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Center Parcs & Anal sex

(287 Posts)
shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 20:22:16

So for the past 4 years I've been badgering DH for us to go to Center Parcs. He's been reticent on account of it being 'naff' and 'like Butlins but with trees' I disagree but anyway...

Eventually we went to Center Parcs, Longleat over the Christmas period (it was great) and I noticed that he had packed a tube of KY but didn't think anything of it. So we get back home and he makes some silly joke about 'no bumfun' despite 'my promises'.

Now there is no way in hell anything is ever going up my back bottom so I questioned what he meant (assuming he was joking). And he said that "according to Mumsnet" Center Parcs =anal sex. Apparently I had told him this over 4 years ago.

I have no memory of this link between Center Parcs and anal. Can someone confirm that there is a Center Parcs/anal meme in the same vein as nice ham?

Anyway, I got the hump.
He claims he was joking and made it all up because he thought I would find it funny
It's all too weird and I'm still a bit offended. Can't tell if I'm being oversensitive and it really was all a joke or whether he really did think that bum-business was on the menu.

kittensmakemesqueee Mon 16-Jan-12 20:23:09


Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 20:24:41

I have to mark my spot for answer on this one

NormanTebbit Mon 16-Jan-12 20:25:30


NormanTebbit Mon 16-Jan-12 20:26:24

Actually I'm quite relieved we can't afford centre parcs...

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 16-Jan-12 20:26:35

I have never heard of a link between Centre Parcs and anal sex. But he was joking, forget about it.

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:26:42

Excellent titlegrin

Sparks1 Mon 16-Jan-12 20:28:14

Hahahahahaha.... That is all.

PersonalClown Mon 16-Jan-12 20:28:37

Have I missed something again??

balia Mon 16-Jan-12 20:28:40

Did someone once say 'I'd rather take it up the arse than go to Centre Parcs'?

ArtexMonkey Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pickofthepops Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:08

So there are going to be lots of people walking a tad gingerly if they all booked up on seeing the crimbo advertising blitz that centre-bumming center-parcs did during the festive season!

Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:08

grin at lalia

iklboo Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:20

Not seen it in their brochure....

'Join us for long walks in leafy glades or cycle through the picturesque woodland. If it's raining, why not try to persuade the missus to take it up the wrong 'un?' grin

WhuckFistle Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:25

I am NEVER going to Center Parcs!

Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 20:29:59

Were all the sofa /chairs with cushions taken In the bars and restaurants? That might give you a clue

pickofthepops Mon 16-Jan-12 20:30:20

Maybe it's one of their activities you book up in advance for?

GirlWithPointyShoes Mon 16-Jan-12 20:30:40

Wha...? Isn't bum sex just for Fridays?

I would of found it far more inappropriate if you had of been at Butlins.

Tequilamockinbird Mon 16-Jan-12 20:33:58

Think I must've missed that memo!

However, we were in London a few months ago trying to decide where to go for dinner. DH asked me if I'd like him to take me up up the Oxo Tower and I instantly thought of MN grin

Needless to say, I declined.

Sparklingbrook Mon 16-Jan-12 20:34:06

<Mumsnet is getting weird again> emoticon.

GeriManda Mon 16-Jan-12 20:38:13

There's a link now though grin

Groovee Mon 16-Jan-12 20:43:43

Never heard that before!

Thingumy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:49:40

I'd equate Butlins with bumsex .

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:54:07

Oxo Tower never heard it called that before !!

shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 20:55:15

Thanks for the responses

I'm getting more and more offended by him and I can't tell whether I'm having a sense of humour failure. I've told him that nobody here remembers anal sex/Center Parcs and he's swearing blind that it's been discussed here before. Also he's again telling me he's "joking" in the same sentence as going on about the cost of 3 spa treatments.

I'm narked as he's turned our family holiday into a porn thing

Tequilamockinbird Mon 16-Jan-12 20:55:35

Oxo Tower is a real place Susie, and there's a restaurant at the top. However thanks to MN I always think of it as a euphemism grin

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 20:56:45


Rindercella Mon 16-Jan-12 20:59:12

Yes, I cannot see the Oxo Tower now without thinking of bum sex. However, I have never heard on here that there was a connection between Center Parcs and anal sex. I think your DH was pushing trying his luck tbh and blaming MN for it.

SpecialBranch Mon 16-Jan-12 20:59:55

That Oxo tower thread was priceless. grin Is it still around?

OP, I spend way too much time on here and can't recall a Centre Parks / Bumsex link. But maybe your DH has more of a vested interest than I do.

I've certainly never heard of it being referred to as "a spa treatment" before hmm

AKissIsNotAContract Mon 16-Jan-12 21:00:03

It does sound like the kind of thing that might be discussed on here. Bumsex and centre parcs are both discussed quite a bit so it's possible that they both came up on the same thread.

Maybe he wanted you to put something up his bum.

Sparklingbrook Mon 16-Jan-12 21:00:47

It will be Pampas Grass he will be wanting next. wink

SpikeInTheBasement Mon 16-Jan-12 21:01:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchOfEndor Mon 16-Jan-12 21:01:38

Does he normally pack lube when you go on holiday? If not then I think he wasn't joking! Do you have a cucumber handy? Tell him you are ok with it as long as he goes first and see if he changes his mind.

MildlyNarkyPuffin Mon 16-Jan-12 21:03:39

Anal sex is one thing , but Centre Parcs????

Leave the bastartd.

2rebecca Mon 16-Jan-12 21:04:26

Been to centreparks twice and never heard of a bum sex link. If my bloke started wittering on about anal sex I'd start making "gay boy" comments (very grown up). If he just made 1 comment about anal sex then you do sound a bit oversensitive about it. Alot of men are more into anal sex than women. I don't think it's anything to get upset about though. At least now he knows the position re anal sex. He didn't really turn your holiday into a porn thing as he didn't mention it during your holiday. It is possible to have a "family" holiday and anal sex if you are both into it. You aren't into it so it didn't happen.

TheSecondComing Mon 16-Jan-12 21:05:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 21:05:28

Well we do have lube at home for other reasons but it's used rarely and it's a really random thing to pack

picnicbasketcase Mon 16-Jan-12 21:07:28

They should put that in their advertising. Cue a sudden influx of husbands with an excited gleam in their eye who all want to go to bed early.

FannyBazaar Mon 16-Jan-12 21:08:00

I've never said it before but I'd definitely favour trying anal sex over going to Centre Parcs. You say Centre Parcs was 'great' over Christmas but that doesn't sound very enthusiastic, still, at least it wasn't a pain in the arse...

JustHecate Mon 16-Jan-12 21:08:24

It's the times you have together
That you'll carry with you forever

Take it up the arse at Centre Parcs

I don't think they'll be rushing to amend their brochure, tbh.

NoMoreMarbles Mon 16-Jan-12 21:09:29

so...thats 4 words put in a sentence that i didnt expect to see on a monday eveninggrin

have you advanced searched to see if you find a link?

Kayzr Mon 16-Jan-12 21:11:08

Hecate grin ROFL

Spidermama Mon 16-Jan-12 21:11:41

Iklboo love your brochure quote. grin

Great thread title.

I might just about acquiesce on the BJ front if Centre Parcs were on the cards -but for BS, it would have to be a month in San Fran.

shadyl Mon 16-Jan-12 21:12:30


nenevomito Mon 16-Jan-12 21:19:11

I can't believe were pages in and no one has cracked a joke about him confusing anal sex with a review saying it was a shit hole?

hellymelly Mon 16-Jan-12 21:26:18

hecate.Take it up the arse at Centre Parcs.Now the two are linked in my mind as well as the op's DH.And no,that's not a good thing.(I have actually been to Centre parcs,for bizzarre reasons,but no one is taking me up the oxo tower thanks.)

MamaMaiasaura Mon 16-Jan-12 21:28:48

Wtf? I'm off there in 3 weeks and no way is dh being a space explorer

birdofthenorth Mon 16-Jan-12 21:30:34

I have just returned from the Sherwood Forrest branch. My rear was not breached. But then, we went midweek. Perhaps Center Parcs has an anal special on at weekends which I was not aware of.

memphis83 Mon 16-Jan-12 21:31:49

Should I be worried that DH has booked CenterParcs as my birthday treat in two weeks? grin

Honeydragon Mon 16-Jan-12 21:32:42

maybe this is why they have the option to book Friday to Friday, or Monday to Monday. The marketing team have clearly miscommunicated something about bumsex and mumsnet. grin

Honeydragon Mon 16-Jan-12 21:33:20

his treat to eh, Memmphis? grin

LynetteScavo Mon 16-Jan-12 21:35:27

I had sex at center parks once. It was a bit wrong. Anal sex would be very wrong. Especially if you have to ride your bike the next day.

TheAvocadoOfWisdom Mon 16-Jan-12 21:35:37

This needs to go in MN classics. I am hurting from laughter.

ShowOfHands Mon 16-Jan-12 21:38:25

I had norovirus whilst at Center Parcs.

Similar but no coconut.

BibiBlocksberg Mon 16-Jan-12 21:42:39

I just laughed so loud at the new brochure slogan 'take it up the arse at centre parks' the cat jumped a foot into the air! grin

One of our directors at work was telling me he and his wife were off to CP Longleat for Christmas at the pre-Christmas meal.

Thanks to you lot I will now have to stifle vicious sniggers if he decides to update me on their lovely time there....

Tigresswoods Mon 16-Jan-12 21:44:11

We're booked in at CP Longleat in the spring. Our first time. Have told a couple of friends & both said "its very hilly". Reference for up hill gardening perhaps?

GoingForGoalWeight Mon 16-Jan-12 21:44:48

Bumfun grin

Oakmaiden Mon 16-Jan-12 21:47:45

They might not have been linked before now, but they certainly are now...

iklboo Mon 16-Jan-12 21:48:19

As I'm reading this Prof Brian Cox is talking about 'rings' and 'titan' (say it out loud). My fnarrrr-o-meter has exploded.

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 21:49:35

tigress no it's bloody hilly!!grin

Tigresswoods Mon 16-Jan-12 21:51:40

susue how disappointing. grin

BibiBlocksberg Mon 16-Jan-12 21:53:34

ikiboo - good job no one has mentioned Uranus yet on stargazing or I would need a whole pack of tena lady

<childish sense of humour>

FriendofDorothy Mon 16-Jan-12 21:55:53

This thread has just caused me snigger outrageously and now my mother and my husband wish to know why I am laughing!

susiedaisy Mon 16-Jan-12 21:57:39

bibi iklboo gringrin

CarnivorousPanda Mon 16-Jan-12 22:01:40

It is freezing here. Nothing on tv. I'm coughing and sneezing away.

And then you come up with at hread title like this.

Thank you.

whomovedmychocolate Mon 16-Jan-12 22:06:11

I've been to Centerparcs five times and my arsehole remains intact.

Good thread title though.

ripitupandstartagain Mon 16-Jan-12 22:09:15

Well, I would never have considered going to Centre Parcs before but this is making it sound a lot more fun.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe Mon 16-Jan-12 22:13:08


whomovedmychocolate Mon 16-Jan-12 22:20:09

I am also now feeling slightly disappointed by my gladiator challenge experience.

ImpatientOne Mon 16-Jan-12 22:23:15

Oh how this thread has cheered me up!

morecoffeepleaseholdthecake Mon 16-Jan-12 22:44:17


Gigondas Mon 16-Jan-12 22:45:26

Do you think I should let the op know about this thread in case this is also some kind of coded invite center parc mud bath

Heleninahandcart Mon 16-Jan-12 22:45:36

arf at Hectate Take it up the arse at Centre Parcs

mike1May Mon 16-Jan-12 22:49:40

What the hell! Loosen up FFS: Upstairs and, ahem, behind!
You're making more of this than it warrants.

balia Mon 16-Jan-12 22:54:09

Well by my reckoning I'm owed loads of holidays at Centre Parcs.

mike1May Mon 16-Jan-12 22:57:46

When I think of all the Centre Parcs holidays I've paid for over the years......

MrsChemist Mon 16-Jan-12 23:00:56

I chOked on some spit, laughing at this thread grin

ReshapeWhileDamp Mon 16-Jan-12 23:05:38

Centre Parcs. For a holiday the weather can't spoil. But your DH might.

AnnieLobeseder Mon 16-Jan-12 23:06:26

We've never been to Centre Parcs - 'tis too posh and expensive for us blush. We tried Haven and Butlins instead, and the horrors of both still linger. But we like bumfun. Not sure how that is helpful or relevant.

nursenic Mon 16-Jan-12 23:07:17

Maybe it's because when you add up all the extra costs of the activities, you realise Centre Parcs have fucked you up the ass.....

ThePinkPussycat Mon 16-Jan-12 23:12:16

What does nice ham mean then? <ignorant and innocent>

SarahStratton Mon 16-Jan-12 23:12:18

It's not Friday. hmm

<head explodes>

beachyhead Mon 16-Jan-12 23:19:46

Have just scared people on the dlr with laughingsmile

willybreeder Mon 16-Jan-12 23:20:53

This is too funny, BUT when I read the title I remember a comedian recently linking the 2, don't have any more information floating around in my brain cells but I don't think hes made it up

Flibble80 Tue 17-Jan-12 01:13:37

Your husband is an absolute legend.

hanaka88 Tue 17-Jan-12 05:46:13

Googled the only link I could find was one comment on a thread but I don't know how to make links

Iheartpasties Tue 17-Jan-12 06:08:57

ha, I vote this for classics, the title alone should win an award. Poor you OP.

QuietNinjaLamp Tue 17-Jan-12 07:43:34

I think you probably have had a small sense of humour failure op, afterall we're all laughing grin we know mumsnet is always right but telling you about bumsex at centre parcs is taking it too far and you won't fall for his trickery.

Abitwobblynow Tue 17-Jan-12 07:50:22

Perhaps it might be a time to have a gentle chat about anal sex. Keep your family and holidays out of it, because that isn't the point. He just used that as a clumsy way of bringing up the subject. Does he want it, think about it?

Is it something you would do? Is it something you would let him do with someone else?

Sigh. Why are men so complicated???? Why do they look at disgusting shit on their computers and then think their lives are incomplete without it?

KnightRob Tue 17-Jan-12 10:31:56

There's an American themed restaurant at Center Parcs, Longleat.
Perhaps he misheard that it was a good place to get "some Becks"

catwithflowers Tue 17-Jan-12 10:44:24

Fab thread grin

Seona1973 Tue 17-Jan-12 14:14:11

from the above link:

moondog Sat 25-Jul-09 16:23:27

CP sounds utterly utterly hideous.
I would rather have bum sex with Keny Ball than endure days of archery and tricycle riding in a walled camp.

LadyGahGah Tue 17-Jan-12 14:19:14

Maybe Centre Parcs needs re-named to "A Little off Centre Parcs" grin

Fab thread

Portofino Tue 17-Jan-12 14:38:47

I think CP lends itself to trauma. I have been once - in Belgium - and was stood naked in the middle of the living room with the patio doors open, as you do - we backed on the lake so weren't overlooked.....

I looked up to find a whole family on a pedalo staring at me aghast! shock Those poor children.....

newmum001 Tue 17-Jan-12 14:44:29

I adore the title of this thread!

newmum001 Tue 17-Jan-12 14:44:30

I adore the title of this thread!

kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 17-Jan-12 15:32:59

I was considering taking DD for a couple of days.
If DH isn't with us, who'll do my bumsex?

ElephantsAndMiasmas Tue 17-Jan-12 15:53:34

This is just marvellous.

MrsMicawber Tue 17-Jan-12 15:56:55

Parcs! Parcs! Where MNers take it up the arse!!

WibblyBibble Tue 17-Jan-12 15:58:05

Kreecher, if you don't bring your own bumsex partner, there are apparently "reasonably priced" alternatives available on site (no actual prices listed). They even have a 'watersports' section in case bumsex isn't exotic enough.

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