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DTDs will be in seperate classes next year.....reassure me we have made the right decision...

(13 Posts)
SlightlyMadSweet Wed 11-Jun-08 19:39:38

They will be going into Yr3

They need it socially

They need it academically

DTD1 (says she) wants to be seperate
DTD2 desperately wants to be together

One of them is going to be upset whatever we do....

DTD2 just swamps DTD1 in hugs all day (apparenetly)
DTD2 is socially dependant on when DTD1 is there.....but florishes alone when DTD1 is off ill.
DTD2 has been forced into set 2 for the sake of being seperated, but is academically stronger than DTD1 in many respects.

They have arbitrarily split into different ability groups for the sake of seperating them. They should both be top set. They will both have the opportunity to be top set in seperate classes (as long as they are both still appropriate of course)

But most of all they have very different learning styles and have a tendancy (or I have a perception of) them being treated as one in some respects.....seperating them with different children means that academically they will have to be treated as individuals.

I know it will be tough.
DTD2 will be heartbroken for the first few weeks.
DTD1 will probably find it harder than she thinks as well.
They have both been guranteed 2 "special friends" each in their class to placate them
We have been told it can be reviewed if it absolutely is not working.

TEll me I have done the right thing.
Tell me how long they will suffer
Tell me how I can make i easier for them.

CarGirl Wed 11-Jun-08 19:41:34

YES absolutely YES you have done the right thing.

They are individuals (as well you know) this way they will be treated as individuals at the school by staff and pupils.

mybrainaches Wed 11-Jun-08 19:43:47

My dts re in Nursery, start school in September, I have decided they will be seperated as dt2 is far to dependant on dt1, all the teachers have different views, but I believe it is the best thing for both of them. I know dt2 will suffer in the short term, but I keep telling myself it wont be much different to a singledon starting school and any problems will soon pass once they find thier feet.

drinkmoretea Wed 11-Jun-08 19:50:02

IMHO you have absoulutly made the right decision.
I separated my DTB in year one and am so pleased, they have their own friends, no pressure from each other in class, they dont get fed up of each other as they are not constantly in each others pockets, they are treated as individuals by everyone, in fact it took a while for some parents from both classes to even notice they were twins!! (they are identical but to me look nothing alike)
And I actually enjoy parents evening because the teacher only talks about one of them as when they were in reception (at a different school though) she used to say one thing about one and then go on to the next then back again and would refer to them as "they"
Not only do they have their own friends but they play all together really well when they have friends for tea.
I dont know what else I can say, if I think of anything else though......
I can honestly say that there have been no negatives.

Well, one last thing,the only thing I can think of that was probably difficult to start was when they get invited to parties, one invited but not the other. But they soon got used to it and enjoyed having time alone with me.

GodzillasBumcheek Wed 11-Jun-08 19:55:50

Hiya smile

My DTDs (identical) were separated in Year 3 too, and one wanted to stay together, same as yours. They are now in Year 6, and the same one is still a bit more clingy, but
they each have their own special friends
their teachers know them individually
they are never lumped together as being the same person/same ability
they have become adjusted to the fact that they will not be treated exactly the same all the way through life (better they get that idea sooner as it avoids jealousy later)
and best of all, they get much needed time apart which is near enough impossible at home!

Enough reasons to reassure?

SlightlyMadSweet Wed 11-Jun-08 20:12:46

I think so.

<I have to say I think I disagree with mybrainaches about reception though....I think that starting school will a huge upheavel for them, and they will do better for the support for each other. Reception is not about academic acheivements, it is about settling in a new routine, new experience and I am 100% happy with the decision to keep them together in R & Yr1 (Yr1 is an amazing stress/upheavel for them (as children) to as they come to terms with the fact that they don't keep the same teacher, classroom, peers for their whole schol career); I appoologise for the uninvited opinion>.

I think this is hte right time to do it.

Anothre concern that I have is that there are 2 other sets of DTs in their year and I don't think they are being seperated - although I don't know for sure. I am worried about the way that my DTDs wil react to the knowledge that the others keep their "comfort" of being together and may feel "singled out" compared to the other DTs IYSWIM.

My DTDs do know that there has been this discussion. Also will they, ot more specifically DTD2 feel that we as parents have been mean by seperating them?

iamdingdong Wed 11-Jun-08 20:19:27

mine start reception in sept, one form entry so no choice but to be in the same calss adn I think I woudl want them to be anyway, to get used to it, have a friend etc but I can see that in a couple of years they will need to spread their wings and develop individually, and they will be 1 of 3 sets of twins in their year too. I think you have done exactly the right thing

mybrainaches Wed 11-Jun-08 20:23:42

Thankfully, they are not splitting the nursery classes, they will all start together in Reception, and the classrooms are next door to the nursery class, so dt2 will have the same peers at least, dt1 will soon start intergrating into the other nursery class as she is much more dependant, so she can get to know her peers before starting reception.

drinkmoretea Wed 11-Jun-08 22:22:40

Hi again, I just wanted to say with regards to your concern about the other set of twins being in the same class, one of my DTs has a set of twins (ID Girls if it makes a difference?)in his class but I can honestly say that neither of my DTs have been slightly interested/bothered or questioned this.

fiplus4 Thu 12-Jun-08 11:16:50

Ours start reception in September and we're looking at asking for them to be kept together. They're not identical, have different interests, different aptitudes and a different, but overlapping, set of friends. Sometimes they go on play dates together, sometimes one and not the other. At the moment I can't really see the merit of splitting them up, but can see a lot of downside in terms of logistics as they also have two older brothers. Maybe we're missing something?

sashmum Tue 17-Jun-08 17:28:47

we decided to put ours in seperate classes once they moved up to reception. i feel we made totally the right decision. the girls are now in year 5 and although identical in looks they are very different children. no longer are they "the twins" but two little girls who are sisters the same age, they have different friends, interests and hobbies. thankfully most of the time they get on well but i do think its important to treat them as indivduals although i feel most blessed to have had the wonderful experience of being mummy to twins.

lonelymom Thu 11-Sep-08 19:17:21

My DTSs (age 6) have been separated since they started at school AGAINST my wishes but basically I have been told by the school - tough! When they started in reception, we applied late as we had been living abroad and they said there was only one place and expected us (they really did) to send the other DS to a school outside of our area. We had to fight like hell about this to the LEA (we could have sent them both to the other school but their older sister also had a place at the local school and we wanted them to make friends with the kids in our neighbourhood - not too much to ask huh?). Anyway one my DSs took the available place but we had to keep one at home for a month until another child moved away (the school knew the child was moving far in advance but would not let my DS start until the child had physically left even though I offered to go in and help with the class and the LEA said it was OK for him to start as the class was only be to over subscribed for a few weeks). Anyway one of my DSs finds it difficult to interact with other kids (not that he's shy but he's over the top and gets on their nerves!) so when they moved into Yr 1, I asked if they could go into the same class (only if there was a space in one class, did not expect them to move another child) but I was told in no uncertain terms that they have decided that they stay separated. I mentioned that perhaps my views could be listened to but they said No, we (the teachers) have discussed it and we feel that is best. Obviously, I am very angry because I feel that my DS may settle down a bit with his brother in the same class, he may subconciously feel a bit vulnerable without him, that's why he goes a bit crazy. I may be wrong but I wanted to give it a try! Obviously, I don't want him using his brother as a crutch but they are still very young.

groovychick2 Thu 11-Sep-08 22:24:46

Hi lonelymom - Groovy chick2 here!! My twin boys have just gone into year 1 too. There is only one class at their school but they are in different groups for maths etc within that class. My boys are worse when they are together and I feel it is good that they are not always on top of one another. However, everyone is different and you know your boys better than anyone!! Teachers always think they know everything!!grin

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