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House rules I forgot to make.

(414 Posts)
CadleCrap Sun 28-Apr-13 09:23:33

Don't comb the soap. hmm

ChelseaKnows1 Mon 06-May-13 07:19:07

For DD
Don't leave tiny figures/toys on the floor.

Don't ask random people to pick your nose.

For DD & DP
Underwear/Dirty washing needs to be picked up by the person who dumps it on the floor.

To neighbours
I am not a baby sitter and will require money if you want me to become one.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 06-May-13 08:47:27

The dishwasher is not a climbing frame. If you swing on the top tray it will break.

The fire guard is not a climbing frame either. You are only 14 months and I like your neck unbroken, thanks.

Stop tipping the dog's water bowl over! I have to let him drink out of it sometimes or he will get dehydrated.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Tue 07-May-13 22:20:24

Further to the earlier rule of Do NOT wash your hair with juice...

Do not 'ceeen' MUMMY'S freshly washed hair with your juice.

Do NOT 'ceeen' the table with juice. It does not make the table clean, it makes it sticky.

Do NOT squirt your fruit squeezer up your trouser legs. Just DON'T!

And don't then squirt your fruit squeezer in your ear. Or your nose.


CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Tue 07-May-13 22:22:36

Also :

Do not pull Mummy towards you for a kiss by her hair. While you might be saying 'aaaaah' because you like kisses, Mummy is saying 'aaaaah' rather louder because it friffing HURTS!!

Shaky Tue 07-May-13 22:23:27

Do NOT stand on snails to make them into slugs sad

idonthaveone Tue 07-May-13 22:33:24

Don't swallow the ball bearing so we ALL have to go to the hospital you will beep when the nurse puts the wand on your tummy

MrsPoglesWood Tue 07-May-13 22:47:47

Do not take my lovely Lakeland flour sieve round to your mate's to fish the insects out of the hot tub because he forgot to put the cover on overnight. It is not his hot tub. It belongs to his parents. The party is up to him and them. I don't care if your girlfriend doesn't like insects in the hot tub. Please pay for your own insect removal implements.

Shaky Tue 07-May-13 22:48:55

Do NOT put peas up your nose, you are supposed to eat them, not snort them

Zipitydooda Tue 07-May-13 23:10:06

Don't store lego people in the fridge ice dispenser; people don't like them in their drinks

Don't try to tickle your baby brother's willy with your toes whilst in the bath

Don't wipe your snot on the wallpaper

Don't 'accidentally' shoot our neighbour with the hose spray.

Shaky Tue 07-May-13 23:45:43

ARF at Lego people ice cubes, I would love that! ( as long as they have not previously been inserted into child"s nose)

Bogeyface Wed 08-May-13 01:26:21

Note to self: Do not allow your mother to retire to spend time with your father who retired early due to health issues. It was only spending time apart that stopped them killing each other.

mrssprout Wed 08-May-13 02:50:59

Oh the memories .......
Beads do not go in your ear....or your nose
Poo does not belong in the holes in the duplo bricks.......or on the window, carpet, bed, walls, your hair, your face or body
You do not need to cry when I am trying to wash the poo off you at 5am...I need to cry !

TeaMakesItAllPossible Wed 08-May-13 14:58:34

Yesterday's new one .... we don't put potatoes in the toilet <sigh>

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Wed 08-May-13 18:16:37

Another new one : Do NOT attempt to eat your fruit squeezer through your eyeball. It will hurt. And do not act as if I am to blame for your eye being sore when you tried to eat your fruit squeezer through it.

MickeyTheShortOne Thu 09-May-13 16:55:08

this thread is hysterical grin but also quite frightening! the future does not look good for the dog....confused

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Fri 10-May-13 00:35:03

Yet another new one :

Don't roll over to lick the sofa whilst you are having your nappy changed. In fact, don't lick the sofa at all.

He is 2y3mo, not 6mo!

amazingmumof6 Mon 13-May-13 18:57:36

teamakesit or sausages. especially at the age of 6 - just WTF????

and a minor one - please don't start planning your birthday party the day after your birthday, I really don't want to hear how you and your friends are thinking of going camping on your own for a weekend just before Christmas - you will be only 7 and I just can't keep telling you for the next 364 days why it is not going to happen.

scarecrow22 Tue 14-May-13 19:22:40

for toddler

kind as you are please do not feed frozen peas to you 2 week old brother

it's nice to want to help those in need. but do not offer the charity shop your baby brother to sell

for my MiL

children who wear nappies are not mature enough to decide they do not want their nappy changed for six hours. Especially when they have pooed nit just once but twice.

if you undermine my parenting by getting a child out of bed before 6am it I'd not acceptable to allow come into my room

NotAnotherPackedLunch Sat 18-May-13 19:13:49

Don't do the splits with no pants on. We don't want to see it all.

Doughnutmaestro Mon 20-May-13 20:55:12

Don't push your willy all the way inside
Don't pull your willy by the foreskin as far as you can
Both make daddy want to cry
Don't sit on the toilet for ages not doing anything then stand and pee in the bath within seconds of getting off!

Bogeyface Mon 20-May-13 21:57:18

Please do not look at the pictures in tesco and then shriek "NOOO!!!!! NO PEPPA!!!!" when I am putting a chicken in the trolley.

Its not Peppa ok? We dont eat Peppa in our house, and even if we did, just dont!

And anyway, Peppa looks nothing like a sillouhette of a pig that you get on pork products, so dont freak me out please!

amazingmumof6 Tue 21-May-13 12:15:31

we do not wash disposable nappies.

do not sneak orange crayons in the tumble dryer. ever. definitely not with white clothes in it.

amazingmumof6 Tue 21-May-13 13:16:17

seriously, never ever ever wash a didposaple nappy! EVER!

I have had to re-wash entire load, but everything is still cover with nappy fibres. on verge of sad just hoping tumble dryer will get rid of "bearding"

Bogeyface Tue 21-May-13 14:00:00

I did that once amazing I think its a right of passage, we all have to do it at least once in our parenting career grin

Runningonempty222 Tue 21-May-13 18:56:08

You do not need to strip naked to do a pooh everytime and when I point this out (when you are aged 8) and you reply that everyone is unique please don't be offended by my laughter!

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