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Gaahhh, can you sew up a belly button?

(133 Posts)
TotallyBursar Sat 15-Jun-13 22:15:54

Or maybe stuff a cork in it or something?

I shifted some garden waste earlier and I was annoyed but not worried by a very itchy waistband.
I had tree bits everywhere but we were burning it all & would only get more scratchy bits on me so I left it. This was my first mistake.

I got in the bath and my belly button was still stabby and itchy, so I armed my self with tweezers to try and get a splinter out.

It was not a splinter.
It was a fecking huge bug of unknown species, at least dog sized, probably carnivorous. I would be prepared to swear I saw fangs.

It obviously saw my weaponry and made a dash for it...down my leg <shuddering at the memory>
It's gone now but I don't know where...I can feel it watching me. It could swim, nowhere is safe.

What if waits unti I'm asleep and tries to eat my face? What if it liked my belly button and decides to get back in ?


<considers putting ant poison in umbilical horror show. Who knew it was that cavernous? I'll probly need a whole bottle sad >

coughingbean Mon 17-Jun-13 17:49:36

Feck it!
ok am gonna type slowly now
o o o o o Classics

coughingbean Mon 17-Jun-13 17:48:38

I mean o Oooooclassics

coughingbean Mon 17-Jun-13 17:48:19

Oooooclassics! huzzah!

Patosshades Mon 17-Jun-13 00:37:22

I can only offer flowers to you OP before I flee from this thread.

WafflyVersatile Mon 17-Jun-13 00:36:41

scritch scritch.

ScrambledSmegs Mon 17-Jun-13 00:25:50

There's something about this thread that makes me feel horrifically itchy.


GinGuzzler Mon 17-Jun-13 00:12:20

Im still laughing at check your pubes for eyeballs...

TotallyBursar Mon 17-Jun-13 00:02:17

Oh! Well then, I suppose it's totally worth 48 hours of horror for a thread in classics.

There are ants now.
I'm wondering if there's a Harry Potter/Aragog thing going on. It would explain a lot but would mean there is a house sized something somewhere.

I'm starting to think it's so quiet because it's gone <hopeful> the ants are just a coincidence.

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 23:13:52

when she's entombed in that giant spider web in the loft, hands bound, only her nose and mouth left clear for food and air?

cocolepew Sun 16-Jun-13 22:41:56

Moved to classics. It's so we will remember you, you know when you're <whispers> gone. To the lair.

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 22:37:48

oh, you've been moved to classics! flowers

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 22:36:58

What's that scritching noise?

TotallyBursar Sun 16-Jun-13 22:35:29

It's dark now...



fishandlilacs Sun 16-Jun-13 21:47:41




dementedma Sun 16-Jun-13 21:42:47

Listen to Sir David - he talks a lot of sense. You need to prepare your defences for when it comes back. If you are not going to plug your orifices with melted cheese, then you need another strategy. Hurry, you don't have much time ........

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 19:44:32

I'm with you, Totally. I'm your friend. I'm never going to leave.

Maybe you could infest it with exotic bum worm?

TotallyBursar Sun 16-Jun-13 19:40:54

Waffly - Ha, no. I can see your double bluff for what it is.
Are you in the roof? It's the only place I haven't checked. Apart from under the floorboards...<lifts feet>
Anyway things are not the same as they were yesterday. Persecution complexes are only a problem if you aren't actually being giant, terrible, clicky, hissing, creeping nightmares.

It'sOkay - why would you do that? Why? <whispers> I can feel it's legs on me <channels Blair Witch snot shot>

Morgause - I cannot hear you. You are in the cupboard of shame.

I have a massive dose of the willies. It's nowhere near as fun as it sounds.
Oh God David Attenborough is on tv talking about bugs, and I quote 'If you aren't able to defend yourself, you won't survive' Why Sir David, why?! The one man you'd think you could turn to in this situation.

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 19:27:19


Morgause Sun 16-Jun-13 19:18:59


I wonder if it laid any eggs before it was shamefully evicted.

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 19:17:21

Totally, have you considered that you might have a teeny tiny, weeny little persecution complex?

Livvylongpants Sun 16-Jun-13 19:16:14

Omg I'm crying at this!! Making me very glad that I have a pregnant outie at the moment!!

superbadspeller Sun 16-Jun-13 18:59:51

Good lord shock i have an incredibly deep tummy button and am now avoiding the garden forever shock seriously, shergar, lord lucan and the lost city of atlantis could be down the bottom of my belly button hmm

dementedma Sun 16-Jun-13 18:57:28

keep very very quiet - even quieter. be still. be calm. be, can you hear it breathing?

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Sun 16-Jun-13 18:55:15

It's that thing from the film Absentia isn't it? Keep an eye on the walls, it can live within them and scuttle around without you knowing

TotallyBursar Sun 16-Jun-13 18:45:49

Morgause - get thee in the cupboard.

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