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17m twins fighting - help

(13 Posts)
emmielou Sun 10-Apr-05 21:32:50

My twins (both boys) are either pulling each others hair, ears, clothes etc. Or taking toys off each other.. Or climbing on top of each other.. shall I go on...? My DD (3) has started copying them now...

Help ...

Frizbe Sun 10-Apr-05 22:08:12

oh yikes! bumpety bump for you and good luck, dd is 17mths, but can only fight with herself, the cat or bigger brother when he's about! or limited 'friend contact' not sure what you do with twins, that doesn't involve constant supervision, good luck

charellie Sun 10-Apr-05 22:19:25

Have you tried using a naughty room. I have twins. I used to bite and the other hits. If they do anything violent or aggressive I send them straight to the designated room for a minute or so and then they have to come out and say sorry after I have explained what they have done.

I only use the room if they are violent otherwise some days they would spend all day in there and I think the message would be lost.

We gradually have less days that they hit each other. They are now 2 1/2

RTMTMML Sun 10-Apr-05 23:28:04

My DTs are 14months old tomorrow. They are constantly climbing on one another. They push each other over, they take each others things, they kiss and they cuddle. I have g/b twins btw. I wonder if it's not just because there are 2 of them that we notice these things more. When you have a singleton you only notice that kind of behaviour in a group, but two small children at the same stage trying to work out why someone else is playing with the thing that they want, or getting in their way etc., it can't be easy. I'm not excusing things but reading your post and looking at my DTs I can't help but wonder. I haven't any advice for you really, but if you bump this up then other twin mums, with older children, should be able to give you (and me) some tips.

emmielou Mon 11-Apr-05 19:46:33

BUMP .. any more tips anyone ..

RTMTMML Tue 12-Apr-05 16:52:38

bumping................

TwoIfBySea Tue 12-Apr-05 20:37:08

They will always fight but it does get better I promise. It seems to be at that age they go through a phase of trying to assert themselves as my dst were the about the same age when they were knocking lumps out of each other!

Even now there can be really bad episodes but the thing is intervention when you know they aren't going to sort it out themselves (i.e. when the fight gets physical.) I made them sit at opposite ends of the sofa, holding them if needs be, or if upstairs then at opposite ends of the bed. It is hard work but I would tell them why they weren't to do that to each other, it ended up teaching them about sharing and "my turn." I know it feels like they don't understand what you want of them but they soon learn that bad behaviour means a stop in playing and that is more important!

At age 3 they are the only kids in their afternoon preschool who haven't whacked anyone!

Hope that has been of some help.

TwoIfBySea Tue 12-Apr-05 20:38:23

Oh and I should add that now I use the naughty corner, have done from just before the age of 2 and it works for them. Be it a naughty corner, step, room that you find more effective.

RTMTMML Tue 12-Apr-05 20:40:46

TwoIfBySea, you are about to become my hero and role model. If things get bad between the DTs then I will post and call you really loudly.

twins2cute Wed 13-Apr-05 00:45:21

We have gone through waves of lovely behaviour and then really violent behaviour. TwoIfBySea is so right it is learning when to intervene and when to let them sort it out for themselves. It took me a little while but I know most times when to do it & when not to.

I have taken a twin to their bedroom especially when biting was an issue. Told them they are there because they hurt the other twin. Then gone back to the twin who has been hurt. Want to make sure I give the attention to the hurt twin & not the naughty twin. Worked quite quickly. I know i shouldn't have really used the bedroom but there is a gate on their door so I know that they are safe & I can give full attention to the wounded twin. Biting went on for about 5 weeks on & off and now they don't do it. Occasionally one of them has gone to do it and I have stopped them by reminding them that they will go to their room. Sometimes i don't think it is even really meant it seems to be an expression of excitement as they cant express themselves in words.

Haven't had any really bad fights for a while! Now I've done it they probably will tommorow now!

Whatever you do just make sure your consistant so they know where they stand. It really shows when my dh has been in charge as they are able to push the boundaries so much more with him and then he usually has problems.

I think it must be tough to be a twin having to share so much right from the beginning. i am always reminding myself that they haven't had the luxury of one to one time as they are always together something my dh & I are hoping to do something about now he is on shift pattern which gives him more days off as he will be working 12 hour shifts. I think also that when they are little the "other one" is just another object to be gotten over, under or through (pushed out of the way!)

Hope things will settle down for you soon.

RTMTMML Wed 13-Apr-05 00:50:29

twins2cute... and you can be my other twin hero.

My plan for the DTs is that when they go to playgroup they both do 4 morning session but only 2 of them will be together. So on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays they go together and on Tuesdays I keep one at home and on Thursdays I keep the other one home. I saw a twin mum do this before I was even pregnant with the DTs and thought that it was a fab idea and so I intend to incorporate it. It will be nice to have some one on one time.

DT2 finally asleep so I'm off to my bed before I collapse. He has such a horrid cough and it keeps waking him, but I think he's finally in deep sleep. Nite nite!

TwoIfBySea Wed 13-Apr-05 20:38:26

RTM, my dsts started preschool in January and I specifically asked for them to be put in separate groups. It is a brilliant way of letting them develop their own character without constantly being compared to the other.

During a recent month of illnesses there were times (when DH was on his days off) that dst1 or 2 were at preschool while the other was at home, not well. I was amazed how well they coped without their shadow as in particular dst1 likes to know where dst2 is. I wish I could do that more often as it must be nice, if you are a twin, not to always have the other one there! Again it was amazing to see how much more of their different personalities came out through that also.

Also DH and I on days out sometimes split up, taking one each and then we get great one on one time. It is the only way I can do that as I am paranoid about leaving one out!

Twins2cute, I hated the biting phase too. Dst1 was the one who did it and I stopped it short by asking him if he would like mummy to bite him! I thought he would be too young to understand but he seemed to grasp why you don't bite, do unto others. I don't know if saying that was a good idea but he was really chewing on his brother sometimes!

Vix4boys Thu 14-Apr-05 23:21:09

Hi I'm new! My twin boys are 11 months old and fighting already! I can't believe it! They climb all over each other, snatch toys, and if I give the one who had the toy taken a new toy, the other one takes that too!! They are quite bitey at the moment, but only have the one tooth, so i expect I have that delight to come!

The youngest twin seems to be the more dominant one (think that should be bullying!)

Oh I can't wait till they start walking!!!

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