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If you missed Mumsnet Miscarriage Code of Practice in The Times

(46 Posts)
GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 21-Oct-08 09:59:00

This is the link

cmotdibbler Tue 21-Oct-08 10:11:59

What a struggle we have to get good care, when the doctor quoted can't even see the problem ! Blardy 'reasonable expectations'. Its like saying 'well, we all have to die sometime' to a person who is bereaved - we all know that, but it still hurts..

LackaDAISYcal Tue 21-Oct-08 10:17:08

Thanks for stickying this Gerealdine smile

and good point cmot. "reasonable expectations" indeed angry

morningpaper Tue 21-Oct-08 10:18:40

good stuff

thanks for link

S1ur Tue 21-Oct-08 10:29:07

Excellent article and very moving.

Hope it makes people take a bit of notice.

revjustabout Tue 21-Oct-08 10:46:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LapinsBeenMarried4Years Tue 21-Oct-08 10:59:52

Well done everyone and all those who told their stories x

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Tue 21-Oct-08 11:00:29

The point about conselling is a good one. My sister miscarried her second child very early on and was offered no after care or counselling.

She made an appointment with her doctor to see if anything needed to be checked or done and he told her that she would be fine as she was never "very pregnant" in the first place.

She was only 6 weeks but she can time her periods to the second and knew that she was pg before she was even due so to her she had lost a much wanted baby that she had already had over two weeks dreaming about and looking forward to.

She broke down to me and my other sister a couple of weeks later because she felt like people thought she should just be getting on with things as normal because of what the doctor had said to her, but she was still grieving.

Happily she has now gone on to have two healthy pregnancies giving me two beautifull nephews as well as my gorgeous niece. But she will never forget the baby that she lost.

Counselling should be offered to all women who miscarry and so should after care appointments. No matter how pregnant they were.

suzywong Tue 21-Oct-08 11:28:46

jolly good!
thanks for link

LilRedWGoreandguts Tue 21-Oct-08 11:41:51

The counselling point is excellent. I had two miscarriages in 2004 (DD was born in 2006) and whilst we were extremely lucky with the level of profesionalism and sensitivity at the time I was not offered any loss counselling until April of this year, when I broke down and sobbed after I had my coil fitted.

misselizabethbennet Tue 21-Oct-08 12:29:21

<applauds>

Cremolatorium Tue 21-Oct-08 12:51:51

"she also maintains that women nowadays are less willing to accept that pregnancy does not always go to plan. “There is an expectation that every pregnancy will produce a baby,” she says. “The problem is, we have got so used to being able to control areas of our lives that we weren't able to control in the past. Many women expect that they can stop contraception and will straight away get pregnant and have a baby - but life doesn't work like that, because we can't control everything. "

She completely misses the point here IMHO.Many women are acutely aware that getting pregnant is never easy and straightforward. Indeed many women who ttc after 35 know very well this is not the case and may have had to resort to assisted conception methods.This is a double whammy emotionally: Going through IVF(agony) and then conceiving( joy) followed by the loss of the baby through miscarriage(agony)
It is p-atronising in the extreme to say that women are not informed about the difficulties.It is this that makes the experience of miscarriage all the more painful.

WayneAteASlob Tue 21-Oct-08 13:02:52

excellent article - so proud to be part of MN.

wonderstuff Tue 21-Oct-08 13:06:47

I don't think Davies has had a m/c do you? Knowing the risks makes the first 12 weeks really hard, and at the end of a day losing a baby is losing a baby, an awful event no matter how common, we aren't stupid, we know the risks, but I personally was devastated and I feel that it took me much longer to grieve my mc because I didn't feel I had the right to be upset, I strongly felt I should be able to 'get over it' quickly but I couldn't.

Lio Tue 21-Oct-08 13:26:37

V good campaign.

mrsmortenharket Tue 21-Oct-08 13:47:48

thanks for link geraldine sad i also don't think that davies has had mc.

perhaps better term might be surgical assistance with miscarriage?

Iloveautumn Tue 21-Oct-08 14:14:57

I actually agreed with Davies in that quote and I've had two miscarriages and had some really shoddy treatment from the NHS. (So I sympathise with the Mumsnet campaign and agree with what is being proposed.)

I think that, along side much more support and understanding for women suffering miscarriage, it would also help if we could be more accepting that miscarriage just IS something that happens. It is a very natural thing to happen and at some level women do need to just accept that fact - along with getting lots of support for the equally natural grief that goes along with it.

I say this as someone who was completely devastated by my first miscarriage in particular and in no way underestimates the effect it has on women (and men).

NickiSue Tue 21-Oct-08 14:41:45

Very moving article. I hope it makes a difference. Just some of these changes would have made my m/c, maybe not less upsetting, but less horrific.

sfxmum Tue 21-Oct-08 14:53:05

many thanks

MiscarriageArticleTimesMonday Tue 21-Oct-08 16:24:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GylesBandwidth Tue 21-Oct-08 16:42:29

ERPC is a vile term.
I remember after I had one, and the cold fish austere consultant used the full phrase in front of his students, all the while ignoring me as I sat in tears in the corner of the room.
I wanted to smack him in his emotionless little face, frankly.

Well done to those who braved the publicity to tell of their experiences.
Sorry for your losses.

AnnVan Tue 21-Oct-08 17:06:05

Agree about lack of aftercare - I miscarried at 8 weeks a year ago. Didn't even know if I was having m/c, and they wouldn't scan. then after you just get left to get on with it. we'd had 3 weeks to get used to the idea of a baby on the way, and then had to adjust all over again. Well done MN!!

teafortwo Tue 21-Oct-08 19:01:12

Wow - mn that is such a moving and informative report!

Well done mn and mners for bringing to our attention the absolute horrors women are unnessecary suffering ontop of the completely upsetting experience of miscarrying a baby!

Keep up the good work smile - Extremely impressive stuff!!!!

Jackstini Tue 21-Oct-08 20:06:16

So pleased this article was published. In a way it really helped me to go back over my experiences again when MN asked for mc stories. Here's hoping it makes a difference.

CharleeInChains Tue 21-Oct-08 20:13:36

Well done MN! It's about blood time somebody said something about the appaling care that women who are misscarrying recieve, i was disgustingly butchered by a gyne who then said 'i bet your glad you mc'd what with being so young' angrysad i was left with a foul infection which i didn't get told about and nearly became infertile, however i will say i was offered support and councelling from my gp, who consiquently gealt with my 6 mc's after the first and was very kind and supportive.

Well done again Mumsnet. smile

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