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Pre-schooler twins fighting non-stop, will we ever be able to go out without a scene again?

(4 Posts)
hattyyellow Fri 22-Aug-08 12:16:08

My 3 year olds have reached a peak in their warring. I'm torn between feeling really sorry for them, they didn't ask to permanently have someone else there taking their toys, sharing the attention etc and feeling at my wits end with them.

This summer we have been to three birthday parties. They've ended up in a full physical scrap at both with eachother, hair pulling, slapping etc. At the end of term pre-school party they had a big fight and every time I've taken them to a cafe or shop things have detioriated in a blink of an eyelid into world war three.

It always seems to revolve around who gets to stand on which side of me or who sits on my knee. Something really simple. They're not nasty little girls, I think they're just really frustrated at sharing everything. I'm sick of feeling embarrassed at the scene they're causing but I'd rather not just stay indoors for the rest of our lives..

Please please please tell me it gets better? Im pregnant as well, so I can't just lift them both up and carry them out of the room and deal with them in a quiet space like I used to - I'm forced to deal with it with an audience which is sometimes sympathetic and sometimes I can just hear the mental chatter of "why is she having another one?, what badly behaved children" etc..

We do try very hard to be fair. To give them both time apart when possible. To explain the difference between right and wrong behaviour. To try and explain to them why we don't want them to fight. I wouldn't slap them or physically reprimand them. Is there any way of getting across to 3 year olds that they can't keep on scrapping in public? Will they ever change?

glamourbadger Fri 22-Aug-08 14:53:59

Oh hatty I can completely sympathise! My girls are 2 and a half and seem to be constantly at war with each other. They argue over the most trivial things, it's a constant tit for tat, pushing each other over until one cries and lashes out.

Just remember that everyones kids play up and yours always seem worse because you are with them 24/7. I have lost count of the times I have thrown money onto a table in a cafe and legged it!

I can't really offer much advice, other than to try and head off situations before they blow up. You've probably read Christopher Greens book on toddler taming - I've found this a good source of advice. Hang in there, these stages are short lived. If you're anything like me next month you'll be worrying about something else

hattyyellow Fri 22-Aug-08 16:40:28

Aw thanks glamourbadger am trying to remember "this too shall pass" but it seems to have been going on for months. I know other peoples singleton children fight, but at least they have a bit more respite from eachother due to their different ages/activities etc.

I think it's the way some people have got it in their head that I'm "that poor woman with twins". Despite me staying as calm as possible and still having a life, they've just pigeonholed that to have twins must be impossible and something to be pitied. I don't want to be pitied, I just want them to stop fighting! And breathe..

I think a lot of it is rising panic on my part that this new baby will arrive in 4 months and I'll be trying to separate them from world war three whilst trying to feed a new baby who is screaming in my ear.

mumoftwinz Wed 27-Aug-08 17:00:37

I totally sympathize. Mine are constantly fighting, I have the food shopping delivered, shop for most stuff without them. And i feel they really missed out on things as it was such a battle to go anywhere. They are getting better tho i would say. They have just started school (albeit in the same class!) Just had to stop typing to mediate a battle in next room! We can now go out to eat and they are quite good! But has taken years of practise!

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