you about his jizz rag? Did it only strengthen your feelings towards him?

MajesticWhine Sat 14-Sep-13 22:57:07

Very informative thread. As for the use of sex towels, what's wrong with a bit of loo roll?

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 22:58:40

Tribble gringringrin

I found it MsVestibule grin I was 14 when we got together and I found it under his computer table. [heave again]

Can't help you there Dame, sorry! grin

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 22:59:25

Also, Magz, he is coming. I can assure you. Currently pregnant with his spawn grin

NishiNoUsagi Sat 14-Sep-13 23:06:59

Oh god, of all the threads to read while I was brushing my teeth..
"Literally fucked a spider to death" made me snort toothpaste out through my nose whilst simultaneously sucking it into my lungs and choke-laughing like a seal.

As if that wasn't bad enough, for my first lesson on Monday morning I have to teach adverbs, including "literally". I will try to be professional, but as I give an example of the use of "literally", no doubt literally all I will see will be the face of the poor spider as it is vigorously and thoughtlessly shagged out of existence. When my students ask why I am curled up in a ball on the floor gibbering and laughing, I will blame you, Daley's DH..


MagzFarqharson Sat 14-Sep-13 23:09:23

Aw congrats Dales.

Only from personal experience - no come, no t much mess, but then I always prefer a lot of mess grin

Sex towels are the best

NishiNoUsagi Sat 14-Sep-13 23:10:22

Although I quite like it as measure of horniness..

"not really bothered."

"would quite like some."

"am quite randy."

"would literally fuck a spider to death."

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 23:10:47

Oh god <snort> DP asked me what I was laughing at and obviously I couldn't just say "remember that time you fucked a spider to death?" because he would know he's being talked about and I was sworn to secrecy grin

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 23:11:50

Cheers Magz! Sometimes I wish he wouldn't come, means I have to spend ages cleaning myself up <grumble grumble> wink

SelectAUserName Sat 14-Sep-13 23:16:15

Towel theft, stealth hamsters, crispy sex towels and spider snuff porn. Truly, this is the thread that just keeps on giving.

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 23:17:45

You missed the bit about the scintillating conversation about my washing machine.

MagzFarqharson Sat 14-Sep-13 23:18:33

Loving you being sworn to secrecy! Well it's only the worldwideweb.

Oh another spider reference. Where's me Tena's?

(Still secretly waiting for flashing squirrel pic)

SelectAUserName Sat 14-Sep-13 23:19:02

What makes you think the omission* was accidental? grin

*As opposed to the emission, hem hem...

DaleyBump Sat 14-Sep-13 23:22:23

I'll work on the squirrel pic, bear with me grin

I see what you did there Select wink

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