Other half helpful?(5 Posts)
I have 10 week old twins and a 17 month old son, I'm a full time stay at home mum and wondered how much help people's other halfs were/are especially at night?
Currently our arrangement is my husband dose one night a week, normally a Friday night, we have a bed in the twins room (it was our guest room so kept the bed in we had a night nurse). When he gets home from work, he works locally and works 8am to 4pm, he will feed a twin or will help bath our son, he goes to bed at 6pm. Usually the twins last feed is 9 or 10pm which we both do, then go to bed, I get up in the night, normally once and then an early morning feed. My son wakes up at 6am but will play in his cot for an hour. I also get up to our son if he wakes up. The most my husband will do in the morning is get our son up and change his nappy before going to work.
Tonight for example, he was tired as he'd gone out with a friend for dinner last night and came home late about 11pm, so he was tired and suggested we go to bed early after the 7pm feed. We went to bed at 8pm I'm in the room with the twins and he is next door watching his iPad. Which was really annoyed me as it seems like an excuse to get out of helping with twins.
My family and friends think he should do more, I don't expect him to get up in the middle of the night but when I suggested he did the last feed and it was at 10pm he got humpy.
Sorry it was a bit of a rant, but I am curious as to what other men do to help??
My DH was fab when our twins were small. He went back to work full time when they were 4 weeks, but we shared night feeds (one twin each in very early days, then we both had nights off when they were a bit older and could be fed simultaneously in bouncers). Once they no longer needed feeding at night (5/6 months I think) we did alternate nights while they were waking up all the time. Now they are toddlers and rarely wake up I do almost all night wakings - that's only because I'm better at it
I think your husband needs to step up to be honest, especially since you have a toddler too!
My twins girls are 10 weeks too and I have w 3 year old. We have separated them from about 6 weeks as they were keeping each other awake. I have one in the main bedroom and my partner has a twin in the spare room. He went back to work full time after about 6 weeks he works locally 9-5pm. He also takes the monitor for our 3 year old and gets up with him if he shouts. In the morning if my 3 year old is at playschool my partner will sort him out, get his breakfast and take him there whilst I sort the twins. Sorry to say but I think your husband should help more he seems to be doing the minimum. Do you get any other help?
I think your husband should be helping more, I’ve only got twins no other children. My husband didn’t help much in the night after the first couple of weeks (he slept in the other room, I stayed in our room with both babies till they were 5 months). If I had any problems I’d get him but generally I was fine with them in the night.
However you’ve got a 17 month old - that’s still very young! Could you not agree that he deals with any wakings for you 17m/o and deals with him in the mornings until x time and he does the bath and bedtime routine. Then at least certain specific things are not your responsibility.
My DH is the SAHP and I work shifts. When I am working the next day I sleep in the spare room and he deals with all night wakings (which are not that frequent now to be fair, our twins are 15 months). On my days off we switch so he has the spare room, and I am responsible for any wake-ups.
When I am on morning shifts I get back home after lunch, but I then pretty much take over the kids and give them their dinner, and put them to bed. When I am on afternoon shifts I get them up in the morning whilst my DH has a lie in.
Yes I do get more nights of full sleep, but I try to balance this by giving my DH a break when I'm not at work. I feel like we share responsibility for their care.
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