Talk

Advanced search

Oh my god its identical twins!!!!

(41 Posts)
Excusemyfrench Fri 04-Jan-19 12:57:24

Please help, I am in utter shock.

This is my 3rd baby and at my 8 week reassurance scan today, found its identical twins. I am freaking out.
I will have 4 children!!!

My last pregnancy was also identical twins (what are the chances?!) although one of them vanished around 6 weeks.

I feel so bad to be so upset as I so wanted this baby, but I am so overwhelmed. On google identical twins seem so risky with so many complications...

Please reassure me...

babysharkah Fri 04-Jan-19 12:59:31

Congratulations!

I remember feeling exactly like you do now (although I only have the twins!).

Did they tell you what sort of ID twins they are, were they able to see a membrane?

Printerneedsink Fri 04-Jan-19 13:01:09

Congratulations! TAMBA is a good source of twin info.

SheRaTheAllPowerful Fri 04-Jan-19 13:02:00

Congratulationssmile I have identical twins, welcome to the club, try not to worry, you’ll be monitored much more closely, I had scans every 2 weeks. You are much more likely to have an early Labour with id twins, mine came at 34 weeks but we were home quickly and they are healthy and at school now smile

Excusemyfrench Fri 04-Jan-19 13:12:38

She thought she saw a membrane at one point but then could never see it again so unsure there is one.

I am so shocked.
When did you find out about your twins?

At least with them being born a bit earlier I wont have to put up with the dreaded last 2 weeks.

4 children... omg. How will I look after 4 children!? And its going to be so expensive😩

babysharkah Fri 04-Jan-19 17:17:13

I found out at an early reassurance scan at 8 weeks. She couldn't see the membrane but said it was normal at that stage to not be able to see it or at least really difficult to.

SheRaTheAllPowerful Fri 04-Jan-19 18:38:30

I found out at 10 weeks, I was so sick and signed off work that I paid privately for a scan.
Yes it’s expensive!

bobbycock79 Fri 04-Jan-19 20:24:41

I have ID boys , now 12 weeks. Like you I found out at 8 weeks and was in complete shock, we had only ever envisaged having two children (we have a 5 yr old DD too). I also did not feel joyful just scared and overwhelmed. I had a very straightforward pregnancy with no health concerns, very closely monitored. I delivered at 36 weeks by elective section as per hospital policy. Boys were fine and we were home after 3 nights. It's hard work of course but they are gorgeous and actually very laid back . My DD adores them and we are gradually finding our rhythm. I think what helped me was just an attitude that I was on the twin train now and had to get on with it. It is very special to carry ID's and there are some wonderful moments. You will be fine smile This is a lovely read if you haven't already herviewfromhome.com/mama-you-were-meant-for-twins/?fbclid=IwAR30J2a3W-AYezh9nrQnNIYYmUzYrURNPid4HgVvG7vKgCX4SCdd3FYk9n8

neversleepagain Fri 04-Jan-19 21:55:49

It is such a shock isn't it!

The last two weeks of a singleton pregnancy is around week 28/30 weeks with a twin pregnancy so you will have that dreaded feeling for much loooonger.

Congratulations!

Excusemyfrench Sat 05-Jan-19 08:34:34

Thank you @bobbycock79 thats really helped. I will read up now ..

Excusemyfrench Sat 05-Jan-19 08:35:40

Thank you all for your other comments.
Still freaking out but its nice to hear other people have survived😔

Singlenotsingle Sat 05-Jan-19 08:39:58

I hope your username isn't based on your experiences neversleepagain!

Sharpcattlegridheavyhat Sat 05-Jan-19 22:45:21

I have ID twin girls, and our son was not quite 2 when they were born. They were born at 36 weeks, elective c section. I actually loved the close monitoring - as a natural worrier it was good to have people reassuring me every step of the way and knowing they’d see something early if anything came up. We even had to cancel our holiday, our midwife was very strict!

Excusemyfrench Sun 06-Jan-19 09:17:26

@Sharpcattlegridheavyhat hi ! Im a worrier too and like the idea of being closely monitored so thank you for saying that. but I am still absolutely terrified.
Last night I dreamt I lost them and felt so relieved when I woke up. But then I realised it was just a dream. Im a horrible person arent I😔
Im so scared. All my pregnancies were SO difficult for me, it took me years to build up the courage to try for our 'last one'. Im quite small and put on 3 stone + when Im pregnant and turn into a whale, I cant control it. Everything in my body swells up and I feel so unwell for months. What the hell am I going to turn into now? Im going to be on bed rest for months!

Im sorry, today is a huge wobble day, I am just utterly and completely freaking out.

Excusemyfrench Sun 06-Jan-19 09:19:34

@Sharpcattlegridheavyhat Im glad your daughter were well and delivered safely by the way. Sorry my previous post was a blubbering mess.
I bet you have 2 beautiful little girls.

My husband and I are due to fly to America in May - Im due mid August. I wont be able to go right?

Thanks for your messages xx

RandomMess Sun 06-Jan-19 09:38:30

thanksthanksthanksthanks

It's natural to be worried I was very relieved when pregnancy no 4 was announced a singleton!

We have friends that no 3 pregnancy was ID triplets... she was very happy when she waved them off to school!!!

I hope all goes well and friends and family rally around to help you through the pregnancy as well as afterwards.

bobbycock79 Sun 06-Jan-19 21:56:43

I felt very ashamed of some of the thoughts I had during my pregnancy don't be too hard on yourself. You have had a massive shock and I don't think anybody who hasn't had multiples can understand. What helped me was finding another mum with older ID boys who understood exactly where I was coming from and she was so kind and talked through my worries and fears and never judged. Basically I approached her in the school playground and blurted out I was having twins and how worried I was and she took me under her wing. I think other twin mums can be a great support.

Excusemyfrench Mon 07-Jan-19 11:20:37

Thank you @bobbycock79
Its such a shock.
And today I found out that 2 yoke sacs doesn't automatically mean 2 placentas which scares me even more...

I have done exactly like you, found a twin mama and fell apart in front of her. She has been super kind and supportive. And also very honest.
I dont love what Im hearing and cant help but constantly think if there was only 1 this would be perfect for our family. My husband works all the time, so I could manage. Without him and twins + my other 2- how will I cope? Wr have no family near by. No need to change houses or car. Normal pregnancy. Of course you cant guarantee all those things but its more of an option.

I went to the dr today and got anti sickness as I am nauseous day and night. Never actually sick but physically gagging, every time something smells different i.e all the time. Its loud and gross and I cant control it. Hopefully Ill feel better if I stop feeling sick for 1 minute.

I keep hoping that when we go for our next scan there will only be one there😔

RandomMess Mon 07-Jan-19 12:43:25

It's ok the you feel like thanksthanksthanksthanksthanks

willisurvive3under2 Mon 07-Jan-19 23:37:49

It's ok to feel like this. We briefly considered selective reduction. Our DS was 1 when we got pregnant with twins - how would we cope? We cried and cried. I got angry as it just wasn't fair. In the first few weeks I once wobbled and said to DH 'I don't want two newborns. Nobody wants two newborns!' They're amazing now. Still hard work but so amazing. And DS loves them. We had to get a bigger car and move house. Logistics are tricky. But I can't imagine being without one. You'll find a way. How old are your other DCs?

Excusemyfrench Tue 08-Jan-19 10:59:22

Hi @willisurvive3under2 thank you for your kind message and honesty.
My older two are 8 and 5. We are very very close and I worry how this will affect them.
I dont think reductive selection is an option for us as they are identical... its all or nothing.

We have just bought a huge new discovery sport and we would have to change that as it doesnt fit 4 kids. What decent car that isnt a mini van fits 4 kids?! Not that the car is my real concern... its just another thing. I cant see any positive at the moment its awful, I feel so guilty.

Im glad to hear you are happy and settled now. Thanks for sharing that, it helps. Maybe you could change your username to Isurvived3under2 xx

dullclothesbrightmind Tue 08-Jan-19 11:08:18

When my son was a newborn I met a heavily pregnant women who looked at DS and said, ' I love babies but I can't look at them just now' She pointed at her bump and said, 'this was meant to be number 4, but its triplets.' SHe looked really stressed and shell shocked despite clearly being due very soon.

About a year later I told that story to someone else and they said, 'I met that woman! She was in the library feeding her triplet babies. She looked really calm and like she was just getting on with it.'

So anyway, all relative innit? What you have is a doddle compared to that! : )

Excusemyfrench Tue 08-Jan-19 11:52:24

@dullclothes thats funny. It does put things into perspective X

willisurvive3under2 Tue 08-Jan-19 15:10:26

@Excusemyfrench I probably should. But I've only just got past that so I might wait a little in case I jinx it.

GinAndTings Tue 15-Jan-19 15:57:40

Congratulations!

I remember when I was told it was ID twins. I just cried! I thought how on earth am I going to cope?!

But you do cope, my two were in sync with feeds, sleep and poops smile it became MY normal and once we all got into a routine it was a lot easier.

I bathed two on my own, I had to make sure I was properly organised but that will also come, they lived in baby grows and as long as our basic needs were being met and the house was relatively clean and tidy then I let my housework expectations slip.

My husband helped as much as he could albeit working full time and having a commute.

My pregnancy went well considering, baby b was small but she still is to this day slightly dinkier bless her.

I had a planned section at 36+2 and they never needed any special care.

I felt awful during the pregnancy, got big quickly from 24 weeks and couldn't drive. I had really bad SPD so was on crutches at 28 weeks and then into a wheelchair as I couldn't walk. I was bed bound the last few weeks.

See how you go day by day, I had fortnightly scans.

If I could go back I would definitely call in the troops a lot earlier than I did for help. I would ask for help instead of muddling through, I should've batch cooked too, Just Eat was our saviour many times lol

Good luck, and keep posting - oh yes I signed up to TAMBA as you'll have twin discounts which do help, from white goods, insurances, cinema tickets, days out, holidays, car hire, butlins etc etc it all adds up and helps! (and mothercare!)

Although its hard - Im so happy to be a twin mum. There is absolutely nothing like it and I would be thrilled to be a twin mum all over again!

ps - there are some really good facebook groups for multiple mums in the uk xx

Excusemyfrench Wed 16-Jan-19 13:58:05

Thank you for your post @GinAndTings I appreciate the insight.
Sounds like you are really enjoying it now and I am very pleased for you.

Days are going by and I dont feel any better.
If this had been my first - fine. When this happened the second time- fine I went along with it. But this is our 3rd. It isnt just me and twins. And it took me soooo long to get ready to try for a 3rd and wrap my head around having just one more. I really do not want 2. Its 4 children, its a game changer. I dont feel as though I can carry them, care for them, days go by and people keep telling me 'oh its only one more' and I want to scream. Its already hard enough getting 2 in bed, or on the school run, and managing it everyday, an extra 2 would be a nightmare. Would I eventually cope? Sure probably, you get on with things. But do I HAVE to accept the next few years are going to be a huge struggle?? That I wont have time for my 2 eldest. Or my husband. Or my self. That we will just be surviving for the first few years. Do I really have to?
My husband keeps sayin 'its fiiiiine' but has NO idea whats ahead of us. Doesnt even research what this means.

Im sorry if this sounds awful. I am really trying to wrap my head around it but Im struggling. Feeling so sick all the time isnt helping either.
I have another scan on Friday and hoping, with all my heart, that just like my 2nd pregnancy, one will have just... vanished 😔

SeaToSki Wed 16-Jan-19 14:04:37

It sounds like you could really use some professional help with this. Can you access a therapist or a counsellor? Maybe start by talking to your GP.

theredjellybean Wed 16-Jan-19 14:14:42

I think you should definitely seek some help no, I can understand you're shocked and if it took you a longtime to feel up to a third, you must be vulnerable to anxiety knowing its twins.
You could also start planning for some help when then arrive, maybe an au pair to help with your older dc and logistics such as school runs etc.
As for cars... Loads of 4x4 smaller than discovery sport have 7 seats...
You older children can help with the babies they are not tinies.
You sound very panicked and maybe talk to your midwife to see if there is a specialist maternity mental health midwife you could be referred to.

GinAndTings Wed 16-Jan-19 15:04:14

Honestly I think everything you are feeling right now is completely justified and very normal.

I also think that the shock hasn't sunk in yet.

Yes, what you have mentioned and I wont lie to you, it does sometimes become a struggle, and yes your elder two will have to sometimes wait, your attention wont be divided by one new newborn, it will be another two newborns both who has different needs at the same time and unfortunately for them - they will also need to wait and learn to be patient - because you are and will be even more outnumbered and only still have one pair of hands.

So yes, it will be tough, it will be a struggle at times, of course it will. Will it be worth it - for me, yes. But for you, only you can make that decision and only time will tell.

I do really hope that you reach out in real life and speak to someone, tamba do run a twinline and I have used it a few times especially when the twins were very young and it was double the crying/teething.

It wasn't all roses for me, I had very bad PND. I was frogmarched to the GP by my husband and my mum had one baby and my sister took the other so I had a break for a few days. I didn't hear anything but screaming and crying even when it was silent. I felt like I was going insane. I think that's why I am enjoying them so much more now they are a lot older and more independent. I am getting my life back a little now and energy levels.

There are many many many multiple mums who feel exactly the same as you do right now. So don't feel awful about wishing one away - I only wanted one aswell and it took me a long time to admit that - and an even longer time to say it out loud. Especially with everyone elses comments about double trouble, hands full, two for the price of one (ha ha bloody ha) and asking if they are natural, ivf, section, breastfed, and then the other children comments - do you even have a tv? - that's a firm favourite in the fb group im in!

How old are your other DC's?

Please join the multiple mums fbook group im in - please - you will see how we each cope and share our tips and tricks and ideas in having twins - the highs and lows and all in between - knowing and seeing others in your position may really help you wrap your head around it all and start looking forward rather than dreading it.

xx I wish you all the best xx

waterplease Wed 16-Jan-19 15:49:07

Congratulations OP (even if it may not seem like happy news atm!) just remember that at least your other 2 are at school so you will only have the 2 babies during the weekday. I can imagine it's quite an upheaval in your life!

Take it easy and rest, plan things out maybe then you'll feel better prepared to tackle them. Hope your sickness eases soon!thanks

donttakethebiscuit Thu 17-Jan-19 12:50:40

Congratulations! I was 18 when I found out I was expecting my twins, and they were my 2nd and 3rd kids. It was terrifying but you make it work! It’s very rewarding

Seasidetrains Wed 23-Jan-19 19:30:59

I felt exactly how you are feeling now for a long time and still do in some ways. Mine are nearly 2.5 and I love them and am v thankful they are healthy (the pregnancy with identical twins is very stressful and you will be scanned a lot). But I still wish I could have had them one at a time. I’ve just come to accept those feelings and I try to remember in the grand scheme of things that life can throw at you, twins are not so bad. I’m not sure I would have tried again if I’d known it would be twins but feeling utterly exhausted by it all and a bit negative doesn’t make me a worse parent. I’m rambling but really just to say, I think it’s completely natural to feel the way you do especially with all the insane levels of Twin pregnancy hormones. I will say that life has got back to some semblance of normality in the last 6 months or so (until one of them gets ill, then it’s a total shit-show again!) I know that right now you can’t see how the future will be but there will be good times flowers

MrsY87 Sun 27-Jan-19 11:25:10

We've just had non-identical twins as our 3rd and 4th, our eldest is 4 and starts school in September and our 2nd is only 16m so we now have 4 under 5. When we found out it was twins we totally freaked out and had the same worries as you, financial, logistical, how will we be able to physically look after so many young children, will we ever have time for ourselves again?

They are only 3 days old so we are still very much adjusting to this new normal which we never envisaged. It's noisy and slightly chaotic but I'm sure once we get into the swing of things it will be great. I was terrified before they arrived but now my mentality has changed and I'm like we can do this, it might be hard but we're a good team and are lucky to have great support from family and friends around us and i just know it will all be fine.

However, I won't lie 3 days in I'm overwhelmed and exhausted (mainly hormones and sleep deprivation) BUT sat with these two tiny babies snuggling on my chest and seeing how excited my DD is (our DS is too young to understand really) I know that I wouldn't change a thing. ❤️

Excusemyfrench Mon 28-Jan-19 13:47:20

Hi all,

i feel as though I owe you an update as you have all been so kind and supportive.

Our latest scan revealed shared placenta and sac and I have decided to terminate. If this was our first or even our second I would go ahead but after making a risk assessment I just feel this is the safest option for all of us. My children need a mummy that can function and is not going to be stuck in hospital for weeks due to pregnancy complications or stuck in hospital for weeks worrying about premature babies. 30% chances is high when it could affect everyone in the family.

It was a very difficult decision and although I feel guilty and sad, its also a bit of relief.

Anyway, thank you all for your time and I wish you and your beautiful babies well xx

theredjellybean Mon 28-Jan-19 20:56:11

🌸 For you.
You are very brave to make that decision but without knowing you I can only say it sounds as if it was made with the best intentions for you and your existing children.

Excusemyfrench Tue 29-Jan-19 12:59:51

@theredjellybean thank you♥️

greyby25 Wed 03-Apr-19 19:53:20

I'm in your position.! I have an 18 month old and I had a scan at 7 weeks after a bleed. One happy baby with one heartbeat. Just went for my 12 week scan. Turned out I'm a week further along.. oh.. and there's not just one babe ! There's two, and they are identical ! I'm freaking out and scared of things going wrong. I have my first specialist app tomorrow and have been told I will be having growth scans every two weeks. It's ALOT to take in x

greyby25 Wed 03-Apr-19 19:56:02

Oh I didn't see your last post ! I'm glad you've made the right choice for you, you're clearly making the right decisions for your family, you sound like a brilliant mum. Good luck to you OP ❤️

justasking111 Wed 03-Apr-19 20:05:26

Congratulations. DD had twins, mono mono. They looked after her so well in pregnancy, there was a problem they discovered with one placenta so one little one was suffering, within 48 hours they were delivered, spent some weeks in a special unit. They are now as fit and well as any child. The NHS really pulled out all the stops for a multiple pregnancy.

Excusemyfrench Tue 09-Apr-19 15:04:05

@greyby25 It is such a shock isnt it?
For me, for many reason it just wouldnt have worked but if you think you can do it then dont let all the ' what if's' get in your head. Doctors are amazing now and babies sharing a placenta are totally manageable.
Congratulations on surviving the first 12 weeks and on your pregnancy. Xx

greyby25 Wed 10-Apr-19 21:32:24

I had a bleed at six weeks that was quite heavy. We went to our 12 week scan thinking we might walk away with nothing so finding it was twins whilst a shock felt like a weight off one should but put it right back on the other one. We are settling and getting used to the idea now though. I'm so happy you've made the right choice for you, and Thankyou ❤️

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »