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If you missed Mumsnet Miscarriage Code of Practice in The Times

45 replies

GeraldineMumsnet · 21/10/2008 09:59

This is the link

OP posts:
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cmotdibbler · 21/10/2008 10:11

What a struggle we have to get good care, when the doctor quoted can't even see the problem ! Blardy 'reasonable expectations'. Its like saying 'well, we all have to die sometime' to a person who is bereaved - we all know that, but it still hurts..

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LackaDAISYcal · 21/10/2008 10:17

Thanks for stickying this Gerealdine

and good point cmot. "reasonable expectations" indeed

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morningpaper · 21/10/2008 10:18

good stuff

thanks for link

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S1ur · 21/10/2008 10:29

Excellent article and very moving.

Hope it makes people take a bit of notice.

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revjustabout · 21/10/2008 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LapinsBeenMarried4Years · 21/10/2008 10:59

Well done everyone and all those who told their stories x

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SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 21/10/2008 11:00

The point about conselling is a good one. My sister miscarried her second child very early on and was offered no after care or counselling.

She made an appointment with her doctor to see if anything needed to be checked or done and he told her that she would be fine as she was never "very pregnant" in the first place.

She was only 6 weeks but she can time her periods to the second and knew that she was pg before she was even due so to her she had lost a much wanted baby that she had already had over two weeks dreaming about and looking forward to.

She broke down to me and my other sister a couple of weeks later because she felt like people thought she should just be getting on with things as normal because of what the doctor had said to her, but she was still grieving.

Happily she has now gone on to have two healthy pregnancies giving me two beautifull nephews as well as my gorgeous niece. But she will never forget the baby that she lost.

Counselling should be offered to all women who miscarry and so should after care appointments. No matter how pregnant they were.

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suzywong · 21/10/2008 11:28

jolly good!
thanks for link

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LilRedWGoreandguts · 21/10/2008 11:41

The counselling point is excellent. I had two miscarriages in 2004 (DD was born in 2006) and whilst we were extremely lucky with the level of profesionalism and sensitivity at the time I was not offered any loss counselling until April of this year, when I broke down and sobbed after I had my coil fitted.

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misselizabethbennet · 21/10/2008 12:29
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Cremolatorium · 21/10/2008 12:51

"she also maintains that women nowadays are less willing to accept that pregnancy does not always go to plan. ?There is an expectation that every pregnancy will produce a baby,? she says. ?The problem is, we have got so used to being able to control areas of our lives that we weren't able to control in the past. Many women expect that they can stop contraception and will straight away get pregnant and have a baby - but life doesn't work like that, because we can't control everything. "

She completely misses the point here IMHO.Many women are acutely aware that getting pregnant is never easy and straightforward. Indeed many women who ttc after 35 know very well this is not the case and may have had to resort to assisted conception methods.This is a double whammy emotionally: Going through IVF(agony) and then conceiving( joy) followed by the loss of the baby through miscarriage(agony)
It is p-atronising in the extreme to say that women are not informed about the difficulties.It is this that makes the experience of miscarriage all the more painful.

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WayneAteASlob · 21/10/2008 13:02

excellent article - so proud to be part of MN.

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wonderstuff · 21/10/2008 13:06

I don't think Davies has had a m/c do you? Knowing the risks makes the first 12 weeks really hard, and at the end of a day losing a baby is losing a baby, an awful event no matter how common, we aren't stupid, we know the risks, but I personally was devastated and I feel that it took me much longer to grieve my mc because I didn't feel I had the right to be upset, I strongly felt I should be able to 'get over it' quickly but I couldn't.

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Lio · 21/10/2008 13:26

V good campaign.

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mrsmortenharket · 21/10/2008 13:47

thanks for link geraldine i also don't think that davies has had mc.

perhaps better term might be surgical assistance with miscarriage?

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Iloveautumn · 21/10/2008 14:14

I actually agreed with Davies in that quote and I've had two miscarriages and had some really shoddy treatment from the NHS. (So I sympathise with the Mumsnet campaign and agree with what is being proposed.)

I think that, along side much more support and understanding for women suffering miscarriage, it would also help if we could be more accepting that miscarriage just IS something that happens. It is a very natural thing to happen and at some level women do need to just accept that fact - along with getting lots of support for the equally natural grief that goes along with it.

I say this as someone who was completely devastated by my first miscarriage in particular and in no way underestimates the effect it has on women (and men).

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NickiSue · 21/10/2008 14:41

Very moving article. I hope it makes a difference. Just some of these changes would have made my m/c, maybe not less upsetting, but less horrific.

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sfxmum · 21/10/2008 14:53

many thanks

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MiscarriageArticleTimesMonday · 21/10/2008 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GylesBandwidth · 21/10/2008 16:42

ERPC is a vile term.
I remember after I had one, and the cold fish austere consultant used the full phrase in front of his students, all the while ignoring me as I sat in tears in the corner of the room.
I wanted to smack him in his emotionless little face, frankly.

Well done to those who braved the publicity to tell of their experiences.
Sorry for your losses.

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AnnVan · 21/10/2008 17:06

Agree about lack of aftercare - I miscarried at 8 weeks a year ago. Didn't even know if I was having m/c, and they wouldn't scan. then after you just get left to get on with it. we'd had 3 weeks to get used to the idea of a baby on the way, and then had to adjust all over again. Well done MN!!

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teafortwo · 21/10/2008 19:01

Wow - mn that is such a moving and informative report!

Well done mn and mners for bringing to our attention the absolute horrors women are unnessecary suffering ontop of the completely upsetting experience of miscarrying a baby!

Keep up the good work - Extremely impressive stuff!!!!

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Jackstini · 21/10/2008 20:06

So pleased this article was published. In a way it really helped me to go back over my experiences again when MN asked for mc stories. Here's hoping it makes a difference.

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CharleeInChains · 21/10/2008 20:13

Well done MN! It's about blood time somebody said something about the appaling care that women who are misscarrying recieve, i was disgustingly butchered by a gyne who then said 'i bet your glad you mc'd what with being so young' i was left with a foul infection which i didn't get told about and nearly became infertile, however i will say i was offered support and councelling from my gp, who consiquently gealt with my 6 mc's after the first and was very kind and supportive.

Well done again Mumsnet.

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HeadFairy · 21/10/2008 20:30

I've just had my first experience of miscarriage sadly, and while I'm feeling not too bad emotionally, I can see how poor handling by EPUs can leave some people feeling terribly traumatised. I went in for a scan knowing I'd miscarried, well I convinced myself so when it was confirmed it wasn't the body blow I imagine it is if you're keeping hope alive.

The EPU at St George's Tooting is meant to be brilliant, and the staff I came in to contact with were terribly kind, but the layout of unit is terrible. You have to sit waiting for your turn in out patients, which is also where the ante natal appointments desk is. While I was there, there were at least three tear stained women sitting with their partners surrounded by pregnant women and people waiting for routine blood tests (phlebotomy dept is also there). To have to sit there in the harsh glare of those lights, with nowhere private for you to vent your grief, sobbing with total strangers staring at you must be the most distressing thing ever.

oh and when I got home this evening from work there was a lovely envelope from the maternity services at St George's full of pamphlets about screening tests during pregnancy and inviting me to book in for my midwives appointment. Now as I said, I'm ok at the moment, I'm coping, but for someone who is struggling, that must be a devastating thing to come home to. It's the same department in the same hospital and they aren't able to stop these leaflets being sent out?

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