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(10 Posts)
maxnharrysmum Fri 08-May-09 13:55:40

have just discovered Mumsnet. cant tell you how much it cheered me up. Am mum of 13 week old identical twin boys. Been feeling really down this week,stuck in the house....still carrying pregnancy weight...lack of sleep. just generally isolated and feeling pretty useless. had loads of support in first few weeks but think novelty worn off a little now . great to know am not alone and actually probably doing ok( some of the time ) Laughed til i cried at some of the twin stories, such a tonic. feel much more positive and relishing my boys developing and growing.
My boys are identical but seem totally oblivious to each other ! do wake up same time but put them together and they seem to do everything to avoid looking at each other or touch each other ! is this normal ? expected them to be really close and respond to each other. They were in NICU for 4 weeks and were kept seperate ( something to do with infection control !!! ) wondering if this is why....

anjlix Fri 08-May-09 17:25:09

welcome maxnharrysmum, this place is great isn't it? I had id girls who are 5 months now and have just discovered each other. I suspect they think the other is just a toy! So this is normal for me.

poorbuthappy Fri 08-May-09 21:32:14

Welcome to Mumsnet!

It is normal at this age (as far as I can tell) for them not to respond to each other. In fact we use to laugh at our 2 girls because they were like the wrong ends of 2 magnets! No matter how close we put them they would always repel each other and refuse to look at each other!
I don't know it its got anything to do with being in special care as my 2 were in there for just over 2 weeks, but I think its more to do with the inability of young babies to do anything let alone realise there is another baby next to them!

kitstwins Tue 12-May-09 11:12:23

Nope. I think this is just how twins are in the early days. Mine totally ignored one another for months and months and really didn't seem to 'notice' the other one until they were about 9 or 10 months old. It used to upset me quite a bit as I'd fondly imagined that they'd be intwined with one another and miraculously smile and interact from the get-go. Actually, I think they ignored the other one becauase they KNEW they were there - it just wasn't new or stimulating like a toy or person they'd never seen before. The other twin had been with them right from their very moment of creation so I just think they accepted one another as part of the furniture and didn't quite understand the significance of this other baby.

The only thing they did do was move towards one another when they were newborns. We'd put them down to sleep on a mat on the floor and when we came back they'd somehow have moved themselves into one another so their heads were touching. This was in spite of being tightly swaddled so we were rather confused as to how they managed it. It was rather sweet. They'd also reach out and grab at the other one's hands and face but it was more grabbing of an inanimate object rather than affection towards their twin.

Of course now at 2 and a half they are inseperable and constantly with one another and are a million miles removed from the two babies who steadfastly ignored one another. At around ten months old, after a very difficult evening feed, my husband and I picked up the two screaming babies and just held one each, sighing at one another in despair and misery, and at that point both babies reached out to one another and started laughing and interacting. After that, they ignored one another for a few weeks but gradually got more interested.

They'll click. I now think twins ignore one another because they CAN. Because they know already that their tummy mate is always with them.

pollyblue Tue 12-May-09 16:53:48

my twin girls (not identical) are 14 weeks old and still practically ignoring each other. This afternoon they were lying side by side on the floor, S was looking straight at A and really grinning at her but A was looking straight over the top of her head and didn't even seem to realise she was there!

I've also got a 2 yeard old dd who is very good with them, she calls them "sister" and "more sister".

jerin Wed 13-May-09 12:21:36


My boy girl twins are now 17 weeks - they dont notice each other although she joins in with his crying - just incase I cant hear I guess!! He sleeps thru hers-typical bloke! My DS - 19 months - likes his brother but not interested in his sister. Only has kisses for his bro!

jellibob Mon 25-May-09 23:08:36

My boy/girl twins were born at 28 weeks and were separated in NICU/SCBU, sometimes in different hospitals for about 4.5 months.

I was really disappointed that when we got them both home, they had no interest in each other at all.

Then at about 6 months old, he noticed her and was completely entranced, to the point that he doesn't want to sleep if she's not there.

About a week later, she noticed him, and they coo at each other happily, and give each other soppy smiles.

I took him for a hospital appointment last week, and after a day away from each other they laid on their play mat in the evening clutching hands (I cried...).

Yesterday they both slept in the garden, chewing on her dress (mmm, lovely).

Don't think that being separate has affected them; seems that their awareness comes with age.

l39 Tue 26-May-09 11:02:14

My (identical girl) twins are 8 now and very close. Though they didn't need to be in NICU they didn't interact much while awake for a long time.(They did snuggle together asleep.) At about 8 months they really started playing together.
Hope you feel more cheerful soon. Of course you're not useless! I rather enjoyed all the strangers who told us repeatedly how much they'd wanted twins every time we left the house, even though most hadn't thought about the extra work.

maxnharrysmum Tue 26-May-09 13:35:40

so reassuring to know that lack of interaction seems natural with twins at this the idea that they are just so used to each other! Tummy Mates... I love that. The boys seem to be showing a little more interest although if max is looking at harry, harry looks away and if harry looks at max he refuses to make eye contact...they do wake up at the same time and often sleep in idential positions . guess we just thought they would be inseperable from birth.
Took the boys out in town last week and we were stopped in every shop and several times in the street by people telling us how adorable they are.We even came out of one shop where an elderly lady had been chatting to us to find a group of her friends outside waiting for us to admire the boys. Max is turning into a real little charmer and has mastered the eyelash fluttering and heart melting smile! Harry just looks all superior as if he is above such things.... but thats Harry all over.

kathryn2804 Sun 31-May-09 20:40:42

Mine started noticing each other when they started finding out other things, like toes and noses and ears and stuff. They found each others' toes noses and ears too!!

Once they could sit up and lokk at each other a bit more (7-8 mths) they really started to interact.

And once they could crawl I wanted to stop them interacting, because that's when the toy snatching starts!!!

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