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Why does it never get easier!

(15 Posts)
katedan Wed 26-Aug-09 08:49:28

I have twin girls who are 2yrs 8 months and ds who is 6 and I am fed up. I really beleived by now things would have got easier. Just when i get on top of food, sleep etc I am now battling potty training (only one dd) who keeps pooing in her pants I worked really hard to PT her and for two weeks it was going well and I finally thought I had got something right for a change and now it is going wrong and I still have the second daughter to start. I never give any of the kids one to one time so the all play up for attention. Despite being lucky enough to get away for a couple of weeks over the school holidays, it was not really holiday and we had all the tantrums, PT and lack of any time off same as at home. DH is really good at taking over at the weekend but then he ends up stressed and then we fight so I worry our marriage will never survive. I had to give up my job as could not earn enough to pay for two in childcare plus after school care. We have family near by but they will only look after ds as they see him as the one who misses out so does not really give me and dh a break.

I know I should not moan as all the kids are healthy but I see my friends around me who's lives are getting easier and they are starting to be able to enjoy holidays, days out etc and I want to scream!!!!

BenandSue Wed 26-Aug-09 12:54:38

I am in no position to advise you if it gets any better because my twin girls are only 15 months old. I think it's very hard to find the time to spend on a one-to-one basis with your kids. I also have a 3 year old daughter and I often feel guilty that I'm not spending enough time playing with them individually. But really you can only do so much and worrying about it isn't going to help.
I also had to give up work because we can't afford childcare, but my Mum comes over to help and play with the twins some days to give me a break. Can you not ask the grandparents to babysit the twins for you occasionally? Say that it would really help you out.
I must admit I'm dreading the potty training experience with twins!!

MarsLady Thu 27-Aug-09 17:59:51

It does get easier katedan but you're right, there's always something new to come through. Your DTs are still very young and it's much easier to distract a singleton having a tantrum than twins who tantrum either in tandem or one after the other.

Just remember the mantra...

This too shall pass....
This too shall pass....

Mine are 5.5yo now and getting easier. School is a godsend! grin

katedan Thu 27-Aug-09 18:30:31

Roll on school, only another 2 years to go!!! although seriously I hate the fact I am wishing their lives away.
I had a bit of a winge at the my mum today as she will only look after ds she did agree to look after dt's in november as they will nearly be 3 by then so that is a breakthrough!

curiositykilled Thu 27-Aug-09 19:54:25

katedan - no room to talk about twins yet as am only 30 weeks pg with mine but I have to say I found that year age 2-3 the hardest with both my older DCs. All the potty training and disobedience <<sigh>>. I just think it must be doubly hard with 2 doing it at the same time - eek. It's hard because they're big enough to be a bit independent but not big enough to recognise their limits and keep control of themselves all the time so you have to really watch them and work hard to control them all the time. I'm sure it will get easier, my 4 year old is lovely and such little work now. The term after the DTs 3rd birthday you'll get some free nursery time won't you? Focus on that grin you're not wishing their lives away, you're just needing a rest. x

MarsLady Thu 27-Aug-09 19:55:40

Well said curiosity! smile

MerryMarigold Thu 27-Aug-09 20:41:23

curiosity, you're so right that it's a really hard stage. I thought that as soon as I saw potty training!

Potty training my ds1 did my head in (it was 2 months after twins were born as well!). Some people seem to find it easy, others find it awful and I was tearing my hair out as it took about 5 months and he was well past 3 years old. Everyone said twins must be hard work, but all I could think is that my ds1 was the absolute nightmare.

I was wondering today if it ever gets easier! We are going through teething at the moment and just when I hoped I may start getting more sleep, it's back to being up 6-7x a night. Arghhhhhhh...I have had one night since they were born of only being up once, the norm is 3x. I do hope that bit gets easier, but then something else will get harder.

I am definitely looking forward to playschool at 2.5-3 years old! Not to wish their lives away but just so I have some time to focus on me and my dh - we're both sorely neglected at the moment. But life is long (hopefully)...

kristatwin Sat 29-Aug-09 17:46:51

Could of wrote this thread myself, i keep asking myself the same question, when does it get easier, mine are 2 on sunday, and they just seem to argue and fight constantly.

We have little in the way of help, maybe once every 6 months grandparents will have them over nite, and partner works nearly all weekends, i just seem to struggle through, i cant wait till nursery, and yes i hate saying it, but i need my sanity back please!!

pixiblue Sun 30-Aug-09 00:42:37

My b/g dts are also 2.8, (also a ds 6, dd 5 & ds 1). I'm dreading potty training, haven't given it much of a go as yet. I find life is getting easier in some ways (abandoning the buggy, sleeping through) but dts do not entertain each other as much as I once hoped, in fact when they are entertaining each other it usually involves some sort of destruction to the house. hmm

I try to think of games/activities that keep them occupied for long periods that other dcs can join in. So we do lots of colouring in/play dough/sticking/cooking etc on wet days and sand/water play or sports day type races on dry ones, these are good days when I feel they all get my time and older dcs like helping out the younger ones and don't feel left out.

They do argue over items so last month I bought a timer and they are learning that when that beeps it's the other's turn, if they carry on fighting item is removed. It's very effective on all my dcs as they immediately see/hear a fair treatment, older dcs are glued to it as it counts down to their turn so stops any unwanted physical action too.

I've taken to removing the tantrumer from whichever room the rest of us are in and noticed a huge improvement (esp with dt2).

I try my best to find at least 10 mins a day with each of them on their own, might be broken down through the day on hectic days. Some times I get more time and I treasure it, but on the days it's the minimum I try not to beat myself up. I do spend a huge amount of my time each day kissing/blowing raspberries/hugging so I try to remember on bad days that I'm not so bad a mum.

Remind your family that all your children equally miss out, dts also have to share you with each other, and that it would be a great help to sometimes separate them, for their sakes as well as your own?

pixiblue Sun 30-Aug-09 00:43:03

blush at length of my post.

MarsLady Sun 30-Aug-09 10:49:20

Good post though Pix my lovely grin

largeginandtonic Sun 30-Aug-09 11:02:09

Honestly twins are fabulous smile

Mine are almost 11 now and just hilarious. They are excellent company and such sweet thoughtful boys.

Beleive me mine were absolute horrors when they were younger, they could reduce me to tears some days. I think it peeked when they were 2.

They used to touch everything, put mobile phones down the toilet. Run off at evey opportunity, climb up anything they could, get in every cupboard. Good grief it was hellish.

When they hit 3 it suddenly became better. They went to playschool grin and loved it. They were occupied and it tired them out!

I also found i didnt worry about them at playschool and eventually school so much as they had each other.

No one offered to have mine either hmm People would take one of the others (there are a few) but never the twins.

It will all be ok. Repeat the mantra grin

<< waves to Mars and Pix >>

GodzillasBumcheek Sun 30-Aug-09 11:09:44

Can you not get the family member who babysit to take one twin at a time? That way they will have a lovely visit on their own and you get only one younger one to cope with. The next time someone babysits you make it the other twin, then the next time your DS. MAKE them understand it's not just DS who's missing out! Point out that they interrupt each other so often that you haven't been able to spend time with DS properly, and you want him!

Feel free to tell me to p* off though if i'm overstepping the mark here!

katedan Tue 01-Sep-09 11:41:44

Thank you for your support. It is great to hear that it pays off when they are older largeginandtonic.

Have got an afternoon out with ds this pm as he is back at school tommorrow and my mum has agreed to have dt's for a couple of hours. Hope they don't put her off!

potplant Tue 01-Sep-09 11:52:47

Potty training is hard work with twins. For me it was just as bad as the first 6 weeks.
Just remember there are parents out there who struggle with just one baby. You've got 2 and an older one.

Cut yourself some slack.

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