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Gaahhh, can you sew up a belly button?

(133 Posts)
TotallyBursar Sat 15-Jun-13 22:15:54

Or maybe stuff a cork in it or something?

I shifted some garden waste earlier and I was annoyed but not worried by a very itchy waistband.
I had tree bits everywhere but we were burning it all & would only get more scratchy bits on me so I left it. This was my first mistake.

I got in the bath and my belly button was still stabby and itchy, so I armed my self with tweezers to try and get a splinter out.

It was not a splinter.
It was a fecking huge bug of unknown species, at least dog sized, probably carnivorous. I would be prepared to swear I saw fangs.

It obviously saw my weaponry and made a dash for it...down my leg <shuddering at the memory>
It's gone now but I don't know where...I can feel it watching me. It could swim, nowhere is safe.

What if waits unti I'm asleep and tries to eat my face? What if it liked my belly button and decides to get back in ?


<considers putting ant poison in umbilical horror show. Who knew it was that cavernous? I'll probly need a whole bottle sad >

Kneedeepindaisies Sat 15-Jun-13 22:39:54

Did it have wings? Maybug?

Or worse. Cockroach. confusedconfusedconfused

TrinityRhino Sat 15-Jun-13 22:40:40

how big is your belly button, surely it cant have been a centipede?

BeanoNoir Sat 15-Jun-13 22:41:47

Did it have legs? Wings? Fangs? What colour? Fur? Scales? Squishy skin? Please describe.

WafflyVersatile Sat 15-Jun-13 22:43:11

Entice it out of hiding with a carrot?

Kneedeepindaisies Sat 15-Jun-13 22:44:01

TrinityRhino Sat 15-Jun-13 22:45:57

was it like this?

Could you temporarily fill in your belly button with something - silicone bath sealant perhaps - so if it does come back, it can't get in? And wear two pairs of knickers, and put rubber bands round the bottom of your pyjamas, so it can't run up your leg and crawl in - ahem - somewhere else!

TotallyBursar Sat 15-Jun-13 22:48:46

I did not believe my belly button was any deeper than appears I was wrong confused. I mean, I can see the bottom of it.

Madbuslady - your cupboard has been upgraded to a very secure place - I'm thinking Magneto's cell in X-Men. wink

Ok. Ok, so sensibly I can't set the house alight, the insurance did not have an option for 'insectoid body snatcher invasion counter attack' and DH would probably give me a hmm . I can't find it - this will have to be remedied.
I am not covered in bugs <mantra>

I hope to goodness I cannot fit a whole centipede in my belly button. If I can this is surely the start of bigger problems.

And - it's freaking you guys out?! I nearly peed.

cocolepew Sat 15-Jun-13 22:49:13

Oh dear god I would die, I'm a bit funny over belly buttons <faints>

cocolepew Sat 15-Jun-13 22:51:18

Are you sure it went into the bath water?
Id have a look up my vag if I were you.
Just in case.

piprabbit Sat 15-Jun-13 22:52:05

Was it an earwig? It's exactly the sort of thing the pesky fuckers would do to freak you out.

MadBusLady Sat 15-Jun-13 22:52:08

<shuffles over in cupboard to make room for coco>

WafflyVersatile Sat 15-Jun-13 22:56:13

do you have a cat or other domestic pet?

I'm just thinking that if fangcruncher makes a reappearance you could perhaps appease it with a fluffy sacrifice.

TotallyBursar Sat 15-Jun-13 22:56:40

Waffly - So, now I've screamed I remember reading that article! This has not helped particularly so I'm afraid you have to join MBL. Probably forever.

Just...really? It's a normal belly button. How bad can it be? I mean, I couldn't even keep one of those jewels in there without glue. Surely that discounts any more than, I don't know, 4 legs...or is that worse??

Will the cats eat it? Cats eat bugs don't they, even alien ones?

I have no description - terrifying, possibly extra terrestrial, swims, walks, maybe it can fly but I don't know. Squishy - missed my chance, hairy, didn't seem to be -
Unless it's the bug equivalent of manbearpig?

WafflyVersatile Sat 15-Jun-13 22:57:14

A guinea pig should give you enough time to evacuate the house in your nightie and a rottweiler will probably give you enough time to call the local zoo first.

LemonMousse Sat 15-Jun-13 22:57:17

If your belly button is anything like the one in Trinity's photo then the bug is the least of your worries... wink

<Squeezes into cupboard with Madbuslady and Coco>

WillYouDoTheFandango Sat 15-Jun-13 22:58:43

Melt the cheese, pour it into belly button and allow to set into a perfectly moulded stopper. I too am irrationally freaked out by belly buttons. My face looks like this right now -> confused, it may never go back.

I had a horrifying experience like this once. I was sunbathing on the grass in the back garden and my ear was itchy, stuck a finger in and it stopped. 6 hours later I had a shower and when I tipped my head over to put a towel round my hair an earwig fell out of my ear <shudder>. I now wear earphones if I ever lay on grass.

WafflyVersatile Sat 15-Jun-13 22:59:02

Turn the telly down and you might be able to hear it crunching on madbuslady in the cupboard.

Jojobump1986 Sat 15-Jun-13 23:00:14

"the insurance did not have an option for 'insectoid body snatcher invasion counter attack'"


Nothing helpful to add! I'd make a comment about spider eggs in ears but I'm sure we're all going to have difficulty sleeping as it is! wink

Hope you locate it soon OP! Maybe if you could google & identify it we could help with plotting it's capture!

nohalfmeasures Sat 15-Jun-13 23:00:21

What if it laid eggs in there before you got it out???

WafflyVersatile Sat 15-Jun-13 23:01:18

Oh, I would imagine a belly button would make a lovely nest for fangcruncher's eggs!

cocolepew Sat 15-Jun-13 23:01:45


HildaOgden Sat 15-Jun-13 23:04:41

Oh Lordie,I hope it hasn't swum up your hoo -ha and laid eggs,then died and started decomposing.It probably hasn't,no I'd say it amlost definitely hasn't.That nearly never happens.

BeaWheesht Sat 15-Jun-13 23:05:02

I just don't know what to say. I am traumatised.

Kneedeepindaisies Sat 15-Jun-13 23:05:27

I don't know about the OP but I'm terrified about going to sleep now.

Also I think I might have a ridiculously deep belly button. <sobs>

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