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Anyone with baby twins AND a toddler??

(79 Posts)
BBeau Tue 06-Jan-09 10:21:17

Hello, havent been posting on this site long but have had some really useful advice. First time posting on the multiple births. I have 6 month old twins and a 2 year old boy. I just cant seem to find anyone in my position. I was not on fertility treatment and there are no twins anywhere in our families so needless to say i spent the next 2 weeks crying when i found out it was twins (especially as it was a hard enough decision to have a second anyway). I have absolutely no family around so no help from them. All we have is my husbands mum who works full time and very occasionally will take my son for a couple of hours on her day off on a Monday, thats it. Its just so awful at the lack of help we have. To make things worse by 30 weeks i was so big i couldnt look after my son anymore as i was on crutches, my husband had to have the next 3 months off work (he's self employed so didnt get paid - we had to take a morgage break. I had one by cesarean and one natural, i heamorrhaged twice in hospital and almost died. The girls were in special care for a week but i was in about 3 weeks ( so my husband all alone had to take the girls home for first couple of weeks with son). Ive had on going problems since - no end of consultant appointments because my stomach muscles were split so bad they've not gone back and my bowels have herniated through the middle so i have been referred to plastic surgeon to have them pulled back together and stitched up and a tummy tuck as skin is so badly hanging down that it took my c-sec scar about 4 months to heal as it was getting no air (it also got infected). We have no one to help with the kids when i have this op so husband will have to have time off again - god knows how we will cope! I just dont get any understanding from any friends or my husbands family. They all just think we are exaggerating when we say how hard it is. I literally dont stop from 5.45am when my son wakes to about 10pm when girls finally have their last bottle (their not that well either, bad diarreah all the time, nightmare drinkers etc etc also under a peaditrician - another story. Dont get me wrong - sometimes i feel the luckiest lady on earth to have 3 of the most adorable children but also feel devasted at the fact that i have no time to spend any quality time with any of them. My poor son has really had to take a back seat for which now i think we are paying the price as he is into absolutely everything - i swear he is like a tornado in the house. I try to clear up and hes undoing everything ive done. I hardly get out unless i have someone with me as obviously we have 2 buggies (1 double). Friends cant understand why i dont take them out alone - i swear, both me and my husband struggle with them all let alone taking them alone, also son wants to walk now but so young cant be trusted not to run off - which he does. He has reins but sits on the floor when he's had enough so cant take him out without buggy. The girls are still feeding every 3 or 4 hours as well. The work is endless!! Also cant really leave 2 year with girls as he is being spiteful to them (must be jealous) he literally drops himself on them with his whole weight when my back is turned. People just dont understand...... Anyone in my situation?.....

piximon Tue 06-Jan-09 12:12:50

I won't for a moment suggest I'm in your situation. Your health problems sound awful and I hope they are all sorted out without further complications. I do however have my hands as full as yours are and did at one point have a toddler and baby dts. I now have toddler dts and a baby. There is ds1 (5.11) dd1 (4.3) g/b dts (just turned 2) and ds3 (9mths).

I agree it is hard. Especially getting out and about. My husband works away from home through the week (contractor so only paid when working) and is only around at weekends to help me. I live in the countryside and don't drive so feel very cut off. My mum is living with me at the moment (she is house hunting) but works full time and is barely around through the week to offer help, in fact it often feels like I have a teenager to look after too.

Once my dts were born dd1 just had to get used to walking. She was not keen to begin with (2.3 at the time) as she loved being in the buggy (still does now given the chance). I started her off with short journeys and looked into a buggy board but it wouldn't work with my buggy. I found distraction when out walking worked well but there were times I'd end up carrying her while pushing buggy with one hand.

It will get easier, honestly. This is what I was telling myself at the bus stop this morning as I bawled my eyes out.

Have you contacted HomeStart to see if there is a volunteer in your area that could help you? I had one who came once a week for a couple of hours and helped me get out, we're still friends now, I moved out of her catchment area but she visits me once a month or so.

Not sure if colleges are still placing students in home setting but I had a student helper for a few months (summer term) which made a few days of the week much easier, I contacted the local college and they sorted it out.

Have you looked into your local twins club? Singleton parents often don't really understand what it's really like to be so busy you barely have time to wipe your bum.

When your husband is off I'm sure there must be benefits you are entitled to. I'm not sure where you'd find out about this but maybe the job centre online?

Just know you're not alone and if I can be of help just hollar, loud, or I won't hear over the cries of "Mummy", "mummy" "mummy" from several voices at once. smile

kitstwins Tue 06-Jan-09 12:20:55

God, you poor girl. You really have gone through it/are going through it. I really feel for you as that sounds very tough and all a bit of a shock. A lot to get over and get through at the moment, but you will. And you'll look back on this time and marvel at how you ever managed. You'll probably even be posting on Mumsnet to another frazzled twin mummy who's in the hell of the early days. I know when I first had my daughters I used to (tearfull) wonder how the hell anyone found the time to post on Forum boards when they had twins. I just couldn't see myself EVER having the time to do that. And yet I did. You get through this bit. It's tough (every twin parent goes through it) but you do get through it. And you will get through this.

I don't have an older child so I can't really help with that particular issue, however I know you'll get lots of responses on ideas with that (or even just some sympathy/support) from other ladies from here. But I did want to try and help as you sound so fed up and I really feel for you. I had a bit of a crap time when my twins were born/were tiny and although I didn't have anywhere near the issues you've had to go through, I do want to try and help.

The early days are very hard and you've had added complications. Your physical recovery has obviously been slow and tough and that's just going to make this stage doubly harder as weakened stomach (and the associated back pain) from a abdominal muscle separation (it's called diastasis recti and it's more common with twins - I had it, but quite mildy and didn't need surgery - just months of specific stomach exercises to close my gap) can be really debilitating. As can a hernia. Plus you've got complications with your daughter's feeding, which can also make things trememdously hard. Again, feeding difficulties are more common with twins. God, you poor thing. You've just got EVERYTHING on top of you at the moment.

Hang in there. Time will help with the feeding issues - babies grow out of these issues and whilst it can be really difficult and time-consuming at the time, it won't last forever. Equally, whilst you're waiting for your surgery referral it might be worth looking into wearing some kind of stomach and back support as although this won't 'cure' your separation it will support your stomach and take some of the strain off your back which I think would really help as you're probably giving it a big hammering running around after twins and toddlers all day.

It sounds to me as if you'd really benefit from some help and I know that's not possible from family or friends but have you looked into Homestart - they are a charity that supports parents with young children and often help out with twin families (the Multiple Birth Foundation often cite them as a good source of local support). It's definitely worth getting in touch and seeing if you can access some help during the week as even a few hours here and there would help take the pressure off you. Don't imagine that they won't help you as I know of people who have used them in the early days and found them a huge support and you sound a pretty good candidate for their help at the moment.

Also, have you considered a buggy board as this might help with your son when you're out and about. He can rush about with his reins on but when he gets tired you could flip down the buggy board from your twin pram and he could ride home. It does depend on what sort of pram you have, but it's an option. If that's not an option it might be worth trying to get some form of baby carrier suitable for one of your twins. I don't think you'd be able to carry one of them at this stage given your abdominal muscle issues (it would put a huge strain on your back) but if you were out and about with your husband and your son got tired of walking, he could sit in one of the twin's seats and your husband could pop one of the twins into a sling and carry him/her. There are lots of different types of slings and it's possible to pick them up second hand on lots of the twins websites or on Ebay. It's worth a thought.

I know it feels hopeless but it will get better. Look into Homestart as it really is worth a phone call. I'd also really recommend giving the Multiple Birth Foundation a call. It sounds a bit random, but it's run by really lovely people (all of whom have twins and know what you are going through) and a lot of them will be able to offer good support - both practial and emotional. It's only over the phone, but you'd probably get some good tips. They were great with me when I was really struggling one week (I spoke to Margy but they're all really nice - I met quite a few when I stayed in hospital before I had my daughters as the MBF are based there). I really hope things start to improve. You're doing amazingly well and you're being really strong - I really admire you for this as it can't be easy with an older child and the aftermath of a difficult pregnancy and birth.


BBeau Tue 06-Jan-09 12:35:28

Wow, is that 2 year old twins and a 9 month old and 2 older ones? Sorry just getting use to the abbreviations. How do you do it?!!
I did have a student with me for 10 weeks, she was brill and we are just in the process of trying to hire her full time when she qualifies as a nanny but its not til the summer (whether she'l except or not i dont yet). I am going back to work part-time. They did offer a nursery nurse to come over every Friday for 2 hours but to be honest she came once and id had enough of her. Instead of helping she was making more work for me. As you know - organisation is the key for the day, i have to get the bottles done etc etc. All she wanted me to do was sit with the twins and my son to try and integrate them. I just didnt have time to sit there for 2 hours and i dont think she understood at all - she only has 1 little boy. And i use to feel like i needed to tidy the house before she came becaue she was part of the health visiting gang!
I do go to a twins club on a Monday which is ok, its for 2 hours. Again though there is no one there with any other kids and they are all sitting down chatting whilst im running around like a mad thing trying to control my little boy whilst they are holding my twins for me - its just so stressful. My little boy goes to nursery 2 afternoons a week which is good but a nightmare just getting him there because i have to load up the twins, get them out the other end to come in with me (in their car seats) then i dont have a spare hand to hold my little boy. Just little things like that can prove to be difficult. Sorry will write more later, gotta go. Thanks for reply!

BBeau Tue 06-Jan-09 12:39:56

Kitstwins - just read your posting - thank you - will reply later. x

ChopsTheDuck Tue 06-Jan-09 13:01:44

that sounds soo tough.

I found it really hard once they were at that age too, once they stop sleeping so much during the day. I had my dts when my oldest was 4 and my son was 2. Out gap is a bit bigger than yours, but my son has sn and still couldnt walk far at that age and wasn't talking at that point. We didn't have any family or friends locally.

One of the things I did was find places to take them where they were safely enclosed. Parks with good railings all the way round and not too many exits. Soft play with secure doors. Even farms and things, anywhere where I knew my older two couldnt run out in front of traffic or get seperated too far from me. Then your toddler can run around and you can concentrate on the babies.

Try not to worry too much about your son taking a back seat, it won't be for too much longer then the girls will start to slowly gain some independence. If you can make soem time, even half hour a week he won't mind quite so much.

can your husband help you out at all? Make bottles up in the morning, prepare snacks for your son, etc?

Have you considered a baby pen for the twins? I never really liked the idea much, but it was a godsend when I got given a big octangular one. I could put the twins in there to play with a hoard of toys, safely away from the older two so that they all got some peace. Otherwise they'd annoy the older two, one of the older two would swing for them, etc...

I'd also say put as much out of your toddlers reach as possible and maybe cabin locks on the doors. We had locks everywhere, and gates on the lounge, even toys were locked away in the cupboard and only so much brought out at a time to try to contain the amount of mess that could be made, otherwise you do just end up goign round and round in circles.

i'd def look sinto a buggy board or some sort of pram where your toddler can stand on the back. I used to have to carry one sometimes so that ds1 could sit, but clearly you can't do that if you are still poorly. I vaguely remember sitting him on the hood sometimes, or standin gon the basket - whatever it took to get them all from a - b!

it will all pass

BBeau Tue 06-Jan-09 15:07:39

Hello, i did buy a buggy board (latif seat to go), it was the one where they could sit as well, but we couldnt fold down the buggy with it still on. It was attached by bolts etc so just not practical as i would have to take it all off every time i needed to fold the buggy away (We have a maclaren double buggy). I havent tried a normal buggy board as back then i didnt think my little boy would stand on it too long. That was a few months ago so perhaps i could give it a try now. I have got a play pen which i had for my little boy, its wooden and also an octangle shape but it would not be a match for my son, he would just either climb over it, try to dismantle it or simply throw things over the top! He has a playroom where all his toys are but they do end up everywhere. My husband does help a lot, he is in construction and comes in all messy, quite often he doesnt get a shower until about 8pm - i do feel bad. I live in fear that he's going to ask to go a watch football around his dads - isnt that awful, i do feel bad for him. Although he doesnt make bottles in morning, he tends to just fall out of bed and leave 10 minutes later - probably so he can escape the mad hour (sons breakfast/feeding time etc)! Who are Homestart? Are they like surestart - i havent contacted them yet. Do you think they could help? Im just so tired of begging people to help me, i know i shouldnt feel like that but with our families just not wanting to know and having to practically beg his mum to help out i really feel like a charity case. I did try to explain to the doctor once how hard it is but they just automatically assume that your depressed dont they - not stressed. I now feel frightened to tell too many people how hard im finding it in case they think im just depressed and not coping. I know i sound like im going on and im sure there are many people in worse situations than me but its just nice to hear that other people find it hard. Im started to think it was just me! Pre-babies i was quite confident and independant but i just feel crushed at the moment, i cant even think straight. Im sure it will get easier. Can you believe that they wouldnt offer us help financially when i have to have this operation when my husband is not working. I think that is really bad. All he can is income support. Thats what job centre plus told us anyway.

willitbeahappynewyear Tue 06-Jan-09 18:29:50

Just wanted to say poor old you! Having twins alone is such hard work,never mind all the additional worries you have. I also felt frustrated that people just didnt seem to understand how hard it can be. I too dont have any help and friends who had offered before they were born came round,took one look and disappereared! Family who live 200 miles away came round and expected me to wait on them and be the perfect hostess.I also remember approaching the doctor who also didnt really understand. Is your Health Visitor any good? I had a brilliant one at the beginning but unfortunately she became ill and was replaced with a rubbish one. Do you have a local twins club? If you do,once you are able,I would definately recommend it. At mine I found everyone so supportive and of course they understand because they have all been through it. Also TAMBA has a helpline which you can ring even if you are not a member. It is answered by people who have all had twins and will enable you to let off steam and they may be able to offer some advice.Tel no: 0800 138 0509. HTH. xxx

willitbeahappynewyear Tue 06-Jan-09 18:33:41

Sorry,just seen that you already go to a twins club. Sorry they dont offer you the support they should. Is there another one nearby? I know there is another one near me,just a bit further away. xxx

frumpygrumpy Tue 06-Jan-09 18:57:52

Oh darling xxxxx.

My twins are now 4 and my DD1 is 7 but yes, I remember clearly how it felt to have babies and a toddler. In fact, its around when I first joined MN!! My DTs were then 8 months and DD1 was 3. My DP worked in London all week (we live in Scotland) and we had moved out of our house (to a bigger house) but as our new house wasn't ready we had to live in my parents house for 6 weeks........we had so many problems with our new house that 6 weeks turned into 6 months and we finally moved again 2 weeks before Christmas. Then each and every one of us got ill and kept getting ill in circles for what seemed like forever.

I felt like a walking freak show sometimes. DD1 and DT1 in the double buggy and DT2 on my chest in a sling. I seemed to either meet people who found me a laughing stock and brought me down on a day when I was feeling like I had finally achieved something or I felt brought down when they said "oh, ha ha, how do you cope" when I wanted to shout "beacuse I bloody have no choice". I was under 8 stone because I was living on adrenalin. I am normally around 9 stone (currently much bigger though!!!!).

I found MN (can't remember how) at a time when I was feeling a bit like you are now.....lost, alone, like no-one else understands, truly understands, and I posted a thread titled "D'y ever wonder how life got like this?". I had some magnificent replies grin

Funny thing is that most people thought it was a fun title. Actually it was a desperate title. I too had tried having outside help and its just not me at all, I'm a do-er and I need to do my own. I like doing my own, its just that, at this stage, its too much to do alone and stay sane.

MN gave me a focus and some nights I would sit with every child ill with something (I now know DT2 had a likely problem with dairy/gluten but the HVs didn't agree and made me feel like an over anxious mother) and not know which room to start in and at least know that MN would sit near me. I met some people who dragged me through and forced me to see the other side and with whom I rediscovered my sense of humour.

That was almost 4 years ago and the D'y ever threads are still going grin we've just named a new one yesterday. Please come and join us.

We are a chatty bunch and it might look like we are just larking around but, believe me, everyone in there has their story. Some known to all, some not. We all have something to share and we all have multiple births in common.

We will hold you when you are down and struggling and we will laugh when you do.

Don't struggle on alone, come on in and let us hold you up.

current thread

and this was me/us in the beginning

HarrogateMum Tue 06-Jan-09 19:46:09

hurrah - what she said <<points at frumpygrumpy>>

But seriously I have not been in your situation but I did have it the other way round with DTs of 2 (boys) when DD was born so I did the same thing with the double buggy and the sling on the chest....and got laughed and pointed at and ended up staying indoors for about six months, something I have struggled to get out of the habit of doing (a bit scared of the real world despite appearing confident/having a job/doig lots of extracurricular stuff).

Come on over and chat on our thread, it is guaranteed to make you feel better.

MilaMae Tue 06-Jan-09 20:46:18

I had 15 month old twin boys when I had dd and I found it incredibly hard, just about got my sanity back now they're 5,5 and 4 grin!!!!!

I had a Homestart volunteer and a student(who was crap but not all are). I also had a Nipper Double 360 and a Lascal Kiddy Board the latter combination helped enormously as I could get out and about.

I never joined a twins club as it just seemed like too much effort(it involved a car journey with no parking),my sister had twins last year(they were a shock for her too)and it has proved to be her salvation as it has for my best friend who also has twins. I'd say make the effort if you can, I now have several twin mum friends but didn't when I really needed them. Having said that I think the people who really understand how hard it is are other mums of 3 under 2. I met a mum with 3 dc the same ages as mine and we nearly pounced on each other in the street when we first met,it was such a relief to meet somebody else who actually knew what it was like grin

I always dragged the gang out to toddler groups,singing groups that we could walk to. It meant it tired them out,got us out and meant I had other mums to chat to and helped us get into some kind of routine. You have to ask for help though at these things, I think mums sometimes feel they can't offer to help even though you want them to.

Don't feel guilty,my twins were ivf dd a natural miracle. It's not ideal ,they do miss out in some ways being so close in age but I know it's not my fault. The plus side is they do start to play together nicely and even though they have their spats they are quite close. The time thing is something I wrestle with but I had no say in family planning so I have to make the best of it and I think all mothers worry about it.

Use anything that makes your life easier eg Cbeebies,toys that absorb your son etc. I used to put dd in the middle of a Baby Dan to keep her safe.

Hang in there it does get easier,keep posting smile

HarrogateMum Tue 06-Jan-09 20:58:24

MilaMae - how funny, my DTs were also IVF and DD a natural miracle!

BBeau Tue 06-Jan-09 21:08:25

Thank you for all your messages. I will give homestart a call and look at your other threads. willitbeahappynewyear - its funny you say about your friends and being a good hostess - thats exactly what its like. I have friends around me that have been my friends since i was 11 (im 30 now) and im just so disappointed with the lack of help ive had from them. They have and do all offer but when it comes down to the nitty gritty they dont want to know. One of my best friends lives right near my sons nursery and i asked her if she wouldnt mind me dropping the twins off to her (still in car seats) for literally 10 minutes whilst i take son to nursery so i dont have to unload them all. All i got was... well yeah it should be ok - can i let you know etc etc. Thats the first time ive ever asked her to babysit. They do offer to come round for a cuppa but they just expect me to sit and chat all afternoon and make tea and actually get quite offended if i say im busy. I really have seen a different side to all of them, we were all so close but are they really friends when none of them have helped us. If i were in their shoes i know i wouldnt hesitate. My friends dont even work either as have children of their own (most of them have 1 school age the other 3). I am in a strange place at the moment. I dont know if its because im stressed or because i genuinly am growing apart from my friends because everyone seems to annoy me at the moment. I use to get on well with my husbands family prior to babies but now all this has happened i actually dont have any time for any of them. His mum owns a little shop which shes only just bought off her partner. She tells us that it doesnt make her any money at all and shes had to get into debt to get it. She has a Sunday and Monday off. She lives about 40 minutes away but works 10 minutes down the road and still she only comes round on the odd Monday and makes it sound like shes doing us a huge favour by taking my son for a couple of hours. Dont get me wrong i dont expect her to drop her life for us but it annoys me that she doesnt help more. She owns her house outright so if the shop isnt making her any money why buy her partner out, she could have got herself a part time job and helped us out the rest of the week (we would pay her). She doesnt have any other grandchildren and shes only 53. I wouldnt think like that unless we were desperate. We could have lost our house when i was ill. When she does come round she makes sarcastic comments about how the clean the house is (or not as the case may be). This whole situation has really effected our relationship with everyone. We talk about emigrating to Australia once things are better for us - terrible isnt it. Harrogatemum - we are always ill as well - we keep giving each other colds (i have one now). Ive never been to the doctors so much in all my life!!

BBeau Tue 06-Jan-09 21:21:12

Milamae - just read your post. Its so funny you say about meeting that other lady in the street with 3 children. When i was pregnant with the twins i went to Morrisons with my son, i saw this lady and man walking down the street with a double buggy and a toddler seat attached to the front. I almost crashed my car trying to find a spot to park. I ran up to them to ask where they got their pram from (they probably thought i was mad). Turned out they had twins from ivf and a toddler natural about 15 months apart i think. Anyway, she went on to tell me about this twins club that i now go to. I was really hoping to stay friends with her but... ive seen her a few times at twins club when she chatted a little but she was so so distracted because of her little boy. Ive tried to call her house but its practically impossible to talk to her on the phone as shes alway talking to the kids and doing things. Anyway ive kinda given up now and she doesnt call which is a real shame. I think she gets a lot of help from her mum though. The buggy came from Australia and cost £600 (i wish i had have got one now but probably not worth it now). How often did the volunteer help you?

tkband3 Tue 06-Jan-09 22:14:08

BBeau, I really feel for you. I didn't have any of your health problems, but I did have 3 under 2 when my DTs were born (DD1 was 20 months). The first year was ridiculously tough (DD1 was very unwell with what was subsequently diagnosed as coeliac disease, but we didn't know what was wrong for a long time), the DTs were dreadful sleepers and although I had help from my mum one day and night a week and an extremely supportive DP, I'm still not sure how we coped. When other people asked me how I coped I just smiled, shrugged and said 'well I've got to, haven't I, cos no other bugger's going to do it for me.'

Cbeebies saved my life that first year. I freely admit that DD1 watched way more telly than she should have done, although she was so ill she didn't have enough energy to do anything else really. She was also at nursery 2.5 days a week.

When the DTs were 10 months old, we moved house - not that far, but far enough away from friends that I became completely isolated and looking back now, quite depressed. After a few months I bumped into a mum in the street just round the corner from our house who had twins and 2 older boys - like MilaMae says, we immediately recognised a kindred spirit and she is now my closest friend.

I do think that no matter how understanding friends are, the only people who truly understand how hard things are, are other multiple mums. I'd encourage you to visit our regular thread, which FG linked - there is always someone there ready to listen, advise, support and offer a shoulder to cry on if need be.

Whereabouts are you? (Forgive me if you've already said). Maybe one of us is close by and could pop round? I'm in North London if that's any good.

For what it's worth, my DTs are now 3.10 and at nursery 5 mornings a week and DD1 is 5.5 and in Y1 and life is completely different. The first year remains a complete blur, but I wouldn't change it for the world now - having the 3 of them so close together now makes life easier, not harder and they are great friends.

Sorry - a long ramble, but your first post really struck a cord. I found things got easier with each milestone - weaning, no more sterilising, formula to cow's milk etc - generally every six months. Hang on in there - life will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

jennyroper Tue 06-Jan-09 23:49:17

your situation sounds really, really hard I feel for you. I have 7 week old twins and a 2 yr old boy. I live in New Zealand as my husband is from here and my right arm is paralysed so I understand the feeling of frustration.
Plug away. It sounds like you are managing admirably under the circumstances. The hardest thing must almost be the feeling of separation from friends and family. That would be so upsetting. I'm glad you have found mumsnet. The advice is always excellent and totally realistic.
Good luck and remember it WILL pass and you will be much stronger for it

frumpygrumpy Tue 06-Jan-09 23:56:48

The other thing that came to mind was my coping strategy on tough days......

don't go out and don't expect to get out

set up all the play equipment you have and rotate the DTs (I had one bouncy chair, one swing, one door hang thing, one babywalker, one play gym, and set up one changing mat with telly nearby)

Yup, make use of kids telly. At this age its not a worry IMHO. You can unwind the reliance on it later. Teletubbies for 6 month olds is a big hit for a very valuable 10 minutes.

Don't worry about feeing/tending to one and talking/playing with your 2yr old. I sometimes had one DT in the pram in the garden (it was Summer!!!) whilst I did this so I could share myself around and stay reasonably sane. I could talk/play with the oldest, change/feed a DT and maybe even manage a cuppa or food for me.

Do crash out and sleep when you can.

Dump all people who are not a physical or emotional help. You have no time for them. Its not unkind its survival.....your need is greater than theirs atm and you are not here to make them feel better.

Wishing you much sleep x.

frumpygrumpy Wed 07-Jan-09 00:01:23

What I mean is that I often would split my DTs to make it feel less daunting......i.e. if one was out of the room (I don't mean that to sound so cruel!!!!! grin) it meant I had one baby and a toddler which felt much easier than having two babies in the room when they might both be needing me. I couldn't always soothe two at the same time and so it was easier to remove one for 10 minutes and then swap. I felt it was kinder on my eldest too in those days when I felt she was missing out on time with me x2.

Its such a juggle right now. And you are doing your very best. We know that. You need to believe it too.

Rubyrubyrubynoknickers Wed 07-Jan-09 10:00:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BBeau Wed 07-Jan-09 11:10:07

Hello, thank you for your advice, it is so helpful. Yes cbeebies is a life saver and he is fixed to balamory and Mr Tumble!! All the things you have said sound very familiar - i do rotate the twins, like from bouncer to play mat etc. Its the little things that are difficult like not being able to leave my son in the room with them alone - he tries to pick them up, we do have baby gates everywhere (i have the bruises on my legs to show :-) but he is learning how to open them can you believe! It really doesnt help at the fact that the girls are not feeding properly. They have had constant diarreah since coming out of special care but the doctors dont seem to be doing anything. Theyve only ever taken 4 bottles a day and end up leaving a lot of the bottles (the last month or 2 they have not been gainin weight either (she is coming today to weigh them). They have put them on Nutrmigen, they seem to be taking a bit more but diarreah is worse than ever (its like water and now giving them sore bums). It just takes forever to feed them. I feel really bad moaning because i know people have it worse and they are gorgious children and am very lucky in a lot of ways, but i still cant help wishing my life away.
tkband3 - its very reasuring to hear that they are all friends now - this is what i keep telling myself. How lovely when they will all play together.
jennyroper - wow you live in New Zealand - what is it like? Shame your not here (or im not there :-))!! When did you move there? I love the idea of emigrating - obviously not practical at the moment but its certainly on the cards for us in the future. I just feel that people emigrate leaving a lot more behind than what we would be!
Its so nice to hear that lots of other people have 3 under 2! I am normally a very together person but this mummy of 3 thing has drained my batteries and my husbands (he feels the same way)! You can imagine our topic of conversation in the evenings (when we get a chance), always about the lack of help we get.
We live in Essex (i just realised, i hope none of my friends are on this site - oops, oh well, im past caring now - far more important things to worry about ah). Gotta go feed now. Thanks for messages though, will take a look at other threads as soon as i get spare mo)! x

frumpygrumpy Wed 07-Jan-09 11:19:48

Beau, the runny nappies are a worry. Have the doctors never mentioned a lactose intolerance? Or tested for coeliac? A short term runny nappy can be lots of things but not SIX months!

If you have energy I would fight this cause a little. It would be so much easier if you knew what you were dealing with. Keep fighting until you find an empathetic ear from a health professional. I would tend not to speak to the GPs, I would TELL them you want referred. Its not fair on you or the girls xx.

Have you started a thread under health to ask what others experiences have been like? Someone may have had similar experience to learn from.

willitbeahappynewyear Wed 07-Jan-09 11:52:01

BBeau How much did your twins weigh and how many weeks were you when they were born? Do you know when your operation will be? I have been dignosed with a 2nd degree prolapse from having a large 1st baby by forceps then the twins who were also assisted delivery,forcpes and ventouse. I am annoyed it wasnt picked up earlier as I have been advised to have a hysterectomy and repair op. I tried to tell docs something wasnt right but they just said "oh,wait and see"!. Too late now,everything is nearly falling out!sad It is something I can cope with at the mo but some days it is worse than others and really gets me down. Having no one to help,like you I just cant consider an op right now. Is there any way you can get maybe an afternoon to your self at the weekends while your DH has the kids? When mine were small I used to escape every Saturday afternoon to the shops to chill out,have a coffee etc.

Rubyrubyrubynoknickers Wed 07-Jan-09 12:13:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinaLoy Wed 07-Jan-09 12:26:31

Hello all, just read the OP and most of the replies with tears dribbling down my chin...I'm finding my 21-month-old twin girls such hard work right now, and I'm battling with a bad depression, and we have no family near and few local friends, but I'm in good shape physically, which I never even feel grateful for because I feel overwhelmed by the other stuff. BBeau your health problems sound horrible, but I just wanted to say how moving all the replies have been. I think MN can be such a force for good in these situations, the kindness that comes out. It's very cheering. Well, it's cheered me and I really hope it's helping you BBeau. Best of luck.

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