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Advice please - should we have another!!!!

(14 Posts)
loubloutwinmum Mon 07-Sep-09 11:30:00

I'm in a bit of turmoil at the moment so am hoping some of you multiple Mums might be able to help!

My twin girls are now 6 and a half and although I've had moments of wanting another baby over the years, the moments have been fleeting and have passed! Also, DH not been keen and never really suggested it was an option.

Anyway, for the last few months (more like 6) I've been feeling very very broody and my husband and I had a long talk at the weekend. The upshot is, he said he would be happy for us to try for another! Quite shocked as didn't think he would.

Now I am doing some major thinking and sole searching. I'm 35 so feel like if we are going to I should get on with it! However, not sure how the girls will feel, how it will change the dynamic, have I left it too late is 7 years too big a gap, financially it is madness, could I cope with the sleep deprivation again! When the girls go the senior school, this one would only just be starting infants! I might have twins again! So much is going around in my head - as well as lots of positive lovely baby thoughts!

Any advice from multiple Mums who have gone on to have more would be great and just any opinions thoughts! I don't want to regret no doing it - kind of feel it is now or never!

Thanks ladies x

mumofdjandbabies Mon 07-Sep-09 11:30:44

go for it! 3 is BRILL!!!

curiositykilled Mon 07-Sep-09 21:23:04

If you still feel broody after considering how you'd cope with all the things that could happen I'd say go for it.

Not a pleasant process really but I think it's pretty reliable...

How would you cope if you:

- had more twins
- had a child with health problems...

e.t.c. think through all the things and if you're still broody go for it.

loubloutwinmum Mon 07-Sep-09 23:26:35

Thank you - have been doing lots more thinking and think of nothing but it seems.

Our girls are just so lovely and perfect and we have a great life and now they older, I have time to myself again.

But I would love another - my Dad died when I was 8 months pg with my twins so the joy of my babies was somewhat overshadowed by immense grief. I would love to experience the full joy of pg but then you never know what life is going through at you and also, that is not a good enough reason I guess! Anyway, it is late and I'm babbling! X

curiositykilled Tue 08-Sep-09 10:45:22

I think it would not be so great to consider the joy of pregnancy as a reason, not because it's not an important thing but just because when you have other children pregnancy often becomes a right PITA! There are some lovely things especially if you involve the children that you have right from the start, coming to the scans and listening to the heartbeat at the midwife appointments and reading about how the baby is growing in the week by week baby books. BUT it is hard work.

I missed out on all the planning and nice things with my first because my work wouldn't let me go even to midwife appointments because we had no staff and they'd have to close the shop. I was in an abusive relationship and everything was hard.

I really hoped to have 'the joy' the second time but found it hard looking after ds and being sick everywhere/randomly tired. I put that down to being a single mum and looked forward to enoying this pregnancy, now that I am happily married but not to be! It is twins, everything has been really hard and tiring. I think as your children get older everything seems to be easier because it is easier than it was when they were younger, I have found I didn't realise how hard looking after children really was until this pregnancy! I think it is just that they place demands on your time so you are not always able to rest e.t.c. when you might need to.

Hope I've not put you off, clearly I love children am mental as I'll soon have 4.

You have to do what is right for you, you seem very preoccupied with it atm x

loubloutwinmum Tue 08-Sep-09 11:56:57

Thanks Curiosity - I understand what you are saying and I am thinking very seriously about it as I want to make sure that if we do "go for it", it is the right decision for me, my DH and my girls and the new baby (or babies).

I had a great pregnancy with my girls and they went full term despite all the emotional trauma I went through. I do feel their first months were overshadowed with the regret my Dad was not with us to enjoy it and I was supporting my Mum so it was a very tough time all round. The girls got us through it though.

However, in the cold light of day I do feel like I would love another child but will probably just hold that thought until we are totally sure. We have a very happy marriage, very happy daughters and I think they would love to share the experience and relish being big sisters! However, there is a big part of me that thinks, blimey we are so lucky to have what we have, lets not roll the dice again, lets just enjoy where we are at now!

Will continue to think on it all and will follow your progress with interest - hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. Thanks for taking the time to post! x

hattyyellow Mon 21-Sep-09 11:29:34

Hello, I have twin girls who are 4.1 and a third daughter who is 9 months old.

Like you I somehow didn't feel I was "done" with children after the twins - although they bring so much to our lives I felt that there was another baby in there somewhere!

I imagine your girls are at a good age to enjoy a new brother or sister as they are old enough to not be too jealous and to get involved as well as to enjoy their own activies/school leaving you time for the baby.

I don't regret having three but it has been hard. This is probably due to my twins still being so young - they have been fairly jealous and it is still a bit like running a nursery with all three needing to be helped to go to the loo/change nappies/finish meals and the amount of tantrums/clearing up we still have to do! Pregnancy was also utterly exhausting looking after two three year olds plus me but you won't have such a tiring time I imagine if your girls are older..

I have found that DD3 just fits in a lot better than our experience of parenting first time around - with the double whammy of having twins we spent a lot of time sitting at home not wanting to upset their routine - with DD3 she happily goes in the car if we want to go out/do something spontaneously.

It is a bit of upheaval going back to the teething/nappies stage but less so that first time around.

It sounds like you really want to go for this - you don't mention work..would that fit in easily with having another child or are you at home anyway?

Are your girls id? I think the chances are much lower if they are of having twins again - if they're not I think your chances are pretty high, especially as you are 35 and have children already. I think there's a racial predisposition as well - my mind has vague memories that Nigerian and Japanese women are more likely to have twins?

Hope you manage to come to a decision! I do find it hard sometimes to share my time - three is a lot more than two in many ways - but then three makes another playmate for the first two..

loubloutwinmum Mon 21-Sep-09 11:54:05

Thank you Hattyyellow for your lovely reply, it so nice to hear from someone in a very similar situation.

My girls are non ID and have looked into the chances of having another set and it is actually a 1 in 12 chance from what I can find out. But then, who knows, it is a chance we take I guess.

You hit the nail on the head that after having twins I just don't feel like we are done yet! Maybe if I had had two singletons I would feel different - who knows! It is great to get your perspective on how a third can change the dynamics on your family. I do think my girls who are 6 would adore being big sisters. I just worry about the financial implications and that we have left too big a gap. I will be taking the girls to senior school when no.3 is just starting infants. Also worry as I am 35 that I can't leave it too much longer if we are going to try!

I do work part-time and it fits in great with the girls and their school hours so that would obviously have to change. I probably could reduce the hours I work if I did return and I have at least 2 days a week child care if I need it.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply - food for thought. In my heart I would love to have another, I just have to convince my head!

2to3 Tue 22-Sep-09 22:29:58

I've got twins aged 4 1/2 and am very happily pregnant with no. 3 (due on their 5th birthday). I've wanted another since they were born (well, on and off - def. not during the 2-3 stage...) and had to get it out of my system. I knew the risk of twins again were lower as mine are ID but I was still relieved when the scan showed only one baby. But - we would have coped if it was two too.

You never know what's around the corner and what kind of child or how many you will end up with, but I reckon it's a worthwhile gamble.

The boys are taking a real interest in the pregnancy and how babies are made, feeling proud about telling friends that there's a baby in my tummy, etc. I think it will be really good for them to be big brothers and to focus on another sibling instead of just each other. Twins are quite intense as they are so close and always at a very similar stage. Being around someone much younger will be an interesting challenge for them.

Maybe try to focus on how you might feel later on when having another is not an option anymore - will you feel like you missed out? My DH said he'd rather have another baby than a forever bitter wife - not exactly romantic, but he had a point. As for the age gap - from what I can tell the bigger the gap, the easier it gets. I'm nearly 8 years older than my younger brother and l loved him passionately from day 1. He was my baby too! And we are still really close.

estar Wed 23-Sep-09 11:03:24

We're all different and I know some mums are so happy with the regularity and rhythm of two children that they don't want to upset that balance - but personally I can't understand that!

I have DS1 (7), DTs (6), DS4 (nearly 2) and am expecting DC5 and the biggest decision for us was whether to have DS4 with a four year gap. Once we had made the decision, there were times I wobbled and wondered what I was doing going back to the baby stage and was I stretching myself, etc, but once everything calmed down again, I know it was the best decision ever. The older ones love him so much and have learnt so much about patience and responsibility. They are really excited about the next one too and in my opinion, it has made the family stronger. We do have to compromise in many areas - as you know, twins have the advantage of going through phases at the same time so deciding on days out, after school clubs, etc, can be straightforward because it's what they're both into. With another age child, you have to do a bit more juggling and compromising.

My main reason though is that I had a sister who was nine years younger than me and absolutely loved it. Yes, she got on my nerves sometimes, but in general, I couldn't get enough of helping with her and playing with her. It made things like Christmas and trips to the zoo much more exciting because the little child magic was there for longer and we all (I had two brothers as well) went along with the Santa Claus thing as well as other family traditions that would have been lost once we are all teenagers.

Obviously, you can tell I am totally biased in favour of the idea but I understand not everyone is like me!

loubloutwinmum Wed 23-Sep-09 13:22:38

Wow, Estar and 2to3, thank you for your really positive replies and congratulations 2to3!

I was feeling a bit wobbly last night & I was starting to think I was being silly wanting another. I sat there thinking just be happy with what you've got, why change things. But you are right, if having another was no longer an option I would be very upset!

But after reading your posts, you've both covered all the reasons why I do want another. Especially when you talk of the joy an elder child gets from having a baby brother or sister!

I do wish like you 2to3 we had decided on another a year or so ago as the baby stage seems many moons ago. However, it is a bit like riding a bike isn't it? Estar totally in awe of you - 5 children, how lovely.

Anyway, thank you for such great comments, really useful - I will keep you posted and 2to3 wish you lots of luck with baby no 3 smile

loubloutwinmum Wed 23-Sep-09 13:30:50

Sorry Estar - just re-read your post - you are expecting no 5, don't have 5 already so a huge congratualtions to you too. Sorry, read it wrong, is it not Friday yet!! x

kathryn2804 Wed 23-Sep-09 16:25:46

I've got 4 1/2 year old twins and am expecting no 3 too!!! I have to say I'm quite glad I waited a bit, but the down side is having to back to sleepless nights and early mornings when I've got used to sleeping all night and waking at 7:30am! If you have another sooner, you can just continue with sleepless nights and early mornings!! It was a real consideration in case we got another multiple birth, we would have had to get a new car (and probably a new house!!) but it is just the one! As yours are 6, I would definitely go for it! i think you'll know when you're 'done'!

idobelieveinfairies Sat 26-Sep-09 16:52:34

I had twins again!! grin..actually it was triplets but one didn't make it early on sad.

There is a high risk of another multiple pregnancy if you have non-id twin.

If i remember rightly there is a 70% chance if you conceive before they are 1 year old..and then the percentage goes down slightly every year after.

I had 4 singles and 1 set of twins when i conceived my next set at the age of 30.

I think it would be lovely for you to have another and you would have two very eager helpers i am sure!

Good Luck!

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