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If my 3yo had access to AIBU...

(392 Posts)
allhailtheaubergine Thu 15-Sep-11 17:25:24

AIBU to throw my bowl of pear across the kitchen?

Earlier today I demanded that my mother stop what she was doing and immediately get me a pear. She is by nature a difficult woman and she insisted on finishing her wee and washing her hands first hmm. I explained loudly that this was unacceptable but, typically for her, my protestations only made her more stubborn. Then she moved the goalposts and decided that I could only have my pear if I said "please" (actually I worry about her in this respect - she is utterly obsessed with that word, it's not normal) so I stormed around the house for 25 minutes or so and then eventually gave in and said please (so now she'll think if she holds out long enough I'll end up saying "please" every time - made a rod for my own back there hmm).

Anyway, she asked me if I wanted the pear to be cut up or whole. I replied "cutted up" and the utter arse of a woman cut up my pear! shock I was speechless with rage! Obviously, words were not enough to express my fury so I threw the cutted up pear across the kitchen and kicked her in the shins.


I think she genuinely thinks I am BU and it's causing me to doubt myself. What do you think?

Several posts later [dripfeed]:

Oh, and then I weed in my shorts because I was still cross. That'll learn her.

startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:55:35

Message withdrawn

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast Thu 15-Sep-11 18:56:49

My mummy is bad then. because my mummy put a stair gate on the kitchen door, so dog can't come in any more when i get my dinner and so i can't feed him...cruel woman! And i hear you all about broken bananas, i don't eat BROKEN BANANAS, i want a new one!!!!!

Plus she don't let me draw on toast or walls, she said you draw on paper or in colouring books, where is the fun in that?! Honestly you should see her taste in wallpaper, my drawings look soooooooo much better!!!!


fit2drop Thu 15-Sep-11 18:59:06


so funny

Peachy Thu 15-Sep-11 19:04:01

My mummy has no dog she has a cat

She won't let em ride on cat, she says cat is too old but cat only 2 years older than biggest brother and every time he tries anything she tells him he is a child not an adult.

So cat is right age to give ridey on kitty to me no?

And dady amde me wear clothes to nursery, I tried to take off my sweater as we were leaving (trousers after) but they said no too cole. It was a CARS sweater, just becuase I went to see cars why would I want a sweater? I want to wear stripey sweater that is wet in wash. With no coat but nursery lady says I must have coat to go outside, and I want to go outside and find baby snail I stepped on yesterday, or stepp on another one.
Snaily liked it: it oozed, that means snailey like it.
AND mummy ripped cakey wrapper at lunch. She is elarning though; she gets up earlier to open my brekky bar and juice now so she can replace it if I screech, she is almost well trained. It only took 4 bars to get me to eat breakfast yesterday, I was being nice no?

youarekidding Thu 15-Sep-11 19:14:16

ROFL grin

One from my DS.

AIBU to have just given my mum the hmm look as she snorted pepsi everywhere whilst on the laptop.

startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 19:15:26

Message withdrawn

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:17:51

Cats can be your friend too Peachy, you can give your cat those sprouts that mummy and daddy make you eat. Such a vile thing to give to a child......

Please, all of you, make sure with bedtime approaching that you refuse to wear your PJ bottoms on your bottom and wear them on your head, brush your teeth with jam, fill the loo with paper and have plenty of fart jokes at the ready when it comes to story time.

Assuming that you poor little ones will even get a story tonight, EastEnders is on in 15 minutes so make sure you get ALL of the pages read, no skipping!

Oh and as soon as mummy or daddy has gotten downstairs, demand a drink. It's your right to! Then make sure it takes you ages to sip it.

No fruit, no clean nappies and no ice lolly until the sandwiches have been eaten, keep that in the front of your minds.

You will survive, you can get through this.

Keep posting.

Flisspaps Thu 15-Sep-11 19:19:58

0800 1111.

eeyore2 Thu 15-Sep-11 19:21:25

This is brilliant. Was feeling sorry for myself as stuck late at work and just thrown up (14 wks pg) but now in a much better mood! Thanks!

Peachy Thu 15-Sep-11 19:25:08

Sprouts? My mummy gave up on veg ages ago because it doesn't look good on her clothes and she thought in her silly way that if she pulled it I might stop being so petrified of it; carrots, smoothies, apples and home made soups are all I will accept nd the soup goes everywhere and makes a spalsh splash noise when I do <<waves>> with my hands.
Mummy read me Puff The Magic Dragon; I like the bit where the dragon cried best. if he didn't cry I would poke him or bite him, I bit my brother today and he bled but then he bit me waaaaaaaaaaaah.

pamplemousserose Thu 15-Sep-11 19:26:41

My really older sister (5) said we can divorce mummies. She must be right cause she goes to school and is really good at telling mummy who's boss.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:28:56

Oh no! You were bitten Peachy, how awful. Did your mummy give you the emergency ice-cream or chocolate that all mummies keep for such occasions?

Oh Flisspaps (love your name still grin) - great, thanks for posting that. All of you who are stuck in this terrible situation with feckless parents, take a note of that number.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:30:59

Pample - do you know anyone who can help you start the divorce proceedings? Maybe have a look HERE?

They could help you? grin

pamplemousserose Thu 15-Sep-11 19:39:55

If I divorce my mummy will she still cut my Marmite on toast into soldiers and wipe my bottom?

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Thu 15-Sep-11 19:43:20

You think your mummy is bad...........

AIBU to think that putting my hand down the loo is the right thing to do, especially when my big sister hasn't flushed it and was waiting for mummy to come?

AIBU to let the dog lick my face, I think not, it is especially nice when she has been chewing the dead hedgehog that mummy keeps getting rid of. Infact I think mummy is bu to move the poor dogs toy she is just plain mean sad

AIBU to go around the supermarket in a trolley and launch all manner of things onto the floor into the trolley, I am only helping you stupid fool, I mean I know the my sister drives you to the gin and vodka bottles and they make such a lovely noise when they miss the trolley.

ThePrinceRoyal 13 mo

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:46:42

I'm not sure pample. It's a sad day in CBeebiesville if toast is not longer covered in Marmite and cut into mouth sized squares.

DoingMyVeryBest Thu 15-Sep-11 20:04:58

My sister and I have had a fab day today making Mummy say everything (that is EVERYTHING) twice. All day.

Simple, but has quite effective results.

We are much older than you guys though. We're 5 and 6. You may learn at our feet.

pamplemousserose Thu 15-Sep-11 20:04:59

Mouth sized squares? I never get mouth sized squares, she can only be bothered to cut them in to soldiers. I'm definitely sacking her as long as she comes back to read my bed time story

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 20:09:59

Oh yes, great post DoingMy - a wonderful age to learn from 5 & 6. smile Thank you for sharing your experience here.

pample - I'm so sorry that you are being treated like this. I suggest that you come up with some sort of improvement plan. Sit her down and show it to her. Keep it really simple and maybe even implement a star chart.

Show her where it is that she lets you down, but be gentle with her, mummies like her clearly don't understand the need for small mouth sized squares of toast.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Thu 15-Sep-11 20:24:44


My mummy has been most unreasonable of late. I don't know what's come over her.

My uncle keeps using this funny word, "fucking". I think it sounds great if you stick it in the middle of asking where something is.

For maximum effect, wait til you're in public,and ask mummy very loudly "where's my fucking bear". Works every time grin

And SAF, I sympathise. My mummy is also one of those feminists. I don't know what it means yet, but she told me cbeebies broke because of it

FrothyDragon's DS (3.7yo)

Wafflenose Thu 15-Sep-11 20:52:57

Very funny Aubergine!

My mummy was VU today too. I asked to sit on her lap to read stories, but it was much more fun to wriggle, fidget, stand up, bounce, climb all over the sofa and jump on her. She told me to stop it but I didn't think that was very fair so I didn't listen. The sofa was lovely and bouncy, and so were Mummy's legs. I jumped on her a few times and she yelped. That mean parent told me to sit still or she would stop reading, but I didn't want to read any more and I didn't want to sit still. So she gave up and pulled the laptop onto her lap and went on ButtFace, I think it's called. It made me angry because her lap looked sooo comfy and the computer was in the way. Words couldn't convey my trauma, so I screamed "I want to sit on your lap!" I had to scream it lots of times. This is when Mummy got VVVU and said I'd had my chance and that the answer was no. I flung myself on the very uncomforable floor and screamed, to make her feel sorry for me, but do you know what she did next? She ignored me and went to hang out the washing. So I yelled a bit more and then went and hid my shoe, because I knew it was nearly time to go to nursery. When she told Daddy about this, he laughed. Why is my family so mean?

BabyWaffle (3.4)

Fuzzywood Thu 15-Sep-11 20:58:22

Loving all your work so thought I'd share a few tips on how to get those mummy and daddy people do exactly what you want! All you need to do is come down with some illness or have an accident which involves a trip to hospital. Now ideally this should involve the use of an ambulance in the middle of the night (much running around and dropping off of other children). Make sure you recover quickly, being as bright as a button when the doctors do their rounds is also a bundle of laughs, but I digress. When you get home and are asked which DVD you want to watch answer Beauty and the Beast which you expertly hid, then once this is found wail hysterically that you asked for Cinderalla (also expertly hidden). This also means that you can kick daddy in the shins, through glitter all over the floor, eat your tea on the sofa and spread food everywhere in the lounge without even a mention of the naughty step grin. Be careful though cos apparently biting of younger siblings is a step too far confused
The now fully recovered fuzzyjnr aged 3 grin

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 21:00:01

Well babyWaffle - sometimes mummies and daddies can be selfish and only think about there own 'space' and 'free time'.

Sites like 'ButtFace' are common place for adults. It's appalling behaviour really. Stories should be read no matter your position on mummies knee! What is she, a man or a mouse?

And telling tales is so last week! No wonder daddy laughed at her.

Tomorrow, once you get her alone, make sure you sit on her knee for another story and do the BIGGEST trump possible, followed by a HUGE giggle.

That'll learn her!

cheeseandmarmitesandwich Thu 15-Sep-11 21:05:15

YANBU. Today I asked my mum for a banana. Obviously it had to be the longest one, who wants a short banana? After pulling the bunch apart and inspecting them I selected which was definitely the longest one. But when she opened it and gave it to me I realised it was TOO CURLY!! I didn't want a curly one ffs. I wanted a long one. Duh.

AIBU to throw a huge hissy fit when she then gave the too long, too curly banana to my sister (who has yet to learn the fun to be had in food rejection)?!

Wafflenose Thu 15-Sep-11 21:11:08

Mouseface and cheese - ha ha!

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