Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'(329 Posts)
I once found a white disc in the washing machine after a load had finished. Couldn't for the life of me work out what it was. So I licked it. Turns out it was a lemon scented bleach block for the toilet cistern. I'd scooped up the packet with the dirty washing. I don't usually lick random objects. It tasted a bit lemony, and not particularly fatal in case you were wondering.
Bump need more to make me laugh please.
I had a mobile phone that wasn't charging v well, and kept dying. I wasn't sure if the fault was with the battery being old, or if the charger was working properly.
So I took the little end of the charger wire (while the other end was plugged into the mains) and gave it a lick!
Needless to say the fault wasn't with the charger!!!
A few years ago I complained to (now) dh that my watch had stopped working and I didn't know why as I wound it regularly. He suggested replacing the battery...... I had only had the watch for about 10 years by that pont......
As a secondary school student I truly loathed physics. Such was my boredom one day, I decided to try and wake myself up by clipping a crocodile clip in my nose. I knew it was going to hurt and did wonder why I was doing it.
FUCK! The pain was unbelievable, and I couldn't get it off. Class was in hysterics, I was in agony, poor teacher didn't know what was happening
These are brilliant
Once I lived in a shared house, and we had this landlord who was a right awkward bugger to deal with, he also sounded VERY posh on the phone.
He was coming to inspect the house. We'd never seen him so I told my housemate I'd text her to tell her what he was like.
While he was still in the house I texted her, and ( I admit it was a bit nasty) to say he "looks exactly as he sounds on the phone, all tweedy, like a proper hooray henry, with bright ginger hair"
I then sent the text message to the landlord.
A few months ago I was sat on a busy train, on one of the sets of 4 seats with a table in the middle. 3 teenage boys (about 15/16) sat on the other 3 seats.
One of the teens has his phone on the table.
It starts to ring.....So I answered it!
Literally no idea why I did it. It's not even as though i mixed it up with my own phone- it looked and sounded completely different.
And it wasn't that i got sick of hearing it ring. I didn't even give the poor kid a chance to answer...I pretty much picked it up on the first ring.
I realised what i'd done the second I said 'hello', but it was too late to pretend I hadn't done it IFYSWIM
So I just handed the phone back to the guy and said "er...i think it's for you.."
It felt like every bloody person on the (very busy) train was staring at me. This kid then took his phone
looking very nervous and said into it " er yeah someone on the train just answered...er i'm not sure." all whilst shooting me covert looks (Bless him for trying to be polite though...As opposed to just shouting that some bloody crazy woman just tried to nick his phone )
I do still cringe when I think about it. Everyone within earshot was sniggering and it was another 20 mins before i could get off the train
Oh and just a few days ago I was at work and needed to create a new client document. The documents are numbered and the most recent one was number 1099.
I literally sat there for about 10 minutes trying to work out what number came after 1099.
I am not normally an idiot, honest.
This has made me laugh so much...
I have a few...
I often use my car key button to open the front door ...and once locked myself out of my flat ...while cleaning the outside windows... in my pyjamas (had to knock at an unknown neighbour's door to use the phone to get my flatmate to send her keys in a taxi... )
Flustered by a supermarket shop with two bickering children ...went to put trolley away and reclaim my pound coin ...except for some reason it wouldn't work - couldn't get the bit on the chain to go into the slot...struggled for a few minutes before an elderly lady came up to me and said 'would you like some help with that? - at which she turned the trolley round - so it fitted inside the other trolleys - and then gave me my pound saying ' They are a bit confusing aren't they'
Gave DD1 a quick breastfeed in car before dropping off at nursery, got bags and baby together heading into nursery and a passing bloke grinned at me - so (politely) I smiled back and cheerily said 'hello' ...only then to realise I'd forgotten to put one boob away...
Walking into Tescos - saw someone who I recognised but not sure where from...I'm terribly bad at faces/names - so did my default overly friendly hello how are you? she said hello but was obviously surprised and I thought maybe she didn't recognise me ...further round the shop I saw her again and it dawned on me - it was the doctor who had done my smear/fitted my coil the day before...
Splashed gloss paint onto my eyelashes - ignored it until I felt my eyelids starting to stick together - panicked and wiped it off - with white spirits...ouch! (A&E were more worried about the damage caused by the white spirits than the paint )
In my days as a chef - put a round metal strainer onto a charcoal grill to dry..after a minute thought gosh that mesh looks hot and put my hand on it see - it was - so hot it stuck to my hand and I got a really interesting grid patterned of burn blisters on the palm of my hand...
New to MN, this thread and a few others have been brilliant in helping me stay awake during the last few nights feeding our newborn baby. Have also done the very slowly running over a bird instead of just stopping thing, but worse cos there were two of them - yup that's right, two, still didn't stop for the second one either.
Locked myself out of my old work car numerous times; it locked ITSELF if you shut the doors/boot - why it had that design I have NO idea, but you'd think after the first time I'd learn not to chuck my coat in the back and shut the door and THEN check if my keys were in my hand or in my coat pocket..
Went to the supermarket the other day specifically to buy a paintbrush and the newspaper. Went in, got milk, paracetamol, a card, some hot cross buns, went to pay, didn't have my wallet. Went out to car, got money, came back in and paid for things. Left. Turned around five mins down road to come back for things I actually needed. Ended up buying ice lollies (it was about 4 degrees outside) then left AGAIN. Got as far as car then swore really loudly, got some odd looks, went back in and got the paper and the brush... Had to try and explain to DH why I had three separate receipts and such a bizarre array of shopping.
Regularly leave house keys in outside of door when I come home much to DH's frustration (they also have my car key on them with car parked outside house). And have got cash out of the ATM, taken my card and left the cash. They have a function for people like me though and it sucks it back in and then practically appears in your statement as cash withdrawal-oh no, you didn't quite manage the full sequence of events, did you, so that money didn't actually get taken from your account...
Oh dear, many Miranda moments from me I'm afraid, will post as I think of them
First one that comes to mind was when doing an important presentation in sleeveless shift dress with new black cardigan. Got hot in the room so took my cardigan off. Wondered why I was getting strange looks when I was gesticulating at screen behind me
Realised when I got back to my hotel room that new black cardigan had deposited a thick layer of black fluff all over my arm pits. Grim
Like a previous post about getting in the wrong car, had ordered a taxi, heard a beep outside, walked out the front, waved to neighbours who were sitting in their front garden, got in the cab and said my destination. Not a cab but our other neighbour picking his wife up.
Apologies, laughed to the neighbours, not too bad, 5 mins later, taxi pulls up, I get in, give destination again, taxi not booked for me. Don't want to embarrass myself in front of the neighbours so got out and hid behind a hedge until my real taxi arrives
That just reminded me of something...
In supermarket car park ...pressed unlock car button, heard beep, went to boot and it wouldn't open - thought that's odd - maybe DP had been in boot for something and used the key (my car and you can lock it so it only opens with key or something) ... about to try with key and thought better look in manual first (double locked the boot on my dad's car using key once -took ages to get it open again) - go to put shopping in back seat - look though window and think it needs a good clean it out - then gosh never noticed DDs car seat had that colour of trim - then realise door is still locked...try unlock button again - hear beep but door doesn't unlock...on no the locks must be broken or something ...try key in door lock doesn't work - not going to be back in time for school pick up - damn - can't find AA card with number on -phone a friend to ask her to get DDs for me and can she find the AAs number for me...just as she answers realise that ...actually that isn't our mess -ours is worse - actually it isn't my car (same model and colour though) ...my car is behind me ....
Worse I told her what had happened rather than making up some excuse for phoning her
(And a bit worried that none of that set the alarm off! )
these are brilliant
just a couple of small ones from me
1) I always sign birthday cards to my dad with my pet name, apart from the one year I put my full name in a very formal manner, just in case he didn't know me - my family were [
2) a number of times after writing work emails I have finished with my name and a couple of kisses!
3) last one, lost my car key - spent hours last looking for it. asked all the neighbours, searched the house, called the police and companies to find out how much to replace locks in my car - a lot by the way. decided to sleep on it as area is very safe and car very old. next day I found the keys in a coffee cup in the bin! have no idea how that happened
My friend is a consultants wife so has to be on her best behaviour when she has an appointment at the (smallish) hospital.
When she was pg with her 4th dc she went for a scan hopped up on the couch then realised she had on one blue shoe and one black shoe they looked nothing like each other. She tried to make a joke but the sonographer was quite po faced about it.
a brilliant thread ! "hello Bronagh" has had me doing that silent-with-tears-running-down-face laughter !!
I once said "Thank you" to my PC when I got up from my desk to leave work! Hope no-one noticed...
I went to the cinema to watch a 3D film a few years ago. The film finished and I came out into the cinema foyer. I needed the loo so I asked an assistant where the toilets were. He gave me a really strange look and pointed the way. I assumed that the odd look was because it was really late at night and that they were waiting to close. There was a cleaner in the toilets - she also stared at me and watched as I walked to a cubicle. The people working here are quite rude, I thought.... right up until the moment when I went to wash my hands, looked in the mirror and realised I was still wearing my 3D glasses.
I was happily driving along when I panicked and almost did an emergency stop because I remembered I had left my car keys behind. The car keys which were, of course, in the ignition - since the car was going???!
Also I can't be the only person who ever year replies to "happy birthday" with "happy birthday" back? <twit>
The predictive text on my old mobile use to annoy me. It always seemed to choose the word I didn't want to use. Got a new Blackberry (hand me down from my teenager) and I thought wow this predictive text is really good.
"But mum it doesn't have predictive text; it's got a keypad and every word is displayed as you type it"
ps I have tried to swipe the screen on the desktop pc and wonder why nothings happened.
Ripped open a dishwasher tablet wrapper with my teeth. Yuck! Pah! In my defence I only had one hand as I was carrying my 8 week old DD but still don't open chemical cleaners with your teeth!
I was at work at there was an awful BO smell lingering around. So in front of all my colleagues and my boss, I merrily lift my arm and give my arm pit a right good sniff, satisfied that its not me, I lower my arm and smile and nod to myself. Then it dawns on me that I am at work and I kept my head down the rest of the day. The shame
Pregnant with twins. Going for first scan at big hospital rather than the clinic I'd been attending. Whipped knickers off and hopped onto couch, sat there with legs akimbo, everything on view. Turned out to be external-type scan where they just scan outside of your belly. Er, with your knickers firmly in place, of course.
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