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Reality in the adverts Vs real life

(262 Posts)
chunkythighs Thu 01-Sep-11 23:02:45

None of this happens in my life.....

* Clothes come out of the washing machine both clean and ironed.

*On the off chance that they are not shiny white, a complete stranger lands in your kitchen with a childrens chemistry set and tells you that you're doing it wrong. You won't scream as for some reason you kind of expected this...

*All men wake up with clean shaven faces and head off to the bathroom to shave. They also like to caress the same face after the 'shave'.

*Discovering that your kitchen has been flooded (helllooo limescale), you will lose the ability to let your voice and lips move in sync.

*Baking with a number of children is a relaxing experience.

*Children always leave a thick encrusted ring of mud after having a bath- you don't mind, in fact you just raise a quizzical eyebrow and a smirk. (After all you did insist on having a complete white room I guess).

Will be adding more.

Laquitar Thu 01-Sep-11 23:05:22

Happy -and beautiful- people first thing in the morning. Before coffee hmm

AfternoonDelight Thu 01-Sep-11 23:06:36

After playing outside, children come running back in covered in grass, mud, blood and blackcurant juice. You do not question this (not even to find out where the blood has come from). You wash the clothes in question in the washing machine on their own instead of waiting for a full load. You then pull them out and marvel at how clean they are.

reddaisy Thu 01-Sep-11 23:10:42

You have a computer that works perfectly well and you go out to work.

You return home to find that your living room has had all the furniture moved out and a computer shop has been set up in its place.

Instead of screaming WTF and demanding to know how they got in/where your stuff is and for them to get the hell out, you peruse said computers until you decide to get rid of your perfectly find 4-year-old computer and buy a new one.

chunkythighs Thu 01-Sep-11 23:14:48

When you drink out of a bottle, ensure you have the label showing- it's vital that you never ever swallow regardless how large the gulp. This is particularly important when drinking coke.

SmethwickBelle Thu 01-Sep-11 23:19:12

When faced with a choice of fattening treat vs. healthy snack (TM) a woman should bite her lip and look anxious and confused - help! A choice!

It is the law to wrap your hands around a mug of tea, coffee, especially soup even though no one ever does this in real life.

Bubble baths are apparently something akin to a week in the Bahamas in terms of excitement, luxury, relaxation as reflected in beatific face of the bather.

ThePopsicleKat Thu 01-Sep-11 23:23:52

Cheerios will ensure that your daughter makes good life choices.

learningtofly Thu 01-Sep-11 23:26:36

I apply mascara and my eyelashes are so long i can no longer open the front door.

My hair starts swishing from side to side all of its own accord after being hastily washed and dried by my own fair hand hmm

I hate adverts. They either lead us into some kind of parallel universe or think we are idiots.

FruStefanLindman Thu 01-Sep-11 23:26:57

When you've just bought the latest, in-your-dreams car and you're driving down the road it will always be sunny and dry and there won't be any other vehicles on the road at all to impede your swissshhhy progress

learningtofly Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:04

I eat a yoghurt and magically lose 5 stone in an instant and my friends wonder what my secret is wink

CointreauVersial Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:39

You live in a beautiful minimalist loft with shiny white floors and a sea view. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and DH looks like Brad Pitt.

borntoberiled Thu 01-Sep-11 23:28:49

Haha Smethwick. I always notice that about drinks in adverts. They do a similar hand-wrap move in fajita advert too, and the "fun" of creating the fajita is enough to bring on an actual party atmosphere.

HardCheese Thu 01-Sep-11 23:29:31

You photogenically race around your flat in a floaty skirt looking for your hoarded Galaxy that your equally photogenic housemates didn't steal, while looking as if you exist on half a grapefruit a day. The spare Galaxy is kept in a beautifully-decorated box, rather than being half-gnawed and covered in fluff in your sock drawer.

You sit around your office looking dismayed in something unflattering while a voiceover talks about feeling 'bloated. But it's all suddenly OK when you eat the right kind of yoghurt, and then you put on something fabulous and run about having fun.

You commit fellatio upon Flakes in an overflowing bath, and the downstairs neighbours never complain about floods through their ceiling.

borntoberiled Thu 01-Sep-11 23:30:47

You wear white trousers during your period. Enough said.

Moodykat Thu 01-Sep-11 23:31:36

When I go out for lunch with my friends we have a discussion about how hard and uncomfortable it is to have a poo due to said poo being hard.

TheArmadillo Thu 01-Sep-11 23:31:50

all women are constipated or bloated constantly and this is their main topic of conversation with other women

womens lives are complete as long as they have a cleaning product that makes their kitchen floor/surfaces shine - this will make them happy regardless of how many dogs with muddy paws run through said kitchen

all men are idiots incapable of completing basic tasks - it is up to women to roll their eyes lovingly and then do it themselves

consolidation loans are the answer to all your money worries and you even have enough left over to buy a new car or go on holiday they definately won't get you in deeper and deeper

Red2011 Thu 01-Sep-11 23:33:41

Don't forget that all women are addicted chocolate and feel guilty about even looking at it, let alone eating it.
Oh, and germs on the top of the handwash pump are not likely to get washed off your hands when you have just pumped handwash onto them....

ThePopsicleKat Thu 01-Sep-11 23:35:40

Banks give a shit about you.

Flowerista Thu 01-Sep-11 23:38:03

Airlines give a shit about you!

Flowerista Thu 01-Sep-11 23:40:43

My daily commute is via water flume in my under crackers packing nothing more than my barclay card.

SummerRain Thu 01-Sep-11 23:43:37

When on our periods women are prevented from cuddling up on the couch with a man or dancing in a club unless they want a woman with an incredibly annoying voice to magically appear and inform them of their infraction by turning the word period into a ten syllable word.

All mothers of young children wear a permanently fixed manic smirk which remains in place even when faced with blood stained clothing and brats tantrumming about pooing locations.

men are bumbling idiots and women spend their lives preoccupied with cleaning products, detergents and the regularity of their bowl movements.

chunkythighs Thu 01-Sep-11 23:47:59

Airlines that use TV to advertise have air stewards who move in slow motion and their passengers aren't creeped out by having a stranger tuck them in with a blanket. Air stewards pick up an obviously brand new teddy from the floor and hand it to a cute kid in economy. This both of these employees are always female.

PonceyMcPonce Thu 01-Sep-11 23:49:45

Cheap hair dye will give an amazing professional effect. So much so that I will be able to face snooty shop assistants. In fact it is so good that highly successful actresses choose it. They apply it when they have a good inch of grey roots then prance around an ivory coloured bedroom without mishap.

Red2011 Thu 01-Sep-11 23:54:21

Last time I used cheap hairdye, I got it on the cat. That's real life. grin

chunkythighs Thu 01-Sep-11 23:56:41

Red, did your friends arrive with a VIP access to a gig but decided to tactfully bring a bottle of hair dye in case? hmm

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