Twins arrived at 28 weeks

[Tinkerbell]

My twin dds arrived big time early two weeks ago, at only 28 weeks. I refused to admit that I was in labour and kept thinking that the contractions would go away, so by the time the ambulance got me to hospital dd1 was on her way out. dd2 was an emergency c-section. They weigh under 2lbs each.

They are in intensive care, although I did get to hold them both for the first time yesterday which was magical (all their tubes etc were mainly hidden by blankets so the photos look almost normal!!) and will be there, if all goes well, for 10 weeksm or so.

I need help. Who else has been through this? Some days I feel amazing, others when things aren't going so well are awful. Today's a good day. What do you sing to them? Sing a song of sixpence is driving me mad already! Any good books to read? Good websites? Is TAMBA any help?

They are soooo beautiful and the thought of maybe losing one or both of them is heartbreaking. I want to do as much as I can to help them. There is so little that I can do though. But we stay positive because we have heard so many positive stories and also because they have been doing much better over the last few days.

If anyone has any ideas/advice I would love to hear it. Thanks.

[SoupDragon]

Sorry, no advice but big big congratulations!

I think Tamba can be helpful as there you are likely to find someone who's been in the same boat as you and come through.

As for feeling amazing one minute & awful the next - welcome to motherhood I guess

Songs : How about Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The Wheels on the Bus is quite good as you can just make up things as you go along (they won't care if there are parrots on the bus going squawk squawk squawk!) and there'a always the "Hush little baby, don't say a word..." song that no one can ever remember the words to.

Websites: How about bliss the premature Baby site?

[PamT]

Tinkerbell, congratulations on the arrival of your two lovely daughters. It must have been a big shock when they arrived so early and so quickly. I hope they continue to make good progress. What are their names?

Both my DS's were special care babies being born at 36 and 31 weeks, though they were both fairly healthy and didn't need too much care. DS2 was worst and had to be delivered early due to my placenta praevia, he needed a few days on the ventilator and then his problems were mainly feeding related. It is very hard knowing that you have a baby in special care and not knowing for certain if or when you will be able to take them home. They never really feel like your baby until the day they are discharged because there are always other people there who know more about their care than you do. Try to get involved as much as possible and build friendships with the midwives and nurses who work in the unit so that you can become more involved. Most neo-natal units also have support groups where more experienced parents can come and talk to you and help you through the difficult times.

You have my greatest sympathy because it is one of the hardest things ever, to walk out of the maternity unit without your baby, knowing that every other mother just gives birth and happily walks out a day or so later (not quite true but it feels that way). I cried and cried when I had to do it and because I'd had a section and also had another DS at home I was limited to the amount of time I could spend with DS2 which broke my heart. Please keep posting about their progress, I'll be thinking about you.

[Faith]

Congratulations Tinkerbell! I haven't been in your position, but can understand what an emotional time this is for you. I am sure that the local Twins Club could offer support. The midwives should be able to put you in touch. If not Tamba will be able to give you a contact.What have you called your gorgeous babes?
Lots of thoughts, Faith

[berta]

Hi Tinkerbell,
Mine came at thirty weeks and were in intensive care for a few days and then special care for 5/6 weeks. It was a long slog and I was very up and down emotionally even though they were basically well but small. I remember sitting there day after day worrying about whether they'd put on any weight today. Cuddling them was great and I'd get them out of their incubator and onto your chest as often as the hospital will allow. I was at UCH and they were very encouraging of this "kangaroo care" - research shows it's helpful for both mother and babies. Get involved in their care as much as you can - cleaning, changing clothes etc - and if you're not and it's not too late, I really recommend bonding with that breast pump and expressing milk every few hours. Providing the babies with breastmilk (even if it was fed to them down a tube for the first few weeks) really helped me feel that I was contributing to their well-being.
Most of all be kind to yourself - I ran myself a bit ragged thinking I had to keep a vigil all day and night when really it probably would have been better to relax a bit and get fit and ready for the homecoming when you'll have your hands full.
As for songs - anything that you like to sing will do - I had a soft spot for "you are my sunshine". I didn't really get involved with Tamba but the MBF have some good literature that's worth reading - hospital may have copies. Not too many books around either, though I noticed one called Your Premature Baby by Nikki Bradford which came out recently.
Best of luck, hang in there and as you say stay positive. Mine are wonderful nearly four year olds now and have given me so much joy.

[janh]

Tinkerbell, like Soupdragon no useful advice, but lots of best wishes and fingers crossed for your lovely daughters.

You don't need to sing just baby songs, or nursery rhymes, anything you know the words of and enjoy singing will be good for them, just to hear your voice - hymns (All Things Bright and Beautiful is nice!), Christmas carols, pop songs, folk songs, whatever comes into your head.

Hoping they get bigger and stronger every day and come home soon. xxx

[Joe1]

Sorry have no advice but welcome to your little girls. My dh always sings Goodnight Sweetheart, the song they sing in 3 men and a baby, works everytime.

Give them a little hug from me next time you are able to spare a hug with them. Will be thinking of you all, love J.

[SueDonim]

Congratulations, Tinkerbell, and welcome to your babies. I hope they continue to make good progress.

NCT may be able to put you in touch with other parents who have been through the same thing, via their Experiences Register. Call them on 0870 444 8707 and they should be able to help.

Best wishes to you all
Sue

[jasper]

Congratulations Tinkerbell and I hope it all goes well for you and your babies

[Crunchie]

Tinkerbell, congrats. I went through a similar thing at 27 weeks (only one baby) and can just say that Bliss is brilliant and a real help as a charity (they have a parent support line) and also as someone else said, I found not keeping a vigil day and night helped me cope better.

I was lucky to have my DH there 24/7 as well and we were able to stay close the the hospital (it was 70 miles from home) and this helped to be on hand, but not watching machines go bleep!

I can't give you any real advice as I don't know the type of person you are, my SIL went through similar and didn't leave the hospital! All I can say is to treat thiis time as 'limbo' until you and your family are back home. I went to the gym (!) to the cinema in the day, in fact everything to escape (!) However for me it was because my baby was not really mine and there was nothing much I could do for her, that the Dr's couldn't. Now we are very close and I love her to death but at the time I didn't feel I was a mother.

[Marina]

Tinkerbell, congratulations on the birth of your little daughters and good luck with their progress in intensive care. I really can't offer much advice except on the singing front, where I will heartily chorus with janh - sing anything, they will just be responding to and enjoying the sound of their favourite voice. Ds when small got hymns, advertising jingles, easy bits of opera - his faves were "Swing low, sweet chariot" and "Amazing Grace".
We will all be thinking of you, keep us posted on how you are doing when you have time. Hope you are getting lots of support at hospital and that local twins support can help.

[bossykate]

congratulations and hope everything continues to improve as it has done the past few days!

best of luck

[Zoe]

Congratulations Tinkerbell on your two precious girls

Songs I sang from the early days included "Oh I-I-I-I-I love you ver-ry much" and "Wheels on the Bus" both of which ds loves today.

Every day they are getting stronger - keep us posted

[robinw]

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[GRMUM]

Tinkerbell congratulations on having 2 beautiful girls.You will all be in my thoughts and prayers and hope that every day sees them a little bit stronger and a day closer to coming home with you.Love A x

[lilibet]

Many congratulations and much love to all four of you. I had 'our songs' with all 3 of mine, dd ws 'groovy kind of love' as it was no 1 when i was pregnant and i used to sing it to my bump, ds1 got 'you are my sunshine' and ds2 has ' I will' by the Beatles. Each of them still responds to their song and dd and I still have a hug nearly 14 years later when Phil Collins sings our song. But we are a very soppy family! God Bless all of you and I hope the day comes soon when they are snug and safe under your roof.

[WideWebWitch]

Tinkerbell, congratulations and no advice but hope your babes continue to do well.

[Tinker]

Congratulations Tinkerbell (are we related??? )
I've not beenin your position but a friend's baby was only 3lbs at birth and 8 years later is a strong healthy boy.

I always to sing 'You are my sunshine' or 'Baby Bunting'. I'd sing something you don't have to think about, as long as the tone is sweet, it doesn't matter. All the best.

[bayleaf]

Gosh - I can quite imagine what a roller-coaster of emotions you must be going thru - I don't have any first hand experience but a friend has recently given birth prematurely and the baby's stomach wasn't joined to her bowel so she was in intensive care for weeks and is still now in hospital 8 weeks from birth with no real prospect of leaving - (tho' she is doing really well) so I can just begin to imagine the intense highs and lows you must be going thru.
DO let us know their names and how they're doing,
lots of hugs to both of them
Bayleaf
x

[Deborahf]

Tinkerbell - I've no experience of early births, let alone twins. But congratulations on your dds.

[FrancesJ]

Sorry, no constructive advice, but did want to add my congratulations and good wishes - do hope everything continues well. I used to sing, endlesssly 'moses supposes his toesies are rosies, but moses supposes erroneously'. Anything repetitive seemed to be soothing (to baby, at least). I've heard good things about TAMBA, but don't have any first-hand experience. But the best of best of luck - hope so much that all the days start to be good ones.

[MABS]

Tinkerbell - i can totally understand what you're going through I think. I've had two prems, dd at 31 wks nearly 8 yrs ago and ds at 29 wks - he's 2 next month.

I'm only speaking from my own experiences but for me, having babies in Scbu was like being in the 'twilight zone' . You know they're yours but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Both of mine were ventilated, and my first cuddles were always attached to tubes.. Please ask me ANYTHING you want, I'm feeling for you sooo much.

Keep strong, the power of positive thinking is an incredible thing. We nearly lost ds twice and time stood still for me , I can remember it now as if it was yesterday. I used to feel useless at the hospital and useless at home - its horrible.

Are you trying to express at all? i found it absolutely hideous and don't mind admitting that I gave up pretty damn quick.

Take care , chin up and a kiss for your brave little babes Love Mabs

(i know of a few good websites - i'll post them asap)

[ionesmum]

Hello, Tinkerbell, many congratulations. My neighbour is a twin and both she and her brother were under 2lbs, and she is now in her 60's. My baby was in Nicu although she was late, and we got to know the parents of the prem babies who came each day to be with their little ones, their bonding, strength and love was quite something to behold.

I sing 'Tuppence a Bag' from 'Mary Poppins' and 'Annie's Song' to dd, and I read her 'Guess How Much I love You'. She also likes JanH's suggestion of Christmas carols.

Lots of best wishes and prayers. xxx

[Demented]

More girls, many congratulations!

Thinking of you, all the best!

[anais]

Congratulations Tinkerbell, and best wishes to your family.

I don't have any experience of similar situations, but I would second what Berta said about handling. Touch has been shown to make a dramatic difference in how babies - particularly prem babies - develop and progress. So take every opportunity to touch and hold your beautiful daughters. Also take care of yourself, as you will need to be at your best when you bring the two of them home!

Thinking of you, keep us informed