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Birthday party for twins - one present or two?

(17 Posts)
potplant Mon 21-Sep-09 12:57:52

MY DTs are in separate classes at school. This is the first proper party at school (both now in Yr1).

The norm at school is for whole class parties but there is no way I could afford to host that kind of party. I settled on letting the DTs invite a small number of their friends.

The invite said "DT1 and DT2 invite you to their birthday party"...

I had a VM from the mum of one of DT1's invitees asking me whether she should buy a present for both of them or just the one who is in her DD's class.

I think its a bit off that she would even consider only buying one of them a present when the invite was from both of them, but not sure how to say this to her without sounding a bit grasping and desperate for toys, which I'm not. If neither got anything I would be just as happy.

Any ideas how to say, please don't feel you have to buy anything, but if you're going to buy for both otherwise there will be WW3 at my house when one realises he got less presents than the other.

citronella Mon 21-Sep-09 13:09:21

2 people 2 presents.

ninedragons Mon 21-Sep-09 13:11:18

Wow, weirdo mother. Just laugh and say neither or both, up to you.

potplant Mon 21-Sep-09 13:12:45

Thanks - that's what I would like to say but how do I say it politely? I don't want her to get in a huff and not come at all, cos the DTs would be devasted.

blametheparents Mon 21-Sep-09 13:22:43

I'm not sure I necessarily agree.

I don't see any problem with just buying a present for the twin that you know, iyswim.

Surely your children have got to learn that they do have separate friends, that they are individuals and that they might be treated differently?

traceybath Mon 21-Sep-09 13:29:01

I agree with blametheparents.

I'd buy a pressie for the child in my child's class and just give a card to the other child.

I don't think thats unreasonable and is the basis i follow for any joint parties.

potplant Mon 21-Sep-09 13:31:00

blame - we have had a few invitations when only one of them is invited and I have explained why they are treated differently - it hurts them but I agree that they have to learn this lesson. When her DD had her party she only invited DT1 and DT2 was distraught.

But her DD knows both of my DTs and plays with them both. In reception the classes were only split during the morning session so the 3 of them play together all the time.

colditz Mon 21-Sep-09 13:32:36

Joint parties are usually two children who are friends, not two children who probably share a room, share a mother, and maybe even once shared a vital organ (the placenta). You can't treat them like they only know each other socially, so if you aren't going to get two presents, they need to have something they can share which is labeled for both of them, like playdoh or something.

potplant Mon 21-Sep-09 13:33:46

I would agree for joint parties if your DCs don't actually know the other child not to buy. But the 3 of them are friends.

girlsyearapart Mon 21-Sep-09 13:35:54

no i'd get two presents. we had joint party for our dds who were 1 and 2. everyone there knew them both but lots definitely classed as dd1's friends. they both got present each.

maybe a bigger shared present or a 'proper' pressie for the one they know and a token git for the other.

potplant Mon 21-Sep-09 13:54:38

Colditz - that's what I'm trying to say without saying 'look at me I'm special cos I've got twins'.

BigMomma3 Mon 21-Sep-09 14:41:14

My DT's have had joint parties for the last 3 years and their friends (they have always been in separate classes at school against my wishes) have only ever bought one present even though the invite was from both of them. Cue tears and tantrums if one DT has more friends turn up than the other or if one gets better presents than the other. Also same problem with one being invited to parties and not the other. Same with playdates. I get upset for the other one sometimes sad. V. difficult to deal with IMO.

Of course they have to learn to be individuals but that is bloody hard when you are 7!!

throckenholt Mon 21-Sep-09 14:43:44

I have twins. If mine were in different classes (which they aren't) and had different sets of friends then I would think it perfectly reasonable to only buy a present for the one they are friends with.

When my kids have been to parties held for siblings of different ages I only got a present for the one they were pals with too.

GrapefruitMoon Mon 21-Sep-09 14:45:40

Even if they weren't twins I would always get a small present for the other child when it's joint parties (unless I absolutely didn't know then at all - eg a pre-school party where two friends have a joint party and they have some mutual friends and some separate). tbh I often get them both the same even if we know one better - saves trying to think about what to buy!

ChopsTheDuck Mon 21-Sep-09 14:46:59

I don't think you should have sent the invites from both tbh. It would have been easier to tell each they could invite x amount of people and make it more of a joint do.

It's a bit tough on parents having to buy for both, especially when their siblings don't necessarily play with both.

I do have dts, they are in the same class at school, but they have always had their own, seperate friends.

throckenholt Mon 21-Sep-09 14:47:38

One of the reason I have never yet had a party (other than close family) for my twins is I don't want to be inundated with presents - I would be truly grateful if we could say no presents at all (but that is taboo !) - so I would be happy if at least they didn't get a present from every child but only the special friends of their own.

But I guess if the friend was jointly invited by both then it has to be a present each or a joint one.

potplant Mon 21-Sep-09 18:32:46

Chops - I told them they could pick their own friends to come and they both picked this child. Reception is really formal at their school and the two classes mixed together for most of the day. For the most part mine have the same friends.

I KNOW that they have to have their own identity etc but when its your 5YO crying their eyes out because they didn't get invited to what he considers his best friends party but his twin did it's tough.

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