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Things you don't want to hear a toddler say....

(278 Posts)
QueenOfFarkingEverything Mon 10-Sep-12 06:59:26

I'll start with "Oh dear, poo all over the place" [sigh]

Though this is closely rivalled by Nothing At All aka completeanduttersilence

SoupDragon Mon 10-Sep-12 07:00:38

"I'm being Taran!" isn't great when they are in the furthest corner of the soft play climbing area and, as any experienced parent knows, Tarzan wears just pants.

minceorotherwise Mon 10-Sep-12 07:00:49

Is it morning yet?

ceebeegeebies Mon 10-Sep-12 07:03:27

"I need a poo" swiftly followed by "can someone come and wipe my bottom" 5.30 in the morning. EVERY morning angry

LurkeyLurkerson Mon 10-Sep-12 07:04:30

"Mummy, I open door" < starts unlocking public toilet cubicle >
"Nooooo!" < Me, grabbing toddler whilst pushing door too and attempting to hide modesty >

NoToastWithoutKnickers Mon 10-Sep-12 07:06:47

Naked toddler somewhere upstairs: "Mummy I done a wee."
Me in bathroom unable to see her: "Really? Where are you?"
"Mummy bed."

Growlithe Mon 10-Sep-12 07:08:23

'Muuummmm, I've done an accident'.

SpanglyGiraffe Mon 10-Sep-12 07:12:56

"Mummy I done wee wee"

Never good as when he tells me he's usually not anywhere near the bathroom. Sigh.

Asmywhimsytakesme Mon 10-Sep-12 07:17:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buggyRunner Mon 10-Sep-12 07:19:40

"my nails look beautiful- all red"

Tee2072 Mon 10-Sep-12 07:19:58

Out in the garden 'Mummy I bring you a pwesent'. Hands me a slug...

MammaTJisWearingGold Mon 10-Sep-12 07:22:27

While in B&Q with inattentive parents 'I needed a poo but it's ok, I found toilet all by my own'.

LST Mon 10-Sep-12 07:23:02

grin mines only 10mo..

RobinSparkles Mon 10-Sep-12 07:25:44

"Mummy look, drawn heart!"

That was a toddler DD1 who, very proudly, pointed to the sofa. angry To be fair, it was a very good drawing of a heart considering she was only about 20 months at the time. I just wished it had been on paper!

FuckityFuckFuck Mon 10-Sep-12 07:25:51

'Mummy, I look like a beautiful butterfly'

He only ever does that with the really posh, expensive make up my sister got me for christmas, not the cheap everyday stuff <sigh>

Longdistance Mon 10-Sep-12 07:26:47

Another poo one.

Standing in a large queue waiting to get on the plane at Singapore airport 'mummy I need a poo'. Everyone laughs. Dd finds it funny, says it again over and over like a parrot but even louder blush

Psammead Mon 10-Sep-12 07:31:12

'Bye bye Thomas' - in reference to her most precious and beloved Thomas The Tank Engine, which whistles and beeps and chugs, most favoured toy of all time, and who gets told 'Love you, Thomas' and is regularly kissed good night - seconds before he was thrown two storeys through the upstairs bannister, all the way into the concrete cellar.

The fucker survived. With a stutter, but who can blame him?

RikersBeard Mon 10-Sep-12 07:34:39

"What's that smell?"
Loudly. On entering other peoples houses, public toilets, walking past a whiffy person in supermarket etc.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain Mon 10-Sep-12 07:38:01

Mummy, you're not going to like this...

I'm stuck! (Usually on a worktop after going in search of sweets)

QueenOfFarkingEverything Mon 10-Sep-12 07:40:05

"Oooh loooook, that's a nice knife"

Psammead Mon 10-Sep-12 07:41:30

"Ooooh. Incy bincy!" (spider) "BIG Incy Bincy" pointing happily to an area about 2 inches above my head...

grumpleteaser Mon 10-Sep-12 07:43:56

Poo on foot mummy!

TheCountessOlenska Mon 10-Sep-12 07:44:14

I've done a poo in my leggings mummy

Oh no I broken it

Oh no a mess gone everywhere

MNhoneydragonHQ Mon 10-Sep-12 07:44:53

Mummy, mummy I did a poo on my potty

.....but I've lost it.

StinkyPig Mon 10-Sep-12 07:48:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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