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2 year old twins becoming difficult!

(114 Posts)
redrhubarb Thu 18-Oct-18 21:20:04

Up until now life with my dtwins had been surprisingly enjoyable. They cooperated with me (most of the time)and were generally well behaved. Now they are 2 1/2 and extremely challenging!

They moan about anything and everything. Today we've had tantrums over:
Getting out of bed
Not having milk on cereal
Having milk on cereal
Having a spotty nappy on instead of striped
Not being able to wear shorts
Having to wear a hat
Having to get In the pushchair
Having to stay in the pushchair
Not wanting to walk
Not getting biscuits from the shop
Having orange juice when wanting black currant
Having to eat dinner
Getting out the bath
Putting wrong pjs on
The list goes on but writing it's just annoying me even more!

Having this all day from both babies is so mentally exhausting.

I was hoping things would be getting easier now but it's so much harder.

Can any twin mums please reassure me this is a short phase that will pass !

BackforGood Fri 19-Oct-18 00:23:43

Well, I'm not a twin Mum but didn't want to leave you on 'Unanswered Threads'
Sorry to have to break it yo, but the "Terrible Twos" got that name for a reason grin

Hts off to all parents of multiples who have to handle 2 (or more) 'learning how to tantrum' at the same time grin

HeartburnCentral Fri 19-Oct-18 15:38:57

brew cake I haven't much advice because our twins are younger. Going by my older children, life will improve again. I am dreading the terrible 2's with twins. I take every day as it comes. What I find works for me is keeping the biscuit press well stocked and giving myself lots of little breaks. Pick your fights when it comes to tantrums, it makes it easier. I let the small stuff (like what top to wear) go, but I am relentless when it comes to their safety (seatbelts and harness straps are compulsory). grin

MrsVietor Fri 19-Oct-18 15:43:26

@BackforGood has got it.

Also, three is shite. And four is still annoying as fuck.

Then you get to send them to school. 

coffeeneeded Fri 19-Oct-18 15:55:30

I have twins and I could've written your post yesterday with one addition. Potty training.

Don't do it op. Leave them in nappies for as long as possible. I don't know the sex of your babies (I have b/g) but girls are easier to train in my opinion!

The fighting. The screaming. The arguments. The bribery. The constant noise. It's all shit. But sometimes they run around the room chasing each other and giggling to themselves and it's all worthwhile.

Mine are also 2 1/2. Best thing we did was buy them both kindle fires- give you a bit of peace and quiet and it's how I'm writing this post right now.

I'm drinking more now than I have done since the kids were born...... hugs and sympathy.

ScrunchyBook Fri 19-Oct-18 17:41:51

My b/g twins are just over 2yrs and they are doing all of this. It's exhausting (more so for my DH to be fair though as he is SAHD).
Sorry you're going through it too, but it's nice to know we're not alone grin

ileclerc Fri 19-Oct-18 17:49:20

I used to be a bit smug about mine when they were two and were angelic. And then they hit three and were an absolute fucking nightmare.

Sympathies. They're perfectly lovely now they're six...

Xocaraic Fri 19-Oct-18 18:27:32

Twin mum, b/g twins.
It is normal behaviour. I used to say constantly ( and by that I mean every sixty seconds or so...this too shall pass)
It does get better. I promise faithfully.
If you can get out for a big long walk every day or most days..that helps clear your head and exhausts little legs!
Reward charts and stickers worked wonders and for 20 gold stars they got a treat on a Friday (and ice cream from the Gelato place near us)
The words Indoor Voice is something we still have to use, but less so...

redrhubarb Fri 19-Oct-18 19:32:24

Thanks everyone. Glad I'm not alone, but sorry for those struggling too. We had quite a good day today and did manage to have a long walk which tired us all out 

coffeeneeded Fri 19-Oct-18 21:08:35

Definitely not alone. Are you involved in a local twins club???

SeaToSki Fri 19-Oct-18 21:15:28

Expect the moaning and just carry on. If you let it stop you, you will never get anywhere

set up a way of talking with
"this is a choice, you can choose the blue trousers or the pink trousers"
or
"this is not a choice, you will get in the pushchair now"
(and then just pick them up and put them in while ignoring any tantrums - or they wont believe you next time)

as long as they got enough choice moments, mine seemed to moan less about the not a choice moments

also, when giving them a choice, just use two or three things, and put the one you want last.

then drink gin or red wine in the evening when they are in bed!

RubySlippers77 Sat 20-Oct-18 21:42:59

Ah OP, you are definitely not alone. Mine are just 3 and the whinging was more or less constant today! DTS1 was a late talker but I'm sure his moaning will catch up with DTS2's soon.....

Have to say that mine get worse the longer they are cooped up together - so we try not to be in the house too long in the mornings, for example. (Other people's DTs may be easier but mine simply cannot play together/ in the same room for long without squabbling!). Means nice long walk/ trip to the park/ swimming in the morning if there's no preschool, lunch, then another walk/ wearing out activity for the afternoon. The moaning does decrease when they're outside enjoying themselves, till it tips over into overtiredness and tantrumming of course grin

It does make me sad sometimes to see my friends who only have one DC out and about having an easy life when I simply cannot attempt too much with two. But apparently this will get easier as they get older?! I live in hope.....!

redrhubarb Sun 21-Oct-18 07:43:24

It upsets me too that I always seem to be moaning about how difficult things are when my friends seem to be enjoying their small dc. We don't go to any twin groups as there aren't any locally.

SunshineP Sun 21-Oct-18 07:47:04

Poor you. I had three kids under 4 at one stage and that was bad enough.
The unreasonable twos are awful but you get through it.
One of my kids when she was two would scream non stop when we were in the car because I wouldn’t let her drive.
Try and get some peace when you can and be as selfish as possible. You need time away from them as much as you can so you can keep sane.

RubySlippers77 Sun 21-Oct-18 16:28:24

The school holidays - six weeks of just me and them - I nearly went mad confused

Do you have a supportive partner and/ or family, OP? DP and I have really struggled since our DTs were born, he hasn't stepped up the way I thought he would, and that's definitely come between us. (Not saying I have been perfect but he always gets more child-free time than me, for example!). I don't have family nearby and MIL is very ill at the moment and can't help much. It's tough, and certainly much tougher looking after two (or more) LOs than one.

Sharpcattlegridheavyhat Sun 21-Oct-18 16:47:36

Just wanted to wallow in other people’s misery as DH has been ill all weekend when I really needed a break, twins are 2 and ds is 3 (but not long till 4.) I feel like there must be a letter that I should have got through the post that says “this weeks punishments are as follows....”

RubySlippers77 Sun 21-Oct-18 16:52:01

Ha Sharp, I think my letter is in the post too! 'D'P currently sulking again and of course this means he won't do any housework, childcare, cooking, etc etc. How do you manage with three under four?! I take my hat off to you, eyes in the back of your head must definitely be needed!!

Sharpcattlegridheavyhat Sun 21-Oct-18 16:56:17

Luckily the 3 year old is quite sensible, but he is quite clingy so often I’m wading through the treacle of three grizzly children attached to my legs!

Any kind of adult sulking with small children should be PROHIBITED - further stress is not possible, give him a pie to the face, ruby

RubySlippers77 Sun 21-Oct-18 17:45:36

I would love to Sharp but that would bring on further sulking!! I thought he was going to be the BEST dad but often he just can't be bothered with them (any time he is tired, ill, hungover, has something better to do, etc...). If we'd had three he would probably have given at least one to his mum to bring up shock

He seems unaware of how small children behave too - yes, toddlers can be hard work, why do you think the terrible twos are so named?! - and unwilling to learn sad

Actually writing this I think my DTs are less hassle than him at the moment!!

Olderbyaminute Sun 21-Oct-18 18:14:30

RubySlippers77 I’d pick a quiet time to talk to him about his selfish and immature behavior. TBH if that didn’t work I’d be reconsidering the entire relationship. You and your children deserve two parents in the house-you are not an indentured servant.

Sharpcattlegridheavyhat Sun 21-Oct-18 21:20:07

He’s let you down, ruby. I’m so sorry. It makes me sad because it’s bloody hard enough. You do need to talk to him. And I’m sorry to to the OP, red I know what you mean about others seemingly enjoying it that bit more. I feel like I can’t leave the house. And I do moan! At least we can all agree it’s tough, hopefully we can look back on this conversation soon knowing it’s past.

redrhubarb Sun 21-Oct-18 21:42:32

Yes I keep thinking to myself one day I will look back on this time and wonder how I ever survived!

RubySlippers77 Mon 22-Oct-18 22:51:32

Ha, I feel like that too red!! And it does make me sad to feel like L'm 'surviving' rather than 'enjoying' - but it's encouraging to know I'm not alone smile

I had to take the DTs shopping today - literally nip into a shop and collect something - except of course the order was wrong, it took 10 minutes to sort out, etc - by which time the DTs were all over each other with boredom, pulling hair, biting, scratching..... surely these things are far easier with just the one to manage?!

(Thank you for your kind words Older and Sharp - DP is working long hours Monday - Friday at the moment and I don't get to talk to him much at all - not sure if this is helping things or not!!)

RubySlippers77 Wed 24-Oct-18 08:24:32

Well today I am just about out of my mind with tiredness sad - full of cold (from the DTs of course!) and was much in need of a good night's sleep. Cue DTS2 up 1am - 2.30am faffing around, wanting milk, wanting a nappy, not wanting a nappy, and so on..... then DTS1 woke himself up at 5.40am and wouldn't go back to sleep angry

DTS1 is 'highly strung' and on the verge of a tantrum at the best of times, today he will also be massively tired/ overtired, joy.

Any ideas on how to manage today everyone? Feel like my head is full of cotton wool; sometimes I really, really hate having twins, as one on their own would have gone back to sleep and let me get some rest. Is the best solution boarding school regular CBeebies breaks?!

coffeeneeded Wed 24-Oct-18 10:12:37

CBeebies, Reading, YouTube videos of cute animals... all perfectly acceptable.

Good luck!

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