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bloomin' men....

(9 Posts)
curiositykilled Sat 13-Jun-09 10:01:01

Why is it OK for them to have free time whenever they choose and you have to ask them for permission? Why do they not understand how difficult being pregnant with twins, looking after the house, organising everything for the babies and with the hospital, managing the household finances and looking after a 4 year old and a 2 year old (when they are swanning around in london all week with their friends) actually is?! Why will they NEVER tell you about things they have planned till the absolute last minute and only then ask you how you feel when they have no intention of bothering beyond giving you a lecture about how all their mates can go, even though you give them a good month's notice when you plan something during family time? Why are they allowed to spend large amounts of money on bloody booze and days out with their friends without telling you but you have to authourise every penny you are spending on moses baskets and stair gates? And, WHY is it just YOUR fault that they can't go to Italy for their mate's wedding a month before the babies are due, the week that your oldest starts school and of your youngest's 3rd birthday when they are working 400 million miles away in the week anyway and will end up being away for 14 days and using up holiday from work?!

curiositykilled Sat 13-Jun-09 11:57:11

P.S. I know it's not 'men' I'm just cross with mine...

twinmam Sun 14-Jun-09 13:48:03

Don't hold back Curiosity grin Sounds like he's needs a bit of a talking to. Is he panicking a bit maybe about the doubling of the amount of DCs you have? Sounds like he's being a bugger tho... Hope you get it resolved and that you are managing to stay nice and calm!

curiositykilled Sun 14-Jun-09 14:39:08

lol, don't think he'll panic about DC's till they are here! Think it's just cos he works away and is used to only thinking about himself! And, he has a terrible memory and probably genuinely thought he had told me...

Mih, he's getting silent treatment at the moment (how horrendously stereotypical of me) just cos I'm so angry I can't actually speak about it... Problem is though, by the time I have calmed down the moment will probably have passed and I won't want to stir it up again... grin

Bloody passive aggressive woman that I am...

tryingtosleep Mon 15-Jun-09 16:07:01

oooh poor you - sounds like you're having a tough time -

i always find that guilt works quite well - any chance you can create some of those feelings (in him i mean!) -
you need to look after yourself as well!!!

good luckxx

muffle Mon 15-Jun-09 16:18:59

Because you are letting him. When he's not at work, he needs to be doing half the tasks at home (that is childcare, housework whatever else needs doing) and you need to arrange it between you that you both take turns to give the other person a break - and you both get an equal amount of time to do what you like. That is only fair, because when he's not there, you are working equally hard caring for two DC.

So sit him down and explain that you are angry and you are angry because the set-up is not fair and you would like an equal balance from now on. Every time he wants time to go off and do something fun while you carry the can, make sure you arrange the exact same amount of time for you to have a break while he stays home. If he doesn't like it ask him exactly what his problem is with an equal partnership?

You want to address this before you have twins as well or else he will keep on taking the piss.

Wonderstuff Mon 15-Jun-09 16:29:43

You have my sympathies, mine can be like this too. I try to talk to him, tell him why I get cross etc. But we end up having the same converstation every few months.. He didn't understand why I was annoyed when he took a job requiring large amounts of time away when I plan my work around our dd. I get annoyed because he can and I can't. My mates just don't organise things at a moments notice but his do.

Don't give him the silent treatment, tell him why it's not fair, how it makes you feel and what he needs to do to make it up to you. I find being calm and reasonable works much better than getting cross and shouting. Hope it gets better.

curiositykilled Mon 15-Jun-09 22:16:17

thanx wonderstuff, I have spent today looking sullen and saying I am not doing anything all day (how mature) and he's been lovely looking after dc's whilst working at home and making food. We'll have a talk about it tonight.

muffle - he is very good at keeping things equal where childcare and housework is concerned he just forgets that he's not a single man sometimes and buggers off without telling me! lol

curiositykilled Mon 15-Jun-09 22:17:03

Think I was just being quite precious blush

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