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So... does it ever feel easy? (please say yes...)

(9 Posts)
curlyredhead Mon 15-Jun-09 20:21:18

I'm feeling a bit bloody overwhelmed. Dd1 is 4.5; dts are just over one. And it still feels like a battle to get through each day, mostly.

Dd1 is at preschool every morning; Dh only works 4 days atm; my mum has dd1 one afternoon a week and has just started coming over another afternoon to play with the babies while dd1 and I go out. No matter what kind of day it is, though, we end up knackered and cross. Dd1 and I clash a lot and I shout at her, which I hate - swore blind I wouldn't be a shouty mum. Babies are lovely but into everything, will happily wander outside (enclosed garden, but paving stones) or into loo to try and post things in... so eyes in back of head required.

Dh is a saint, super hands on dad and does tons of house stuff too. I am going a bit stir crazy as sahm and trying to get my (v small, not at all lucrative yet) business back off the ground. I have a chronic illness though v luckily experiencing v few symptoms. And we are trying to move house but can't find anywhere we like at a less-than-crazy price.

So - does life with three get easy ever? Am I always going to be running to keep up? Please say it doesn't always feel so fraught - or is it just me? You can tell me if I'm just being a bit pathetic, I can take it <<curly sticks chin bravely in air, waits for robust comments, tries not to let lip wobble>>

drlove8 Mon 15-Jun-09 20:52:56

First year is the worst with twins.Well ,until they reach potty training then the real "fun" starts , after that its just normal bedlam tbh. wine after dc's bedtime helps! lol wink

niche Mon 15-Jun-09 21:50:18

It does get easier. Mine are nearly 2.6, I can't believe how quickly the time goes, they can start nursery in Jan. I also have a dd1 4.9, ds1 6.4 and ds3 1.2

You have a lot on your plate, esp with illness. I really sympathise, I am also a sahm and in the process of moving house, my dh works away from home through the week.

Life with multiples is a jugglng act but I don't think having dts makes it any harder than having three of any age. The dts will soon start entertaining each other leaving you a bit more time to yourself. We do lots of playdough/drawing/stamping/stickers all together if I want some quiet time.

Sometimes I'd just like to take a wee on my own but I expect they'll have to all be at school before that happens lol.

neenztwinz Mon 15-Jun-09 21:59:49

I have a BabyDan room divider which cordons off a large part of the kitchen, all the DTs toys are in there. They are 13mo. They play in there quite happily leaving me to do other stuff - or to play in there with them. But it means I can relax and not worry about chasing them away from various dangers. Could you do similar?

catnipkitty Thu 18-Jun-09 10:50:01

YES it really does get easier. You'll get to the point when you suddenly realise that things ARE easier and look back and congratulate yourself hugely on getting through each tricky stage.

I have DD1 who was 1 year old when my ID girls were born. I had very little practical help apart from my DH who is also fab and very hands on. By the time twins were 1 and half I finally admitted that i had PND and once I'd started on the tablets all those horrible anxious, stressed feelings just went away and I finally enjoyed having my 3 lovely girls. Before then I'd start each morning in tears, dread the days and shout horribley at them sad

DD1 is now 5 and at school. DTs are 4 and at nursery every morning. They are all an absolute joy, they are so close, they play so well together. we have so much fun now smile I am so proud of them and proud of myself and DH for getting through the difficult times.

So in summary, yes it will get easier, but be kind to yourself. Don't feel guilty about taking some time out for yourself, even if it's 20mins in the evening to go for a walk by yourself once they're all asleep. Good luck!

throckenholt Thu 18-Jun-09 10:53:24

yes - mine are 6 (twins) and 7 (DS1) - and I would say it hasn't been particularly hard (as in twins rather than 3 kids) for the last 3-4 years. Actually potty training was a bit tricky - but apart from that once past the toddler stage it has been ok.

I do work part time though - that is/was my sanity space - being a SAHM I am not sure I could handle full time (actually I could now they are at school - but not before grin).

tkband3 Thu 18-Jun-09 11:03:52

DD1 is 20 months older than my DTs and the first year is a blur of sleeplessness and nappies. DD1 was also ill which didn't help.

But I reckon it gets easier every 6 months or so...I celebrated when I didn't need to sterilise bottles any more, then when they went onto cow's milk, then when they could (sort of) feed themselves, when they started eating pretty much 'normal' food...etc. Potty training wasn't great, but after one failed attempt when I spent a week drowning in wee and poo, I waited till they were really ready and then it wasn't so hard. I think with your second child (particularly when it's DTs), you're less anxious for them to move onto the next stage.

Now DTs are 4 and DD1 is nearly 6 and there are times when DH and I feel almost redundant as parents (obviously there's a hell of a lot of other stuff we can get on with instead grin) - all 3 are girls and love playing together, although I do still have to deal with petty squabbles every now and then. I even splashed out on sun-loungers for the garden a couple of weeks ago in anticipation of being able to lounge around a little this summer grin.

DTs start reception in September and although I've known for a while now that they'll be full-time from their 3rd week after a bit of settling in, when I saw it in black and white on the letter at the new parents' evening the other day, it really pulled at my heart strings. I came home and told DH I might have to have another one wink grin.

I still end up shouting most mornings to get them to hurry up and get their shoes on to get out of the house, and I'm not great at bedtime, but I've found if I relax a little, then things come together in the end.

Good luck grin.

Meeely3 Thu 18-Jun-09 11:18:32

i have three the other way round, DT's 4.5 and DS3 4 months, and I LOVE it at the mo. having said that when DT's were 1 and it was just the two of them I was drowning in PND and really struggled - by the time they were 18 months I admitted something was wrong, cracked open the happy pills and never looked back.

Twins in any combo is hard work, I do not envy you at this stage, but by the time my two were 2 I actually started to look forward to my days with them and would not get up with that sense of dread. As a result with DS3 I am SUPER chilled and he couldn't be more laid back I just love it. Having said that I wasn't a SAHM so had 8 hours a day being an adult even then I still used to fantasize about walking out and staying at a hotel for a few days just to get some rest - I even <looks around all embarrased> used to imagine wot it would be like if I had an accident and broke my arm or leg and had to spend some time in Hosp - used to dream of someone looking after ME for a change!

curlyredhead Thu 18-Jun-09 12:10:35

Thanks all. Was having a bad day, things looking better. Liberal applications of gin help, of an evening too.

I don't think I have PND - we recently went on holiday to a apartment in a hotel, so didn't have to cook, clean, wash clothes/nappies, do anything - and we got room service of three course restaurant meals, was blissful. And that week I was really relaxed - so if I could live there my whole time I'd be set ;)

Lovely to hear stories of what we're aiming at - mine are all girls too, and even with the 3.5 year age gap, they are starting to play a bit together. I'm also making sure that me and dd1 get some one-on-one time to do more big girl stuff (so we went to a ceramic painting place - not something I fancy with two mobile one-year-olds shock ). I'm hoping that longer term that will help her and me stay connected and shout less at each other. My dts are so chilled compared to dd1, they are already playing on their own more than she did till she was about 4!

Onwards and upwards, nearly the weekend. Thanks again.

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