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BODEN the endless threads about quality. These have been around since Dawn of time.

(97 Posts)
Fregley Thu 26-Jan-12 16:48:06

In the Beginning there was the word and the word was with johnny. And the word was johnny.

Through him all clothes were made; without him nothing was made that was of bad quality.

In him was sass and that sass was the light of women.

Mrsrobertduvall Thu 26-Jan-12 20:58:02

Hotch begot Potch.....this has made my night.
Keep going ladies.....

TheBolter Thu 26-Jan-12 21:05:55

And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a Ruffle Silk Party Dress, and a pair of Glamorous Party Heels that passed between two raised beds of organic vegetables and an apple tree strewn with polka dot bunting.

SuePurblybilt Thu 26-Jan-12 21:10:41

And his followers were loyal and did as he bid as he bade them write his messages on tablets. And the tablets showed both the board shorts for the issue of Adam and the flippy skirt for the issue of Eve - separated and yet inverted, to baffle sinners. And he suffered the little children to have their own tablet.

Lo, at the passing of every moon the tablets were carried far and wide to those who had shown interest in His Words. And yea, even those who had shown no interest. And those who wanted no part of His Words, yet they were still given his tablet.
The wailing and gnashing of teeth of these sinners would not prevent his tablet reaching them, nor the postcards that asketh 'What Have I Done?' and showed his very image. And though the sinners did recycle them, still they came and yet still they came.

Such is the word of the Boden.

slalomsuki Thu 26-Jan-12 21:15:33

And at the school gates from hell on a summers day in june, it came to pass that the matching twins presented unto others in a Cossack tunic of crinkled summertime fun loving linen(in a matching bag), ankle length summer slim fit crops with co-ordinating union jack bag and pumps. The followers turned to each other and stared. It was then that they were reminded of the commandment do not covert thy neighbour.

LindsayWagner Thu 26-Jan-12 21:16:08


Fregley Thu 26-Jan-12 21:17:12

Lol at tablets and matching bags

slalomsuki Thu 26-Jan-12 22:27:53

And in to the confessional, the angel of communication went. "Forgive me father for I have sinned"
"Pray tell me" the priest replied, "what have you done?"
"I have failed in my mission as set by our lord Johnnie" sobbing loudly in to my sleeve of the angelic swirl cross over everyday day dress with three quarter length sleeves I went on " Johnnie asked me to communicate as often as I could but I have missed an opportunity"
"Do tell" said the priest. "how did that happen?"
"I was drawn in to the devils own system called the Internet and email and through this I responded to the temptation in front of me to send to all of the known customers a daily offer offering bigger and bigger discounts, free delivery, and free returns but today I forgot and Johnnies' customers will be bereft of their daily offer and will have to pay full price. What father do I do?"
He thought for a moment, reached forward and passed through the grill a pack of clear plastic bags and said "the only redemption for you my son is to now earn forgiveness by now sending out daily catalogues fully of the same offers by post to the same customers in the vain hope your tops, trousers, dresses, mini boden and Johnnie b look different in print than on the screen and redemption in the form of orders comes your way"

Fregley Thu 26-Jan-12 22:50:03

"Different in print "

UterusUterusGhali Thu 26-Jan-12 23:40:51

And the mothers of the middle of England did justify the exchanging of fifteen gold coins for the t shirt of an infant by proclaiming "It fetcheth a good price on eBay".
And lo! It did sell for a high price.

Honeydragon Thu 26-Jan-12 23:54:08

and so came Johnny's disciples and Lo the birth of the Boden party. And thus they went as missionary's to spread the word and anoint the lost and Bodenless with his blood in the form of Chablais and they would eat the body of Johnny in the form of Tapas.

The flock would take their money away from the lenders to ensure their worldy goods came only from their father Johnny. amen.

Fregley Fri 27-Jan-12 07:39:52

Lol at
" and lo"

slalomsuki Fri 27-Jan-12 08:39:50

And so the gift from johnnie arrived one day, all wrapped in orange with cream bubbles or turquoise and cream or for the real followers beautifully encased in cardboard with tissue. The dreamt with anticipation for that day. But how johnnie had given them a false dawn with the gift for it was not really a gift that would bring them closer to him but a gift that would mean his flock would embark on a journey of great inconvenience and hassle and one that for the chosen few would cost them.
This is the day of the post office.

Verso Fri 27-Jan-12 08:44:15

For it is written: "I shall raise mine eyes to the Boden, from whence cometh mine shapeless moleskin trouser [sic] and give thanks. For whomsoever believeth shall receive 15% off, and even from those that believe not, yea, those who wallow in the mire of the Shop that is Top, Cos and verily ASOS, even from them shall any discount be taketh away. Rejoice then, ye faithful! For the season of ric rac braiding, jersey tops of meagre length and vain beading is upon us."

And it was so.

OtterNonsense Fri 27-Jan-12 09:23:51

And so it came to pass, at school gates across the land, His followers did deny their true nature, and with ric rac braiding and appliqué didst they torment their bodies attempting to deny their wanton and fecund state for this was offensive to the eyes of their Lord. And Johnnie looked upon his servants thus clothed in boring uniformity and declared it to be good.

MayorNaze Fri 27-Jan-12 09:50:37

Forsaken shall be those who do not strive with joy and with song toward the --Boden Sale--Day of Judgement.

Those who do lust after up to 60% off selected items would do well to be Ready for the Word (via email) of Johnnie and to not pay heed to the false gods of internet rumour who smite their breast and proclaim with black tongues that they are Prophets of the Day of Revelation and that lo, the Leather Biker shall be reduced to £50 from £350. They know not what they profess.

Remember ye with caution tho, that Lust is a Sin, as are Greed and Panic Purchasing. Choose ye with candour, fervour and Realistic Outfit Planning. Fall ye not into Temptation as the devil himself may be present in the form of Pilates Pull-ons in Charcoal Marl. Stretchy Material doth not mean that thou canst size down from a 16 to an 8. Thou shalt reap what thou hast sown and even if thy right butt cheek offend ye, cutting it off shall not better the fit.
Free Deliver ye from the Evil that are Chino Shorts and the Righteous and Meek shall truly acquire the bargains.

Amen Boden

Pagwatch Fri 27-Jan-12 09:55:26

And lo, there came a time of false prophets.
Many bore false witness and tempted the weak and those whose faith was befouled by the plague of credit crunch and a slightly more extensive mens were led into the halls of Next.
True believers watched afeared as small children taunted them with cheap knock off polyester tutus and welly combinations stolen from the very heart of The Sacred Book Of Boden.
'how will we know the true believers amidst this sea of Nextites?' they cried, for they were as lost souls in the night
Thus it became that they vowed from that time forth, when lost in the crowds of school gate, high street or local park they would cry 'darling, come to me for I bearest taramasalata and a smidgeon of spelt pitta' and each amongst them would know their sign.
And it was good.

But Johnnie did seeth the approach of the Nextites and he realised the true Bodenites needed a sign.

And lo he did emboiderith a small Jack Russell terrier upon all the smallest of the clothes so the wearer would know who was true.

And the Terrier of Russel,l the canine embodiment of the true spirit of Boden did come to be the sign among them.

Why, why don't I preview? It would save much kicking of self.

ElaineReese Fri 27-Jan-12 10:55:01

And it came to pass after these things that the young women of the earth turned to Jack Wills and would no longer be suffered to wear the hotch potch and the towelling beach dress.

And Johnnie saw this, and said, I will destroy Jack Wills. And behold, the hoodies and the gilets and the flowery skirts shall be made by me, and only by me, and they shall be marginally cheaper and less desirable.

And so came into being Johnnie B.

And the mothers did buy Johnnie B for their older daughters, and the older daughters did shun it because there's a difference between having JACK WILLS on the elastic of your knicker waistband and JOHNNIE B, the name of a middle-aged married man.

And when the people did not buy Johnnie B, Johnnie was angry, and it repented him that he had made Johnnie B, and it grieved him at his heart.

And Johnnie said, I will make the sizes confusing and the fabric disappointingly thin.

Sonotkylie Fri 27-Jan-12 11:23:04

Love this. Thank you. Cn you store Mumsnet threads?

AmberNectarine Fri 27-Jan-12 12:10:37

And the mothers did buy Johnnie B for their older daughters, and the older daughters did shun it because there's a difference between having JACK WILLS on the elastic of your knicker waistband and JOHNNIE B, the name of a middle-aged married man.

And verrily, it was the funniest thing she hath read all week.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Fri 27-Jan-12 12:51:03

And Johnnie Boden spake unto his designers, and said,
For each dress and each top and each funky duffle, and for each pack of 2 long johns and each pack of 2 short johns and each reversible teddy zip through
Let them appear in three or possibly four different fabrics. And the first of these fabrics shall be blue and white striped. And the second of these shall be vintage rose, or if it is not vintage rose then let it be funky spots. And the third, or possibly fourth, shall be of such fabric as none shall wish to wear.
And it shall be of orange and brown paisley, or of some big apples, or it shall have doggies on it.
And in the time of the great sale, the first of these fabrics shall sell out instantly. And the second shall sell out shortly afterwards. And the last of these shall still remain untouched.
Ye shall do no learning from the fact that the two nicer fabrics always sell out, and neither shall she observe that age 13 woollen dresses with spots on shall not sell.
And Johnnie spake, and he said,
Therefore shall ye observe my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: I am Johnnie Boden.

Pandsbear Fri 27-Jan-12 13:02:47

'Tis a Revelation.

Too funny!

ameliagrey Fri 27-Jan-12 15:38:26

If MN didn't own copyright to all of this it ought to be published!

Hilarious. grin

Fregley Fri 27-Jan-12 16:12:18

Lol at mayor axe stretchy fabric

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