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for all those who have lost a twin/twins

(71 Posts)
throckenholt Mon 28-Feb-05 09:35:09

My heart goes out to all those who have lost one or more multiples. Have been reading Bubble's story. There are no words that will help but just wanted to say I am thinking of you, and you will always be parents of multiples.

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 09:43:09

Thank you

Yes I always think of myself as having Identical Twins



To someone who has lost a twin

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 09:45:53

Obviously we are lucky compared to someone who looses both babies


MunchedTooManyMarsLady Mon 28-Feb-05 18:17:16

My heart breaks for you RTK

lockets Mon 28-Feb-05 18:19:14

Message withdrawn

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 18:48:40

lockets and MunchedTooManyMarsLady

Thanks for your messages

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Mon 28-Feb-05 18:52:00

As I've said before RTK, but for the Grace of God... and I don't mean that lightly. I was blessed with a wonderful consultant who decided that an elective would be the best thing for me because the DTs were transverse. I had complete faith in her and she was completely honest about all the potential complications.

I'm sorry for your loss

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 19:04:07

The problem was because of PROM for DT1

Also being so prem

Didn't have CS but that was not the problem

There were problems with the birth that I don't really want to talk about atm.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Mon 28-Feb-05 19:05:14

When you want to talk, then I'm here to listen.

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 19:06:02

Thankyou you are all brill

lockets Mon 28-Feb-05 19:07:15

Message withdrawn

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 19:10:16


jampots Mon 28-Feb-05 19:16:52

RTKM - sorry to hear about your baby

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 19:35:58

I think one of the hardest things is

being sad and happy at the same time

I think losing a twin is unique in that birthdays are sad and happy occaisions.

Also people find it hard to understand that yes we do have one baby but we have still lost one, and we should have two babies at home to cuddle and feed and bath.

Also we have an arm that should have a baby in {so 2 babies = 2 arms.}

Plans for double buggies and prams etc have to be changed.

Because I spent so long in hospital beforehand and they were very very prem we were only at planning stage and hadn't been shopping

[DH had booked a shopmobility wheelchair for me to go shopping for the Saturday after I was admitted, so we never made it to the shops]

nutcracker Mon 28-Feb-05 19:52:29

Although i lost dd1's twin at 9 weeks, i cannot begin to imagine what you have been through Kanga, as obviously it is not the same.

Love to you and Bubble (whos thread my dotty computer won't let me post on).

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 19:56:14

Sorry about your DT

Thanks for your kindness

Christie Mon 28-Feb-05 20:00:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jampots Mon 28-Feb-05 20:02:35

my friends first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and a few days later after much pain and passing out they discovered an ectopic pregnancy

RTKangaMummy Mon 28-Feb-05 20:06:29

Yes it is the mixture of emotions that hits me the most.

DS {DT2} is 9 years now nearly 10

And every birthday has been so difficult

We couldn't have any more children

throckenholt Tue 01-Mar-05 08:09:53

sad and devestating as it is to lose twins (or any baby) at an early stage, my heart really goes out those who lost them late on, or even after birth.

My twins are ID and we spent a lot of the pregancy thinking we would not come out with two live healthy babies. We did - for which I am eternally grateful. And it makes me realise how tough it must be for those who are not so lucky.

RTKangaMummy Tue 01-Mar-05 20:18:30


One thing that I did was to write a letter telling everyone what had happened to my DTs

We photocopied it and sent it to absolutely everybody we knew and all the ones on Christmas card lists

We said that we wanted to be congratulated for both babies,

we also told them about DT2 and his treatment in NNU ITU and how he was doing [about his eyes opening for the first time ]

It also told them to write to us rahter than telephone.

Well, we were never at home anyway always in the NNU ITU.

This was a very hard letter to write but was also threapaputic

It let everybody know the details so didn't have to keep repeating it all over again.

So people sent us lovely letters and cards it also meant we could read them over and over again.

thedogmother Tue 01-Mar-05 20:27:17

RTKM and

RTKangaMummy Tue 01-Mar-05 20:36:54


bubble99 Tue 01-Mar-05 20:45:00

Thanks for that advice RTKangaMummy

I'm going to try and venture out tomorrow, leaking wound or not. When Elijah and I got home from hospital, the first things I saw were the double pushchair in the hall, extra carseat and some books on twins which I'd ordered from Amazon
I'm going to try the school run tomorrow with Mr Bubble and the boys but I'm dreading it. Everyone knows what has happened, we've had some lovely cards, letters and presents from people at school. I know I'm going to end up in tears and though I'm not remotely a "stiff upper lip" type person I'm not sure I can face it. DH and I went to the supermarket yesterday, we shop there all the time and have got to know most of the staff. They've all followed my pregnancy and as a mother of a surviving twin yourself you know how much interest it generates. DH went there while I was in hospital and told the woman who works in the deli section (who is a kindhearted loudmouth ) what had happened, knowing that word would get around.
I feel so cheated, it sounds selfish but I was so looking forward to having twins. I'd built up such a picture in my mind of twin birthdays and how they'd play (and fight) together and now it's not to be. I know you understand.
I hope you don't mind me posting this here rather than as a CAT. If you feel able to discuss it here that would be great, I've learnt so much from mumsnet and being able to share in others (sometimes very painful) experiences has been comforting.

RTKangaMummy Tue 01-Mar-05 21:00:35

The going out and facing people was one of the hardest things to do.

As it was my first pregnancy didn't have school run.

How are your big boys?

The business of surviving twins IMHO is much harder because we build up ideas of them sleeping together, one cot or two, in a bunk bed who would get the top and bottom.

How would we organize feeding, bathing, and all these things.

I had even choosen which house teams at DH school they would go into {That isn't until 11 years old} Iwanted them to go into different ones because they were identical they would therefore be wearing different coloured ties.

I know really stupid and mega forward planning

We still light the candles on birthday cake and sing happy birthday to DT1.

This is over 9 years ago.

We just took it a day at a time

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