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Oh my god its identical twins!!!!

(41 Posts)
Excusemyfrench Fri 04-Jan-19 12:57:24

Please help, I am in utter shock.

This is my 3rd baby and at my 8 week reassurance scan today, found its identical twins. I am freaking out.
I will have 4 children!!!

My last pregnancy was also identical twins (what are the chances?!) although one of them vanished around 6 weeks.

I feel so bad to be so upset as I so wanted this baby, but I am so overwhelmed. On google identical twins seem so risky with so many complications...

Please reassure me...

Excusemyfrench Wed 16-Jan-19 13:58:05

Thank you for your post @GinAndTings I appreciate the insight.
Sounds like you are really enjoying it now and I am very pleased for you.

Days are going by and I dont feel any better.
If this had been my first - fine. When this happened the second time- fine I went along with it. But this is our 3rd. It isnt just me and twins. And it took me soooo long to get ready to try for a 3rd and wrap my head around having just one more. I really do not want 2. Its 4 children, its a game changer. I dont feel as though I can carry them, care for them, days go by and people keep telling me 'oh its only one more' and I want to scream. Its already hard enough getting 2 in bed, or on the school run, and managing it everyday, an extra 2 would be a nightmare. Would I eventually cope? Sure probably, you get on with things. But do I HAVE to accept the next few years are going to be a huge struggle?? That I wont have time for my 2 eldest. Or my husband. Or my self. That we will just be surviving for the first few years. Do I really have to?
My husband keeps sayin 'its fiiiiine' but has NO idea whats ahead of us. Doesnt even research what this means.

Im sorry if this sounds awful. I am really trying to wrap my head around it but Im struggling. Feeling so sick all the time isnt helping either.
I have another scan on Friday and hoping, with all my heart, that just like my 2nd pregnancy, one will have just... vanished 😔

SeaToSki Wed 16-Jan-19 14:04:37

It sounds like you could really use some professional help with this. Can you access a therapist or a counsellor? Maybe start by talking to your GP.

theredjellybean Wed 16-Jan-19 14:14:42

I think you should definitely seek some help no, I can understand you're shocked and if it took you a longtime to feel up to a third, you must be vulnerable to anxiety knowing its twins.
You could also start planning for some help when then arrive, maybe an au pair to help with your older dc and logistics such as school runs etc.
As for cars... Loads of 4x4 smaller than discovery sport have 7 seats...
You older children can help with the babies they are not tinies.
You sound very panicked and maybe talk to your midwife to see if there is a specialist maternity mental health midwife you could be referred to.

GinAndTings Wed 16-Jan-19 15:04:14

Honestly I think everything you are feeling right now is completely justified and very normal.

I also think that the shock hasn't sunk in yet.

Yes, what you have mentioned and I wont lie to you, it does sometimes become a struggle, and yes your elder two will have to sometimes wait, your attention wont be divided by one new newborn, it will be another two newborns both who has different needs at the same time and unfortunately for them - they will also need to wait and learn to be patient - because you are and will be even more outnumbered and only still have one pair of hands.

So yes, it will be tough, it will be a struggle at times, of course it will. Will it be worth it - for me, yes. But for you, only you can make that decision and only time will tell.

I do really hope that you reach out in real life and speak to someone, tamba do run a twinline and I have used it a few times especially when the twins were very young and it was double the crying/teething.

It wasn't all roses for me, I had very bad PND. I was frogmarched to the GP by my husband and my mum had one baby and my sister took the other so I had a break for a few days. I didn't hear anything but screaming and crying even when it was silent. I felt like I was going insane. I think that's why I am enjoying them so much more now they are a lot older and more independent. I am getting my life back a little now and energy levels.

There are many many many multiple mums who feel exactly the same as you do right now. So don't feel awful about wishing one away - I only wanted one aswell and it took me a long time to admit that - and an even longer time to say it out loud. Especially with everyone elses comments about double trouble, hands full, two for the price of one (ha ha bloody ha) and asking if they are natural, ivf, section, breastfed, and then the other children comments - do you even have a tv? - that's a firm favourite in the fb group im in!

How old are your other DC's?

Please join the multiple mums fbook group im in - please - you will see how we each cope and share our tips and tricks and ideas in having twins - the highs and lows and all in between - knowing and seeing others in your position may really help you wrap your head around it all and start looking forward rather than dreading it.

xx I wish you all the best xx

waterplease Wed 16-Jan-19 15:49:07

Congratulations OP (even if it may not seem like happy news atm!) just remember that at least your other 2 are at school so you will only have the 2 babies during the weekday. I can imagine it's quite an upheaval in your life!

Take it easy and rest, plan things out maybe then you'll feel better prepared to tackle them. Hope your sickness eases soon!thanks

donttakethebiscuit Thu 17-Jan-19 12:50:40

Congratulations! I was 18 when I found out I was expecting my twins, and they were my 2nd and 3rd kids. It was terrifying but you make it work! It’s very rewarding

Seasidetrains Wed 23-Jan-19 19:30:59

I felt exactly how you are feeling now for a long time and still do in some ways. Mine are nearly 2.5 and I love them and am v thankful they are healthy (the pregnancy with identical twins is very stressful and you will be scanned a lot). But I still wish I could have had them one at a time. I’ve just come to accept those feelings and I try to remember in the grand scheme of things that life can throw at you, twins are not so bad. I’m not sure I would have tried again if I’d known it would be twins but feeling utterly exhausted by it all and a bit negative doesn’t make me a worse parent. I’m rambling but really just to say, I think it’s completely natural to feel the way you do especially with all the insane levels of Twin pregnancy hormones. I will say that life has got back to some semblance of normality in the last 6 months or so (until one of them gets ill, then it’s a total shit-show again!) I know that right now you can’t see how the future will be but there will be good times flowers

MrsY87 Sun 27-Jan-19 11:25:10

We've just had non-identical twins as our 3rd and 4th, our eldest is 4 and starts school in September and our 2nd is only 16m so we now have 4 under 5. When we found out it was twins we totally freaked out and had the same worries as you, financial, logistical, how will we be able to physically look after so many young children, will we ever have time for ourselves again?

They are only 3 days old so we are still very much adjusting to this new normal which we never envisaged. It's noisy and slightly chaotic but I'm sure once we get into the swing of things it will be great. I was terrified before they arrived but now my mentality has changed and I'm like we can do this, it might be hard but we're a good team and are lucky to have great support from family and friends around us and i just know it will all be fine.

However, I won't lie 3 days in I'm overwhelmed and exhausted (mainly hormones and sleep deprivation) BUT sat with these two tiny babies snuggling on my chest and seeing how excited my DD is (our DS is too young to understand really) I know that I wouldn't change a thing. ❤️

Excusemyfrench Mon 28-Jan-19 13:47:20

Hi all,

i feel as though I owe you an update as you have all been so kind and supportive.

Our latest scan revealed shared placenta and sac and I have decided to terminate. If this was our first or even our second I would go ahead but after making a risk assessment I just feel this is the safest option for all of us. My children need a mummy that can function and is not going to be stuck in hospital for weeks due to pregnancy complications or stuck in hospital for weeks worrying about premature babies. 30% chances is high when it could affect everyone in the family.

It was a very difficult decision and although I feel guilty and sad, its also a bit of relief.

Anyway, thank you all for your time and I wish you and your beautiful babies well xx

theredjellybean Mon 28-Jan-19 20:56:11

🌸 For you.
You are very brave to make that decision but without knowing you I can only say it sounds as if it was made with the best intentions for you and your existing children.

Excusemyfrench Tue 29-Jan-19 12:59:51

@theredjellybean thank you♥️

greyby25 Wed 03-Apr-19 19:53:20

I'm in your position.! I have an 18 month old and I had a scan at 7 weeks after a bleed. One happy baby with one heartbeat. Just went for my 12 week scan. Turned out I'm a week further along.. oh.. and there's not just one babe ! There's two, and they are identical ! I'm freaking out and scared of things going wrong. I have my first specialist app tomorrow and have been told I will be having growth scans every two weeks. It's ALOT to take in x

greyby25 Wed 03-Apr-19 19:56:02

Oh I didn't see your last post ! I'm glad you've made the right choice for you, you're clearly making the right decisions for your family, you sound like a brilliant mum. Good luck to you OP ❤️

justasking111 Wed 03-Apr-19 20:05:26

Congratulations. DD had twins, mono mono. They looked after her so well in pregnancy, there was a problem they discovered with one placenta so one little one was suffering, within 48 hours they were delivered, spent some weeks in a special unit. They are now as fit and well as any child. The NHS really pulled out all the stops for a multiple pregnancy.

Excusemyfrench Tue 09-Apr-19 15:04:05

@greyby25 It is such a shock isnt it?
For me, for many reason it just wouldnt have worked but if you think you can do it then dont let all the ' what if's' get in your head. Doctors are amazing now and babies sharing a placenta are totally manageable.
Congratulations on surviving the first 12 weeks and on your pregnancy. Xx

greyby25 Wed 10-Apr-19 21:32:24

I had a bleed at six weeks that was quite heavy. We went to our 12 week scan thinking we might walk away with nothing so finding it was twins whilst a shock felt like a weight off one should but put it right back on the other one. We are settling and getting used to the idea now though. I'm so happy you've made the right choice for you, and Thankyou ❤️

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