I pooed on my skirt at work today(379 Posts)
I am not a poo troll.
I almost never poo at work. Today was an 'upset tummy' day.
I was wearing a rather huge, billowy Maxi skirt and I must have lost track of exactly where it all was while on loo. Nasty.
Had to do damage limitation with looroll in the cubicle, then stealthy washing in handbasin, all the while praying no-one would come in.
I got away with it.
I have a feeling you aren't going to believe me.
lol crying laughing at some of the stories on here.
I went to A&E in the middle of the night once with really bad norovirus, I thought I was dying.
Lucky me, I shat my pants in the waiting room.
I have never told anyone this before.
In the early weeks of pg with dc1 I was feeling nauseaus but put it down to morning sickness rather than a bug. I was at work and thankfully alone when I felt the need to fart, unfortunately I followed through in my grey work pants and had to work very hard to stop. Mortified, I tied my coat around my waste and ran to the toilets and then straight to my car and drove home on a handy plastic bag to protect the seats. Phoned my manager on route home and thankfully had pg as an excude to just leave.
After dc1 was born I then had a heavy period and bled through onto a seat in our staff room. I noticed it when I stood up though no one else did. The stain is still there <cringe> four years later!
skirt caught up in bad poo at work, namechange fail, not the best day eh?
Crying with laughter
DH once shit himself on a cliff in Corfu! We had climb down the cliff and walk back to the beach through the sea so he could wash it off.
ggirl "If I move I'm going to poo" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Oh my, that's the funniest thing I've read on here in ages!!!!
My mother died very young (I promise, this DOES get funny!) and in the week between her death and the funeral, we had a lot of people coming to pay their respects. One friend of the family came in, we all cried a lot, and then she took me to one side and said "Oh my God, you mum just died and I've just leaked my period on your sofa"!!!!!!!! I giggled for ages, and I know that my mother would have thought it hilarious, and I felt sooooo bad for my poor friend!
Thank you everyone for the laughs, I have tears running down my face I'm laughing do hard. Love all the farting mum stories, just sounds so wrong
In the pub i used to work in, a member of staff was running very late. I called him to ask him where he was, and instead of lying, he told the truth which was that he had a dodgey stomach and had shit himself whilst driving to work!
Literally nearly died!
I have endo and therefore exceptionally heavy periods! At worst you just don't go anywhere for 3 days until storm slightly calmer, however this is virtually impossible sometimes. So we r talking maxi flow tampax and towels and black trousers and long over bottom coat! Although there have been a few occasions I have forgotten black trousers. Once thought a beige skirt would be fine, it was a hot summers day.....er no, had to back out of homemase against the Walls and this year on my birthday in town, in grey trousers could feel myself leaking so went to loo and is was total disaster! Had to strip right off so had something to tie around waste, was totally mortified as id walked through town with terrible blood stains! Got out of toilet and demanded we go home fortunately interior of dh's car is red leather, but he still made me sit in my coat!
ha ha ha oh god these are just tooo funny!
Im almost crying with laughter, trying to do the 'shoulders shaking silent laughter' thing. The guy at the next desk to me clearly thinks I have issues
LOL at this thread!
I seem to have a recurring problem familiar to runners as 'runners trots'. I have to restrict caffeine, can only eat toast before a run, go before I go, so to speak and I still get caught short!
I can sympathise with your mum girl, so many times I have been a couple of miles from home breathing through the cramps, scared to run faster in case I poo myself, scared to slow down in case I don't make it. I've only not made it once No more shall be said on the subject......
Oh my goodness, literally weeping with laughter reading this (though sympathy to 5babyangels condition) I had to leave my o level maths exam aged 15ish due to humungous leakage of blood - wish I'd admitted it though, they might have let me resit the exam!
The first time I went out after birth of DS1, went to see a band and did some serious boogying, wearing pale blue jeans. Bad move. Ended up going into toilet and soaking myself with water and pretending someone had spilled their drink over me. Am more a sort of sedate swaying type now
Oh dear...when I read the title I thought eeeeuuuwwww but now I've read the thread and it is disgusting but funny.heres my poo story;
As a mother it was all going well until I had to potty train my ds. The birth,sleepless nights,nappies,feeding all easy but......potty training BROKE me! (and any of you young mums will empathise I'm sure) .anyway all my baby friends had perfect little girls, while I had a huge ( but scrumptious ) sumo baby boy. They all potty trained their perfect girls in a week, "pencil a week off in the summer...do it in the garden...let him run around with his nappy off"....my arse! Took me 2 months.
Anyway, just as I was about to tear my hair out (done rewards,sticker charts,thomas the tank engine pants etc) I invited 3 perfectly posh friends with their perfectly potty trained girls for tea in the garden.
My ds shat his pants. now, you will all know this feeling ,that was when I cracked. Mortified and trying not tocry/shout/wail like mad woman I grabbed ds,ran into kitchen, pulled off pants but twanged pant elastic spraying poo all over kitchen (a little like those muck spraying machines farmers use) screamed "don't move!",ran out to get nappy sack,wipes, clean pants,ran back to kitchen,slipped on poo,knocked self out on tiled floor! When came to, bless, ds still standing there covered in poo and posh friends had quietly scarpered !
That was the only time I sat at bottom step and called dh at work and said " I can't cope!" somewhere outside in her car seat my newborn dd slept blissfully unaware of the drama.
I hasten to add that my ds is a well adjusted 13yr old!
Usually I take tranexamic acid and manage it well, but currently bf, so bit of challenge! It is funny though! Let's face it If you see anyone coming out of ladies looking harassed with strange item if clothing wrapped around waste! You know what's happened
Can't stop laughing at the vision of Marbles' DH almost doing splits! My DS has just asked me what is wrong as he thought I was crying
Oh dry white I can't believe your friends all went off and left you alone unconscious with two tiny children and poo everywhere!
My pooing yourself story isn't funny, I had peritonitis and nearly died, but dd1 had terrible constipation as a baby, we tried everything including prune juice with no result, she was howling in pain so we made a doctors appointment.
The doctor was being videoed that say so he sat her on his knee and took of her nappy just as the prune juice came into full effect...everywhere! The fact it's on video somewhere cracks me up when I think about it.
He was very professional but I suspect he had to do a quick change before his next patient, poor man.
drywhite - I can't believe your friends abandoned you and your toddler while you were knocked out on the floor!
I had a waterfall cardigan in the toilet incident today.
Sat through a play, aged 15, with horrible, horrible cramps (first time I had ever had them) and knowing I must be leaking but too awkward and embarrassed to stand up and try to find the toilets to sort it out. Thank god theatre seats were red but I had leaked right through my jeans and was in tears when I got home trying to wash it out. I also leaked on to the car seat (my mum's thankfully, not a friend's) and the stain was there forever. I nearly killed my mum when she tried to make light of it and joke about the turkey leaking.
In lateish pregnancy, talking to my mum on the 'phone - needed a poo but she was nattering on and so was I...ended up doing a bit in my pants! Thankfully I was at home.
drywhite, your friends left you unconscious on the kitchen floor ?
God I have shat myself in various places all over theworld.
I can remember though when DS was a couple of months old he had really bad constipation. I was sat on our bed cycling his little legs and I heard a noise loooked down andhe fired outpoo all over me. It was on my face, in my hair etc. I must have screamed as my DH came running in and just laughed at me and then nearly vommed!!
drywhite - your friends are bastards. You do not leave an unconscious woman on the floor. what utter bastards.
I have both a humiliating period story and a disgusting poo story.
Which one do you want?
drywhite I'm soo sorry to hear your friends just left you. That's awful they don't sound like very good friends
I am literally crying with laughter at some of these.....especially the farting mothers. It shouldn't be so funny!!!
I once had a really bad tummy and filled my pants as I legged it up the stairs....it felt like it would just be a fart. Needless to say it was bad. Thankfully I was home alone.
A few months ago I dropped my mooncup(in my own bathroom) and it looked like I had slaughtered a small animal in there. Blood explosion. Totally gross..still love my mooncup though and that was the first accident in three years.
OMG ggirltwin2pinot " standing still staring intently" has made me laugh so much my stomach is aching!
Oh God, the laugh i have needed all day...cheered me up no end!
Hecate - do you even have to ask? Both of them please
I've been laughing so hard at these I can't breathe! Ds1 thought I was dying and looked really concerned and patted my back.
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